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February 17, 2006

PSSSST... NEED TO DISPOSE OF A BODY?

Check it with US Airways.

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First!

Whew. Made it. Mark one more item off my lifetime "to do" list!

I always thought that one day I would be at the baggage claim at either Newark or Miami and out of nowhere Jimmy Hoffa would come down the conveyor belt.

So - better this way than burying it NOT next to the septic tank?
Is that the message you're trying to convey, Dave? :)

Congrats to you, Lardog88!

*Snork* at insom

Those who fly with Delta must have very slippery luggage that it keeps falling out the back in flight or something.

Addicted - you don't have to worry about that. Take a good look near one of the goalposts at Giants Stadium. See that spot that's extra green? ;)

Still not as much baggage as my ex-wife, but they are gaining.

(Yes I was happy to mispplace THAT bag!!)

I always keep hoping that someone would put something better into my luggage than I packed.

Nope, doesn't happen.

But then I don't travel through Denver much either.

"Stewardess-person, this bag fell open when it hit me on the head."

"Well, since I'm generally uncaring, what do you want be to do about it."

"I think it's been here a while. There's three Pet Rocks, two lime-green leisure suits and a case of Billy Beer."

"Gimme the beer."

Related Story: NHL goalie Domnik Hasek flew out to Italy for the Olympics and landed in Torino to discover his hockey equipment didn't make the trip with him. The airlines best guess was that his gear might be somewhere in Wash. DC -- which makes sense, considering he plays for a team IN CANADA!

I've flown through Phoenix, and I agree; that baggage system there is probably one of the crankiest I've ever had to deal with.

You know, I haven't been by here in a while, and now I'm glad I came back. Look at all the helpful tips! Better than Heloise!

Which is why it is better to just wear all your clothes rather than pack them. Leave extra time to get through security though.

Is there anyone here who has flown commercial air and has NOT had baggage lost or delayed? I've been added to the stats by Continental and Ghana Air (a long story), but I did get my luggage back both times, so you can color me lucky (applications are now being taken for a woman of the female gender to apply the body paint).

I am happy to say I have never lost my luggage on any airline or any trip. Of course by saying so I have offended the Baggage Gods who will of course target me in the future.

Yep, Somewhere ... you are askin' for it. :-) I'm don't even fly all that frequently, and my bags have been "misdirected" at least six times. The bags have always managed to find me eventually ... so far ...

Darn, now I'm asking for it!!

My bags got delayed once out of many flights, but found their way to me about 90 minutes late. My lovely lady however, flew into town once and they had NO idea where her luggage was (direct flight non stop). Turns out her bagss headed west while she headed east, and it too two days to get her luggage.Found out in the meantime that she did the curbside checkin and failed to think enough of the porter to tip him a buck or three. Coincidence? I think not! No tip - bags get lost... tip, and at least they wont send your bags off the wrong way on purpose.

I failed to mention that the reason I have never lost my luggage is that I refuse to leave the airport of origin. I take all my vacations at the Budget Car Rental counter.

It's part of the whole Homeland Security program.

Analysis revealed that there is a romote chance that farmers markets in rural towns could be targeted by fairly dumb, low budget terrorists who would probably check their weapons in luggage on commercial flights.

By randomly losing so many bags, officials estimate that somewhere between four and eleventy million sacks of tomatoes that otherwise might have been squished and or coughed upon, were instead allowed to rot.

And yet you mock.

Note to self: Carry on.

You who have offended that baggage gods are doomed to have your luggage join all of the rest of the bags that make up the rings of Saturn (not to be confused with Uranus, where the rings are made of something else), along with lost remotes, socks that disappeared in the wash and all of the mail the Post Office has "misplaced".

C'bol, we would never mock. We scoff. :)

Delta is pretty bad at 'retrieving', too -
whippet

One morning I woke up and I knew that you were gone.
A new bag, a new tag, I knew I should see it along.
Went your way, I went mine with carry-on.

The luggagereturn is clearing and the light has gone out.
My bag, didn't land, the world is all full of flight.
Repack, repack, we have no choice but to carry on.

(apologies to CSNY)

Due to a storm I got stuck in the Pittsburg Airport overnight where I was changing planes. The plane I came in on sat at the arrival gate all night. (So did I) The plane I was to depart on sat a few gates away all night. You would think that would have been plenty of time to move my bag from Plane A to Plane B.

Nope.

SWMBO and I flew took a Delt, I mean Triangle Dream Vacation to Paris a few years ago. Our luggage didn't make it. While getting out of the van at the hotel I didn't notice a handle on the seat had broken off and there was just a metal rod sticking out. Slid out of the van and left the seat of the only pair of pants I had within 4000 miles on that rod. Oy.

S'girl - scoffing's entirely appropriate. As I always say:

The wonderful thing about Scoffers
Is Scoffers are wonderful things
They'll jeer and not worry whether
Their jibing is prickly and stings
They're funny, witty, dashing, brilliant
Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun
But the most wonderful thing about Scoffers
Is we get discounts at IHOP

The wonderful thing about Scoffers
Is Scoffers are wonderful chaps
They're loaded with vim and with vigor
They'll let you dance in their laps
If you're bouncy, trouncy, flouncy pouncy
Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun
You'll have a wonderful time with a Scoffer
So come on, everyone

Scoffers are wonderful fellahs
Scoffers aren't usually sweet
Everyone elses is jealous
And that's why I repeat

The wonderful thing about Scoffers
Is Scoffers are wonderful things
They'll jeer and not worry whether
Their jibing is prickly and stings
They're funny, witty, dashing, brilliant
Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun
But the most wonderful thing about Scoffers
Is we match competitors coupons up to $1.00
(Grrrrrr...)

Once my father got lost and his bags made it home. Worried my mom for a while, then she checked with lost baggage and they checked and found out where my father was. He got home safely and joined his luggage the next day... This was back in the "good old days" when you could check on the plane to see if someone or something had been left behind...

fivver, your mention of SWMBO has me itching to see Horace and Hilda on the tube again! I have a few episodes on tape, but I will have to ask Santa for the DVD collection (if I can wait that long).

BTW, how many here do you think have ANY clue what I'm talking about?

Mad (and fivver) - I know I don't....

Once at BWI a British Air rep had a sign held up with my name on it. She said she was sad to inform me that my luggage was having an extra day of vacation in London. It missed me terribly and would be home the next evening. It was but I still don't think it really missed me.

I'm sure that they don't do it on purpose...

(I try to be funny but it's late in France)

fivver: what does SWMBO stand for (single white male with body odor?)

SWMBO is an acronym for: She Who Must Be Obeyed

pogo - so that would be judi, right?

TCK - Yeah, I'd go with that.

BIRTHDAY ALERT! Mr. C has a very special day tomorrow (Saturday). Also, speaking of SWMBO, our resident criminal attorney, Eleanor, has a birthday this coming Monday. Eleanor is so famous that we have the day off. Actually, she sued to get the day off, but hey, we got a day off, so whatever.
Kudos and cake to both of them. I especially like celebrating the birthdays of people older than me. Soon they'll both be old enough that we can celebrate whenever we want since they won't know any different. What should we get them? I guess that 'depends'....

A research department named Judi,
Could, on occasion, be moody,
To prevent her dismay,
We all strive to obey,
And thus we avoid suff'ring "deep doody".

Happy b'day, El!

*ahem*

C'bol wrote a song for me. Did everybody notice?

C'bol, it was just for me, right?

Hey Annie - just ta clarify somethin'

you DID just call El OLD, right?

Someone called El OLD?!? Everybody run for your lives! Throw assorted candy behind you as you go! Do not look back.

off topic (no birthday wishes) but -- I averaged 4 flights a month last year, and quite a bit of overseas travel for the 3 years prior to that. out of all those flights, I've never had one bag refuse to join me at my destination EXCEPT for when I moved back stateside with 2 kids and 2 cats. the nice folks at the frankfurt germany airport decided we didn't need clean underware for a transcontinental move, so didn't bother loading any of our luggage. after a huge panic attack, they finally admitted they DID at least load the kitties up. WHEW. so we ended up wearing cat skin clothes for three days while awaiting our luggage, which the airline nicely delivered to our hotel room. (ok, the cat skin clothing part isn't true. that would be WRONG.)

*snork* @ Bumble

but I ain't runnin' anywhere, cuz I gotta hang around an' watch what happens

Kibby's partner's not old! She's as fresh as a spring daisy.

Thought you all knew that by now?

SHAME on you.

*wonders how this will affect his KS*

TCK - I said " I especially like celebrating the birthdays of people older than me." That in no way reflects on El's age. I have no idea how old she is, although she certainly sounds young.

However, you, sir, are insinuating that she's old.

There is just nothing quite like the sinking feeling of being the last one standing at the carousel, watching the battered, unloved bags going round and round and hoping, that by some miracle, yours will magically appear next the aging blue hardcover circa 1960. Especially when the carousel you're standing at is 3000 miles away from home.

I was on holiday to Paris and Ireland for three weeks. My luggage went to Puerto Rico.

100% true story: It's late that night in Paris, I'm in my friends appartment, trying to located my suitcase. All I have are the jeans I'm wearing and a few underthings in a bag. She lives in an efficiency so I'm sitting on the floor using the phone. The woman on the line (like the 14th I've spoken with) wants to know something so I reach back to get my pack, as I scoot my butt across the floor, we all hear this terrible ripping sound as the pain shoots through my bottom.

I ripped a hole in the butt of the only pair of pants I had on a carpet tack while trying to find my lost luggage.

I was reunited with it the day after my return to Florida, despite the fact that I actually HEARD the guys talking on the radio that my bag was on the same final flight as me!

It's good that it's cold in Ireland even in summer as the radiator makes an excellent sock/underwear dryer.

southerngirl - who's the insufferable braggin'monster now? hmmmm?

A. Cat

Q. What's for dinner?

azred~ That cat thing reminds me of a story, though it really has very little to do with it. Oh, well.

*warning: people squeamish about science class dissections should not read this story, but it's really funny, assuming I tell it right*

My high school health teacher told us this story. She said while taking an anatomy class in college, they had to dissect a cat. Three of the boys in her class were working together on the same cat. They were all football players; big butch guys. The instructor told them to make the first incision straight down from the neck to the abdomen, but to be careful not to nick the vocal cords when they made the incision; they were going to remove and dissect those later. So these three football players are getting ready to do as told. One is standing over the cat with a scalpel, the second is holding the cat down like he thinks it's going to get away or something, and the third guy is standing there watching. The first guy makes the incision too deep, and as predicted, nicks the vocal chords. The second guy is pressing down on the cat and forces an air bubble out of the cat's stomach past the nick in the vocal chords, and the cat goes, "Mrrrrreeeeeooooowwww!" My teacher says she's never seen men jump and run that fast.

kibbyf5 tm thingy - that's what the coyotes said too. now I make sure to bring the bar-b-que sauce inside at night.

PS: Oh yeh, and The Gap in Paris had a huge sale the next day. I also found some really cool things in Irish thrift shops. All were purchased compliments of Delta and I still own most of them to this day.

Annie - that is a nice attempt to deflect the wrath of El towards poor little me - however, even I know better than to call El old

*not to nick the vocal chords.

Dogs playing poker with cigars.

Coyotes BBQ'n cats and drinking beer.

Two pictures made for each other!

I've seen the dogs playin' poker one, but I pay hard American currency for the coyotes bbq'n the cat one

Very Serious Post.....
Bloglets, we've had to put my mom into hospice. If any of you are of the praying persuasion, I'd sure appreciate a thought. Definitely not finicky about religion or denomination!

And by the way, THANKS for helping me to smile and even laugh through all this!

That is all. Please resume the lunacy!

Check out the latest Political Comics from H.L.

Harry Apologizes To Dick

See it at.
The Hollywood Liberal

southerngirl - who's the insufferable braggin'monster now? hmmmm?

Posted by: TCK | 07:45 PM on February 17, 2006

TCK ~ *snork*

But C'bol did write (not right) me a song.

fivver~ Sorry to hear that. Will definitly keep her in my prayers.

well sure he wrote ya a song - but didja know that just yesterday, he told me that he squats when he pees? (NTTAWWT)

TCK~ Are you sure there's NAWWT? Mightn't something drag the ground? What if there were broken glass and nails on the ground?

Bumble - since it's C-bol we're talkin' about, I'm pretty sure something would drag on the ground

Thanks Bumble.

Uh is C'bol the one with 4 inch legs?

fivver~ So sorry. I'll be praying for her. Keep us up to date, ok? You have my permission to verbally slap TCK and Stupe-dawg upside the proverbial head. If you're not up to it, I'll do it for you.....ok, I'll just do it anyway, just because they're calling El 'old.'

C-bol's dressed in drag??! Again?!!

OK, if there's any slappin' upside the head to be done, you better do it yerself Annie (cuz you know I'll put up with just about anything from a southern california goddess)

but what's Stupe Man got ta do with any of this?

(and I didn't say El was old - you did)

Fivver. Will pass on to my very conglomerated group loosely called a "prayer chain." I went through this with first hubby, and I know it doesn't matter if the persuasion is to throw feathers on the wind, the good vibes of people thinking kind thoughts toward you and your loved one can buoy you up.

And keep laughing, it is good for your soul.

Heartfelt thanks to all of you!

I know there's a 'walking erect' joke just waiting to happen in this thread.

fivver - hang in there, prayers on the way

El and Mr C. - Happy Birthday, I have no idea what your ages are, but like Bon Jovi says, "I'm not old, just older" God Bless You. (and the nutso's that dared to call El old)

Fivver, you got an express shipment of good vibrations en route to you. (Not shipped via U.S Airways.) Laugh when you feel like it, likewise for crying.

*zips in after being away almost all day due to the very unusual phenomenon of having a life*

Who knew? Something to do with an upcoming b-day. Thx for the good wishes, all!

AnnieWBH, I read your post TWICE and it appears to a FORMER CDA that you are the person who not only called me old but also in the same post used the word "depends". :(

*sobs for a few minutes*

I thought we were pals, friends and posse partners *sigh*.

TCK, you have conducted yourself admirably during this time period that I can tell has been incredibly stressful for you.
NOTE: This compliment expires at midnight PST. :)

fivver - positive thoughts are winging their way to you on The Wings of a Dove. No airlines are involved so there will be no delay. :)

Fivver...many good thoughts on their way; and I second Blue's recommendation for crying/laughing as appropriate (or, for that matter, or especially, as inappropriate:) That's how ya keep going.

in case anyone didn't notice, El said I conducted myself admirably

[disclaimer: aforementioned compliment and bragging rights thereto to expire at midnite pst (fer anyone that don't get that, it's less 'an 3 hours from now)]

El~ Shall I round up the posse to discuss what to do with Annie?

(make that less 'an 6 hours from now)

Annie WBH - Thanks for the b'day wishes, but it was yesterday, not tomorrow.

You missed the party! There was cake, and Mud and TCK spiked the punch, and Tamara was dancing on the tables. Oh, the fun we had!

Unfortunately, there are no photos.

TCK~ Congratulations. Stick it to your forehead. I'm having waaaaay too much fun with Blue Mountain these days.

thanx for the star Bumble - comin' from you, it means a lot

(but go easy on Annie - recent indiscretions notwithstanding, and in spite of the fact that she perceives me to be less than worthy of her southern california godddess status, I still like her, cuz she makes me laugh - just sayin')

Jeez,El - I thought I could joke about your age. If you were truly old, I wouldn't joke about it. But far be it from me to take away TCK's moment with you.

Mr.C - sorry I missed the party. At least I tried to remember. At my age, that's not always so easy to do.

El, (sniff!) I wrote a joke for your birthday back on the Chinese food thread....(sniff)...

We flew to Scottsbluff, Nebraska, (with a plane-switch in Denver) in June 2000 for my cousin's wedding. My daughter (8 years old at the time) was to be the flower girl. My grandmother made her dress (beaded with pearls, etc.). My partner wanted to pack the dress in the middle of one of the suit cases to protect it. I, however, was a little nervous about that since the wedding was the day after we were to arrive and decided to hand-carry the dress. When we got to the (very small) Scottsbluff airport we found that our luggage had not, in fact, arrived with us. I was a hero.

Happy b'day, El! (Even though I thought it was on Sunday instead of Monday.)

*shrugs* I'm just sidin' with El, 'cause she helps me with my homework.

I'm always on El's and Annie's side (of the country).

Bumble, ya might want to re-think, or at least rephrase, that last comment?

just sayin'

southerngirl~ How come?

OK, I'm sorry I started this whole thing! At first I saw an opportunity, and I was thinkin' divide and conquer, but now there's sides bein' taken, and hurt feelings, and tears and sniffles (and if there's one thing I can't handle, it's a sniffling southern california goddess), so, if it helps, the whole thing was my fault - I did not behave admirably at all - I hereby return the star from my forehead. I'd rather have you all upset at me than upset with each other...

*pecks TCK on the cheek*

Very chivalrous of you, sir.

Bumble, luv, all's I meant was that you said I'm just sidin' with El, 'cause she helps me with my homework., which kinda made it sound like that was the onlyreason you were sidin' w/El, which we all know is not the case (heh, heh, I said "the case" to a lawyer and a future lawyer), and cuz I luv ya, I just was watchin' out for you, ok?

Not that it really matters, cause you know that El loves you best!

I have to agree with southerngirl on that one, Bumble,'cause she keeps TCK off my case.

Hey, TCK - did you get your keyboard all cleaned up?

*zips back in for a last look*

Annie, Annie, Annie, don't cry, I was kidding (pretty much)!
For Annie.

TCK, go to your room (just in case you deserve it).

*zips over to Chinese thread for b-day poem*

sorry El - won't be goin' to my room - in case anyone's interested, I will be hangin' in my usual place, underneath southerngirl's bed

oh, and Annie - my keyboard's got a few sticky spots (specially the space bar) but it seems to be gettin' better as I use it - thanks fer askin'

and Bumble - just so ya know - everybody loves you best

OK, it seems like we've all kissed and made up. Good.

The posse is intact.
TCK will probably be in trouble in a matter of minutes.
AnnieWBH is A(for Annie)OK in my book even though I couldn't find the poem. :)

I'm going to watch the Olympics now.

*kiss, kiss*
*zip, zip*

*lurches in 'cause his ka-pwwiinngger is in the pawn shop

TCK, tnx for taking up for me, but Annie said "Stupe-dawg," and I don't answer to that. Her exact words were "...verbally slap TCK and Stupe-dawg upside the proverbial head...", which we all know, thanks to Mr Language Person, should have been "proverbial heads." Now, I don't know if Stupe-dawg referred to me or not. But I will admit I have a penchant for getting in trouble with a woman, even when I'm not present. And I really don't mind getting in trouble with a woman unless a rabbit dies or slips into a coma.

Back to the thread: It was gratifying to see they just located Amelia Earhart's luggage...at the airport in Albuquerque.

*Pointing out that he is staying the hell out of this one!*

TCK~ Don't let The Blog hear you say that. This is Dave's blog. We're all supposed to love judi best.

And you say you love me best, but I saw the simulpost with El. *sniff* How could you?

Easily, I know. After all, El's the SCG and the soon-to-be birthday girl. My birthday's not till May. :-)

There are far too many comments for me to address while in my currently condition (REALLY #$%&^$&@% SLEEPY!) but I gotta send kudos to pogo for knowing "She Who Must..." For the uninitiated, the line is from the British TV series "Rumpole of the Bailey" that used to air on the PBS net here in the US. It's classic stuff.

I'm going to try to stay out of the "old" fuss here, except to say that MY perspective is "You're only as old as the woman you feel."

And with that, GOOD NIGHT!

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