March 31, 2006
ATTENTION, WOMEN, GIRLS AND OTHERS OF THE FEMALE PERSUASION
Do not try this at home.
(Thanks to ShadowKatmandu)
MEANWHILE IN SPORTS
A Nigerian soccer official lays down the law.
(Thanks to Rick)
(Thanks to Brad Slager)
A GOOD NAME FOR A ROCK BAND
(Thanks to Bruce)
FOR THOSE WHO LONG TO BE MORE PRODUCTIVE
(Thanks to Catherine Conner and wolfie)
IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT.....
Getting one of these could be a win/win situation for just about everyone.
(Thanks to mark holloman)
NO, THIS ISN'T FUNNY
But even for Florida, it's pretty weird.
(Thanks to Andrew Walker)
GOOD NAME FOR AN ACTION FIGURE
ADVENTURES IN JOURNALISM
When you read a headline that refers to a "giant child-eating snake," you tend to assume it's referring to a snake that (a) is giant, and (b) has eaten a child.
March 30, 2006
"I vote we scuttle around the floor and eat stuff and creep people out."
And the so-called "United Nations" does nothing.
(Thanks to Ted
PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS ASKING THIS BLOG: HOW DO YOU COLLECT NASAL SECRETIONS FROM A FERRET?
It is definitely happening.
MOODICAL MEDICAL BREAKTHROUGH
What's good for Lottie must be good for buuuuuuurrrrrrrpppppp us, right?
March 29, 2006
HEADLINE OF THE DAY
We have no idea what it means, but we kind of want to go there.
(Thanks to Justin Barber)
SAGGING SALES NOT ENOUGH SUPPORT ECONOMIC TROUBLES
Hooters Air is
downsizing cutting back.
(Thanks to Jim Korenthal)
THE ONLY REASON WE ARE POSTING THIS LINK
...is to make you stop emailing it to us.
"Look, kids! We got you some stuffed animals! HEY! YOU KIDS COME BACK!"
(Thanks to Karl Weckstrom)
GOOD NAME FOR A ROCK BAND
(Thanks to, yes, Claire Martin)
PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER NOW, OR HE'LL SHOOT YOU IN THE THIGH
Jack Kiefer has built a recording studio.
(Thanks to Drew Harchick)
So now, all of a sudden, clawing an Avon lady is "crazy"?
(Thanks to everyone)
SPEAKING OF MEAT
We are fairly certain this has been blogged before, but what the heck.
(Thanks to Chatmal)
A FINE NAME FOR A ROCK BAND
(Thanks to DavCat14)
We have a very bad feeling about this.
(Thanks to Claire Martin)
WAIT A MINUTE....
RING FLUSHED, FOUND
This is a touching story, but we are puzzled by one statement:
Squiccimarri was visiting the campus on a frigid weekend when she blew her nose and lost the ring.
Huh? Can anybody explain the physics of that?
March 28, 2006
YES, IT'S A BRIEFCASE THAT REQUIRES 16 BATTERIES AND TWO REMOTE CONTROLS
A T-SHIRT FOR GUYS
Finally, somebody feels our pain.
(Thanks to Eddie Roberts)
(Thanks to Mike Zlotnick)
WHO SAYS TODAY'S YOUNG PEOPLE LACK THE SPIRIT OF ADVENTURE?
(Thanks to Greg England)
TERROR STALKS THE MEAN STREETS OF ASPEN
Fat Boy is missing.
(Thanks to Claire Martin)
THERE IS CLASS...
...and then there is class.
A GOOD NAME FOR MANY ROCK BANDS
POST AND PARCEL PLUS CUSTOMER OF THE WEEK SO FAR
Key Quote: "He was stuttering the whole time."
March 27, 2006
I have been on bated tenterhooks of pins and needles all
week, because tonight is the night when AUDREY FINALLY GETS IT. At least I hope
she does. Last week the Evil Thong of Doom Sex Temptress Collette told Jack
that Audrey sold her some secret information to give to the terrorists running
Meanwhile, President Complete Handbag, acting under the
influence of Vice President Flagrant Villain, has placed
Edgar is still dead.
Also there is now a German agent in the plot. Yes! A German! Like it's 1945! I don't really know what the German is up to, but he's really ticked off at Jack because Jack gave him an exploding memory chip, and you just know the German is going to be on hold with Technical Support for HOURS before he straightens that out. ("You say the chip exploded? Do you have the serial number?")
So that's where we stand as of just before 9 Eastern Thigh-Shootin' Time. I don't know about you, but I'm exhausted, and nothing has happened yet.
UPDATE: You know, Jack is actually kind of short.
UPDATE: They're gonna torture Audrey! Be still my heart.
UPDATE: Jack wants to handle it heheheheh.
UPDATE: Proof? He wants PROOF? This is 24, you moron!
UPDATE: I like the way the main terrorist explains to the other terrorists, in English, what they're doing, for the benefit of us viewers at home.
UPDATE: Audrey's a SLUT! Chloe has the proof.
UPDATE: Chloe's a fun co-worker.
UPDATE: The WHAT Matrix Analyzer? I think Chloe just makes this crap up.
UPDATE: Just shoot her, Jack! Time's a-wastin'!
UPDATE: BUSTED! Shoot her!
UPDATE: We HAPPENED TO BE THERE???
UPDATE: Oh NO. Jack still has feelings. I can just feel it.
UPDATE: See? When he throttles her, they're like the same height.
Sherry Shari is, what, 13 years old? And already a Provisional Level 3?
UPDATE: OK, even for Jack, that was pointless.
UPDATE: Chloe is a standup gal.
UPDATE: Too much computering, not enough shooting.
UPDATE: Even the terrorists have a perimeter!
UPDATE: Oh man, these hardhat dudes are so dead.
UPDATE: What kind of substance, indeed.
UPDATE:Wayne, deep in the forest of LA.
UPDATE: The torture guy is gonna MAKE Audrey purchase the extended service warranty.
UPDATE: Jack spits on your "immunity agreement."
UPDATE: Natural gas! Those BASTARDS.
UPDATE: Jack and his freaking feelings for Audrey. You know?
UPDATE: Oh, puke.
UPDATE: Soft romantic string music! On 24! Where'd I put my cyanide?
UPDATE: This is basically an advertisement for the all-electric home.
UPDATE: OK, the 13-year-old is as weird as Chloe.
UPDATE: Good old Aaron.
UPDATE: Chloe knows everything.
UPDATE: "The noise from the plant should cover our descent." Thanks, Mister Scriptwriter!
UPDATE: Heat signatures AND approach vectors!
UPDATE: It is GO TIME.
UPDATE: Jack always has some C-4.
UPDATE: Think Jack'll make it?
UPDATE: They didn't show Jack in the previews! Maybe he's dead! Har.
Get your felonious butts over to Norway.
(Thanks to Alex)
VACATION DESTINATION OF THE DAY
Hey, Carl Hiaasen's been warning Florida officials for years, but do they listen?
(Thanks to Reddsuss)
BREAKING NEWS FROM CHESWICK, PA.
Preschoolers make cylindrical objects out of Play-Doh!
(Thanks to Jon Webb)
This is why we do not allow our children to read Shakespeare.