February 21, 2006
ATTENTION, LOS ANGELES RESIDENTS
BULLETIN BULLETIN BULLETIN
We can't decide if this is a good thing, or a bad thing. Or even really a thing.
(Thanks to Addicted to 24)
TECHNOLOGY PLUNGES AHEAD
OK, I read through the comments on last night's episode. Many of them were about ice dancing. I don't recall there being any ice dancing in 24 last night, but I am not ruling it out, either, because the spisode was very confusing (to me, anyway).
This season seems to be caught in an endless plot loop, wherein bad guys get canisters, and instead of going after the bad guys, the authorities go after Jack Bauer, but of course he gets away and goes after the bad guys, and either he or somebody else kills the bad-guy leader, whereupon a new bad-guy leader appears immediately, and the authorities react by... going after Jack, who gets away and goes after the new bad guys, and either he or somebody else kills the new bad-guy leader, whereupon an even newer bad-guy leader appears, which prompts the authorities to... go ice dancing.
No, seriously, the authorities go after Jack again. Also in every episode President Manilow stands around gaping like a grouper and not making any decisions, and Chloe continues uplinking and downloading amid various melodramas at CTU HQ, and various extras continue setting up perimeters, and at the end of the episode... nothing seems to have changed.
I miss Marwan.
UPDATE: Commenter puppytoes sends a link to this article on last night's episode by Ken Tucker, who is clearly a LOT smarter than I am, although he totally missed the ice-dancing angle.
February 20, 2006
Here's the situation going into tonight's episode:
-- Despite the best efforts of fearless super-agent Jack Bauer, the terrorists are still at large with 19 deadly nerve-gas canisters and at least that many accents.
-- The president of the United States continues to display the leadership qualities of a dead conch.
-- Nobody at CTU has been able to stop the terrorists or – more important – make Audrey shut up.
In another alarming development, troubling cracks have begun to develop in the plot. In the blog comments regarding last week's episode, commenter Jimmyk offered this analysis:
Ok, I don't mean to take any of this seriously, but here's the situation: The canisters are useless without the 'chip,' as far as CTU knows. So (they) send Jack out to the terrorists with the chip, GIVE THE CHIP TO THE TERRORISTS, allow hundreds of women and childred to die, just so they can make sure to get those other canisters, WHICH WOULD BE USELESS WITHOUT THE CHIP THAT THEY JUST HANDED TO THE TERRORISTS… Can someone help me?
Jimmyk -- I was thinking the exact same thing, re: if the terrorists need the chip for the nerve gas to go off, why give them the freaking chip? At first, I was thinking, surely it's not a chip that actually detonates the device--it must be a tracking device! But, no! It's the real thing, and now CTU and Jack have actively participated in giving the terrorists back a functioning weapon, which they must now move heaven and earth to prevent from functioning. I don't get it, either.
My own feeling is that the main problem with the canisters
is that they are boring. I've decided I'm going to give this season one more
episode to improve, and if it doesn't, then, dammit, I'm going to keep watching
anyway. Because that's the kind of American I am.
UPDATE: The beautiful woman on House is actually a man!
UPDATE: There's going to be a twist we won't believe.
UPDATE: Oooh. An early stabbing. Good sign.
UPDATE: I have NO idea what's going on so far, but it's violent, which is good.
UPDATE: Does it seem like every 15 minutes, they (a) set up a freaking perimeter, and (b) take Jack back into custody?
UPDATE: I can't put spaces between my updates.
UPDATE: Jack choked his own guy. That wacky renegade loner Jack!
UPDATE: OK, I am experiencing serious technical difficulties with my update capability. I will try setting up a perimeter and downloading the schematics, but you may be on your own for the rest of this episode in the comments section. This is probably a good thing, as I do no remotely understand the plot any more.
UPDATE: I can't be certain, but I think the president is on T-Mobile.
UPDATE: Maybe the Hobbit will shoot Audrey.
UODATE: It's all about oil!
UPDATE: Why is Jack suddenly helping the guy who shot Palmer? Who are the hostiles? WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?
UPDATE: I admire how they get excellent phone reception, even inside a building with a hail of bullets.
UPDATE: I have no idea who that guy was, and now he's dead.
UPDATE: Chloe's gonna data-mine the files and keep it under the radar. God, I love Chloe.
UPDATE: The president reminds me more and more of Lincoln.
UPDATE: Why is the Hobbit in such a snit? Does anybody understand that? Or anything else? No? OK, then.
UPDATE: Omichron! I KNEW it!
UPDATE: This episode was written by the Random Plot Generator.
UPDATE: The first lady TAKES ACTION.
UPDATE: What was the twist we don't believe? I am SO confused.
Now they tell me.
(Thanks to Will Dwayer)
MEANWHILE IN THE PHILIPPINES
IT'S A MADE-FOR-CBS MOVIE AND A GOOD NAME FOR A ROCK BAND
THOSE TERRORIST BASTARDS
This is the lowest yet.
February 19, 2006
A son wants his mom to travel.
(Thanks to DavCat14)
AND 50 CENT COULD PLAY THE POPE
Paris was born for this role.
(Thanks to Manjula)
A GENERATION IN PAIN
I've been reading you since I was a teenager. I nearly wrecked the car after I got my learner's permit, because of you. My mother and I had been to the library and we had checked out your book about bad songs. Mom read it to me as I drove and we nearly ended up running off the road because I was laughing so hard.
Especially the part where Mom had to sing MacArthur Park to me. I thought she was making it up!
It's been what? Fifteen years, Dave? I'm 28 years old now, not getting any younger. The bitterness has set in.
Why, you ask? Because your generation (and the one before you) got all the good music! My granny's generation had all that fantastic big band music. The boomers had ... well, EVERYONE!
And what passes for "music" with my generation? Do we get the Eagles? Oh, no. We get Snoop Doggy Dogg and Britney Spears.
Do you realize how much material you have to work with now?!?!?! Forget "Horse With No Name!" Any song by a boy band is worse than that! And how about "Barbie Girl?" (I'm a Barbie Girl! In a Barbie world! Life in plastic! It's fantastic!")
You've gotta write another bad song book, Dave! All you've gotta do is just announce another bad song survey and the readers will write it FOR you! We've been waiting for this opportunity ever since Madonna butchered "American Pie!"
Please please please please, since there will never again be bands like the Beatles, can you give me and my generation SOMETHING to hold on to?!?!?!
I need this, Dave.
FORGET MUTUAL FUNDS
You want to be in tiger poo.
(Thanks to everyone)
WARNING FOR GREATER SPOTSYLVANIA
Law enforcement officials are no longer allowed to build trust with perps; no doubt a crime wave is forthcoming.
(Thanks to Eric Ewanko)
February 18, 2006
February 17, 2006
PSSSST... NEED TO DISPOSE OF A BODY?
IF YOU WANT TO BE DEPRESSED -- AND WHO DOESN'T?
(Thanks to Maria Sheahan)
YOU HAVE NOTHING IMPORTANT TO DO TODAY, RIGHT?
So see if you can get this site (thanks to Claire "Spare Time" Martin) to work. I tried tapping in (My Baby Does the) Hanky Panky by Tommy James and the Shondells, and it responded with the following songs (I am not making any of these songs up): Can't Stop (Red Hot Chili Peppers); How High the Moon (Les Paul and Mary Ford); Walk This Way (Aerosmith); Take Me Home Tonight (Eddie Money); Pour Elise (Beethoven); Norwegian Wood (The Beatles); It Had To Be You (Harry Connick Jr.); 1985 (Bowling for Soup); Danny Boy; and Super Mario (Nintendo).
SOMETIMES, WE LOOK AT A STORY AND WE THINK: "WE MUST HAVE MADE THAT UP!"
And yet we did not.
(Thanks to Justin Barber)
MINNEAPOLIS (Reuters) - When burying a body in the backyard, don't put it too close to the septic system.
(Thanks to Gil Graybill)
SOON TO BE A -MADE-FOR-CBS MOVIE
WE KNEW IT WOULDN'T TAKE LONG
But this is fast.
(Thanks to Eli)
HOW ABOUT SOME CHINESE FOOD?
THEY FINED HER?
This woman deserves a medal.
(Thanks to Dawn Cameron)
February 16, 2006
(Thanks to Justin Barber)
WE HEAR SO MUCH WHINING ABOUT LOW TEACHER SALARIES
Finally, one of them does something about it.
(Thanks to annie where-but-here)
CRIME IN STATE COLLEGE
The Gingerbread Man: a urination hotspot.
(Thanks to Paul Levine)
Mr. Gene Weingarten is visiting Miami, and as you can see is deeply impressed with my oosik.
February 15, 2006
WAIT A MINUTE...
We thought it already was a spoof.
(Thanks to many people)
(Thanks to Drew Harchick)
TODAY'S DICK CHENEY MARKSMANSHIP AWARD GOES TO...
(Thanks to Mr. Completely)
TECHNOLOGY FOR WOMEN
(Thanks to Sue)
(Thanks to MOTW)
Our advice is, do not eat the wedding cake.
ANOTHER LINK YOU SHOULD DEFINITELY NOT CLICK ON
...is right here.
SOUTH FLORIDA UPDATE
WHY THIS IS THE BEST JOB IN THE UNIVERSE, REASON #3
This catalog comes in the mail.
WHY THE WORLD NEEDS GUYS
ATTENTION, PRODUCE SHOPPERS
Key Quote: I noticed a large web and spider sack that was attached near the top of the banana with several little "very healthy" spiderlings escaping across the kitchen counter and running along my banana.
So, you think your schools are crappy?
GOOD NEWS IN THE WAR ON TERROR
REALLY BAD IDEA OF THE DAY SO FAR
If you are a man of the male gender, for God's sake do not click here.