24

Things are looking good this week. Jack finally got rid of the Killer Kanisters by blowing up the gas works. Granted, the explosion probably killed everybody within a 50-block radius, but as the old saying goes, "you can't make an omelet without leveling a large sector of Los Angeles." The important thing is, the Kanister plot line, which was a total snore-a-palooza, is DEAD. Tragically, Audrey is not, but we can't have everything.

With the Kanisters gone, we can now get to the REAL plot, which probably has something to do with the Big Secret being carried around by deceased-ex-president Allstate's brother Wayne. Last week Wayne was being chased by bad guys through the vast Central Los Angeles Forest. Wayne was rescued by Agent Pierce in an exciting scene, which is described as follows in the official 24 web site episode guide (the entry for 9:46 p.m.):

Pierce and Wayne make their way past his flipped car. Suddenly, a missile wheezes past them. Wayne is knocked down. Pierce returns fire into the darkness at the gunmen. He puts Wayne into his car and they escape.

Yes! A wheezing missile! Probably the deadly AsthmaSonic 2000.

In other news:

Chloe has a new sidekick, Shari, who is competent, dedicated, and, in accordance with the Counter Terrorism Unit's strict hiring guidelines, insane.

Edgar is still dead.

We didn't see the President last week, but we're sure he's still a huevos-free zone.

So that's about it for the plot as we... No, wait! We almost forgot! Jack might be dead. At the end of last week, he disappeared in a ball of flame with the evil terrorist leader Bierko. They didn't show Jack in the previews for this week. Is he dead? Is the season over? We will just have to wait and see!

Also we have a minor conflict caused by the fact that the NCAA, which is apparently run by idiots who did not have the simple human decency to check the 24 schedule, decided to hold the national college-basketball championship game tonight. We here at the blog may have to cut away from 24 from time to time to monitor the game, because we have strong ties to the University of Miami, which means we have to root for the Florida Gators to fail. It’s not personal, Gators fans! It’s just that we hate you.

UPDATE: Audrey sure recovered quickly from extreme torture.

UPDATE: JACK! What a shock.

UPDATE: They do not make terrorists the way they used to, when they made Marwan.

UPDATE: Jack thinks this is bigger than anything they ever imagined! That's pretty big, for a show that had Edgar in it.

UPDATE: Who are these sneaky people?

UPDATE: Mrs. Logan's assistant! That bitch!

UPDATE: They took Evelyn's daughter? Does anybody have ANY idea what's going on? No? Me either. At least there's no canisters.

UPDATE: Evelyn's going to give them the evidence!

UPDATE: Chloe and Shari are so busy THEY CAN'T EVEN SIT DOWN WHEN THEY TYPE!

UPDATE: A unit-wide backslash protocol! Those bastards!

UPDATE: Who are these greasy quiet-talkers? What do they want with Audrey?

UPDATE: Did Wayne say he wants to meet Jack in an old barn? In Los Angeles?

UPDATE: They really want us to like Audrey. WHY??

UPDATE: Jack needs the satellite, dammit!

UPDATE: Audrey must be sleeping with the scriptwriters. All of them.

UPDATE: UCLA 2! Gators NADA.

UPDATE: UCLA 3, Gators 2.

UPDATE: UCLA 4, Gators 4.

UPDATE: The Gators have obviously bribed the refs.

UPDATE: The UCLA cheerleaders are a great deal more attractive than the Gators cheerleaders.

UPDATE: Chloe is gonna deck that woman.

UPDATE: This kind of reminds me of "Days of Our Lives."

UPDATE: They're patching Jack in...

UPDATE: There is nothing lower than kidnaping a child actor.

UPDATE: Chloe's re-tasking the satellite for a full infrared sweep. That is why we love her.

UPDATE: We have no update at this time from the UCLA game.

UPDATE: There's the old barn, such as you find all over the LA area.

UPDATE: Chloe can't BELIEVE the vice president is involved.

UPDATE: I want a PDA like Jack's.

UPDATE: President Handbag! I kind of missed his huevos-free self.

UPDATE: It's almost go time...

UPDATE: Chloe has a nice set of schematics.

UPDATE: The idiot NCAA can't even time the commercial breaks right!

UPDATE: OK, I am going to have to estimate here: UCLA 78, Gators 14.

UPDATE: One down.

UPDATE: Jack has the PDA of DEATH.

UPDATE: Wayne! You go!

UPDATE: Jack is showing a full range of lethality this evening.

UPDATE: Henderson is the Marwan of this season.

UPDATE: It's NOT the vice president! IT'S THE HANDBAG!

UPDATE: UCLA 173, Gators 6.

YOUR OFFICIAL FINAL SCORE: UCLA 687, Gators minus 14.

Comments

[Glow]

Jack is always the last chance. BTW, I really hate the music this week. Are they playing some sci-fi space music?

[FleaBailey]

I have a bad feeling about this, Wayne.

[Betsy]

"I'm refreshinig your screen"????!!!

[Varjak]

Real terrorists don't bother to lock doors.

[thebruce]

There's a hostile at the exit?!

[JBismyhomeboy]

how long does it take for curtis to take bierko back to CTU? that boy seems to get Jack's bitch jobs...

[Cheesewiz]

So just what is in that dispatch bag that Jack is never without?

[Suzy Q]

They're goin into a barn?? Did I miss something?

*quaffs more wine*

[daisymae]

So...they left the barn to go...where exactly? And what is Evelyn going to 'give' Henderson?

[Sean]

Jack had to TELL this guy to draw his weapon? He is so dead.

[shane]

That ad just featured a car with a "hybrid synergy drive." I think Chloe's writing the ads now, too.

[FleaBailey]

Cheesewiz--

You wonder why Jack never has to go to the bathroom?

Depends.

[Glow]

Is RoboCop's thigh shootable? I hope there's some shooting soon. All this satellite positioning is making my cable very unstable.

[JT]

Hey, Dave, why is the President eggs-free?

[daisymae]

Snork @ fleabailey

[MaryContrary]

I think they hired a John Williams clone to do the music. I keep expecting Obi-Wan to jump out from behind the building or fence or door.

[Angie]

Um. Dave? Are there rules in basketball that I didn't know about where they take away points?

[Suzy Q]

Wait, they're going OUT of a barn?? I'm SO confused!

JT: Have you not watched this season??

[daisymae]

Obi-wan jumping out would be an up statistic tonight.

[Sean]

I hope he draws it in the post romantic Bauhaus cubist stick figure light brite etch-a-sketch style..

[Betsy]

I have a naive question: Assuming that the canisters of doom, and the kidnapped kid, and all the other subplots are directed at some Dire Objective of Evil People, what exactly IS it that they want?

[Silhouette]

The only violence we've seen is when Wayne slapped Evelyn around.

[CJrun]

Since the Blog suddenly lost CBS and can't update the game any longer, Gators up by 6. Go Chloe!

[SoAlone]

Dr House could easily get a job at CTU Medical. He'd fit right in.

[Glow]

Well, I suppose I can accept a Darth Vader accent from a terrorist. Why not? We have a Martian Law, so there are aliens everywhere in LA apparently.

[daisymae]

Second Betsy...what exactly is going on?

[Sean]

Hold all your units !

[Chris]

The Jack Sack!

[homeybeef]

is chloe just sitting there hitting F5?

[Varjak]

Why grab him first if you're just going to shoot him?

[bizrey]

I hope Jack's ring-tone doesn't go off! XD

[shane]

Betsy: To not get shot in the thighs all the time.

[daisymae]

Uh oh...I fear for Wayne

[Glow]

Whoa, right through the gut, Jack! I want that PDA too, Dave. I need it to find my way around Super Walmart.

[Silhouette]

Hey, this place looks like it'll blow up good.

/yay, two down

[David W]

Slower please....I'm starting to wake up.

[Glow]

Homeland Security is sooo hopeless, being fooled by Audrey Raines.

[shane]

Wayne Palmer: One Bad Mutha.

[Betsy]

Whoa!!!! Zip Zip, and not in the thigh, either!

[Sarah]

How is he supposed to know which way is north, chloe? You need to step it up dear. You're very cryptic.

[daisymae]

Whew...I thought Wayne wasn't going to shoot!

[thebruce]

It's all clear... finally!

[JBismyhomeboy]

just like DOOM Wayne...

[Suzy Q]

And on this day, Wayne Palmer grew some balls.....

[Gretchen]

Shooting one guy does NOT an all-clear make.

[Varjak]

Why slit his throat when you've got a gun?

[Chris]

THROAT!

[Glow]

This is just like the 24 game, isn't it? Go around an abandoned place with pipes and looking for targets. Kill! Kill! Kill!

[daisymae]

Whoa...Jack slit his throat!

[SoAlone]

Jack looks slighty less menacing while he's wearing his man-purse.

[Sarah]

What happens if Jack's PDA battery dies?

[Sean]

Beep beep mm beep beep yeah

[mama jodeo]

Doesn't that guy have any blood!!! Maybe its aliens that are taking over the earth. A good random plot.

[Chris]

Is the throat the new thigh?

[Varjak]

Hell, why not let him report first rather than speak to a guy who knows your voice?

[bizrey]

Wait,the clock is off! Did they adjust for daylight savings time?

[Silhouette]

Glad Henderson only checks up on Bravo.

[Glow]

Robocop is going to take both of them hostage. Robocop trained Jack!

[daisymae]

Shootoutat the okaycorral!!!

[Bucket]

oh waht a surprise! He got away.

[JT]

Say it, just say it..."DAMN IT!"

[JBismyhomeboy]

apparently Henderson's men like the thigh too...

[Momanon]

And Evelyn was shot in the thigh. I'm taking a shot!

[Sean]

Reprogram !!! The theme for next season.

[Chris]

Chloe has a twitchy nose.

[FleaBailey]

In the shin? Only Jack can shoot someone in the thigh!

[Silhouette]

He can't get away, they didn't set up a perimeter. Bad guys only escape through the perimeter.

[SoAlone]

HOLY CRAP!!!!

[thebruce]

ahh the writers love us! She was hit in the thigh... :)

[KOW]

Okay...whaaaa??!?! President crybaby is capable of independent thought? Someone explain. Please.

[bizrey]

WHAAAAAAAAAAA?!?!?!?!?

*faint*

[shane]

HANDBAG, MY FANNY!

[Gretchen]

OMIGOD!!!! Dave - guess he's NOT a handbag!

[daisymae]

Sh*t! It's Prez Nerfsforballs!

[dante]

that was right from Splinter Cell chaos theory

[thebruce]

OH!! BAMMMMMMM!!!!

[Angie]

HOLY CRAP!

[Suzy Q]

OMG???!!!! It's president no-balls??!

[Sean]

President Chicken Neck is behind this? Nooooo..

[JT]

OOOOOOHHHHH!!!! The big girls' blouse has BECOME UNBUTTONED!!!

[Glow]

OHHHHHHHHHHH! OHHHHHHHHH! Robocop is de AntiJack!

[Chris]

W
T
F
?!?!

[homeybeef]

nex week on 24: we find out the writers were joking and it was the vice president

[Betsy]

Is it typical to fire one's handgun several times while running?

[FleaBailey]

I's sorry, I just can buy President Weenie as an evil mastermind. And why? He's already President!

[LargeBill]

Holy shiat! The president is the bad guy. What?

[MaryContrary]

It's Tricky Dick!!! I mean, President Weenie, rubbing his fingers like Captain Ahab . . .

[Bob]

OH MY GOD it was President Manilow!!!

[Glow]

I now dub him Darth Vader Rubberneck!

[JT]

Um, so to speak, I meant.

[Glow]

Dave, you play a mean basketball COMMENTATOR.

[spikesmydog]

so this is all about so he can get congrat calls from foreign leaders...now HE is mY least favorite president EVER!

OBVIOUSLY THATS SAYING A
LOT!

[Boom daisy's guy cat]

(zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz)

[trillianastra]

NO WAY!!!

[JBismyhomeboy]

President Manilow is remotely reminding me of Kim Jong Il

[AnotherBob]

OMGWTFBBQ!?!?

Bob: heh.. sorry, I didn't know someone was already using this name

[worldwidestudios]

HANDBAG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Varjak]

Jack's going to rob a bank?! That's weird, even for 24.

[mnich]

Kim's going to really like seeing her daddy on the late night news in the next hour...

[Glow]

It's Bauer against the entire United States Homeland Security, CIA, DOD, and military next week! That's a lot of thighs to shoot!