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February 25, 2006

MICROWAVED PENIS UPDATE

Whew.

(Thanks to everybody)

Comments

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Thanks for trying, Dave, but this is not at all comforting.

*still visibly shaking, along with the clerk at the Giant Eagle Get Go!*

"Life is like a box of microwaved penises,
you never know whose your gonna get"

Is this a special at Seven Eleven?

"Two penises and a slurpee, only $1.99!"

(Breath mints are extra)

"An official there declined comment." Yeah cause they're laughing too hard to breathe, much less respond!

And then, of course, there's the whole (or partial, or fake) penis thing ...

Must be a slow news day. For Forbes.

"Pero said police weren't sure why the woman was storing the urine in a device mimicking male genitalia."

Nothing to add here. But it's not often that you see this sentence in the general press. Been cracking me up for the past 45 minutes.

BWAAHAAHAA - I got a car ad on the way to Forbes that had a "Thought for the day" at the top of the ad.
"The envious man grows lean at the success of his neighbor" -Horace
Do you think their (not they're) ad generator read "penis" & automatically went with "envy"?

well, if i hadnt read the story someplace else, i woulda bin totally p!ssed off, forbes had so many ads and junk. but i surely dont know why anyone would use a fake penis for this, --- there are none out there being donated for such activity?? these people may possibly be the most stupid folks on the planet. duh.

So, like all other weenies at convenience stores, this one wasn't actually, you know, really meat.

Thank you! Come again!

"Pero said police weren't sure why the woman was storing the urine in a device mimicking male genitalia."

OK...I'm gonna hazard a guess here which will probably get me locked up, but I THINK somewhere on a 'beat the drug screen' website (for a friend, of course) I saw a device which not only supplied appropriate liquid, but provided it in a container which mimicked the, uh, natural source. That way, if you feared a 'candid camera' type problem, you could be seen in the act -- IF, and I emphasize this, you happened to be a man of the male persuasion.
So my best guess is that he had this lying around from an earlier job interview he was too stoned to make (or maybe he buys them by the sixpack and had an extra.)
Now...the scary part is that maybe I DIDN'T read this anywhere, but just made it up on the spot; in which case I have to ban myself from the blog and turn myself in at the nearest mental health facility.

P.S. U.O. -- Wherever you're going, good luck; and if you don't have internet access, maybe that means you'll also be protected from Brit&KFed.

Betsy - You might've seen it ... at http://www.whizzinator.com/

What really tells you that these folks were stoned is that the fake penis was for a WOMAN to take a drug test -- I think they might of caught on when she peed standing up

don't they know if you're microwaving a fake penis full of urine, you have to poke holes in it or it will explode?

or this might happen:

"you failed the drug test, Johnson"

"why?, my sample was clean!!"

"it melted the dixie cup"

I just realized I logged onto a topic labelled 'Microwaved Penis Update' and clicked on it like it was the most natural thing in the world. Nary a raised eyebrow. I'm going to lie down now. Oh, and SNORK. You 'mericans are crazy.

I feel very let down by this disclosure. It's not even a great story anymore. Very ho-hum. *snork* To know how to pass a drug test if you're a guy, all you had to do was watch the series Playmakers which was on ESPN some time ago, until the NFL stopped them from continuing it.

Wonder why...

Okay, this is a legitimate *snork* at insom for melted the dixie cup.

I am relieved that this turned out to be only drug-test-induced pee swappage, instead of "world gone crazy" sicktitude.

test

Sound system check, OK.

We're good to go.

Lisa..I came back here expressly for the purpose of registering a *SNORK* at 'drug-test-induced pee-swappage." It's SUCH a felicitous turn of phrase! but when I read it earlier today I was "too busy" to *snork*. Obviously I've finally gotten my priorities straightened out. Forgive my lapse.

Betsy-Thank you for your efforts.;-) I agonized after I posted it, as to whether or not it was good--or if it was an indication that I should check myself in to blog rehab.

You have allayed my fears.

What worries me is if they cleaned out the microwave afterwards? Some poor guy probably got an "Super large egg Shmuffin (TM)" not knowing a urine filled penis was last in there. Did they use germ-free latex gloves while handling the penis? Bacteria multiples! While you were reading this, bacteria just multiplied 100 times on a fake penis filled with urine.

Sanitize your microwaves after 'nuking' urine. State health code- sub section D, paragraph 14- under, "Urine- the microwaving of."

This is ridiculous. I've spent the last five minutes thinking out the reasons for which that couple got a prosthetic device for the WOMAN's urine sample. Anyway, here's what I came up with: she'd have inserted the fake item in the ... uhh ... place where the live versions of such items might normally be inserted, then been able to sit down and produce the sample in the time-honoured way.

I could go on, but I think I've already demonstrated that I've spent too long thinking about this vital matter.

*zips in*

Yes you have Magnolia, but I appreciate it. Your analysis makes perfect sense. Actually, I was wondering that same thing, but only for about 5 seconds, because I have a short attention s - oh look, something shiny!

LisaBFF.. Never hold it in `round here!

"I just realized I logged onto a topic labelled 'Microwaved Penis Update' and clicked on it like it was the most natural thing in the world."

KOW, this topic is NOT the most natural thing in the "world", just the most normal thing here on the DBB. NTTAWWT

And to those of you who devoted such intense thought to the possibilities surrounding this slow-day newsworthy event, THANKS! You spared me the effort on a Monday morning, which I am not prepared or equipped to do for myself. Is it quitting time yet?

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