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February 23, 2006

FASCISM UPDATE

There will be no good deeds done in Little Rock, at least none involving sheep.

(Thanks to queensbee)

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He just wanted lamb chops for dinner.

Two FIRSTS in one day!!

Hoooray for me!

Margaritas all around!

"He was arrested on a felony charge of violating an animal facility"

I just hate to see animal facilities violated, too. Glad we got this criminal mastermind off the street.

Police arrested Carnahan after his breathalizer test came up positive for mint sauce.

*hands Laynie a cookie and puts a gold star next to her name*

Good job!

Arkansas State Motto:

Arkansas! Where the men are men, and the sheep are scared!

"Officer, I'm Dr. Turn-and-cough from the South-Side Clinic. This ewe has developed an allergic reaction to wool. She feels really baaaaad. I need to get her help staaaaat. She needs to be haaaaappy and so do I."

Eleanor: Congratulations on your deuce of firsts! and the following fulfills our contract. (Everyone else...sorry for the interruption.)

Enter: Singing Minnesota Nun with Shovel

Nobody knows what ice worms do in winter
They vanish somehow in the Permafrost
It’s really hard to ask them home for Christmas,
If all of a sudden they’ve suddenly gotten lost… (plunk plunk)

In June they can be packed and shipped with Fed Ex
In December they are nowhere to be seen
We need their DNA
To help us on our way
With studies of that wiggly iceworm gene
But nobody knows where ice worms go in winter
We only know they’re gone by Halloween.

Folks chuckle when I say I study ice worms
No wonder that research has lagged for years
There’s no cachet to crawling through the tundra
To whisper in their brittle little ears

They tease me as they play in summer daylight,
And feast upon digestible debris
They’re such a festive crowd – I’ve heard they chirp out loud!
They seem to move through solid ice with ease
But
Even I don’t know their plans for winter –
And I’m the one with iiiice wooorm ex-per-tise!

Good job, Eleanor! I had a first, today, too, but I paid for it with a temporary loss of vision as I was redirected to... well, that other place.

Wait a minute! He was arrested for violating an animal?!?

...

Oh, wait, animal facility. Never mind.

Ooops...forgot to congratulate El on her fine Facism first...finally.

Probably the MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION one can ask about a community prior to moving there is, "Will there be good deeds involving sheep?"

I don't care how lucrative the job offer is, folks, your decision should hinge on the answer to that question.

(I tried to think of a segue from canned sheep to iceworms and back, but I couldn't; and I really wanted to catch Eleanor while she's posting under her REAL name;) Sorry to all bloggers, and the sheep, too. And *snork* to insom.)

Second story about someone who couldnt take a sheep today (& this will be the third story I have used to beat this joke into the ground). Maybe his name should have been Mr. Kazutoshi Takenosheepa.

Of course he couldn't GIVE a sheep either.

C-Bol...your screening question is good; but what's the right answer? MIght be kinda dicey living in a hood with too many good-deed-involving-sheep-doers...

Since this came from Arkansas, I wonder if this guy was involved.

Maybe he was having trouble falling asleep.

Lou- But for that, you need more than one.

too bad the guy didn't live in washington, where his possible lewd and/or lacivious intentions are still *technically* legal... aieeee! (and ewwwww)

http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/Content?oid=30811

(sorry... this is just such a weird/disturbing story, i couldn't resist.)

Congratulations Eleanor! And I bet you're right, he was probably hungry. Hopefully he got a good meal in jail.

Or, maybe Lou is right and he was just catching up on his sheep.

Oh, and *snork* @ Lairbo.

The authorities are really misguided here. They really should go after whomever it was that threw the sheep in the garbage to begin with.

yet another budding romance broken up by the establishment. I mean, who are they to judge? Who are they to come between a man and his sheep?

I can't look at sheep the same way since seeing Brokeback Mountain NTTAWWT.

Once a jolly swagman sat beside the billabong,
Under the shade of a coolibah tree,
And he sang as he sat and waited by the billabong
You'll come a waltzing matilda with me

Down came a jumbuck to drink beside the billabong
Up jumped the swagman and seized him with glee
And he sang as he tucked jumbuck in his tuckerbag
You'll come a waltzing matilda with me.

100 years from now they'll be singing a song about this guy too.

How do we know this sheep wasn't a "ewe of the evening?" How do we know the sheep wasn't wearing mascara, or false eyelashes or a pushup bra? How do we know she wasn't wearing Lee Press On Hoofnails(TM) painted statutory grape? How do we know the sheep's little cheeks weren't rouged and her woolen neckline didn't plunge waaaaaayyyy down to her Nubian...er, nubile young sheep glands? How do we know this sheep didn't wink seductively at Grady as he was ducking for butts around the sheep seragli...er, pen? How do we know this sheep wasn't put up to it by a randy ram with voyeuristic tendencies? And, finally, how do we know Grady wasn't driven temporarily insane by a chemical imbalance that forced an immediate and drastic plunge in his blood lanolin level?
Once again, the cops leave the important information out of the arrest report.

OK, statutory grape?

*snork*

Mebbe the tattooed guy could learn from this thread, and have one that says ...

Flock Ewe

Very insightful, Edgar, to notice the parallels between Waltzing Matilda and this story. The verses you left out contain even more similarities (see here.)

Oh, and U.O, if you would please give a SNORK for me to Stupendous.....

It's clearly a classic love triangle conflict. The security guard that called the cops was jealous that his girlfriend was going out on a date with another guy.... tsk tsk.

Mad SoapOpera - I think you're onto something there. ;)

StuMan...I *snork* at your many valid points. As my old psychiatrist used to say, while tenting his fingers and looking at me over his rimless glasses, "It sounds like you've given the matter considerable thought."

*Snork* @ Stupe' ... for BM, by request ... (Our BM, of course, not that other one ... merely sayin' ...)

Betsy - How old was he?

Stupend - i snork heartily and loud. makes you wonder what kind of time this guy will have when he's "in the pen" ... try 'splainin his crime to his cellmates.

"It sure gets lonesome here in Little Rock," said Grady, sheepishly.

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