IMPORTANT SUPER BOWL TOILET ADVISORY

Football great Mike Ditka, who we hope is getting a vast sum of money for this, has advice on handling the crucial Halftime Flush.  But whatever you do, DO NOT TAKE YOUR HANDGUN INTO THE BATHROOM. Also be sure to check the bowl for terrorist devices.

Comments

[TCK]

oh great - I gotta pee, and now I'm scared to go in the bathroom - thanks Dave!

[TCK]

oh, and *snork* at insom

[Mr. Completely]

Well, I've been known to leave a bomb in the toilet from time to time...

Is that TMI?

[southerngirl]

Mr. C ~ yes.

(btw, I left you a msg. on the News thread)

[packsaddle]

thanks for the intelligence, dave.

we've just raised the terror alert in our baño from "guarded" to "elevated".

[Uncomfortable Kat]

Geez - I used to only worry about toilet snakes or rats coming up in the bowl. I may never go again.

[Eleanor]

Isn't Utah where Maark Fuhrman lives?

just sayin'

[judi]

are a lot of people having trouble posting on this thread? please post in the one before this if you are. thanks.

[CoastRaven]

Mike Ditkas career has officially gone down the toilet.

[Tamara Rhymes With Camera]

I LOVE having *snork @ Insom!* as the new "FIRST!"

Thanks, Annie & Blue, for making this possible! *wiping away tears of joy*

[Blue Meanie]

So much to comment on here.

A) Mike Ditka - time to get a new agent, coach.

B) Woman, packing for move to New York, grabs loaded gun. (Speaks for itself. The thought, that is, not the gun. Though the gun did have a point, too).

Or is the story really that the woman is a terrorist and Jack Bauer did not have a clear shot at her thighs, so he went for the calves?

C) Bombs in a university bathroom, one of which is now in the sewer system. And a student's reaction is "That's a good excuse not to go to class"? Way to keep things in perspective, there, dude. Bright future ahead of you.

[MOTW]

Key quote: The friend said the woman told her she was packing to move to New York

[slyeyes]

Guns don't kill people, but shattered toilets will rip your legs to shreds in nuthin' flat.

[Annie Where-but-here]

I could maybe see taking your gun into the bathroom, but what were the COWS doing in there? And they got hurt, poor things! I sure hope her calves are gonna be ok.

[Ken]

Not first in the thread, but first to point out the typo in the terrorist link tag. Oh wait, maybe that is intentional to keep the NSA automatic surveillance computers off Dave's back.

[Christobol]

"This new Scott toilet tissue dissolves so quickly my hands are covered in crap!"

Now that's an endorsement!

--

How am I supposed to go to the bathroom if I can't bring my "handgun". In fact, how am I supposed to go anywhere without it? At best, I can put it in two rooms.

As far as dropping it and having it accidentally "go off", that is perfectly normal and happens to a lot of guys from time to time, especially when there's a lot of stress or YOU'RE TOO FAT, OKAY? HOW ABOUT THAT?

[Ken]

Oh fiddle-dee-dee. By the time I could overcome the commentary technical problems it was fixed! Don't bother looking for the error now.

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

MOTW - I love word play.

[KCSteve]

Some thoughts on the toilet shooting:

There *are* some very cheap revolvers that will 'drop-fire' so it's possible she had one of those.

More likely, she put her finger on the trigger.

Then again, maybe she saw a sewer squirrel and was too ashamed at having missed to admit it.

[insomniac]

but what if I'm first?

isn't self-snorking at least a venal sin?

a Russian friend told me that the same phenomenon occurs during hockey finals over there (though there's two breaks).

[Andrew]

Sounds like something I heard on Prairie Home Companion once.
"Time for Depth Charge. The pocket explosive that clears up clogged toilets fast."

[Punkin Poo]

Why did the shattered pieces of toilet ridicule her legs??? I find that rude...

*rereads*

oh....

[Mr. Completely]

*zips in from seeing S'girl's post in the News thread...*

*sniff*

I'm touched....

[kibby F5™]

*looks around for Fed*

Fed! You know where to find us! We'd love to have a landing!

*goes to Heinze*

[Guin]

Punkin, I don't get why the toilet was asking her legs riddles, either...

[MOTW]

Andrew! PHC is one of my favorite things to listen to. Thanks for posting that hilarious link!

[daisymae]

*Punkin, I don't get why the toilet was asking her legs riddles, either*

That makes two of us...like she'll put her knees on Jeopardy?

[Novanglus]

Why do they keep doing this? Speilburg RUINED my life at sea when he made JAWS...I could never go in the ocean again without waiting to be bitten.

And now this, I have never seen Niagra Falls but, if I go there I will have a vision of the whole United States human wastes falling down with the water, which will spoil any attempt at romance or beleif in a higher power.

I say, let's ban the Super Bowl. Where is Al Gore on this...why wasn't this mentioned at Sundance?

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

Don't worry Novanglus, we won't really flush at the same time. The authorities have instituted a new system for flushes during the superbowl.

Each viewer is assigned to a specific quarter of the game in which we're allowed to flush.

Some of us are number one, others are number two.

[Punkin Poo]

Knees on Jeaopardy:

"We'll take dipilatories for $200, Alex"

[Sarah J]

Ah, UVSC, the school for people not smart enough to get into BYU, or who just want to do less work than they did in high school and still end up with a college degree. (not sure if it's really true, that's just what you hear around here)

"I think this is a good excuse to skip class," could have been the motivation in the first place, or somebody has it in for Bible study students.

[TCK]

like college students need an actual excuse to skip class - I remember skipping class because it was below 30 degrees (this was winter in ND, so not a good excuse); because Bo and Hope were getting married (or breaking up) yet again; because Bo was dead yet again; because I broke my favorite shot glass the night before; because I was sleeping; because my girlfreind couldn't go, so why should I; because we were playing the smurfs drinking game; because my shoelace broke...

the list goes on and on

(oh, and Bumble - ignore this comment - skipping class is bad)

[MOTW]

heh heh - Lisa BFF said superbowl

[Pyro's Gal]

"Shards of a Shattered Toilet" WBAGNFARB.

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

Yes, I said bowl MOTW and I stand by it.

(Unless someone brought a gun, in which case I'll be in the other room.)

[Eleanor]

HEY MR. C!

Whatcha doing using my
zip?

Hmmmph!

[pogo]

PyG - It'd be a better album or song title.

[Mr. Completely]

El - If you've ever seen me "zip", you'd know it's more like a "lurch", or a "stumble" - maybe even a "stagger".

Perhaps to avoid further confusion, mebbe we should say "zip™" or "zip©"?

And those shoes!! Do they come in a size 17? They're PERFECT for playing Saturday-night dress-up!

[Mr. Completely]

Also: BOOGER!!

[insomniac]

*geezer alert*

I had students miss class (or become irate I didn't cancel class) when Luke and Laura got married on 'General Hospital' . I said they should deputize one of their number to take notes (on the soap opera, not Calculus I).

[southerngirl]

Wow, El, my feet hurt just looking at those! And Mr. C probably didn't mean to use your "zip", he was just touched because I said he was the ginchiest.

*goes to Bumble's bed and drags TCK out from underneath*

C'mon, big guy, time to go back to my place.

[Brad]

America has gotten much better in just the past few years. In 2000, the main societal fear of the "Big Game" (why can't we type S-u-p-e-r B-o-w-l into the blog?) was that more women would be beaten during the fourth quarter than in the other 365 days of the year. Now, our big problem is the Big Flush. Life is good.

[CoastRaven]

WOW insom - you're like old enough to be my TEACHER!

[Mr. Completely]

Insom - It's good to see that Kids of Today (tsk, tsk) (™, ©) have their priorities straight.

I'll bet Bumble still has her Calculus 1 notes!

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

Off-topic technical question.

Is there a way to refresh the comments page without having to back out of it? I have to close it and then reopen to receive updated comments.

just wonderin'

[Blue Meanie]

El -- I take it you've heard this?

[Mr. Completely]

Lisa Bisa etc.- Just click your Refresh (or Reload) button on your browser's toolbar.

Should do the trick.

[daisymae]

Lisa: hit the refresh button on your browswer tool bar. It should refresh and put you at the same spot you were at with all of the new comments following.

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

That works! Thankyou.

*pretending that I knew it all along*

[Mr. Completely]

*Gives Daisymae the secret Mr. Know-it-All Club™ handshake and salute...*

[daisymae]

oops! sorry to repeat Mr. C.

[HooBert]

Did anybody else read the "top ten alternate uses for toilet plungers"?
Number 7: Muzzle for violent outbursts.
Number 10: Earmuffs.

What?!?

[daisymae]

Do I get the key, too?

(hopefully)

[John]

Lisa...F5 works in most browsers.

[Mr. Completely]

Daisymae - Yes, you get the key, too.

John - yeah, but then you'd have to take your hand off the mouse...

Hmmm. "Take your hand off the mouse" sounds kinda dirty, doesn't it? Maybe it's just me.

Well, this thread's sure gone in the crapper.

[TCK]

southerngirl - you know what it does to me when you take charge like that

BTW - any beer left in the fridge? Did you water my, um, plants while I was gone?

*follows southerngirl out smiling, cuz he knows she loves him best again*

*oh, and cuz of the view*

[Novanglus]

Bannan Fana bo Lisa, thanks for that ...
Whew!! for a minute there I thought that our politicians in DC did not care about us.

Which makes me wonder...when will they be putting camera's on all toilets (or Gore's chips) to make sure that we only flush so many times a day? AND only at the right quarter on superbowl sunday, which will take taxpayers money to research (more pork) not only new energy for our cars, but just the what IS causing the major problems in flushing. Is it the Scott's tissue..or the cheeze dip.

[R.T. Firefly]

My question is how much money do you
have to offer to the great Mike Ditka
to get him to say;

"Yea, I'll be your toilet bowl man."

[Stupendous Man]

All of this discussion would become pointless if we'd all remember to conserve water. Never flush the toilet until the lid won't close.

[J M Walker]

I ain't sure if you all are aware of it, but our military machine is working on a new, secret weapon that will cause a toilet to esplode on command: http://www.safetycenter.navy.mil/media/fathom/issues/JanMar01/ExplodingToilets.htm

[J M Walker]

ts.htm

[sid]

also, please dont wash your feet in the toilet

[AlanBoss]

Toilets. Why did it have to be toilets?