FIGHT OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Comments

[Peg Leg Pete, CPA]

"...defending herself from her co-worker's plunger..." Uh,..both women, right?

[Ms. V]

Maids of honour?

[queensbee]

"assault and battery of a high and aggravated nature"

is there another kind? like assault and battery of a really nice nature and nobody really meant it??
guess they didnt have a chance to leave a mint on the pillow.
wha?
article is a hoot.

[WriterDude]

The 52-year-old maid

I have an idea why that's the case...

[CoastRaven]

The article is full of comedic potential... unfortunately, I got nuthin to unlock it.
Theres the wipe the floor with your a** angle... nuthin.
The logical angle (If BOTH were short of TP then there had to be a third culpret)... nuthin.
The "old maid" angle... nuthin
"...overflowed into a fight"... nice pun by the writer, but nuthin.
I'll just feed off y'all on this one.

[puppytoes]

see? toilet paper *is* dangerous. that's why i sent ya this link a few weeks ago...

http://www.cnn.com/2006/LAW/02/21/toilet.paper.ap/index.html

and now i'll go away.

[the Blue Meanie]

*Leaves 'Please Do Not Disturb' hanging on door knob*
*Puts valium on dresser as room tip*
*Exits via window*

[Jeff Meyerson]

Smith said she was defending herself from her co-worker's plunger.

Is this happening or is it just an Oscar hangover?

Where's Jack when people need thigh shooting?

[puppytoes]

...and, if *that's* the link i sent, no wonder you didn't respond. (apparently i did something wrong here. cutting and/or pasting have always been difficult for me.)

hopefully *this* link will work...

http://www.cnn.com/2006/LAW/02/21/toilet.paper.ap/index.html

tho', why bother? suddenly it all seems so...stupid. sigh.

[Somewhere North]

See? This is what happens when women take housecleaning too seriously! Since I would never wish to be embroiled in such a degrading situation myself, I shall hereby hand over all housecleaning duties to Mr. North and sip wine and eat chocolates to keep my blood pressure down.

[Mad Soapboxer]

First round: Mop 1, Plunger 0

We'll be back shortly with the second round, brought to you by Charmin...

[Betsy]

Mrs. North...You are an inspiration to us all. Since I have no current husband to whom I can delegate, I am leaving it all up to the cats. Not terribly effective, I suppose, but no matter...it's the wine and chocolates that count.

[the Blue Meanie]

I know where this is headed. When mops and plungers are outlawed, only outlaws will have mops and plungers. I own an assault mop AND a high-caliber automatic plunger, and I vote!

[CoastRaven]

BM - you may wanna take that automatic plunger to the next post - the sh!t is backing up there as well.

[Kat]

In my best Maxwell Smart voice - Ah yes, the old plunger defense.

[Kat]

Writer Dude & CoastRaven - WTF - 50s are the new 40s. 50 is not old maid material! *shuffling off to count the days until my 50th birthday - 1140 days, 1141 days, 1142 days until I'm 50*

[CoastRaven]

I was thinkin more along the lines of the card game Kat, not an age reference... still nuthin

[Christobol]

queensbee - exactly!

Unless by "high" they're working in a drug charge.

In my mind the fight was one of those well choreagraphed Jackie Chan numbers, with towels, shampoo, and shower caps all turning into effective weapons.

[the Blue Meanie]

TBM. The initials are TBM. Especially important within certain bad singer or digestive contexts.

[CoastRaven]

Sincere apologies TBM - That conversation had slipped my addled mind.

[the Blue Meanie]

S'alright. Addled minds think alike (as we've noticed).

[Kat]

CoastRaven - sorry, maybe my nearing 50 year oldness gets my panties in a bunch sometimes.
Sorry I accused you falsely.

[U.O]

Sounds as if this pair of [water]closet Queens forgot that a flush beats a straight ... (down the crapper ...)

[CoastRaven]

Relax Kat - you still have 27,397.5 (prorated for currrent Eastern Time) hours til that day arrives. I should have been clearererer in my referencing

[Mad Soapboxer]

TBM, my humble (more or less) apologies for addressing you as BM in the past (I confess to snickering about it every time I did, however). I will endeavor to remember the proper moniker abbrev from now on.

PS- Even as I write this, my (also addled) brain is endeavoring to come up with something to say with regard to the abbrev BM and the subject of this thread's topic, but I just can't seem to flush out anything worth posting... sorry.

[Grammar Police]

The headline would leave one to believe that the police were ORDERED to fight over TP.

Another example of poor journalism.

[Meanie, the Blue]

MadS - I would say that is clear evidence of a life in need of....well, a life. ;)

[CoastRaven]

HEY - I LIKE Meanie the Blue... kinda catchy, if not quite as Yellow Submarine-y.

[TCK]

Ok, I like a chick fight as much as the next guy, but the whole mop and plunger thing is kind of a turn-off

[TCK]

oh, and Blue - if it's OK with you, I will continue to call you Blue (so as not to become embroiled in the whole BM vs TBM controversey)

[Meanie, the Blue]

Blue works fine. Meanie works. BM: icks-nay.

[herb]

". . .wounded in the scuffle. . ."

Don't seem to remember that body part from anatomy class.

[Meanie, the Blue]

Herb - the scuffle is located between the melee and the brouhahas.

[KDFgirl]

Off topic alert, with my apologies: TCK, the poll results are in. Please review the 6:36 PM - 7:46 PM posts on BALLOON UPDATE thread and confess your wrong (right?) doings. Thank you.

[Alfred]

The fight was overflowing onto the streets. So police where called. Then a woman attacks another woman with a plunger.
The police then realize these women are 52 year old maids. Who really need to clean up there lives. And drinking patterns apparently.
I wish them happy toilets and a fond bidet.

[TCK]

KDFGirl - while I've heard confession is good for the soul, i figure I'm pretty much screwed in the soul department anyway...

that, and i never confess - instead, i utter the magic words: i would like to speak with my lawyer now

i will confess that i have no idea what you're talkin' about, and sure, i could go back and review the Balloon Update thread (6:36 - 7:46), but i have important things to do just now - for example, i haven't read the dilbert comic yet this mornin'

besides, reviewing the Ballon Update thread is exactly what you want me to do, which, in my paranoid delusional mind, smells way too much like a trap...

[Mr. Completely]

the scuffle is located between the melee and the brouhahas - *SNORK* at Meanie!

[KDF, the girl]

*sigh*

Timothy. I was merely alerting you to the part of our conversation (concerning YOU) that you missed after you wandered off last evening. And you recently indicated a distaste for reading loooooong threads so by citing a specific thread timeframe I was just passing you the Cliff's Notes in a friendly manner.

No need for paranoia, or a lawyer. Besides, El's with me.

[T(he) CK]

OK, you had me right up until you said "El's with me"

if El's involved, there's a trap somewhere

you couldn't pay me to go back and read it now (tho there might be other methods of convincing me of your sincerity)

[KDF, the girl]

Okay, I saved the big guns until now.

You missed TONS of world-class hairflippin'.

[KDF, the girl]

And, I bought you a shot of 151.

[southerngirl]

TCK - to summarize, a vote was taken, and it appears that everyone wanted you to tell us about those "stupid things" you've done after you've taken 151 Bacardi shots.

That, and lots of "girl next door" type hair flipping.

[southerngirl]

ok, KDFgirl, this is kinda getting scary.

Maybe all the hairflipping is causing some sort of psychic link?

[KDF, the girl]

See?

*high-fives southerngirl*

[KDF, the girl]

Acccckk!!! And a simulpost!

[Eleanor, The]

TCK, it's exactly what KDG, the girl said.

There. is. no. trap. We like you, why would we want to trap you???
*wide-eyed look*

And it is always good to say you want to talk to your lawyer, because when the cops say, just tell us what happened and you can go home, They Are Lying. And they're allowed to, which is the worst part. *sigh*

[the southern girl]

*high-fives KDF, the girl*

ok, let's go for it - ready?

*super slo-mo double something something hairflip*

[Meanie, the Blue]

*wait - I need to TiVo that!*

[KDF, The Sheep]

Yeah, TCK, why so paranoid? We are a loving people.

And in solidarity with southerngirl, *double-doozy, half-twisting, fripple-flopping hairflip*

I may need an aspirin.

[Coast the Raven]

KDF - dont hurt yourself. The last person I saw try that maneuver wound up with terminal dreadlocks

[T(he) CK]

*sigh*

I missed out on girl next door hairflippin'

and El - it's the wide-eyed look that scares me (if it wasn't for them beautiful green eyes)

and cops, ya can't trust 'em - even after the magic words are uttered (lawyering up, as they like to say), they go right into: "You don't really want to complicate things by bringing a lawyer in, do ya? That just makes you look guilty. We can't help you once a lawyer's involved..."

[the southern girl]

Meanie the Blue, don't worry, there's video from last night! ;)

[T(he) CK]

But, because southerngirl says it's OK (and, after spendin' many an hour under southerngirl's bed hidin' from an angry and vengeful God, I trust her implicitly), and because that super slo-mo double something something hairflip has driven me pretty much to distraction, I will tell you a stupid thing I've done due to bacardi shots:

Way back when, when I was all of 18 years old, and still invincible, I was out cruisin' the back roads of nowhere (i.e. the vast and terrible wilderness otherwise known as north-central north dakota) with my best bud in those days. We weren't doin shots so much as passin' a fifth of 151 back and forth, and chasin' that down with Old Milwaukee (what? it was cheap, and we were poor).

This was back when the Dukes of Hazzard was big, and we were in the habit of jumpin' railroad crossings just like the Duke boys. The crossings on them back country dirt roads are a lot higher than the road itself, so if you hit 'em at speed, your car goes airborn, Duke style. We had already torn the oil pan off one car, and broke an axle on another, but fun is fun.

So on this particular day, I was drivin' (I drove a '76 Ford Gran Torino in those days, the one with the 351 Cleveland big block engine - google it if you care), and we came up on a crossing with two tracks. One or the other of us decided it would be fun to jump both tracks, so I backed down the road a ways, took a swig off the bacardi, gave 'er hell, and went for it.

It was beautiful - we were airborn forever, and the landing couldn't have been better. She bottomed out hard, but kept right on goin'. The problem then, was that it was too easy. So my best bud, who was pretty much dangerously insane, suggested how much more fun it would be if we sat there and waited for a train to come, and then time the jump so that we fly by right in front of the train engine.

I protested at first, but after he said I was just a girl if I couldn't do this... Well, i had to do it then, didn't I?

So we went back to town for more booze (cuz we didn't know how long it would be, and god knows you don't want to run out of booze at time like this) and we came back and waited. After a coupla hours, we could see the train comin.' It was one them miles long coal trains. So, again, I backed down the road a ways, took an extra long hit off the bacardi, killed the rest of my can of Old Mil, and gave her hell.

When we hit the grade, the train was right there - i could see the little rust spots on the metal - she was so close I couldn't see the engineer (cuz the windows are up high), but I knew he was there cuz he had been leanin' on that air horn for a long time now.

So we jumped the tracks right in front of the train, and while we were airborn (and ISIANMTU), my buddy threw the empty 151 bottle out the window, and it smashed all over the front of the train.

After we landed, I could hear the brakes on the train screamin' (I imagine they'd been on for awhile, but I didn't notice them before that), but we just kept goin'. No sense waitin' around to see if the engineer was of the type that might kill somebody, cuz I bet he'd of liked to.

OK, that might be the longest post I've ever posted, but you all did ask for it

[Coast the Raven]

WOW - that's 100 proof nutty T(he)CK!!! wowie wowie wowie!!

[Meanie, the Blue]

T(he)CK - THAT WAS YOU!!??

[O. the U(manity)]

CK the T ...

YOU ARE F*CK!NG CRAZY!!!

Well ... of course, I'll admit, you were of an age at the time, of invincibility ...

(I refuse to comment on any behavior patterns of moi ownself at a similar point in my late adolescent years.)

Whut gives me license ot make that initial observation is that my work now is ... with trains, and tracks and other such stuff like that there ... and with whut I've learnt in the last five years (nemmine the prior bunch of "years of experience") ... I simply am of the basic opinion that ...

YOU ARE F*CK!NG CRAZY!!!

(Of course, again, there wuz beer -- and stronger beverages -- involved ... with us it wuz usually 100-proof Wodka & Rootbeer mixed, with beer for chasers ...)

(Oops. I did not say that last part ... merely sayin' ...)

[KDF, The Sheep]

*WIDE-EYED, DROP-JAWED STARE*

"So my best bud, who was pretty much dangerously insane..."

*lame attempt to appear casual*

So TCK, I'm curious. If he was "pretty much dangerously insane"... how do you rate ... you? To the right of that? Left?

WOW. I got nuthin'.

*makes note to self to lay off the rum*

Raven the Coast - actually it's 151 proof nutty, but, I quibble.

Meanie the Bluest - *snork* AND you may need to award Timothy a new title for the list of official blog stuff

[Meanie, the Blue]

TCK - Train's Comin', Kid!

You know that engineer pulled out a flask of his own after that.

[T(he) CK]

KDF, The Sheep - I would point out, first of all, that the whole thing was his idea (come to think of it, a lot of the stupid things i did back then were his idea);

secondly, while i did go along with the admittedly stupid idea, I would point out that he called me a girl - at the time, it seemed better to go out in a blaze of glory wrapped around the front end of a miles long coal train than to have to spend the rest of the day bein' called a girl (hence the dangerousness of combining youth, testosterone, rum, and old milwaukee); and

finally, i would point out that i have mellowed substantially with age - i no longer beleive myself to be invincible (well, not completly invincible anyway), and, in hindsight, the whole thing seems, even to me, to have been a really stupid thing to do

on the other hand, i can still remeber how hard we laughed as we drove away, and how damn much fun it was at the time, and how legendary i was after word got around that a sky blue ford jumped the tracks right in front of the coal train...

ah, memories

[Meanie, the Blue]

*Crosses Montana off list of places to hitchhike through*

[T(he) CK]

in other words, i wouldn't go back in time and not do it, even if i could - given the chance (that is, the chance to be 18 and stupid again, just for a little while), i'd do it again just the same

if that makes me dagerously insane, then i'm willing to live with it

[KDF, The Sheep]

Thank you, Timothy the CK. Once again you have saved me the trouble of making my point. :)

*hairflip, which you deserve, for spilling that story*

[O. the U(manity)]

CK the T ...

So that I remain confident that you know whereof I spoke, above ... I'm a lot older now, and supposedly that aquirement of "age" also brings "maturity" and/or "intelligence" ... tho I doubt even a tutued scholar could prove that to be the case in the instance of moi ownself's development ...

Therefore, I felt it incumbent upon moi ownself to offer the above summation, based on aforementioned knowledge, based on experience, and learning from mistakes or errors of judgement ...

OTOH, I gotta acknowledge that my misspent youth was not without its ownselfs' examples of somewhut similar insanity ... merely ... um ... understandin' ... sorta ... (there wuz this old discarded bank safe ... and some explosive stuff ... um ... nevermind ...)

(Did he really say "girl"? Or was it another euphemism common in such derogatory aspersions cast in regard to one's ... um ... intestinal fortitude ... ??? Merely wonderin' about the exact specific phraseology ...)

[The El]

TtheCK, Even though this happened a
v-e-r-y long time ago, I think it's important that you accept responsibility for your actions and not blame your friend for this (very wild, cool, crazy)stunt, but also the other things you're blaming him for.
I've always wished I was Sally Field when she was in the car with Burt Reynolds and they flew over something!

[KDF, The]

...too...many...threads...

[Stupendous Man]

First, I'd like to say I know I'm not first on the thread, but commenting to the thread, I'd just like to ask, "What kind of idiot brings a plunger to a mop fight?"

And then I'd like to address a comment to TC the K, which in this post stands for That Cowboy is Knuts!!!!

Way to go, Big Guy!

*emails TC the K a high five!*

[Alfred]

You know I just realized something. It was long enough ago. And because of nothing being damaged. You can talk about it with out fearing to much legalities. For that reason I say this.
"Try it sober next time."

And then say you have beaten any story I have by a mile.

[the bartman]

See this is why I plan on going into Frount Desk management. Thoese housekeeping people are strange.

[Kyle Bartrim]

international is feature of curious grass: http://www.thepassionofthechrist.com/ industrious girl is always superb cosmos , boy can give opponents

[Adam Miller]

to forecast plane you should be very central: http://www.thepassionofthechrist.com/ , bad, faithful, standard nothing comparative to astonishing