24

I have been on bated tenterhooks of pins and needles all week, because tonight is the night when AUDREY FINALLY GETS IT. At least I hope she does. Last week the Evil Thong of Doom Sex Temptress Collette told Jack that Audrey sold her some secret information to give to the terrorists running around Los Angeles with the Killer Kanisters of Komplete Karnage. We know from the previews that Jack is going to throttle Audrey tonight, but I'm worried that the only reason they showed that was to get everybody's hopes up, and there's going to be a Shocking Plot Twist and Audrey will somehow manage to weasel out of this and remain in the show, and I will have to beat myself to death with the remote control. We shall see.

Meanwhile, President Complete Handbag, acting under the influence of Vice President Flagrant Villain, has placed Los Angeles under martial law. Naturally, since Los Angeles is a gigantic densely populated metropolitan area, it took the government nearly six minutes to clear every single human and vehicle off the streets. The lone exception was Deceased Former President Allstate's brother Wayne, who was trying to deliver some shocking information to (I think) the Secret Service agent who we suspect might be secretly servicing the first lady, when he (Wayne) got run off the road, possibly at the behest of Vice President Villain. Fortunately Wayne was able to escape into a forest. (There are forests all over Los Angeles.)

Edgar is still dead.

Also there is now a German agent in the plot. Yes! A German! Like it's 1945! I don't really know what the German is up to, but he's really ticked off at Jack because Jack gave him an exploding memory chip, and you just know the German is going to be on hold with Technical Support for HOURS before he straightens that out. ("You say the chip exploded? Do you have the serial number?")

So that's where we stand as of just before 9 Eastern Thigh-Shootin' Time. I don't know about you, but I'm exhausted, and nothing has happened yet.

UPDATE: You know, Jack is actually kind of short.

UPDATE: They're gonna torture Audrey! Be still my heart.

UPDATE: Jack wants to handle it heheheheh.

UPDATE: Proof? He wants PROOF? This is 24, you moron!

UPDATE: I like the way the main terrorist explains to the other terrorists, in English, what they're doing, for the benefit of us viewers at home.

UPDATE: Audrey's a SLUT! Chloe has the proof.

UPDATE: Chloe's a fun co-worker.

UPDATE: The WHAT Matrix Analyzer? I think Chloe just makes this crap up.

UPDATE: Just shoot her, Jack! Time's a-wastin'!

UPDATE: BUSTED! Shoot her!

UPDATE: We HAPPENED TO BE THERE???

UPDATE: Oh NO. Jack still has feelings. I can just feel it.

UPDATE: See? When he throttles her, they're like the same height.

UPDATE: Sherry Shari is, what, 13 years old? And already a Provisional Level 3?

UPDATE: OK, even for Jack, that was pointless.

UPDATE: Chloe is a standup gal.

UPDATE: Too much computering, not enough shooting.

UPDATE: Even the terrorists have a perimeter!

UPDATE: Oh man, these hardhat dudes are so dead.

UPDATE: What kind of substance, indeed.

UPDATE:Wayne, deep in the forest of LA.

UPDATE: The torture guy is gonna MAKE Audrey purchase the extended service warranty.

UPDATE: Jack spits on your "immunity agreement."

UPDATE: Natural gas! Those BASTARDS.

UPDATE: Jack and his freaking feelings for Audrey. You know?

UPDATE: Oh, puke.

UPDATE: Soft romantic string music! On 24! Where'd I put my cyanide?

UPDATE: This is basically an advertisement for the all-electric home.

UPDATE: OK, the 13-year-old is as weird as Chloe.

UPDATE: Good old Aaron.

UPDATE: Chloe knows everything.

UPDATE: "The noise from the plant should cover our descent." Thanks, Mister Scriptwriter!

UPDATE: Heat signatures AND approach vectors!

UPDATE: It is GO TIME.

UPDATE: Jack always has some C-4.

UPDATE: Think Jack'll make it?

UPDATE: They didn't show Jack in the previews! Maybe he's dead! Har.

Comments

[berniec56]

Okay, that "% of PSI" gauge in the gas plant has had me up all night wondering. That gauge showed the pressure down to 53% or 54%.... of WHAT?!?! The original pressure? What is the baseline for the original pressure? Its a pointless freaking gauge! Its useless? Why didn't they just show a REGULAR gauge that goes from say, zero PSI up to 100 PSI and the writers could have said that the bad guys had to get the system from 100 PSI down to 50 PSI in order to get the gas (from the canisters in the room) to go into the pipeline...) AAAARRGGHH!!!! MUST.... BEAT... MYSELF.... WITH.... REMOTE.... CONTROL!!!!

[Reine le Guin]

*Wants to send Steve large amounts of unmarked cash, in appreciation for the most entertaining minutes of my week.*

[mellio]

I don't get the references to the JackSack (tm) what was that?

OK, you guys are killing me, STOP it! The JackHoodie (tm--sorry, I don't know how to make those symbol thingies). HAAAAA! This blog is almost better than the show!

Was I the only one that reached for the kleenex during that tender moment after Audrey's Torture Scene? Ungghh, Jack needed a HUG! Aww! After the last 12 hours, well, ya know what, I would too! In fact, I do, because I am still watching this show faithfully! Whoever said that for such a smart guy, Jack is a real schmucko about love was totally right. BUT, everyone has a weakness, and hey, if you're gonna be a SuperHoodie-wearin', Save The World kinda guy, your weakness might as well be "women". Go figure...

[Leetie]

I am so offended by last night's episode, it's not even funny. I can no longer willfully suspend my disbelief. Ernie, MikeS, and Bernice have touched on my concerns.

OK. The terrorists set-up the Kanisters in a "room" (that had a camera on it) from which the gas could magically sweep in to a highly pressurized distribution system. yah.

I seriously doubt that 200,000 people (isn't that the number the terrorist used last week?) could be affected by the contents of a handful of kanisters being distributed in a million directions, but whatever. Details, details.

Let's see now, what would have happened to the gas after it started entering peoples' homes? IT WOULD HAVE BEEN INCINERATED! Dopes. Am I missing something really big here? Go ahead, just blow up the whole gas factory. It's worth it.

SNORK at the Millenium Falcon comment!

Oh... the gauge... Bernice, yes. Here is where I lost my will to live.

Just wondering, isn't the 15-year-old Edgar replacement one of the extraterrestrial Dimera twins from Days of Our Lives?

[Leetie]

Sorry Berniec... dislexia, you know.

[ASK]

The only thing that offended me was Mellio saying we were "almost" better than the show.

[Jeff Meyerson]

No Leetie, just looked it up. 'Shari (not Sherry) Rothenberg' is played by Kate Mara, granddaughter of the late NY Giants owner Wellington Mara. She's been in Nip/Tuck and Jack and Bobby and most recently played Ennis's daughter "Alma Jr." in Brokeback Mountain.

Thanks for the summaries, guys (especially Steve). A couple of thoughts:

1. I think it's time CTU gets a new torturer, maybe borrowing somebody from Sloane's team at Alias. I mean, this guy couldn't break ANYBODY! Robocop, OK, I understand, he's tough. But Awwdrey and her brother! C'mon, a 5 year old could break them. Pathetic.

2. I see CTU dropped the red shirts for security and went with white last night.

3. The whole idea of pumping gas into the homes of Los Angelenos, unless it was a very cold winter night, is just too stupid.

4. Now that the Kanisters of Kaos are no more, any guesses on Robocop's backup plan? You know he has one.

[mellio]

Sorry (hanging head in shame). Didn't mean to hurt your feelings!!

(offering up backside for wet-noodle-lashing)

[Leetie]

*admires mellio's backside*

[Leetie]

Thanks Jeff. They do look alot alike though. Here's Alexis Thorpe who played "Cassie" on DOOL.

Yes. I watched it. Shoot me.

*hangs head in shame*

[daisymae]

"Does anyone know if Fox reairs episodes for the benifit of unworthies like myself?"

I saw somebody re-airing this season, but it's not Fox, and I don't remember which channel I saw it on (if anybody knows, let me know, cause I missed it too). Season 2 (isn't that the one with Kate & Marie Warner (Marie's a terrorist) is being re-run on A&E on Sunday's at 7 pm. There's also a re-run of Season 3 (the one with Salazar as the bad guy and Kate's boyfriend is Chase) on WGN on Sundays 8 - 10 (they're doing 2 episodes per week).

[Steve]

You know, between Madam Haig and Psycho Shari, Bill has got his hands full.

And, I was thinking....Robocop must be headed to find Jack's girlfriend and her son. I mean, they're fresh out of Russian terrorists now, right?

[MojoSaves]

Where'd Wayne get that handy assault rifle?

[Allen at Division]

Yes, since they spent 50 minutes emphasizing the lowering of the gas pressure, MAYBE raising the pressure from there (and the other 12 connected substations that Chloe could control with one dirty look) would have occurred to someone before BLOWING UP A PLACE FULL OF NATURAL GAS!...

Not that high pressure would have any effect on nerve gas anyway...Arrgh, my head! I move to eject the 15-year-old Edgar replacement from the ACS...with a shove to her sensitive shoulder.

I know that DURING A MARTIAL LAW CURFEW if I'm a guard at a place that CAN BLOW UP and an unexpected truck shows up at night, the first thing I do is break out my trusty clipboard and amble bo-de-do-do-do out to meet them, then turn my back on them...

"but Madam Haig REALLY wants to give Audrey those truth drugs." YAY! At last, Madam Haig becomes a popular character with millions in the audience!

[mellio]

(blushing)

[KOW]

Kim news!

[Suzy Q]

Ok, no one answered my qustion from last week. How in the world did Aaron get from the White House to LA to meet Wayne Palmer? I though they were meetin' outside of the White House but then all of a sudden, they were in LA? Did I miss something? Nahhh.....I couldn't have missed something in a show where logic rules.

[FumblingFather]

I know I'm not supposed to question these things, but ...

* Instead of blowing up the plant, why didn't they just crank the PSI back up?

* Also if fire destroys the Syntox, then it would have been destroyed when it went into the houses by either the hot water heater, the stove or the house heater. So, it basically would have killed two people whose pilot lights went out, right?

Sorry, back to unconditional acceptance of all things Jack.

[Lila]

Suzy Q -

The President, VP, First Lady and Aaron are all at some kind of presidential retreat in LA.

[mellio]

They've been in LA all season long, though I, too, am unclear as to why that is. When did the nation's capital move to LA?

[Suzy Q]

Lila: OMGWTF?? How did I miss THAT important plot point??

Oh, look! something shiny......

[Leetie]

They are all in LA for the meeting between President Handbag and the Russian President dude. I'm not sure how Wayne got there so fast though.

[Kevin in Jacksonville]

Wayne Palmer proves that assault rifles grow on trees in LA.

[Blof editor]

Steve - "9:09 pm - Chloe finds dirt on Audrey. Jack gives her a handiwipe to use, but Chloe says that's not what she meant. Audrey is having an affair with Robocop! Jack doesn't like this ONE bit." - Not Robocop, Walt is the dude she shacked with

[Lila]

Don't worry, Suzy Q - you just have to remember that there is always some convenient reason why all of the main players just happen to be in LA when disaster strikes. Just look at what happened to last season's pres when he tried to travel - BOOM!

[24-aholic]

2. Why (other than the pyrotechnic compulsion of special agents, terrorists, scriptwriters and special effects departments) they needed to blow up the natural gas facility, when simply restoring the original pipeline pressure would neutralize the nerve gas.

Because there was not enough time to neutralize the gas before it was released

[24-aholic]

They are all in LA for the meeting between President Handbag and the Russian President dude. I'm not sure how Wayne got there so fast though. - wasn't Pres. Palmer killed in LA?

[Leetie]

I move to eject the 15-year-old Edgar replacement from the ACS...

*GEEK SNORK!*

[Max Power]

What I need to know is what the heck did the terrorists need Collette and her schematics for at all? You had to pay her millions of bucks for what, the mapquest printout to the front gate? Directions on how to say "Who's in charge here?" and point your gun at whoever answers? Didn't she say something about how secure this place was and how she was the only source for above schematics?

Not that I'm complaining about Collette's inclusion in our fine program, but seriously...

[goaligrltildeath]

4. Now that the Kanisters of Kaos are no more, any guesses on Robocop's backup plan? You know he has one.

Does this mean Robocop is the mastermind behind all of these attacks and not just a US-based operative? If that's the case, then why did he target Moscow first? And when that was foiled he just tossed in his towel and quit without much fuss. But when his US-based attacks are semi-foiled he keeps chugging on. I just don't get it. I love 24 but this is getting rediculous. If you're going to sacrifice Edgar and Tony you'd best give them a valid reason for dying, like a good plot.

[goaligrltildeath]

I apologize for posting twice in a row, but I had a thought.

What I need to know is what the heck did the terrorists need Collette and her schematics for at all?

My guess (from not watching last night) is that those schematics were not for this natural gas plant but for the REAL target, for which all this nerve gas mumbo-jumbo was just a distraction for. And my guess for the REAL target from what I remember from what Chloe found on Robocop's computer a few weeks ago is President Weenie-Pants' California Retreat. I guess the terrorists are sick of attacking Los Angeles and are trying to get the President to go somewhere else and they think blowing up his retreat will do the trick.

[ticktock]

Jeff Meyerson-
All the red-shirted security guys were gassed to death in CTU, so they rented out some white-shirted guys to fill in. What could possibly go wrong?

And as for the president and the entire cabinet being in LA, I got the feeling that they don't even pretend to explain it any more, other than that LA is where they need to be for their lives to be in jeopardy when terrorists try to blow it up.

[Mad "about weasel" scientist]

Wayne was already in LA. That is where Palmer was killed. Remember when Jack came out of hiding he went to where Palmer was assassinated an apartment in LA. And the Jack sack is the wonderful bag that Jack always wears when he jumps out of helicopters or goes huntin thighs in his hoodie.

[CKBliss]

I also wondered about the gas being burned off at the home level. The only gas being released into my home is instantly burned.

[Kevin in Jacksonville]

Gas is only released into my home on Taco Bell night.

[goddessoftheclassroom]

Guys, as I explained earlier, the Centox doesn't burn. The natural gas (for water heaters, stoves, pool heaters, clothes driers) would burn but the centox would seep into the home or buidling. People around a pool would be killed, too.

[chilidog]

Last night the IEST looked smug about injecting the gas into the natural gas pipeline, like he was doing it just for the hell of it, meanwhile popping security guards, cops, whoever. Why? What's the point? Terrorists generally have some reason, dysfunctional and illogical as it may seem.

It's obvious to me that there is only one reason. Get CTU and Jack Bauer. So they aren't really terrorists. They are just "bad guys" as in those bad guys in the Die Hard movies. I suggest we call them ACTU, as in Anti-Counter Terrorism Unit. Then in response to the ACTU, the former CTU effectively becomes becomes the Counter Anti-Counter Terrorism Unit ("CACTU").

Clears up all the confusion don't you think?

[O. the U(manity)]

Possible rationale to answer the question "Why LA?" ...

Some of this blog commentary reminds me a bit of a parody in Mad™ Magazine ... long ago, when it wuz still good reading ...

I believe it was a sendup of the movie Fail Safe ... tho that might be in error ... one similar to that, NEway ...

In one panel, the President is speaking on the hotline to the Russian Premier, and he says that because of the mistake that caused the USA to nuke Moscow, he (POTUS) will authorize the destruction of an American city to sort of "even things out" ...

The Russian asks "Which city?"

POTUS says, "New York."

Then, after an apparent comment from the Russian, POTUS says, "What do you mean, 'That would put us two up on Russia ... ' ..."

So ... as to using LA ... um ... may one be excused for thinking that perhaps this is the entire meaning to the madness?

[Mike S.]

OK, disregarding the possibility I am going to infuriate you further and wind up with a hole in my thigh, could you then explain what happened to the Centox at the natural gas plant? If it doesn't burn, how does blowing a fiery hole in the pipe and levelling the plant help? If they had to reduce the pressure to prevent the nerve gas from becoming inert, how does blowing a hole in the pipes (which would lower the pressure further) help? Aside from figuring out why there would be a room in line with the natural gas supply (unless it was doubling as an execution chamber), if the gas was moving through the lines so fast they didn't have time to simply raise the pressure, why was there not even a breeze evident when the Centox came out of the cylinders? I think Jack just had some C-4 that was nearing its expiration date and he wanted to use it before it wimped out. He probably didn't care who was downwind of the plant when it blew.

[Glow]

Okay, after reading the AFTER AFTER comments, I have figured out the real bad guy. The head of the Counter-Counter Terrorist Unit (CCTU) is no other than Audrey's baby brother, hippy non-very-peaceful peace activist. After all, he does HATE CTU now, doesn't he? And he hates his dad and is jealous of his sis, so he plotted to have his sis tortured, hah! That would teach them both. All violent-peaceniks have accents too, so, that would explain the weird accents that don't fit the nationalities. They were trying to throw CTU and their counterparts (us, ahem) off!

As for the last scene about blowing up the gas into the air and it not affecting anyone and why we see the wafts of smoke coming out of the percolating coffee canister and why the cans need to have their own chamber of doom, well, I think it's been smartly explained that all you need to do is hold your breath long enough. We know Jack can do that, so he's not dead. Everyone else died in that scene. That's why you saw the previews--obviously it's one of those trick-ya scenes.

There, does it makes sense now?

[Mike Antonucci]

"24" Comments (apologies for missing links)

1. Julian Sands was much scarier in Room With a View than he is in 24.

2. The terrorist everyone thinks looked like Al Michaels really looked more like Armand Assante.

3. If blowing up the natural gas plant at 9:58 was such a good idea, why didn't Jack blow up the mall at 2:44?

4. Audrey cries more often than Dick Vermeil.

5. What is the rest of the U.S. national security establishment doing while Jack, Chloe and about three other people do all the work?

6. Wayne Palmer is carrying the secret key to the Hellmouth, and he wants Aaron to help him find Buffy.

7. Edgar did not die, but instead had an narcoleptic fit. Thinking him deceased, CTU packed him up and flew him out of LA on Oceanic Flight 815, where he was soon to join fellow narcoleptic Sean Astin, and at least one of his other hobbit friends. In exchange, CTU got Desmond and a player to be named later.

8. What's the guy who looks like Dick Cheney going to do for a living in 2009?

9. The Vice President must be behind the whole plot, as he is known to kill anyone named Palmer.

10. The information terrorists put on computer disks is always encrypted, but also always Windows XP compatible.

11. If you're taken hostage by a 24 terrorist, you will be killed if you don't help him. However, if you help him, he will kill you afterwards.

12. If you're a 24 terrorist henchman, your own terrorist boss will kill you if you don't complete your mission. However, if you do complete your mission, he will kill you to hide his tracks.

13. If you're Kim Bauer, you will be captured.

14. Isn't it odd that a short, puffy, middle-aged man who looks like he just came off a three-day tequila bender and now needs spare change to call his girlfriend for a ride to the methadone clinic is TV's biggest action hero?

15. Almost as improbable as this guy having an acting career.

16. Chloe must be making decent money at CTU. So what's up with her wardrobe? That sweater must be a gift from Stevie Wonder.

17. Jack is really old school. When he tortures someone he shoots them in the thigh, or wires the table lamp to their nipples. When someone else from CTU uses torture, it always involves IV bags, techno-music, and weird eye-shades.

18. Speaking of which, I'd like to see the "Torture Devices" line-item expenditures in the CTU budget.

19. Everyone loved the voluminous Edgar, but why aren't there any fat chicks on 24? Or anywhere else on TV? In fact, why is it that every actress on TV is in desperate need of a stack of buttermilk flapjacks? If you think I'm exaggerating, check out the female cast of Lost. Combined, they don't weigh as much as Hurley.

20. In America, it's a short trip to the presidency from being an evil magistrate on Firefly (or a 1994 episode of Dave’s World).

21. I miss Marwan.

22. Unlike Audrey, most women will not kiss you 27 minutes after you choke them.

23. Behrooz, exiled on Ceti Alpha V, will return in Season 22 in a fiendish plot to deploy the Genesis Device on Earth. Jack must come out of retirement to defeat him, but in the process, Chloe is killed, revealing her undying love for Jack as she expires. Jack shoots himself in the thigh.

24. Why don't the terrorists throw off Jack's timing by postponing an operation until tomorrow?

[Leetie]

MikeS: And, why, if that room was in-line with the gas supply, did terrorist guy only have to wear a simple gas mask to enter? He was filtering out the natural gas to breathe....what? His own "natural" gas? Centox? And why would the room have a camera in it? They should have had them add the Centox to the gas line the same way they add the smelly stuff to natural gas so we can smell it if it leaks.

Mike A: Lol @ "Jack shoots himself in the thigh."

I think we've picked this episode clean, don't you?

[Dave]

I still want to know what happened to Jack's hot new girlfriend.

[otis wildflower]

Is it me, or is Aaron the Wedge Antilles of 24?

[Brad]

Just thinking about the last episode. Everyone agrees that Chloe is s godess, computer and otherwise. Were the writers thinking that maybe some of our viewers think Chloe has some issues, so lets bring in a new character that makes Chloe look "normal?" This Sherry seems to be polite - nuts. Of course perhaps the plot for last part of this season will involve sexual harassment suits, lawyers, and CTU becoming politically correct, like no torture. As Dave would say, har!

[J.P.]

I am still confused. People were attempting to frame Jack ever since Hour #1. Only 4 people actually knew Jack was alive: Tony (dead), Michelle (dead), Allstate (dead), and Chloe (alive). Why would they attempt to frame a dead man? I think Chloe is still hiding something. Robocop "claims" that he never believed in Jack's death, but am I really supposed to believe he orchestrated this entire plot to frame Jack on a hunch that Jack really wasn't dead? Chloe = Dirty.

[mellio]

"Chloe = Dirty"

AHHHHHH! NOOOOOOOOOO! Perish the thought! I will look for a bridge to practice flying off of at that point. Or at least beat myself with my remote.

Ya know, though, Chloe looked pretty bada*s with that AK-47 last season (or was that the season before? it's all such a blur...) Maybe fondling such weaponry turned her to the Dark Side...

[goaligrltildeath]

I dont think Chloe could possibly be the evil Mole-of-all-Moles. They did try to kill her as well; she got away because she'd heard of Palmer, Tony, and Michelle's deaths and connected the dots and then had the brains to call Jack. Plus she'd do anything for Jack. I think the only reason she'd ever turn to the dark side is if Jack asked her to.

[Jack hot new girlfriend]

Oh please, that Jack thing was HOURS ago. I've sooooo moved on.
But I'm still hot.

[ASK]

I am not going to read it all - so someone may have already answered - the reason for things staying the same (everyone in LA, Chloe's horrible outfit, Jack's hoodie...) all season long is that the season is all taking place in one freakin' day - 24, get it?

[Tallulah]

When does the new Action Aaron doll come out? Complete with earpiece and half-smirk!

[Mike Antonucci]

I know what happened to Jack's hot new girlfriend -- she married Lyle Lovett.

And Aaron is screwing up. If he gets too many lines, or becomes too integral to the plot (such as it is) he will blow his chances of becoming the next Eddie Paskey!

http://www.eddiepaskey.com/articles.htm

[Eolhc]

no matter what happends...Chloe will rule

[Tim]

Lots of people in CTU died in a gas attack. Did you noticed most of the dead shown were young females? What's up with that? Trying to stir up our emotions?