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February 17, 2006

GOOD TIP

MINNEAPOLIS (Reuters) - When burying a body in the backyard, don't put it too close to the septic system.

(Thanks to Gil Graybill)

Comments

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Learn somethin' new every day. Especially with Dave's Blog.

FIRST!!

You'd really expect a tip like this from New Jersey more than Minneapolis though.

I've still got quite a bit of room left in the basement so I don't have to worry about this for a while....

SECOND!

Its a good idea not to put it too near the well either. And for heavens sake, make sure you wear gloves and burn anything with your fingerprints or the police will catch you. And its a good idea to bury it in your neighbor's yard too. Put the murder weapon in your neighbor's shed too.

Good tips!

So.... Am I gonna die? Or what?

Sarcasmo - I dunno, maybe it's those long Minnesota winters cooped up with a passle of Scandinavians...like in 'Fargo.'

two thoughts (right thread, now)

Where's Jack Bauer when you need him?
and
"Beam me up, Scotty!"

"When you mislead people, when you over-reassure people ... they feel less trusting, and they behave much worse," Sandman said.

---Epitaph of the Bush Administration

You people laugh, but think of the dangers this poses to Miami's Santeria sects.

Yes Tamara, the lesson learned here is that whether you get the flu, get in a car accident or go quail hunting with the VP, everything can kill you.

You have permission to panic.

S'casmo, it's common knowledge in New Jersey. It's like sayind "Don't forget to breathe."

The good news is, when you die we know what to do with your body.

I am so glad to know that my home town of Seattle is not prepared what a warm fuzzy feeling that bit of knowledge is giving me.

I know EXACTLY what they are talking about - when I bury bodies in my backyard, I always keep them far away from the septic tank and in holes that are deep enuff to keep the body hidden for the long haul - although every so often its a good idea to till one into the garden soil... errrrummmm... I'll shut up now before I incriminate myself.

I have a terrible cold.
I had it for two weeks.
I made myself chicken noodle soup last night.
AM I GOING TO DIE?!
[Scours CDC's soothing misinformation site]
Oooh, looks like I'll be okay! Thank gawd I haven't cho--[remembers Blue's lesson-reminder of yesterday]--handled any chickens lately!

GASP!
But what about DUCKS?!

**whimper**

Is this from Ananova?
Someone please say yes, or I'll be really scared. I know su.so.ca. is far away from Minneapolis, but still...

OK.
I'm calm now.
This is a joke.
OK.
I feel better knowing that.

OK, this is just stupid - everybody knows the proper way to dispose of a body is to run it through the wood chipper, and then pour it on to the garden

that way you don't have to dig a hole, and the parfait grows extra tall next year

Somewhere North beat me to the well thing, but I can't figure out why you wouldn't bury a body near the septic tank. Just avoid the field lines.

And what if you're on a sewer system and there's no septic tank not to bury it near?

why can't i keep burying them near the septic? am i going to contaminate the drainfield?

actually, i've found, err heard, that burying them IN the septic lessens the chance of discovery.

Crossgirl - only until they have to pump the tank.

THIRD !!

they done their job; i'm not reassured.

Eh! Can somebody tell me what's dis boid flu youse (not ewes) are tawkin about? Bullets is a significant waste management expense dese days.

I still don't know if I'm dying or not.

Is there a doctor on the blog?

Our homeowner association only allows for two bodies per backyard. Do you think I can put the rest in my recycle bin?

TCK - nice to know you care enough to recycle and raise 'sweet peat (or Pete)' for medicinal use.

What a silly story - every one knows Bush can't read!

*snork* at jd - good point. Kinda scary what influences White House policy. Should we send him a copy of Dave's book and see what happens?

What a silly story - everyone knows Bush can't read!

I can't believe no one is volunteering to play doctor with Tamara RWC.

Blue did, Mr C--only he wasn't exactly seductive about it...

Tamara RWC:

The pandemic which that article talks about had flu victims, usually in prime shape (Many were military soldiers) going from "fit" to "room temperature" within two days.

Now, honest question: How many of us here in BlogLand can even see our toes, much less touch them? I don't think techies have anything to worry about!

And alcohol is a disinfectant, right? So, in order to stay healthy, drink more!

Don't worry Tamara - I'm sure you're fine. Have you come into contact with any fowl of any sort in the past 2 weeks including but not limited to KFC extra crispy chicken strips?

You have? Oh, then there isn't much we can do. Please lay down in your backyard away from the septic tank.

*Looks down*
*Sees toes*
*Whimpers*
*Reaches down*
*Touches toes*

I knew it. I'm dying. Sh!t.

Tamara - I'd volunteer, but Mrs. ThePoint doesn't let me date.

Please lay down in your backyard away from the septic tank.

BWAHAHA!

Take Two:
Please lay down in your backyard away from the septic tank.

BWAHAHA!

Tamara - I'd volunteer, but Mrs. ThePoint doesn't let me date.

*flashback to gynecologist's office*

"Tamara, of course I'd like to check your hoo-ha, but I'm married."

Mr C, doctors like YOU* are the reason I'm DYING**!***

*if you were one
**not really
***not funny

Tamara - please remember to write. I heard that there are blogs in heaven. Of course, if you start spamming us, we'll know you didn't make it in.

I've double-bagged this body for you.

Oh, thanks! I just hate it when the bag breaks in the parking lot.

This is exactly why I recommended (on some other thread, several days ago) licking the screen saver instead of actually licking a person ... germs, viruses (viri?), some people touch ... um ... chickens ... merely sayin' ...

TRWC - at least your OB/GYN didn't say:

"Tamara, of course I'd like to check your hoo-ha, but I just can't take the echo."

TamaraRWC, take 2 aspirin and call me in the morning.

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