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February 15, 2006

SOUTH FLORIDA UPDATE

Dead Turtle Mistaken for Dead Bear

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Dave,

There isn't anything funny about dead bears or turtles, or people who can't tell them apart.

Oh, wait. Yes there is!

*chuckle*

What we got here is a rare soft shelled bear. I here tell them's good eatin'.

(I do like when the expert comes out and says basically, there's something wrong with your theory, see this shell here.)

Okay, a local newspaper covering the story is one thing, but is a freaking news helicopter really necessary?

For a turtle to be mistaken for a bear, that has GOT to be one big-ass turtle.

Glad I wasn't the only one thinking that, Mr. C.

The real question is who killed it.

Dave seems to be into gross stuff today NTTAWWT, but I get a visual or someone doing the "weighing" thing with their hands -

bear....?

turtle...?

bear....?

Must have been a slow news day to attract such a big crowd - LOL!

Not one big ass turtle Mr C - one NEAR SIGHTED Miami Dade police officer. He could bearly terr(apin) his hand from the donut to write the reprot!

I suspect that the editor for the section wanted to have a story of x inches and the reporter had to go with what was there.

I like that all of the names of people were reported, although I'm a big fan of collecting crane operator's middle initials in order to prevent confusion.

or a verrrry, teeeny tiny bear.

I love how 4 different departments get dispatched to identify one dead turtle but fix the powerlines after a hurricane? Its one guy on a stepladder.

Favorite Quote:
"and you missed the corpse 4 or 5 years ago."

They mean Human, in case you weren't aware.

Isn't it amazing that one person does all the work while the others just stand around to watch?
Tostitos commercial

And the humor in the article reminded me of Polly PI's blog. Which has been dormant for some time. NTTAWWT, I guess.

After further analysis it has been determined that it was just another rich lawyer friend of Dick Cheney's who had the misfortune of looking like a quail. Or walking like a quail. Or having two legs like a quail...

MOTW - Polly has been working on her book. I'm sure she will get back to us bloggers soon.

As they said, this is the remains of a softshell turtle that weighed 250 lbs! The world record for capturing a softshell turtle belongs to a gent in my fair city, and that one only weighed forty-something lbs.

Key quote: . . . that must have looked like paws to the police, who are hardworking but not as zoologically gifted as Alfredo Leon, one of the sprayers.

Interesting (?) quote: Then Sutton scooped up the turtle and placed it, dripping, on the roadside, along with some rocks and weeds and an old sneaker.

So, they found rocks, weeds and an old sneaker on the roadside.

Why is this news?

Here in the south, freshwater turtle (along with some more tempting fauna, *wink, wink*) is known as "cooter." In fact, Florida Crackers are known to call their hot tubs "cooter warmers." But 250 lbs of cooter is still more than anyone bargained for.

Ladies and Gentlemen, please give a big Miami welcome to
"Alfredo Leon and the Grande Tortugas"!

''You never know what you're going to find out here,'' said Ariel Casanueva, the meter reader. ``Huge snakes, huge bugs.''
''Crabs,'' said Michelle Casas, another neighbor, who saw a nasty one grab her dog Fluffy with its pincers a few years ago. ``Also an alligator. And you missed the corpse, five or 10 years ago.''

Dude, what the crap is wrong with Florida?!

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