24

The entire nation remains in a state of shock tonight as we continue trying to absorb the astounding plot twist from the end of last week's episode, when we found out that the evil genius behind the fiendishly complex (in the sense that nobody understood it) Killer Kanister Konspiracy was none other than.... Edgar!

No, sorry, Edgar is still dead. The evil genius turned out to be none other than.... President Manilow! All this time we thought he was a total dipweed wiener loser, but in fact he's a total dipweed wiener genius mastermind! This shocking development raises many questions, including:

1. What the hell is going on?

2. Seriously, does anybody know?

3. Is that German agent going to come back? The one Jack got with the old exploding-memory-chip trick? (Har!)

4. What about Jack's hot new girlfriend?

5. They're not going to try to resurrect the China subplot from last season, are they?

6. They better not. We HATED that subplot.

Meanwhile CTU, whose employees have been valiantly trying to continue the fight against terrorism despite the fact that half of them were killed by nerve gas and the other half are moles, is now being overrun by Homeland Security bureaucrats who behave as if they all have prizewinning zucchini up their butts, which means we're supposed to hate them, which may mean that they're part of a shocking plot twist and we should actually like them.

Speaking of people who are not easy to stomach, Audrey -- who apparently slept with not only all the writers for this show, but also every employee of the Fox network above the rank of assistant custodian -- is STILL IN THE PLOT. She has formed an alliance with Chloe.

Speaking of Chloe: She had better not get Edgared, or this blog, for one, is going to take to the streets with the righteous wrath of a million undocumented immigrants.

Anyway we begin tonight's episode with a Duel to the Death shaping up: On one side, we have an Evil Dipweed Wiener Genius Mastermind who commands the mighty massive might of the U.S. government, including tanks, missiles, nuclear weapons, a virtually unlimited supply of manpower and -- most chilling of all -- the IRS. On the other side, virtually alone, we have Jack Bauer, armed with little more than his wits and a Cell Phone of Death, plus the fact that he just signed a $40 million contract for three more seasons. So if I was the president, I would be purchasing some thigh armor right about now.

That, in brief, is the situation as we begin tonight's episode. It's Jack Bauer vs. The Handbag-in-Chief, with just eight more nail-biting hours to go. Followed by at least three more nail-biting seasons. It's going to be a wild ride, so grab somebody you love and hang on tight.

UPDATE: Propel Fitness Water? What the hell is "fitness water?"

UPDATE: If they get a hotel room right now, they can watch themselves on TV!

UPDATE: Audrey's uploading to Jack's PDA? That's Chloe's job!

UPDATE: Dr. Jack.

UPDATE: Jack is off-grid.

UPDATE: Does the president carry around a creepy red light that he shines on his own face at all times? I thought so.

UPDATE: I'm glad I'm not the bank manager.

UPDATE: Why do they need guns? Do they think the BM has a perimeter?

UPDATE: Four neckties! That bastard!

UPDATE: William Devane is back! Yay!

UPDATE: Chloe is too smart for them. That is why we love Chloe.

UPDATE: That poor little girl: Her mom is hurt AND the music got really scary.

UPDATE: Aaron is about to make a move....

UPDATE: Aaron is going to keep his eyes open AND watch his back. Good plan.

UPDATE: LA is a very heavily forested city.

UPDATE: I think it'd be cool if, when Jack got inside, just for fun he applied for a mortgage.

UPDATE: Subpoena! Har.

UPDATE: Henderson is showing real promise as the heir to the Marwan role.

UPDATE: I think the Handbag's gonna get LUCKY 2-NITE.

UPDATE: This is like watching your parents do it.

UPDATE: Showdown at the bank....

UPDATE: She's heading for the Sepulveda Pass!

UPDATE: Don't you like hate it when a vector is locked out by a class one priority override?

UPDATE: The perimeter is secured AND they have a visual!

UPDATE: I frankly don't see how Jack is going to get out of this alive. Other than the three-year, $40 million contract, I mean.

UPDATE: Funky New Age music = trouble ahead.

UPDATE: Chloe's login name is.... CHLOE! Genius.

UPDATE: That IS James Bond music.

UPDATE: Chloe blows off the Homeland Creepster!

UPDATE: Firefight!

UPDATE: So much for the Bank Manager who decided to go with Jack.

UPDATE: Next week: shooting, helicopters. Also Secretary of Defense Devane confronts the Handbag. Which means maybe he gets whacked. Which means the plot would no longer need Audrey! I'm probably just dreaming, here.

Comments

[Suzy Q]

501!

[chase]

if they send Chloe to jail - do you think they will give her computer room privileges?

[wolfie]

This party is why I started watching 24. they owe His Daveness royalties.

Oh my if Chloe got Steve......well lucky Steve...

Posted by: the principal | 10:28 PM on April 10, 2006
NNNNOOOOooooooo!
But at least if she goes to jail, she will lose that hideous sweater. Is there a sign up sheet for the group showers?

[daisymae]

snork @ wolfie

and, hi, wolfie

(waving madly)

[wolfie]

*waves madly back*
Hiya daisymae.

[fivver]

If Chloe's sent to jail she can still stay in contact with her cell phone.

*sound of crickets chirping*

[realart]

Closed Captions for the hearing impaired (and the incredibly geeky):

11:01-(phone speed dialing)
11:01-(ringing)
11:03-(straining)
11:03-(groaning and panting)
11:03-(moaning)
11:03-(groans)
11:08-(computer chimes)
11:17-(grunts)
11:17-(panting)
11:19-(panting)
11:19-(quietly whimpers)
11:22-(high pitched squeal)
11:26-(sighs)
11:25-(water running)
11:25-(sobbing)
11:25-(sobbing continues)
11:25-(groaning)
11:25-(sobbing continues)
11:25-(groaning)[as any number of 60's comedians would say: "reminds me of my wedding night]
11:26-(phone ringing)
11:26-(phone ringing)
11:34-(phone ringing)[WOULD SOMEONE ANSWER THE DANG PHONE?)
11:35-(vehicle approaching)
11:36-(steady beeping)
11:37-(beeping stops)
11:39-(moans)
11:39-(silenced gunshots)
11:39-(screams)
11:45-(phone ringing)
11:45-(phone ringing)
11:46-(phone rings) [again with the phone, I'M TRYING TO WATCH MY PROGRAM HERE!]
11:46-(starts engine)
11:46-(tires screeching)
11:47-(sighs)
11:48-(buzzer sounds)
11:48-(d d) [I'm not looking up the html special chracter code for musical notes--I'm trying to watch my program here.]
11:57-(heavy gunfire)
11:57-(heavy gunfire continues)
11:57-(gunfire continues)
11:57-(rapid gunfire)
11:58-(gunfire continues)
11:58-(tires screeching)
11:58-(bullets ricocheting)
11:59-(heavy gunfire continues)
11:59-(phone rings)

[Allen at Division]

This is the worst Martial Law ever--who's in charge, Elbonia? Gas stations open, motels letting people with blood on them check in, and how do you get through checkpoints? With a high-security piece of paper you ran off on your laser printer and put on your dashboard...or just drive with your headlights off.

Did First Lady Cleavage run her ramparts into Super-Aaron when they were sharing a moment?

Had to laugh when Banker Dude said, "I'll take my chances with you." We all knew THAT was an epitaph.

[JT]

Since Jack is now taking on the President, how can the writers top that next season? And WHY hasn't '24' ever done a Very Special Christmas episode?

Both of these problems could be corrected next season when Jack takes on...ROGUE SANTA. He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake, and he DOESN'T NEED CHLOE'S HELP TO DO IT.

Just a suggestion.

[wolfie]

Hey! Jack always needs my Chloes help you you you misinformed miscreant!!
Chloe rules. Quietly. From behind the scenes. With serious scowls and quiet keyboarding.
Her pure heart hidden by the Hideous Sweater of GreenyGoodness.

[Ernie G]

President Weenie is an utter dork because Gergory Itzin is such a fine actor. He really makes you hate, laugh at, and cringe at Logan. He's doing a splendid job; he ought to get an Emmy for his performance in 24.

[Ernie G]

*Gregory*

PIMF

[realart]

Gregory Itzin was in 4 episodes of Night Court which starred Harry Anderson who played Dave in that show about Dave...coincidence? (cue scary music)

[Cecil]

>11:48 - Robothugs at the bank. Robocop says if they see any change, withdraw from the Bank, and deposit the rest of the people with extreme force. One of the Robothugs passes out from the over use of puns in the last sentence.

I missed a large part of last night's episode, and when I first read this I read "robot-hugs".
Robot-HUGS? Is the show going all soft on us? Then I made the proper connections. Oh.

[otis wildflower]

Handbag was also in Firefly.. OH SNAP!

What a total baggy win!

I can just see it now, Jack vs. Jayne... SCOWL-OFF!!!

[24-aholic]

Why all the hatin' cuz it's dark? It's midnight, people!!!

[Mike Antonucci]

24: Epilogue

1) Of all the hotels in Los Angeles, Jack chooses the Super 8 Motel?

2) He's never going to get Eveyln's blood off those sheets, but the Super 8 cleaning staff is used to it.

3) Does anyone know how Evelyn managed to tape a conversation between the President and Robocop AND found time to run to the bank to put it in a safe deposit box?

4) "Keep it off the manifest" says Heller of his diversion to Van Nuys aiport. Isn't air traffic control going to know? Or is he going to fly under the radar?

5) Judging by the music near the end, we can safely say that Chloe is really the Girl from U.N.C.L.E., which is fine because we know Jack is Danger Man.

6) The most dangerous spot on the planet is two feet from Jack Bauer.

7) If it weren't for Jack Bauer, the world would be a place where armed men could break into your house in the middle of the night, threaten to kill your wife, tie her up, abduct you, and take you to a place where other armed men shoot and kill you. Umm, er....

[fivver]

Otis, Jack wouldn't last a second against Zoe!

[24-aholic]

Next season on 24 - Jack for President!!!!!

[ugh]

Maybe they fingered president bobble-head because they killed off all the other characters...

Note to Keifer Sutherland: Take some of the $40 million and HIRE SOME REAL WRITERS.

[Allen at Division]

"Dark" comments--Jack IS part vampire. Remember "The Lost Boys"? And his new buddy President's Brother was a renowned vampire slayer on "Buffy". Hmmmm.

Shouldn't President Manilow have a "V"-type mustache to twirl?...

[Valerie]

Does anybody else get the feeling that Itzin is probably just as much a pain in the azz in "real life" as he is on 24?? I don't know - he just seems creepy to me. The type that would be zipping around Beverly Hills in his Mercedes sports car on the cell phone telling his agent what he will and won't do and running over little kids in the middle of the road along the way. Maybe it's just me?

[Valerie]

And since I'm new here, why do we call Pres. Logan handbag and Manilow?? I don't get the reference. And please be gentle with me :)

[Valerie]

And since I'm new here, why do we call Pres. Logan handbag and Manilow?? I don't get the reference. And please be gentle with me :)

[Elizabeth]

Thank God for your site which has finally given me faith and reassurance that other people also can't stand Bird Girl Audrey!!! Maybe Chloe will pick up her machine gun from last season and shoot her soon....

[sparrow]

what has happened to Evelyn and her little girl?

[mellio]

sparrow:

I think we're supposed to think that Robocop hugged them--I mean, killed them, after he found them in that hotel room.

I'm glad someone else caught the fact that one never hears a name broadcast over 911, only an address. D'oh! I say Sutherland ought to take some of that 30 million he just scored and invest in some Script Hole-Pluggers ™ for Day 6. Ooops!

[lance]

Tell Chloe to give my grandmother her sweater back.
Can't she do something about the environmental controls?

[goaligrltildeath]

Melio- I think I figured out how Robocop did it: He had one of his terrorist/government henchmen plugged into the 911 servers so they could monitor the computer entries of response calls. That is assuming LA is sophisticated enough to have graduated to computers from pen and paper.

Speaking of Evalyn and her daughter, did anyone else think little Martin's scream right before comercial break was a bit dramatic? When I heard it I thought "Oh, boy. Now someone's gonna hear it and come running and we'll have another rediculous side plot", but then it wasn't mentioned again for the rest of the hour.

Anyways, the logical explaination, Sparrow, is that Robocop killed the two after getting the information he needed. But I can't imagine the writers of 24 killing off a 9 year old so I'm sure he'll kidnap her and create another subplot somewhere. My bet is on he uses the girl to demand a trade: the girl for Jack. And Jack, being the guy he is, does it (probably because the terrorist/government henchmen have something he wants) but escapes in some dramatic fashion with the information.

[Valerie]

I think that munchkin martin is now on "Where are they now - child actors" on E!

[Frank]

My money's on Uncle Leland aka Vice President Flagrant Villain but Maybe Not Such a Bad Guy After All, to conjure Bob (see The Bob Factor) and take out Robocop aka Evil Dipweed Wiener Genius Mastermind.

[Ang]

I wrote an "Ode to Jack" last night. You might enjoy it. But you've gotta know the tune to "Shaft." Click the link and see it at my blog.
Can you dig it?

[Mike Wilkerson]

Humorous view of "24" "24 in 60"
Looking for what happened in the 42-minute episode but don't have the time to watch?

No worries here Click the link and thanks for your posts, Dave! They rule!

[Chris]

The Bond music is ridiculously bad. Whoever decided that was a great choice for accompaniment should be fired. It's supposed to be taken seriously but I can't stop laughing when I hear it! =P

[cannie]

No. Really. It can't possibly end like this. Aren't they supposed to tease us with some plot we might actually be interested in??

Having said that, yes, of course I will be back here for every entertaining minute of the entire 24!

[cannie]

*assuming everyone went & did what poor Jack never gets to do... get another glass of wine or beer or other beverage, I mean, of course.

[cannie]

whew! don't know what happened, but lifeline to cyberspace wasn't properly refreshing!

[Mike Wilkerson]

24 Finale Reviews - DONE!

Written by Mike Wilkerson - LunchTimeGab.Com
Friday, 26 May 2006

The last 4 and a half months have been a fantastic experience and a sheer joy for Brian and I while creating the "2GuysTalking: 24" show, and we're happy to announce that the two most recent shows, reviewing the last 2 horus of "24" Day five are live and at least as entertaining as the "24" Finale itself.

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iTunes has become our main source of listenership, garnering hundreds of people each week, in fact, we've recently received a bandwidth notification warning because our traffic has been so solid!

Many thanks to our listeners for that and we simply cannot wait for it all to grow thanks to your patronage. Look for more details about our visitors as well as advertising opportunities, new segments and services as we roll into post-24 show planning.