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February 28, 2006

UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE WEEK

"...she did not take kindly to it..."

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I don't blame her.

A family that bites together ... nope, not gonna be the first to say it.

Definitely TMI!

Oh, and FIRST!

Let s/he who is without ... um ... nope ... not goin' there ...

Since she had taken to dinking lately, maybe she thought it was the sword with two olives on it that come with a martini.

So many possible comments, so little time....

Fist thought was, "I'll have what she's having", second thought was "No, maybe not..." third thought was "Triple Grande Expresso, please!"

The sad thing is, now there are a bunch of neighbors who want to have an affair with her.

"Wow, she's married and still gives bjs."
"Dude, she nearly bit it off."
"Yeah, that's something to keep in mind."

Another "He bit/she bit" story that will take forever to sort out.

Brother: "I say, sister, you really should consider giving up the bubbly."
Sister: "I do not take kindly to that remark, brother. I believe I will go bite off my husband's dangly bits."
Brother: "Bad form."

".. released the organ from the woman's mouth .."

Me and my Looney Tunes mind, I'm thinking of Granny, the dog, Sylvesther, and Tweety in that Christmas episode where Granny systematically picks up the dog, "Drop him! Drop him! Drop him!", then the cat, "Drop him! Drop him! Drop him!" until she gets Tweety out.

"with a bite at Babianiha in Jaman South District."

...and you KNOW how sensitive that area is!

"...fist thought..." What the..... ??

...FIRST thought...

She only BIT? Not off? Amateur....

*licks Chianca appreciatively*

(Just giving good ol' "snork" a little rest.)

Hello Mrs. Abi how have you been ? ?
Abeenaa real drunk, as of late..

Don't Ask Her...

If you really wanna know, she comes here a lot
She just loves to hear the music and dance
Thirteen is her favorite song, if you play it you might have a chance
Tonight she's only sipping white wine
If you want to get funky, this might be the time

Chorus
But don't ask her on a straight tequila night
She'll start thinking about him, then she's ready to bite
Sinks her bicuspids in every man in sight
On a straight tequila night

Here's a glass of chablis and some quarters in change
Maybe you can get her to fool around
And she won't need the salt or the lime anymore
To shoot that old memory down
Just remember her teeth they can rend
If you ever come back to see her again

Chorus
But don't ask her on a straight tequila night
She'll start thinking about him, then she's ready to bite
Sinks her bicuspids in every man in sight
On a straight tequila night

*snork* at C-bol

So do you have these already written up, just waiting for the perfect chance to use them? They're too good to be whipped out so quickly.

I know, I know. Whipped out.

I presume she was having a nice red wine to go with that.

Thanks rita - they just come to me. I'm looking into medication.

You reminded me of when I was in middle school. I heard my brother-in-law answer someone's question, "Do you have a match?" with "Yeah. My ass and your face."

Oh, that was funny. I needed to use that. I saved it and saved it. But, it was a more innocent time. Kids in middle school weren't asking for matches.

By the time I got my chance, I'd become rusty. Let my training sessions lapse. So, I of course answered: "Yeah! Your ass and my face!"

good times.

WHAT?!?!?

He bit her vulva. What did he think would happen next?? Duh!

AND
*snork at C-bol's "married woman still gives bjs"*

And they had a witness????

"...she did not take kindly to it..." No, in fact she took her teeth to it.

you'd think Mr. Mensah would be smarter about this...

C-bol, please, forget the medication. We love you just the way you are.

My medication makes me funny, but I have a sneaking suspicion that they're laughing at me.

And I have no idea who "they" are. Meds do that to you.

The language needs a new word to describe Mr. Mensah's condition: Bobbitten.

Nice how they bury her motive in the last sentence of the article. Maybe she's taken to drink because her husband's vulva biting required medication?

I know people get really attached to their cars, but I think she overreacted...I mean just because he bit her Volvo for whatever reas....eh? Oh. Nevermind.

I, personally, find it interesting that "she's assisting in the investigation" as to why she bit him.

Reminds me of a Pearls Before Swine cartoon where Rat was saying let's just let criminals investigate themselves the way Congress does.

We could ask her "Hey, why'd you bit your husband's manhood?" She might say "I've investigated this thoroughly, officer, and from what I've found, I was no where near my husband's manhood at the time of this incident. I'm free to go."

And the old joke about the difference between your job and your wife now has a new punchline:

"There is no difference. After twenty years, they both still bite."

LOL Schadeboy

Whaaaat? She couldn't find a knife?

I heard the Bob-it woman got a job doing marketing for Ginsu knives. Maybe this was a job interview.

or

There's got to be more to the story. Maybe the Volvo had been in the family for several generations and she considered it an hairloom.

Talk about hitting a nerve. Wonder what she was drinking.

Vegetarians who fell off the wagon?

*prepares to duck and run when the posse finds he has said*

It's just another case of a liberated woman biting off more than she can chew.

*ka-pwwiinngg!!*

That was low - we should consider renaming you 'Stoop-in-dust Man.'

S-man and Annie: *Ouch* (that's for both of you)

Did you ever notice that there's an ouch in touché?

Wheeeee! I got an *Ouch* from ScottMGS! Scott, I notice that there's an "ouch" in many words. For instance, douche comes to mind. What does this mean?


*begins greasing up the walls of the doghouse to slip his furniture and wombat inside*

*sidling away from S-man in anticipation of the lightning strike*

Don't show fear, Scott! That's what they want you to do!

S-M Them's fight'n words, pard. Us liberated women can bring home the bacon, fry it up in the pan, and never let you forget you're a man. Do you really want to go back to barefoot and pregnant?

Didn't think so...

Do you want to go back to being unemployed in Greenland!

Jeezely NO, Hanna ... without even the "barefoot" part ... goin' back to "pregnant" (My SO/Roommate/Bride -- Remember Her?, that is ... merely sayin' ...) has gotta rank perty high on my Top 10 list of things I never wanna hafta ever do again in this lifetime ...

thought so. And I totally agree, high on my Top 10 list of things I never ever wanna do in this lifetime (or any other, for that matter!)

Methinks of the classic Cosby episode where the men give birth. Key quote:

"And to think, where that thing came out of! AAAAAHHH!!!!!

Oh ... um ... merely wonderin' here ... is the "pregnant" part ... or the "kids" part you've got on your "not to do" list ... merely curious ... NBD ... don't mean to pry ...

U.O - Methinks it's the pregnant part...

Adonis - I remember the one where Bill Cosby's wife "stood up in the stirrups, grabbed my lower lip and announced to everyone in the delivery room that my parents weren't married."

The lower lip part referred to an earlier bit in the same monologue that compared the stretching required to birth a baby to stretching your lower lip up over your head.

"Hello Mrs. Abi how have you been ? ?
Abeenaa real drunk, as of late.."
Sean

LOL

Mr C. ... yeah, that'd be my first guess, also ...

Woman to Young Guy Who Just Asked How It Feels to Have a Baby: Grab your upper lip and pull it up toward your nose.
Young Guy Who Just Asked a Woman How It Feels to Have a Baby: Heyyy, that's not so bad!
Woman to Young Guy Who Just Asked How It Feels to Have a Baby: Now pull your lip over your head!

Hanna, HAnna, HANna, HANNa, HANNA! You need to look again! I'm a guy of the REAL male persuasion. My body stores testosterone in places where others don't even have places. So, would you like to reconsider the comment, "Do you really want to go back to barefoot and pregnant?" After all, I don't mind running barefoot, if you don't mind being preg...nk,nk...preg...nk,nk...guhnant (even my sexless computer won't willingly give up that word!)

Please, please reconsider your last post!
Or if you won't reconsider, e-mail me with your phone #. My e-mail addy is BR@549.net!

One leering Ghanaian man to another over an after work beer: "So, Kwaku Mensah, you have never been gnawed off?"

Kwaku Mensah: "That is true, my friend, but the night is young...AAAAIIIIEEEE!!!"

S.M. Sent you an email. Talk atcha later.

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