24

I have been on bated tenterhooks of pins and needles all week, because tonight is the night when AUDREY FINALLY GETS IT. At least I hope she does. Last week the Evil Thong of Doom Sex Temptress Collette told Jack that Audrey sold her some secret information to give to the terrorists running around Los Angeles with the Killer Kanisters of Komplete Karnage. We know from the previews that Jack is going to throttle Audrey tonight, but I'm worried that the only reason they showed that was to get everybody's hopes up, and there's going to be a Shocking Plot Twist and Audrey will somehow manage to weasel out of this and remain in the show, and I will have to beat myself to death with the remote control. We shall see.

Meanwhile, President Complete Handbag, acting under the influence of Vice President Flagrant Villain, has placed Los Angeles under martial law. Naturally, since Los Angeles is a gigantic densely populated metropolitan area, it took the government nearly six minutes to clear every single human and vehicle off the streets. The lone exception was Deceased Former President Allstate's brother Wayne, who was trying to deliver some shocking information to (I think) the Secret Service agent who we suspect might be secretly servicing the first lady, when he (Wayne) got run off the road, possibly at the behest of Vice President Villain. Fortunately Wayne was able to escape into a forest. (There are forests all over Los Angeles.)

Edgar is still dead.

Also there is now a German agent in the plot. Yes! A German! Like it's 1945! I don't really know what the German is up to, but he's really ticked off at Jack because Jack gave him an exploding memory chip, and you just know the German is going to be on hold with Technical Support for HOURS before he straightens that out. ("You say the chip exploded? Do you have the serial number?")

So that's where we stand as of just before 9 Eastern Thigh-Shootin' Time. I don't know about you, but I'm exhausted, and nothing has happened yet.

UPDATE: You know, Jack is actually kind of short.

UPDATE: They're gonna torture Audrey! Be still my heart.

UPDATE: Jack wants to handle it heheheheh.

UPDATE: Proof? He wants PROOF? This is 24, you moron!

UPDATE: I like the way the main terrorist explains to the other terrorists, in English, what they're doing, for the benefit of us viewers at home.

UPDATE: Audrey's a SLUT! Chloe has the proof.

UPDATE: Chloe's a fun co-worker.

UPDATE: The WHAT Matrix Analyzer? I think Chloe just makes this crap up.

UPDATE: Just shoot her, Jack! Time's a-wastin'!

UPDATE: BUSTED! Shoot her!

UPDATE: We HAPPENED TO BE THERE???

UPDATE: Oh NO. Jack still has feelings. I can just feel it.

UPDATE: See? When he throttles her, they're like the same height.

UPDATE: Sherry Shari is, what, 13 years old? And already a Provisional Level 3?

UPDATE: OK, even for Jack, that was pointless.

UPDATE: Chloe is a standup gal.

UPDATE: Too much computering, not enough shooting.

UPDATE: Even the terrorists have a perimeter!

UPDATE: Oh man, these hardhat dudes are so dead.

UPDATE: What kind of substance, indeed.

UPDATE:Wayne, deep in the forest of LA.

UPDATE: The torture guy is gonna MAKE Audrey purchase the extended service warranty.

UPDATE: Jack spits on your "immunity agreement."

UPDATE: Natural gas! Those BASTARDS.

UPDATE: Jack and his freaking feelings for Audrey. You know?

UPDATE: Oh, puke.

UPDATE: Soft romantic string music! On 24! Where'd I put my cyanide?

UPDATE: This is basically an advertisement for the all-electric home.

UPDATE: OK, the 13-year-old is as weird as Chloe.

UPDATE: Good old Aaron.

UPDATE: Chloe knows everything.

UPDATE: "The noise from the plant should cover our descent." Thanks, Mister Scriptwriter!

UPDATE: Heat signatures AND approach vectors!

UPDATE: It is GO TIME.

UPDATE: Jack always has some C-4.

UPDATE: Think Jack'll make it?

UPDATE: They didn't show Jack in the previews! Maybe he's dead! Har.

Comments

[Betsy]

Time for some team-building exercises!

[judi]

TASERRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

[Sam G.]

Ok, now the security guards mananged to somehow take down Jack. Is he on a sedative or something?

[Glow]

Damn, they used that thing on Jack TWICE! That's not very nice.

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

They're taking Audrey to the torture chamber.

And Jack's been tazzered! This is gonna give Homeland Security a bad name!

[KOW]

Four on one and they barely detained him. GO JACK!

[bizrey]

Wow. So Tazers are Jack's Kryptonite. Who knew?

[Varjak]

Tasered twice in one day? Jack's slipping.

[«LabSpecimen»]

That's just going to make him ANGRY!

[Roger]

Oh no you didn't ... you didn't taze the Bauer.

[spikesmydog]

They tazerd jack ! You bastards!

[Cheesewiz]

does everyone have a history with everyone?

[homeybeef]

No matter what happens with Chloe, she is still very very awesome

[Roger]

Jack is really going to have to choke some beyotches when the cuffs come off...

[Betsy]

Cheesewiz...yes. and I need to talk to you about that.

[Bucket]

Cheeze- "a history"? Have you been reading shakespeare?

[MaryContrary]

This is worse than I imagined. Audrey is playing both Jack and Bill for suckers. And without damage to either thing.

And, just to get it out: EWWWWW, was it WALT CUMMINGS that she slept with? Maybe I heard wrong. Though the only other option is Robocop, and, well, EWWWWWWWW!

[Cheesewiz]

Jack has been wearing the same sweatshirt all season. It must be his lucky anti-terrorism sweatshirt.

[Jerry]

anybody for guessing jack will break audrey out of CTU?

[chrisinmd]

you people beat me to it...
nobody freakin' tasers Jack Bauer
that's just going to make him mad

[Roger]

WWJBD?

SSITT...

[spikesmydog]

...still dont like that Audrey...and her brother?...what a punk...but you gotta admit her dad was pretty bold...

[Mr. Taser]

BOOOOYAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!

Jack wet himself.

[slyeyes]

OK, let's guess what new outfit First Cleavage is wearing.

[Sarah J]

I've only ever seen season 1, so I have no clue what is going on, and I'm not watching tonight. I don't have TV

[spikesmydog]

hey - he hasnt been wearing that sweatshirt all season....hes only been wearing it since this morning...

[Varjak]

"I'm going to take a look myself" is code for "I'm going to get myself killed."

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

Okay, guy with the ear mic is a gonner.

[Sarah J]

I think it's funny that FIRST lady cleavage and chloe were both on Sweet Home Alabama. What a coincidence!

[Betsy]

They're trying to make me LOSE FOCUS!!!!

[FleaBailey]

Wow, Aaron is some tough hombre. He only wore the bandage for, what, one hour? And now he's totally healed!

[Jerry]

jack makes lots of promises and then people die

[slyeyes]

It's ok to torture our own....but NOT break a deal with a terrorit?

[Glow]

Let me finish this game of mahjongg before he catches me...ooops...

[judi]

CHLOE pROTEcts the 12 yr old! yay.....

[Roger]

Chloe is a stand up chickadee...

[Cheesewiz]

jack makes a lot of promises for someone not in politics

[bizrey]

Oh yeah skeevy dude, irritate the Chloe, that'll work.

[Sam G.]

Haha, Chloe can take on anyone.

[spikesmydog]

i luv chloe! and i feel sad for sarah :(

[Glow]

Girl power! I heart Chloe!

[philintexas]

whoa..Chloe totally invaded creepy guy's personal space!

[Roger]

Dang .. great minds....

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

Chloe managed to deliver that dressing-down still maintaining the signature pout. That's acting !

[Betsy]

I LOVE Chloe when she says, "I'm on it"!

[Betsy]

aaaaaaaaaaaaathe perimeter!

[Glow]

Why are we wasting time? Why aren't torturing both women? Shoot some thighs? It's called interrogating...come on!

[Bucket]

do we drink when they say perimeter?

[jim]

OMG...now the terrorist's have a perimeter!!!

[FleaBailey]

Sigh. I still miss Marwan.

[Momanon]

Perimeter! Everyone take a shot!

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

Well, of course--there's always a perimeter.

[slyeyes]

Rule no. 1 as a security guard: If an unscheduled delivery shows up at odd hours, do NOT turn your back on the van while you go call it in. You're gonna get shot.

[Betsy]

omg omg omg The canisters are on parade, and bodies are falling

[judi]

nice hat!

[Glow]

Can't you tell by our accents that we mean business? And that you're a dead man?

[bizrey]

They're going to deliver the gas through the gas lines?!? Brain hurting...improbability threshold limit...approaching critical...

** POW **

...No Carrier

[slyeyes]

Rule No.2 If terrorists show up at work and say "take us to your control room", if you ask "What are you doing here?", someone's gonna die.

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

Geese-he told the terrorist Sam's name. Now they have the upper hand!

[Sam G.]

Save the day, Sam! Outwit those terrorists.

[KOW]

The evildoers have cool music this year. Very cool music.

[spikesmydog]

dang! shot him right thru the ol' pocket protector...

[spikesmydog]

dang! shot him right thru the ol' pocket protector...

[FleaBailey]

Boy, you know, you get a job with the gas company and the next thing you know, terrorists want you to send GAS thru the lines. Sheesh. Those guys shoulda taken cable jobs.

[Glow]

Well, it makes sense to deliver gas through gas lines. I mean, no one will know the difference and will not hold their breath. Why does this place look like a 1970s science fiction movie?

[slyeyes]

Should have worn his Kevlar pocket protector today.

[Jerry]

like the tight security at the gas substations? one guy that says, "i'll have to check on this..."

[homeybeef]

If robocop's a-team kills Aaron, I am going to be very upset

[Betsy]

KOW...be strong! their music may be cool, but They're Evil!!!
(KOW seems to be going over to the dark side)

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

SarahJ-I didn't remember that they were both in SHA, but I love that movie.

[Glow]

Oh please don't kill Aaron yet.

[bizrey]

House season finale already?! Gah! I'm growing older by the second :/

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

Ear mic guy was ALMOST a gonner.

[judi]

she looks like crap.

[JT]

Anyone else noticed that "Miles" can be rearranged to spell "slime?" Those tricky writers!

[shane]

Mighty small forest... or one mighty big coincidence.

[Betsy]

oooh the torture drip

[Bob]

Awwdrey is crying. How unexpected.

[Varjak]

His shout isn't a tneth as intimidating as Jack's.

[Sarah J]

biz, that's an interesting face you're making

[Glow]

Ummm, pick up your gun, Aaron.

[Sam G.]

Did I spy a little skip of glee as Jack ran to torture the terrorist lady?

[jim]

did jack just skip around that corner????...

[mnich]

even though I dislike Audrey it's times like this when we need Tony back to knock-out that SOB....

[Roger]

THIGH THIGH THIGH THIGH THIGH

[spikesmydog]

shes heardddd of jack!

[Glow]

Three secs to thigh time!

[Adonis]

Thats okay Andy. I recently came face-to-face with death by El, and I'm not so petty anymore. But pop a cap in anybody that sets off italics for me. I'll be your backup, like Aaron or something.

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

See, now this is why I'm on electric.

[JBismyhomeboy]

Robocop has a robowench

[bizrey]

Yeah! Sultry doesn't work on Jack Bauer Colette! Not even sensually shadowed sultriness... um, I'll be right back...

[Betsy]

Jack, Jack, Jack...she knows you wont shoot her in the forehead.

The THIGH!!!!!

[slyeyes]

*fashion note; Russian Thong-wearing terrorist chick is wearing Von Fuerstenburg. In case you were wondering.*

[Varjak]

He just left her with an unconscious guard.

[Sam G.]

An injection that makes your hair greasy! How horrible.

[judi]

GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZZZ

[Glow]

I love it! Unnatural gas through natural gas line!

[spikesmydog]

there is noooo way that homeland security brown boot would be messing with the the sec defs daughter - no way!

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

*snork* @ Sam G

[Betsy]

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
puke