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February 16, 2006

CRIME IN STATE COLLEGE

The Gingerbread Man: a urination hotspot.

(Thanks to Paul Levine)

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the area between The Gingerbread Man and The Diplomat, 329 E. Beaver Ave., is a hotbed of activity,

I believe no further comment is necessary

329 E. Beaver Ave?

"Honey, what the hell are you doing down there? I swear it feels like you're at 256 W. Beaver Ave!"

Peeing in public is a time-honored male tradition dating back to the Stone Age...

I think it's a slap in the face of humanity itself to outlaw such a thing.

squelch the squatters

There's an alliteration you don't see every day.


BTW, with the number of Johns showing in the blog (NTTAWTT) it was time for a change. Thanks to the Hobbit Name Generator.


King Wingbipeekaboo was about to point out this very fact, but Christobol and Betsy as usual have beaten him to it.

So to add to the conversation in a meaningful way: King Wingbipeekaboo LOVES beavers.

WOW - I've had some pretty incredible wizzes in my time, but nothing notable enuff to actually get a Citation for - THATS something to strive for!

"Pardon me."

"Oh geez, officer, you scared me."

"Gonna have to write you up for public urination."

"What if I could hit that lady over there?"

"From here?"

"Yeah."

"In that case, I'd make it a warning."

look occifer, I can write my name....

"I've had some pretty incredible wizzes in my time..."

"What if I could hit that lady over there?..."

It seems... [pausing, searching for words] I don't understand men.

No, Tamara, you just don't understand CHRISTOBOL. Nobody does. Don't try anymore. Just accept him!

Also CoastRaven. Who was the one who posted the wizzing thing. But all other men, we are perfectly normal.

Tamara - if it helps, be sure to imagine a female officer in the scenerio.

And for the wizzer, uh, let's say it's Dave. Not that he'd ever pee outside, but that's what makes it funnier.

As for the "lady", I probably don't need to mention that she would be Queen Elizabeth.

My wife noticed that the grass lining our backward patio was unusually lush this year. I am still building up the courage to tell her why.

Argiro said he was baffled by the fact that so many people would try to pee in a well-lighted area that was also protected by camera surveillance.

I'm going to go out on a limb and say that alcohol was somehow involved.

HOORAY!!! For centuries we men (as a group) have lamented the fact (sometimes in secret and sometimes under our breath) that we simply don't understand women. It is incredibly refreshing to hear one of the fair gender (and one of the fairer members of the fair gender I might add) admit that THEY HAVE NO CLUE EITHER... now we can get back to the more important things in life.

i dunno about a 'hotbed' of activity, maybe a 'warmbed'...

i guess this puts the 'p' in 'psu' (for public standing urination)

" Why did you run out back to urinate?"

"This line was too long."

"But this is the DMV."

"It was also a political statement."

It is The Good King's job, as a good king, to rule bravely and justly. How this involves peeing, please do not ask. The Good King has many other kingly duties to attend to. He has servants to pee for him.

"What did you do tonight, honey? Save any lives?"
"No, I sat around all night and made sure there wasn't any illegal peeing."

BWAH! You guys all just gave me multiple *snorks!*--especially Texas!

Aha! You know the saying that everything's bigger in Texas? Voila! The secret is revealed!

Penn State!

Why did it have to be Penn State?

And how did I know it would be Penn State?

Don't ask. I can't talk about it. And I went to Berkeley but this ex boyfriend who went there.... OH, I said I couldn't talk about it.

never mind.

I'm hurt, I vomited in that alley once and never got nothing but a bad hangover.

*snork* for C-bol

My office isn't too far from a homeless shelter and, for some reason, somebody keeps pooping next to my friend's truck.

Not sure how a sting would work there:

"Sir, here's your sitation."
"Oh - paper! Thanks."

Eleanor, what the Good King wants for you to do is: Stand up, turn around, walk slowly away from the computer, fix yourself a nice cup of warm milk, draw the curtains, and lie down on the sofa for a solid week. Resist the temptation to turn on the television. It's all garbage anyway.

Let’s see…public urination is not usually my area of expertise, but I’ll give it some thought……

Okay, how ‘bout this:
A man walks into a bar and says, “Bartender, do you have a restroom?”
Bartender says, “Two of ‘em, but they’re both full.”
Man says, “C’mon, it’s an emergengy. I’ll give you twenty bucks to let me in.”
Bartender: “Well I can’t let you in, but I know of a spot between here and
E Beaver St. that might suffice.”
Man: “Thanks.” Hands bartender $20.00 and runs out the door.
Bartender watches the man leave and makes a phone call.
Bartender (speaking into the phone): “It’s me officer O’mally. I got my twenty bucks, now here comes your quota for the month.”

*See, it’s like a set up—not funny? It’s all I got.*

A friend of mine got arrested for indecent exposure once for peeing in a residential neighborhood even though he was standing behind a tree near the road and not near any houses...

The legal definition of indecent exposure meant exposing oneself for some sort of sexual gratification. My friend actually had to go to court and explain that while finally being able to pee was a great relief to him, he didn't get that much out of it sexually....

The judge dismissed the charge...

"I vomited in that alley once and never got nothing but a bad hangover."

Amen to that.

This whole thread just pisses me off.

" My friend actually had to go to court and explain that while finally being able to pee was a great relief to him, he didn't get that much out of it sexually...."

Now, the masturbation right afterword, on the other hand...

On the other hand?

Oh yes.

Mr. C

;-)

Mr. C (Happy birthday, BTW) - you know what they say: Better to be pissed off than pissed on.

...and a general *SNORK* to all.

Giving this group 'poop' as a topic is like feeding an ADD kid some sugar cubes and a liter of coffee.

Thanks, Good King Wingbipeekaboo, that's a good idea.

When do you think I'll stop sobbing?
Just askin'
*sigh*

Har, har! Brainy said 'poop'!!!!!

Tonight on The Shield...

Vic and his strike team sit in a parking lot for hours on the tax payer dime waiting to catch drunk college students going wee wee where they shouldnt.

Brainy - Good point. Thanks.

I wonder if the bar is named for the J.P. Donleavy book
or the children's book. I remember Donleavy's fondly, at least enough to think there's a good possibility that it could inspire a bar, especially given an address between Beaver and Diplomat. Can't recall the children's story at all. Ah, well, I'm off now to Funky Town, courtesy of a recurring, self-generating earwig. Pray for me...

While I was in the Marine Corps public urination was a source of great pride - in fact - the more public - the more pride. I have some particularly fond memories of flooding the sidewalks in Toulon, France (Maybe that's why the French hate us some much)

Bulldog- That could be it. But then again. If you had seen there river...

huh yesterday bloody dick. and today...

Why don't they just save time and place a public toilet there.

If you had seen there river...

I think you mean "if you had seen yonder river."

So anyone think its time for another one of these yet?
Test Post

Back in cattle country they have a device called an "electric fence." Being a female, I have never been in a contest to see if I could spray clear to the little wire fence, but every guy I have ever heard describe being successful in this endeavor has just one word for it--"YOUUUUSA!" Evidently it is a tender spot to receive an electric shock.

Seems like that would be a far more effective deterrent than a citation?

a review of the above comments seems to indicate a presumption that the individuals involved in the public urination under discussion were of the male gender, whereas the article seems to indicate the opposite, and I quote:

A camera that captures the parking lot was installed because of problems with vehicle damage in the past, but it does not seem to scare people enough to squelch the squatters...

When the topic of dicussion is peein', I beleive "squatters" would be a reference to chicks

just sayin'

Hey, could you guys keep the hilarity down in here? I've got a brain-crushing migraine, which, though it allows me to appreciate your fine pee-related postings, is not conducive to either laughing out loud, or coming up with anything witty.

Just wanted to let you know that from this dark, sound proof, vomit-pail-holding room....I'm with you all in spirit..... booger...*shhhhhhhhh*

Silly TCK - there's no rule against poultry using the facilities of the great outdoors.

Perhaps the reason State College, PA has a Beaver Street is because here is a whole town named Beaver, PA and the street leads there?

There is considerable distance between the two, but the world is round - it'll get there.

*yells* Sorry Punkin!!!! Oh opps to loud.

arrrrghhhhh......*must get head out of vise*

There's also a Beaver College....or was, until they couldn't take it any more and changed their name to Arcadia. Don't ask me how I know this.

This is old, sure you have heard it before, but the most sexually explicit words on television in the 60's (50's) were "Ward, weren't you a little hard on the Beaver last night?"

TCK - I squat when I pee.

But only because of the uncontrollable bowel oosage.

*he says in a really suave manner*

snork@Cbol

TMI

In keeping with the spirit of this thread, I hereby submit this movie (rated G. Okay, maybe PG).

Enjoy.

Poo - feel better soon.

Oh, and I may have meant "oozage" instead of "oosage", which is a bipedal midget rodent indigenous to the Australian Outback.

Come to think of it, the oosage is involved too.

So, nevermind.

*remains suave, tosses in a dash of debonaire*

C'bol - *snork*, but with one demerit for tmi.

I laughed so hard at this thread I peed.

Indoors though.

Good one, Annie WBH! I was just going to call TCK a pig, but your humor is so much more sophisticated, so I defer to you.

AND
I'm sure we all know who was born, fittingly enough, in Beaver Falls, PA?

The Great One.

Hanna, that's great! How did you come up with that?!
A brother of mine worked for a minor league team in Portland, the Portland Beavers and they had a bumper sticker: "Beaver Fever Snatch It".

Cristo, you are great BUT: uncontrollable bowel oosage!! I'd rather eat b sprouts than have that image again! (although, I do understand, unfortunately)

Officer: "Hey! You can't p*ss here!"

Drunk: "I ain' gone p*sh here, Offsher. I'm gone p*sh waaaaayyyyy over there."

Stupe - we just chastised C'bol for 'uncontrollable bowel oosage'. Now we've got to cite you for 'uncontrollable vowel oosage.'

El - don't call him a pig. I think he likes that.

Annie - Would you lighten up if I said, "Oooops!"?

Come on, Stupe. You know I'd do anything for you.

*breifly considers takin' offense at El's "pig" comment, but then considers the source, and decides it musta been meant as a compliment*

is there such a thing as an uncontrollable vowel movement?

I think 'calling Earl' would qualify as a 'uvm.'

Texas- You surprised me. I would've thought urine would have had the opposite effect on grass.

Mucho snorkage to all, and to all a good night.

TCK, be good to the posse. As River told Jayne, "I can kill you with my brain."

Frick. I said River!

Bumble - much as I luv ya, and much as I fear your mind, I gotta point out that it ain't my fault that chicks squat when they pee

also, for the record, it is not my fault that C-bol squats when he pees

I guess that should been "much as I fear your brain"

same difference - I'm scared of anyone that can get an A+ on an accounting test

For the record, TCK sold me four oosages for $1

And promised squatting was suave.

well, squatting IS suave - as long as you do it suavely

and if ya think yer gonna get yet $1 back, yer sadly mistaken

them wuz quality oosages

Mrs's Blogs article from today's Miami Herald.

(As long as I put it in correctly, that is.)

Let me try that again...

article

Oh well, still don't have the knack. The URL is:
http://www.miami.com/mld/miamiherald/news/front/13883730.htm

No - I don't want that dollar back, I know where it's been. If you have a different dollar, though...

Suavely Squatting wbagnfarb

Points to Bumble for suavely inserting a Firefly reference.


And instead of "Frick," did you possibly mean "Freckin freck?"

LisaBFF - I have a "copy and paste" thingy to do the links, so you never have to actually LEARN anything, if you can copy and paste.

If you want it, e-mail me. :)

Peter, used to work for construction company.

Long time ago. You must be young. Sigh***

LisaBFF, I have an angry crustacean that lives in my navel and does all my links for me.

If you want it, please, PLEASE, just let me know.

*snork* at C-bol! I hope it doesn't hurt too much. :)

BoredCrow~ Thank you for the points. You obviously must have excellent taste since you're here and knew that reference. :-)

TCK~ You are wise to fear my brain. Heck, I fear it. Tells me all sorts of weird things. As for suave squat-peeing, here is my next quote for the day:

Monica: Oh, please. You can pee standing up! What do women have that can top that?
Chandler: We can? I'm trying that!

Lisa, you don't want anything that resides in C-bol's navel. Trust me. Lisa's Link

Thanks C-bol, it sounds painful. I'll let you know.

Thanks Bumble--that's it! Good article.

Yes indeed. If genes count for anything, Sophie'll be the best writer ever.

That's true!

Tonight on SCPD Blue: Stakeout Foils Sensitive Leaks

To use a really old term from a different era of journalism, Mrs. Blog writes a good stick.

Yes, she does, but now I'm craving Happy Hippos again.

This is from the vintage joke closet:

A secret service agent walks into President Bill Clinton's office:

"Sir? Looks like we've got a little problem."

"What? Did Monica miss her bus home again?"

"No, sir. Worse. Someone wrote "Clinton sucks!" in the snow near the executive rose garden."

"Well, what's so bad about that? No one but us are going to see it, right?"

"Um, we were able to analyze the penmanship sir. It's Hillary's handwriting."


they should sell t-shirts :

I peed and I peed just as fast as I can.
You can't bust me at the Gingerbread Man!

Or:
The line was long to get into the can,
So I 'zipped' outside at the Gingerbread Man!

"Squelch the squatters"?? So these are women peeing behind the Gingerbread Man?

wb - a day late and a dollar short

For what it costs to arrest and prosecute these people couldn't they just install a prota-potty?

OK, I wasn't gonna do this, but here we go-

An American tourist in London decides to skip his tour group and explore the city on his own. He wanders around, seeing the sights, and occasionally stopping at a quaint pub to soak up the local culture, chat with the lads, and have a pint of Guinness.
After awhile, he finds himself in a very high class
neighborhood.....big, stately residences... no pubs, no stores, no restaurants, and worst of all... NO PUBLIC RESTROOMS. He really, really has to go, after all those pints of Guinness. He finds a narrow
side street, with high walls surrounding the adjacent buildings and decides to use the wall to solve his problem.

As he is unzipping, he is tapped on the shoulder by a London Bobbie, who says, "I say, sir, you simply cannot do that here, you know."

"I'm very sorry, officer," replies the American, "but I really, really HAVE TO GO, and I just can't find a public restroom."

"Ah, yes," said the Bobbie..."Just follow me". He leads him to a back "delivery alley", then along a wall to a gate, which he opens. "In there," points the Bobbie. "Whiz away, anywhere you want."

The fellow enters and finds himself in the most beautiful garden he has ever seen. Manicured grass lawns, statuary, fountains, sculptured hedges, and huge beds of gorgeous flowers, all in perfect bloom. Since he has the cop's blessing, he unburdens himself and is greatly relieved. As he goes back thru the gate, he says to the Bobbie

"That was really decent of you . . . is that what you call "British Hospitality?"

"No" replied the Bobbie, with a satisfied smile on his face, "that is what we call the French Embassy."

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