24

I have been on bated tenterhooks of pins and needles all week, because tonight is the night when AUDREY FINALLY GETS IT. At least I hope she does. Last week the Evil Thong of Doom Sex Temptress Collette told Jack that Audrey sold her some secret information to give to the terrorists running around Los Angeles with the Killer Kanisters of Komplete Karnage. We know from the previews that Jack is going to throttle Audrey tonight, but I'm worried that the only reason they showed that was to get everybody's hopes up, and there's going to be a Shocking Plot Twist and Audrey will somehow manage to weasel out of this and remain in the show, and I will have to beat myself to death with the remote control. We shall see.

Meanwhile, President Complete Handbag, acting under the influence of Vice President Flagrant Villain, has placed Los Angeles under martial law. Naturally, since Los Angeles is a gigantic densely populated metropolitan area, it took the government nearly six minutes to clear every single human and vehicle off the streets. The lone exception was Deceased Former President Allstate's brother Wayne, who was trying to deliver some shocking information to (I think) the Secret Service agent who we suspect might be secretly servicing the first lady, when he (Wayne) got run off the road, possibly at the behest of Vice President Villain. Fortunately Wayne was able to escape into a forest. (There are forests all over Los Angeles.)

Edgar is still dead.

Also there is now a German agent in the plot. Yes! A German! Like it's 1945! I don't really know what the German is up to, but he's really ticked off at Jack because Jack gave him an exploding memory chip, and you just know the German is going to be on hold with Technical Support for HOURS before he straightens that out. ("You say the chip exploded? Do you have the serial number?")

So that's where we stand as of just before 9 Eastern Thigh-Shootin' Time. I don't know about you, but I'm exhausted, and nothing has happened yet.

UPDATE: You know, Jack is actually kind of short.

UPDATE: They're gonna torture Audrey! Be still my heart.

UPDATE: Jack wants to handle it heheheheh.

UPDATE: Proof? He wants PROOF? This is 24, you moron!

UPDATE: I like the way the main terrorist explains to the other terrorists, in English, what they're doing, for the benefit of us viewers at home.

UPDATE: Audrey's a SLUT! Chloe has the proof.

UPDATE: Chloe's a fun co-worker.

UPDATE: The WHAT Matrix Analyzer? I think Chloe just makes this crap up.

UPDATE: Just shoot her, Jack! Time's a-wastin'!

UPDATE: BUSTED! Shoot her!

UPDATE: We HAPPENED TO BE THERE???

UPDATE: Oh NO. Jack still has feelings. I can just feel it.

UPDATE: See? When he throttles her, they're like the same height.

UPDATE: Sherry Shari is, what, 13 years old? And already a Provisional Level 3?

UPDATE: OK, even for Jack, that was pointless.

UPDATE: Chloe is a standup gal.

UPDATE: Too much computering, not enough shooting.

UPDATE: Even the terrorists have a perimeter!

UPDATE: Oh man, these hardhat dudes are so dead.

UPDATE: What kind of substance, indeed.

UPDATE:Wayne, deep in the forest of LA.

UPDATE: The torture guy is gonna MAKE Audrey purchase the extended service warranty.

UPDATE: Jack spits on your "immunity agreement."

UPDATE: Natural gas! Those BASTARDS.

UPDATE: Jack and his freaking feelings for Audrey. You know?

UPDATE: Oh, puke.

UPDATE: Soft romantic string music! On 24! Where'd I put my cyanide?

UPDATE: This is basically an advertisement for the all-electric home.

UPDATE: OK, the 13-year-old is as weird as Chloe.

UPDATE: Good old Aaron.

UPDATE: Chloe knows everything.

UPDATE: "The noise from the plant should cover our descent." Thanks, Mister Scriptwriter!

UPDATE: Heat signatures AND approach vectors!

UPDATE: It is GO TIME.

UPDATE: Jack always has some C-4.

UPDATE: Think Jack'll make it?

UPDATE: They didn't show Jack in the previews! Maybe he's dead! Har.

Comments

[Cheesewiz]

she's fried

[Bucket]

well, lucky that trail was only like half an hour, we only have... ummmm.... how many left?

[Sarah J]

I have no idea who these characters are. I've only seen season 1, and it was on DVD and with someone who (thank heavens) fast-forwarded through the parts with the senator and his family, and the parts where Jack's daughter was annoying. Don't tell him, but my favorite parts were the ones with Tony (RIP, so I hear)

[Glow]

She is SO GUILTY. She will betray you, Jack! You will regret it! The KISS of JUDAS!

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

Uh oh Dave, your worst 24 fears came true.

[Betsy]

Jeez...SHOOT THE DAMNED MUSIC DIRECTOR!!!!

[judi]

fix your hair, audrey. man. have you no PRIDE?

[Roger]

Hmmmm.... Jack's superpowers include the ability to neutalize injections already in the blood stream with a nice hug....

[Jerry]

where are the dhs people?

[shane]

Did you notice how Jack always called Audrey "Audrey Raines" when talking to other CTU peeps, yet Chloe is always just "Chloe"?

[Betsy]

Sherry looks like a hypervigilant prairie dog.

[Glow]

Oh, the thirteen year old knows about psi pressure. Uh huh.

[Jerry]

psycho chick. i love it

[slyeyes]

He touched her arm!!!

[Roger]

hahahahahaha ... FREAK.

[Sam G.]

What a great look. Chloe is so cool.

[Betsy]

AAAaaaaaand another wacko officially joins the team

[Bob]

He... touched her folder? How kinky.

[judi]

she's a NUTball.

[bizrey]

Brilliant!! Chloe officially has a new sidekick!
And Chloe thinks she's off her nut!!

[homeybeef]

WHAT?!?!?

[Glow]

Oh man, Buchanan is about to lose his job AGAIN!

[2.0]

Chloe should have reached out and grabbed the 12-year-old chick's ass when she said that.

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

*Chloe hears theme to Exorcist in her head*

[Cheesewiz]

Sherry must have been inproperly toilet trained

[shane]

What is UP with this new character?

Were the writers seriously like, "If viewers liked Edgar, they're gonna LOVE Neurotic Hot Prude!"

[Roger]

Super Aaron ... when he sweats you smell wheaties...

[Glow]

I am now convinced Aaron is ROBO-SS-dude.

[Sam G.]

Darn. I was enjoying the Chloe/Sherry thing too much to know why there was a gunfight in the woods.

[KOW]

I love Aaron. Jack needs better taste in women. He should hook up with First Lady Cleavgae. The pres can get Audrey.

[bizrey]

Wow the A-Team actually managed to hit Brother Palmer. I wonder if the new "Faceman" is a woman now?

[judi]

wait, i missed it, what did aaron do?

[«LabSpecimen»]

The dead president's almost dead brother is almost dead. Again.

[bulldog]

Aaron was waaay badder than Bauer in his younger days

[ahhm Clem]

Wow tonight it's all realtime!

[FleaBailey]

Tonight's episode is brought to you by the Electric Power Research Institute. "Electricity. The non-contaminatable energy source."

[bizrey]

O.O

Um, yeah that PSP commercial wasn't at all offensive

[Jerry]

where have we seen pyscho chick before? She must have been in some movie i can't remember.

[jim]

it's ok....buchanan will just file to de-re-deinstatement form with CTU HR department...which will supersede the re-de-instatement form from last week...

[Glow]

you know, you really should walk 24 hours in the Super Secret Service Dude's shoes. He has MORE action than that Jack Bauer and he can deflect bullets too!

[bulldog]

They need to bring the Russian President back, with his bass guitar and the rest of Foghat

[shane]

The local news out here just announced that the Virgin Mary has been found underneath a bridge spanning the Rock River in my hometown. Just thought you'd like to know.

[Roger]

Jack is Aaron's illegitimate love child ... the one time Aaron broke down and drank that 6-pack of Schlitz when he graduated from SS school ... and slept with that ex-Seal den mother...

[Betsy]

That's a lie, Shane. She's still in that viaduct here in Chicago.

[Glow]

The ex-SEAL den mother had chest hair.

[Varjak]

shane: That would make for a strange plot twist, even for 24.

[Roger]

Aaron has 23.47% genetic material from a yellow lab...

[Betsy]

Oooooh the canisters are all blinking at once!!!!

[FleaBailey]

Actually, if you think about it, this is a pretty inefficient method for delivering the gas. I mean, this is L.A., right? They don't even HAVE heating systems out there, so the only gas they'll have is for all the yuppies who insist on gas for cooking--maybe 10% of the population at best.

[Jerry]

good thing the canisters are USB compatible

[shane]

Aww, see, Jack's already found the bad guys. He should have this wrapped up in, what, another hour? Then we should just get 5 hours of Edgar's entire funeral service.

[bizrey]

Oh no! Gas cannister batteries charging!

[Glow]

We really need Michael from Prison Break. He knows about pipes.

[slyeyes]

Will Jack and his team wear gas masks, or will Jack pull up his protective hoodie?

[heather]

I had to imdb the psycho 13 yr old. She's been on alot of SVU and CSIs.

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

Well, there's a perfect excuse Sam! DUH!

Risk a shut down? Risk it!

[Glow]

It would take that long to get Edgar's body ready for viewing.

[Roger]

Hmmm... Chopper ... to insure a stealthy insert over the perimeter...

[Betsy]

perimeters
perimeters
perimeters
perimeters
where would we be without
perimeters

[bizrey]

Ow ow ow ow ! Hothands! Hothands!

[Bob]

Chloe gave Jack an approach vector.

[Glow]

Play them bongos! Natural gas is going unnatural, babees!

[bulldog]

Edgar probably will have at least an eight course service

[Glow]

Just follow the accents, Jack!

[Salamander]

so wise to use WEAPONS in a NATURAL gas plant!

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

Has Chloe added shifty eyes to her signature pout? Maybe I just never noticed.

[bizrey]

Switching to Silent Snake mode...

[Glow]

Whoa! I did exactly that in the 24 game! Didn't miss my targets!

[alco4343]

What is in Jack's bag?

[slyeyes]

Silencers --- OFF??

[Amy]

OMG - and it wasn't even in the THIGH!!!!!

[Roger]

shoulda' brought a bigger gun...

[Glow]

Jack has a nerve gas stopper in his knapsack.

[Betsy]

they're uhhh, ejaculating

[Sam G.]

Ha! Jack did a fancy slide!

[Roger]

SAM LIVES

[bizrey]

WooHOO!!! Massive Explosion time!!!

[Glow]

See what happens now that you've saved Sam? Huh? Huh?

[shane]

Wow. Jack's a CHEMIST now?

[Bucket]

ooooh..... incinerated!!!! That sounds good!!

[spikesmydog]

here comed the ka- BOOM!

[Varjak]

They're going to cause an explosion at a natural gas facility to keep people safe. Do I have that right?

[Cheesewiz]

Captain she's going to blow

[slyeyes]

I'm lost. Who's Sam?

[jim]

how does the gas get INTO the pipe from a ROOM?

[Lane-o]

So, we'll blow up a huge natural gas plant and a good piece of LA too? That would solve a lotta problems.

[Momanon]

NO! There's not enough time! Cliffhanger?

[Glow]

Ummm Jack...blowing up the pipeline will...umm...contaminate the whole city?????

[Betsy]

Jack Jack Jack

[bizrey]

Clear?!! You gotta run like 5 miles to get clear of that!!

[Bucket]

Ok, why is the oderless tasteless, colorless gas visible.... nevermind

[Roger]

Wow .. its like the last minute of the Dirty Dozen...

[Glow]

Ummm Jack, when will you learn to bring a gas mask in that sad sack of yours?

[Amy]

Wait a minute - wasn't it Kurt Russell who starred in Backdraft?!

[slyeyes]

FOR GOD'S SAKE, PULL UP YOUR HOODIE, JACK!!!!!!

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

More canister deployement stopage maneuvers. How come we didn't know cyntox could be incinerated?

Jack won't be hearing anything for awhile, but otherwise he's fine.

[Sam G.]

Good. Audrey got a shower or something.
And Jack outruns a wall of flame. Whatever.

[bizrey]

Jack Bauer IS the Millenium Falcon!!

[judi]

do you think jack DIED?!

[Momanon]

Bizrey...you beat me to it!