24

To summarize the situation: Last week, in downtown Los Angeles -- which is famous for this kind of traffic snafu -- the terrorists attacked the Russian president's motorcade, which also contained the First Lady. The terrorists used machine guns, a missile and a flamethrower, apparently purchased at one of the many Terrorist Depot stores in Southern California, but CTU thwarted the attack, and now the terrorists are threatening, for like the 300th time, to unleash the Fatal Deadly Lethal Toxic Nerve Gas Canisters of Death, which have been trucked all over Southern California and are currently on a VIP tour of Knott's Berry Farm. Jack Bauer was not involved in the thwarting because he was locked in a room with a bomb, which blew up and pretty much knocked down the building, but of course it did not in any way harm Jack.

Meanwhile back at CTU HQ the Hobbit has been removed from power via a Section 112. The president is still an idiot (I mean the one in the show). Jack's hot new girlfriend is still totally missing from the plot. Audrey continues to play a major role in the plot. They are trying to make us like Audrey this year by not having her weep everytime somebody farts, but it is not going to work.Edgar continues to grow exponentially and is currently the size of New Zealand.

I leave the analysis of tonight's show in your hands. Good luck. If you see a montage, you have mistakenly tuned in to the Academy Awards, which are just starting to wind down.

Comments

[bizrey]

And there's still another hour to go!!!

[Kat]

ut oh, crack ho's a goner - hobbit will be UPSET

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Well, Gollum just bit the dust...

[philintexas]

uh oh...Hobbit Ho Sister just found that crack really does kill

[Sam G.]

Hobbit's ugly sister: Not a problem anymore.

[JBismyhomeboy]

what constitutes 'some' graphic violence?

[wolfie]

Oooo the keycard is coming back to haunt the hobbitt. But at least his junkie sister won't be bothering him anymore.

[Glow]

Manning is such a hero. He did all that without a hamatz suit or however you spell it.

[Momanon]

OK, so that's two canisters down. At this rate the show's going to be more like "48" or..."a week and a half".

[Stolzi]

Sam gonna be sad about his sissy.

[JT]

Well, THAT's gonna cause an awkward moment at Lynn's next family reunion...

[tropichunt.com guy™]

BLEEP! BLOOP! BLEEP! BLOOP! (x2!)

JACK BAUER POWER HOURS! YIPPIE!

[PirateBoy]

Reading this blog without watching the episode is like the 3rd season of MSTK:2000. You know it is funny, you just don't know why. Sort of like the "song of the year" winner at last night's Oscars (Insert TM thingy here).

[jim]

so Human Resources might get gassed...

everyone get your timesheet approved before the gas goes off...

[Glow]

I'll just HTML the card. Then we can all go in with the canisters!

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Y'know, ONE positive thing you can say about these bad-accented Russians...they're great for getting rid of annoying subplots! Bring on Audrey!

[Eleanor]

RIP Kirby Puckett

[Kat]

how did Donald Trump get on 24....ut oh, TiVo switched me

[PirateBoy]

Didn't he sing with The Union Gap, E? (*Ducks)

[Sam G.]

Am I alone in thinking that dead Hobbit-Sister's dead boyfriend looked a lot like Skud Farkis(sp?), the bully with the "yellow eyes" in A Christmas Story?
That was my immediate impression.

[Glow]

Ha! That's a Hobbit-Makeover Machine.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

PLEASE don't let President Manilow say "You're doing a heckuva job, Billie!"

[jim]

he got re-captured, but he may get de-re-captured...

[KDF, The]

RRT whose real name doesn't in any way rhyme with "Madonis": please don't take to a life of crime in my honor. I don't wish to be your Jodie Foster. Your HTML prowess is impressive, but we're beginning to worry about you. Turn yourself in now and I bet they'll go easy on you. The theme of the day is solidarity, and we all want you to be well.

[Glow]

Here comes Kimmy. Time for another supid sub-plot.

[Nate]

Life must have been interesting with robocop in charge of ctu...

[Antonio]

It's whiny Kimmy.

[Sam G.]

Tropichunt.com guy...for every subplot that is shot in the head, another one is born.
Hence, Kim's entrance.

[joe]

Kim Bauer? Looks like the intoduction of another annoying subplot.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Hey, Kim Bauer looks a lot like The Girl Next Door!

[Glow]

This is like a family reunion, isn't it? Except that she's found a replacement for Chase's hand.

[Antonio]

Another soulpatch...

[Wolverines]

Hey, guys (and gals), I just happened on this. We, in the political community (you know, the real world) could sure use some lessons in blogging! Like your style.

Maybe stop by ImpeachBushNow@yahoogroups.com or DailyKos@yahoogroups.com or my blog and take a look; we could use some clever reparte, since we are mostly very dim people.

Great blogging!! Thanks for the entertainment!

[joe]

On the bright side we might get to see Kim shot in the head.

[Momanon]

Sam G, it was "Skut", and I see the resemblance...but it wasn't him.

[jim]

I was really alive...but HR filed me as de-alive...

now that I'm re-de-alive, I just don't want anyone to know...especially, my kid...

[mr.t1000]

Dont cry dont cry dont cry dont cry dont....

[Wolverines]

Oh, yeah. PS. I don't think Jack Bauer will do very well against the Wolverines.

We'll mail back the body parts we don't bury.

[JBismyhomeboy]

what kind of animal does the VP resemble?...I'm trying to put my finger on it...but it's just so obscure....

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Vice President Manilow cancelled his appointments to be here, today. Don't you agree, Mike, that he's a man of action? Knows what to do in a crisis, and where to be? And can make good suggestions?!

[Antonio]

WTF with the political infusion?

[Steve]

I'm gonna try do these summaries back to back, and post them as soon as I get finished with each hour. If you see this first hour, and are wondering where the second hour is, I'm working on it!

----

5 pm - Bill goes in to see Tony, and the Doctor doesn't want to tell him about Michelle's death. Tony has a silly straw up his nose, and Bill tries to keep a straight face while talking to him.

5:01 - The Secret Service agents decide it'd be just fine to let the Russians and Mrs. Manilow stand out in the wide open, because no one would attack them in the wide open.

5:05 - Impecible English Speaking Terrorist (IEST), who apparently has quite a few Terrorist Engineers at his disposal, talks to Terrorist car guy about the plan. You'd think by now that the governement would have screened for this

5:05 - Terrorist car guy calls the boyfriend of The Hobbits sister, and the boyfriend wants to sell the Terrorist guy the Hobbit's access card. I see NO problem in store for them whatsoever.

5:06 - Manilow starts yelling at Cheney Looking Guy and starts acting manly. Apparently he's been reading this blog

5:07 - Jack's calling in on speaker phone, saying that the servers were blown up. Chloe hears this and looks really mad about the servers. Jack's going after Robocop, who is disguised as a human named Buckaroo Banzai

5:08 - Buckaroo is on the phone, and gets voice mail when he calls. "Dial 1 if you're a terrorist waiting for a money drop, Dial 2 if you're a terrorist that just blew up someone he knows, Dial 3 if you're a terrorist that needs plans for a weapon, Dial 0 to reach an operator". He dials 2.

5:09 - Curtis is using his cell phone inside CTU, which, as you may have noticed, has cement walls specially constructed to allow cell phones to work right through them, unlike the rest of the country where cell phones can be blocked by a stiff wind.

5:12 - Tony talks to the doctor and pulls out the straw from his nose. He sees the giant cotton pad on his face, and rips it off. The cotton pad, not his face.
Tony goes to the computer, looks up Michelle, and the computer comes up with her record as deceased.

5:17 - A helicopter arrives with Mrs. Manilow and the Russians, and SHE'S MAD! She's finally figured out that he's a wimp.

5:18 - Manilow lets President Russian in on the whole plot, except that pesky part where he knew this was all going to happen. He tries to pass off the missle shot at the car and the flame thrower as an "American custom", but it doesn't look like President Russian is buying it.

5:20 - Bill goes to talk to The Hobbit, who looks MAD. (Everyone looks mad tonight!) The Hobbit wants to call his sister, who is secretly believes will call Gandalf for some help. He also wants the keycard for Mordor, but the boyfriend wants to sell it. I still see no problem with his plan.

5:22 - Manilow wants to go see Mrs. Manilow, and he backs down from Mrs. Manilow's assistant, after calling her Ellen and Evalyn Good career move!

5:23 - Edgar has a match! And some cheese doodles! And the right place for where the terrorists might hit... It's a grocery store! Edgar runs out in a panic, screaming at the top of his lungs, until Chloe points out that it's a hospital that the terrorists might hit.

5:24 - A terrorist, dressed as an orderly, comes out of the hospital closet.....er, so to speak. He put a canister under gurney. He giggles as he says the word "gurney".

5:29 - Jack's outside Buckaroo's house, talking to Audrey on the phone. She tells him about the hospital attack. He sees Buckaroo's wife

5:30 - Curtis is on the phone to the hospital, telling him that the nerve gas will go off in about 30 minutes. The hospital guy on the phone tries to tell Curtis that it's a big hospital, and it'll take more time, and if he could please have more time to do it.

5:31 - Mrs. Buckaroo looks worried, but stands up to Jack better than President Manilow would.

5:32 - Mrs. Buckaroo looks at the Buckaroo's Terrorist computer, which appears to be a Mac, which is suspicious, considering that most of them use Windows.

5:33 - Top Secret Service guy goes to see Mrs. Manilow, and she thanks him. He thanks her for the opportunity to shoot people. She squeezes his hand.

5:34 - Cheney Looking Guy interrupts, and she tells him that the president can go "convey" himself. Cheney Looking Guy is mad that Top Secret Service guy didn't squeeze his hand too.

5:35 - The hospital. Apparently Michael Bolton has entered the building, because people are FLOODING out of it. The hospital admin says that the high risk newborns are stuck there, and Curtis looks concerned they might actually hear the Michael Bolton music.

5:36 - Terrorist guy at the hospital calls IEST guy, and tells him to go to the basement and call from there. Even the hospital has those amazing cell phone friendly cement walls!

5:41 - Audrey give the background on IEST guy to President Manilow.

5:42 - Chloe finds out that Buckaroo has been downloading illegal music files!

5:43 - Jack patiently tries to explain AGAIN to Mrs. Buckaroo that Buckaroo tried to kill him. By blowing him up. Mrs. Buckaroo says that Jack must have misunderstood the bombing, and that Buckaroo must have been joking! Ha! That card! Now she accuses Jack of being a hater.

5:44 - Chloe find a shadow drive on the computer, using that amazing networking software of hers. Mrs. Buckaroo doesn't know the password.

5:44 - Hospital again, the security there is actually on the ball, having seen the Terrorist Hospital Guy on camera. Curtis takes a few security guards downstairs to find Terrorist Hospital Guy, while taking advantage of that amazing cell phone friendly cement.

5:45 - Terrorist Hospital Guy sets the bomb timer for 10 minutes, because he knows that all major plot twists occur near the top of the hour.

5:46 - Curtis tells Terrorist Hospital Guy to freeze, and when he doesn't , Curtis uses some bullets to make him freeze. He's frozen now.

5:47 - Curtis finds the canister on the gurney, and one of the guards tries to touch it because he's clearly an idiot. Most people would see a scary looking mechanical device sitting on a gurney with blinking lights (the device, not the gurney), having been put there by a terrorist that just got shot and think "Oooo! Shiny!"

5:52 - Hospital again, and the Intel bunny suit guys are entering the building.

5:52 - Chloe won't be able to analyze the encryption in time.

5:53 - Jack jumps Buckaroo! Mrs. Buckaroo still doesn't believe Jack. Jack tells her to unlock the briefcase. It's full of money! Buckaroo tries to convince her that there's a perfectly innocent explanation.

5:54 - WHOA! Jack shoot MRS. BUCKAROO! Jack threatens to kill her, and Buckaroo tells her that he won't do a thing. Jack calls an ambulence

5:58 - Remote timer says it'll go off in 1:11, near the top of the hour, on schedule. They run through a heavily occupied area, and dump it into a glass tank just in time! Yeah, Curtis! I'm not sure I'd take the mask off as fast as Curtis.

5:59 - Hmm... I guess I was wrong about the Terrorist guy in the car and The Hobbit's Girlfriend and her boyfriend. He shot them. I never saw that coming.

[bizrey]

Aaiiiiieeeeee! Its Dick Cheney!!!!

[Sam G.]

Yay, Steve!

[Antonio]

Martian law? The lawless red planet?

[Glow]

Suddenly Mr. VP plots a coup de'tat over the coup de'tente.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Congress?! CONGRESS?!?! HA! Maybe if they knew the attack were to take place....NEXT DECADE!

[mnich]

who is voting for these people................................................aaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Nate]

VP looks like a skunk... lines on the side of his face seem to make a stripe...

[Reddish Jode]

Why don't we just call it a "Marshall-Stay-inside-and-put-plastic-over-the-windows-Celebration"?

[Adonis (very sorry) RRT]

KDF, okay. I will be happy with 58 infected here. But wait! Can I launch attacks on the spammer?

[bizrey]

W00t!! Go Steve Go!!

[Nate]

Interrogate Robocop?

[CoastRaven]

KRAP - I got back just in time for Jack to ask when someone is "ready" for interrogation... I'M NOT ready for interrogation

[Antonio]

XMEN trailer?????

[philintexas]

Robocop's about to get the "special" probe

[mr.t1000]

"You forgot your card sir"...

[CoastRaven]

OH - and bleep bloop bleep et al

[wolfie]

Infiltration has been achieved. All your CTU are belong to us.

[homeybeef]

"all clear sir. you and your ginormas, canister size brief case are free to roam about CTU"

[Eileen]

So what does Henderson know?

and when did he know it?

[Sam G.]

Heck, I don't even have to pay attention to what's going on! I can just listen to the score, and the music tells me who the bad guys are.

[KOW]

Which begs the question how incompetent hobbit got back in in the first place. I mean, clones are a ready threat! (season 6 anyone?).

And there goes president knee jerk again. I am counting down the seconds until he's smited (smote?)

[JT]

My bet on the next major name casualty? Kim...

[philintexas]

how's does C Thomas Howell figure in? did I miss seeing him?

[Antonio]

No one interrogates me!

[Reddish Jode]

I'm confused. Is there anyboy on the show who is NOT a terrorist?

[Reddish Jode]

I like In-a-goda-da-vite.

Iron Butterfly rules!

[Antonio]

I'm pretty sure the russian guy is not a terrorist...

[bizrey]

What a lame security system, they check the picture embedded on the card but don't have a picture in the on-site database?!

Oh yes, BTW, i <3Bones :D

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Weepy moment coming!

[Glow]

those who aren't a terrorist have no accents, Reddish Jode. And they are all heeding the call of the Dark Lord, who gives them the power to go forth all over Los Angeles with canisters.

[Stolzi]

Kim "might be a little confused'?

So what else is new?

[Antonio]

Haha Yea, Joe. I have that song stuck in my head now, too!

[Antonio]

Shoot him, Jack!!!

[CoastRaven]

OK - I KNEW I could walk back in and get an update from Steve... thanx dood - my usual plank 2 observation position was only serving food - Deal or No Deal was on the toob. (but the booze was flowing well as shown by the "plank 2 observation position" whatever the hell that is)

[Adonis]

Dang, I have to sign up for yahoo groups. I may enjoy causing mass italicized panic, but a guy has his limits!

[Reddish Jode]

I think Jack should shoot his daughter in the thigh.

[Glow]

Who the hell are you? Shoot him, Jack!

[bizrey]

Who is that guy standing up to Jack like that?

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Even more painful than dying twice?!?

[KDF, The]

That was very brave, Adonis. We're all here for you. Maybe leave the nice visitor out of it. :D

[Betsy]

I'm just SO confused...my mother called just at the top of the hour, and I had to turn the sound down. So it'll take me a few minutes to catch up. .....
WHY WHY WHY do all these women have collagen injected lips??????

[philintexas]

creepy boyfriend almost caught a 10mm slug with his right thighbone

[CoastRaven]

And now you're back... from outer space... and I walk in to find you here with that blank look upon your face...

[bizrey]

Er, can't give him what he wants? You mean the location of the cannisters?

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Okay, Jack wants Kim to stay in a town surrounded by nerve gas cannisters of death...but when there's an impending nuke strike, GET OUTTA TOWN, KID!

[the bartman]

Wow! 283 (now 284) comments

[FleaBailey]

So, let's see. First she picks Evil Frat Boy. Then Abusive Spouse Beating Dad. Then Agent Charlie Brown a/k/a handy hook guy. Finally Barry the Dweeb.

Girl's got taste, I'll give her that. Not sure exactly what KIND of taste, but taste.

[Nate]

Thats either nerve gas or Kim is CRYING

[jim]

stay and get gassed...

and then we can get de-gassed...

and then re-de-gassed

and then we can infiltrate your conference...

[Glow]

Where do they get these cell phones, man? I really want one.

[mr.t1000]

Whats that? A fan? Amazing!

[bizrey]

And aren't ventilation fans usually on the roof of the building, not the basement?

[Reddish Jode]

"Daddy, if you always put stopping nuclear terror or preventing hundreds of thousands of death from nerve gas in front of our relationship, then its not really love, is it?"

[philintexas]

Edgar's gonna have to swallow the cannister whole to save CTU

[Glow]

Tony didn't even get his hair singed!

[O. the U(manity)]

Scut Farkas ...

Yeah, R.I.P. Kirby ... he signed his rookie card for one of my daughters, once ...

[Antonio]

Oh this can't be good....

[bizrey]

Don't worry Tony, we won't let Howie Mandel within a mile of this place.