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February 27, 2006

CRIME UPDATE FROM WISCONSIN

They won't get far before they have to pee.

(Thanks to Cindi)

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Miller does NOT (IMHO) qualify as beer!

Miller. Sad. Criminals these days have no taste. At least get a truck full of Canadian beer or Hogarten or something worth while.

OK, does anybody else think there oughta be a law against puttin' beer in a PLASTIC bottle (oh the humanity!) even if it is just miller lite?

"suspects are being asked to pronounce 'Menonomie'..."

$26,000 worth of Miller? Let's see, by my calculations, at the current value of Miller to me, that's....infinite!

They stole the Carl Sagan supply of crappy beer!

Sometimes crime is its own punishment.

This guy should meet up with the calamari testicl*s guy. You know, the one who stuffed them down his pants.

That's one heck of a good meal.

Ok, is anyone else suddenly picturing Nemo tryin' ta pronounce "sea anemone"?

So ... that's a total of 458,592 American ounces of American "beer" ...

Using Bob McKenzie's conversion formula, that's ... um ... 917,214 ... um ... millihectares of ... "American beer" ... which equals ... um ... approximately ... um ... four sixpacks of Canadian beer ... eh? You Hoser!

That's a lot of fermented corn water. As opposed to beer.

In what appears to be a related story, local animal owners and breeders report a rash of iconic Lab puppy thefts and the Local 234 Quilters says that all quilts have been stolen. Toilet paper dispensers at all public rest stops have been super-glued shut. Police authorities are having a rough time handling the flood of tips that have been steadily coming in at a low flow. Beer officials say the law is clogged, er, bogged down.

ma na ma na pa tee, pa T.P.
ma na ma na pa T.P. tee
ma na ma na pa tee, pa T.P.
pa T.P. pa T.P. pa T.P. T.P. tee tee tee tee!

UO - a Canadian wouldn't stoop to stealing American beer. We already have plenty of water up here. (hee hee) Especially since we have, and for this alone I am proud of my country in spite of our liberal drug laws, lack of a military and legal swinger clubs, we have 24 hour drive through beer stores. Of course our GDP has plunged since we did this, but we still feel it is our cultural statement to the world. *hic*

*closes office door to begin out-loud deciphering of MOTW's ....whatever that is.* *plus SNORK*

Blue - think Muppets

*SNORK* @ MOTW for making all of us read your post out loud

Doh! *Waves hi to office mates* (Thanks, MOTW - being clueless isn't as easy as it looks).

*This is a public service announcement*

Canada does very good beer, but good American beer can be found if you venture outside the supermarket chains and do a bit of experimenting.

> * 384 24-packs of Miller Genuine Draft cans
> * 560 18-packs of MGD 12-ounce bottles
> * 980 18-packs of MGD 12-ounce cans
> * 40 24-packs of Miller Light 16-ounce plastic bottles

"*hic* Nooo, ociffer. This can't be the stolen beer... (motioning drunkenly to piled boxes in garage) we only have 976 18-packs of MGD cans. (crinkling sound of a can) Whoops, make that 975..."

In a related topic, I suspect people know the bit in Monty Python's Live at the Hollywood Bowl in which Eric Idle says: "American beer is like making love in a canoe: it's f*&%ing close to water!"

at the risk of beating a dead horse, here is the original airing of Ma Na Ma Na from Ed Sullivan.

It's what I think of whenever I see 'Menonomie'.

Even if one does not drink, one must concede a loving attitude towards a country which has 24 hour drive through beer stores ... merely sayin' ...

Thank you UO. You are welcome anytime. Our motto is, its only our country that is cold. Well, actually the motto probably involves a beaver and the CN tower. We might not even have a motto. Hard to read through the beer buzz...

How irresponsible that they just left the trailer behind like that. You are supposed to recycle your empties.

Since Miller is the official libation of my dear dad for all these many pickled years, I feel obligated to defend its reputation...
...ok, I'm done.

U.O. - I couldn't agree more!

In honor of Canada, everyone crack open their Canadian beverage of choice (i will be having a crown royal, over ice), raise your glass or bottle (as the case may be) and please stand for this rousing rendition of Oh Canada

scary thing is that I have TWO copies of the "MaNaMaNa" video on my desktop at work - I open it up whenever I wanna annoy cubicle neighbors.

TCK - any way I can get a transcript of that? My boss gets suspicious of me being overly patriotic. Its not a Canadian trait.

Despite the fact that I don't drink beer of anykind, as soon as I opened the link and saw the word Miller, I instantly pitied those guys and their poor taste.

Re. Somewhere North- Ah yes. Brings back fond memories of bothering small canadian boys to sing Oh Canada around the campfire. BTW, he insisted it wasn't actually the national anthem. True? Or simply an 8 year old's attempt to weasel out of singing?

TCK - "media not supported" for your "O Canada" link ... HOWever ... I, like many USAers who have spent much of their ownselfs lives near to the Great White North, know the Canadian National Anthem quite well ...

and, I quote ...

O, Canada
Our own, our Native Land ...
hmmmm, hmmmm, hmmmmhmmmmmm
hmmm, hmmmm, hmmmm hmmhmm hmmhmmm,
We stand on Guard for Thee!
O Canada! O Canada!
hmmmmmm hmmmmm hmmmm (gurgle, swallow, burp)
hmmmm, hmmmm hmmmmmmmm ...
We stand on Guard for Thee!!!

(NOTE: No disrespect is intended toward the fine citizens of the Great White North. The "hmmmmms" indicate our collective, usual and totally uninformed (often whilst drinking @ hockey games) attitudes here in USA-land ... most all the Canadian kids I knew in college were able to sing ALL THE VERSES to The Star-Spangled Banner, in addition to their own National Anthem -- while we ignorant "Americans" knew about as much of their anthem as quoted above -- ... impressive bunch, them Canucks, eh? And ... they're a BUNCH of fun when they get started on the 867 verses of Alouette! (again, whilst imbibing, of course) ... merely sayin' ...)

MOTW - THANK YOU for proving my point (to many uninformed nonbloggers) that this came WELL before the Muppet Show!! (though I must admit I was wrong to in thinking it originated on Sesame Street - thats the version I remember as a kid)

*oh* Now I check the link and see that it IS the Muppet Show... hmmm

The real question is what is the mysterious foreign language in which the Manamana subtitles are written??? Icelandic? Finnish? Swedish?
And how did it fall into the hands of MOTW???
It's time to establish the parameters and/or perimeters, and call Jack!
(Just warming up for tonight...)

O Canada
Our home and native land
True patriot love (which is the slogan for Tim Hortons)
In all our sons' command
Something something
SOmething something something something
We stand on guard for theee....

The USA one:
Oh say can you see???
In the dawn's early lite..

Something SOmething (really high note here) something something something....
We stand on guard for theee....

Or something like that. But I can sing all the verses to Adelwiese thanks to that musical my mom made me watch over and over.

Coast, MOTW -

Yeah, the link above that is claimed to be from Sullivan seems to be a Sesame Street rendition, but I absolutely remember first seeing that song performed on the Sullivan show by Muppet pre-cursors.

And as we all know, my memory is like a steel......something or other.

Sorry UO - I think I failed that skills test. Once upon a time I knew all the verses to my own (the song is much longer than the version we play) but that has long gone the way of the calculus, the digestive system of a frog and french grammer.

My guess is that the perpetrators will make a peeline--I mean beeline--for Michigan, where the bottles can be traded in for a dime apiece.

yeah i thought it was our hoME and native land. and the end is:

oh canada

glorious and free

oh canada

we stand on guard for thee


ooh CANada

we stand on guard forrrrrrr THHHHHEEEEE

Sorry! The network gods forbid us from viewing anything so I was unable to verify before quoting what was posted w/ the linkie. *slaps self*

Story Update: Authorities in Wisconsin have discovered that they misidentified the target of the recent theft of a trailer containing Miller beer. It turns out that the perps dumped the beer at a nearby landfill because they just wanted the trailer to haul some REAL beer to a frat party. They dropped the trailer off after they were done with it. The true nature of the crime was discovered when the landfill regurgitated the entire load of so-called beer.

I'll keep an eye on the border here in Michigan. Me and a few friends tend to go for this stuff which is about the best in the region. M-Lite is good for catching slugs and watering the lawn. Beer-butt chicken, too.

SN ... don't worry about it ... I useta know more of O Canada than I do now ... memory banks full of other useless trivia ... sorry 'bout that ...

I wuz merely commentin' on the eclectic nature of them Canadian kids I knew in college, who all seemed to have completed Grade 13 (and beyond) before they came south for their college stuff ... fun bunch ... I miss 'em ...

*Joins in the 'spirit' of things*
" In 1942
Columbus sailed the ocean blue
said he " o cant u c..."

i think i misplaced some words thr...
*tries another song*
"Allon mes amies on va a la caban
sth sth sth sth les grand seau"

Dux~ Me, too. Weird. All the beer drinkers I know seem to think it's inferior. But I'm guessing these guys aren't picky. Or very bright.

Me too Bangi!

Adelweiss, Adelweiss, bless our homeland forever

And let's never forget our famous ramparts we watched, so gallantly streaming...

Company officials didn't report the loss immediately because they thought a driver must have picked up the wrong load.

Inside job, inside job! They didn't report the loss immdiately because they had to unload the truck and drink all the "beer".

Really - this is so lame.

*tries to picture ramparts streaming*
*tries harder*

Those steaming ramparts sorta seem to be doin' a ventriloquism trick, with her hand on his back, and her lips not moving and ... um ... nevermind ...

So much blog, so little time.

As usual, thread is raveling here. From beer to national anthems to ramparts.

Did you all know that in engineer talk, ramparts are called a "cantilever (sp?) load?" Which in regular talk is a weighty object being suspended in space, with the support provided on only one side.

Dated an engineer for a while, only thing I remember about him, and I will not swear it is accurate!

Hanna -

Sounds correct ... if I recall my pre-engineering studies ...

El & Banji, if those famous ramparts were next to me and she had her hand on MY back, I'd be steaming too!

I'll throw my lot in with the brew snobs -- I consider Corona and Heineken to be the low end of the acceptability scale. Miller Lite? Suitable for boiling bratwurst at best (add onion).

My personal favorite is Renegade IPA, which comes from here.

Reminds me of an episode at Danang AFB, Viet Nam, circa 1966: It seems a deuce and a half truck, along with a rough terrain fork lift, left the air base and made its way to the navy docks. There, they proceeded to load a pallet of beer on said truck, and returned to the air base. I myself, personally, had nothing to do with this utterly illegal endeavor, as I was a saint in those days.

The stolen pallet of beer, Coors, if I remember correctly, was hidden away in a large metal container for a few days while things cooled off, as they say. The squadron commander, a Captain, came by one evening and questioned the likely suspects, which included yours truly. He informed us, after determining we were for all intents and purposes, guilty, but having been trained in resisting torture techniques, and knowing we would say nothing, let us know there would be a surprise squadron party the next evening, and we were to supply the beer.

Now some might think this cruel and unusual punishment for some poor GI’s serving their country in a foreign land, but being the far sighted, resourceful lot we were, a second trip was made to the same dock where another pallet was saved from the Navy (couldn’t have drunks driving boats now, could we?).

The two pallets supplied the squadron with enough beer to make the party a huge success, and a good time was had by all. Well, except the navy.

JMW, having known a few folks who were in the Navy around 1966, my guess is that beer you "saved" had been liberated from someone else in the dark of night, thus you were only securing the evidence to protect the Navy from the embarrassment of being caught with ill-gotten goods. That was really commendable of you...

The best beer ever is JW Dundee's Honey Brown Lager. Also acceptable are Moosehead and Elsinore, although the latter can sometimes cause tummy problems. Or is that milk?

Seriously though, JWD Honey Brown is the nectar of the gods.

Oops, I forgot. I'm supposed to use bold, italics, and bold italics.

Here are some more pics to drool over:

one
two
three
four
five

Now go out and consume the goodness.

adonis - is that "Moosehead" the same ... um ... stuff my brother-in-law useta refer to as "Moosebreath" ... ? (He wasn't very complimentary about it ... and there were times when he was comparing it to some of Canada's finest ... merely wonderin' ...)

Popular to contrary opinion, I haven't been out drinking with your bro-n-law, UO. I think that Moosehead clearly beats anything Miller, Corona, or Heineken has ever pumped out. My last Corona tasted exactly like a penny, and don't let Heineken get above room temperature, or it gets nasty!

psst, UO. Sorry I called you a girl earlier, lost track of who was what. Please forgive me!

Reminds me of the Monty Python routine about how american beer is like making love in a row boat. . .

Never gotten Moosehead - had some grissley p***ey though in my time... Just sayin

Suds,
After all these years, I can now rest in piece knowing I saved the Navy from embarrassment. Gracias for the saving grace. And let the Suds flow!

adonis -

No problem ... I figgered you'd figger it out sooner or later ... HOWever ... dang, now I one of them pussycats ... cute little ... kitties ... with MY name on it ...

I have it on good authority that it was a cat burglar who did the job.......

Running low on cat nip. See crime scene photo attached.




If ever offered one of these, drop everything and say "Yes, please!".

**back on thread** ((sorry in advance.))

snoopy snoopy happy dance. I GOT POSTED! I GOT POSTED! whew. to much excitement for a monday!

I thought dave snuck off to wisconsin and did this, thus the low post-age yesterday.

I can't believe no one's posted something like this:

Aleph-null bottles of beer on the wall
Aleph-null bottles of beer
Take one down, pass it around
Aleph-null bottles of beer on the wall

Am I the only one in all of 63 comments that recognizes that this is simply a re-play of the original Smokey and the Bandit movie?

C'mon, folks! We got more old fogies around here than that.

Dang it, S-boy, we were ignoring that!

Blue, it's entirely possible I've had that beer, although my recall is a bit foggy, probably a result of the quantity I probably had... is it brewed near Stuttgart perchance, on the corner of a main drag? Got a fabulous restaurant right there on the premises? Fresh-on-the-spot German weissenbier can't be beat, that's fer sher!

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