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February 24, 2006

ATTENTON, TRAVELERS TO GERMANY

You might want to avoid Elsa.

(Thanks to Suzy Q)

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Yeah I think I do.

On the upside, the Tulips will be beautiful next year!

Das ist viel Schwein Scheiße.

What a load of crap! (Actually, Bumble already said that).

Well at least they weren't up to their necks in it, like I usually am.

the mother of all muck

I think I've met her.

I sent that in 2 days ago. Especially note the Key Quote: "the mother of all muck." - the well-spring of all muck offspringdom.

Al, you're usually up to your neck in pig manure? Please don't elaborate. ;)

Well, I've heard of shi&kickers, but shi&surfers? Not so much...

Mother of Muck!

WBAGNFARB

They could open for Queens of the Stone Age....

I'd have to sell my house and move. No, I'd burn the house down, blow it up, and then sell it and move.

Lab, with the methane involved, setting the house on fire is blowing it up. I could imagine the chain reaction that would cause.

I think I'm gonna faint. Two things blogged in the same day??!!!

Wow. Only 5,796,211 to go till I catch up with Claire Martin!

Are the people/farmers of Elsa collecting the manure for something special? Is it really necessary to stockpile this stuff? Is there an official pig sh#t collection every third Friday in Elsa? Anyone got any answers?

" "The village was swamped with green-brown liquid and it was pig manure -- the mother-of-all muck," said Rainer Prediger, a police spokesman in the nearby town of Coburg."

Well the town was close, but far enuff away so as not to smell the muck... and strategically upwind

Perhaps they just leave the tank by the recycleables containers for easy pick-up

My guess is that they're REALLY looking forward to the spring rainy season!

In related news:
The Bavarian Reisboro has announced a sudden raise in holiday seakers with most selecting warm water destinations. It appears the fun loving Bavarians are looking to soak their smells away.

Fischer Travel has offerred a "free of charge" bus service to the Munich Airport to further accomodate the clients in their desire to be "...as far away from this mess as possible.", as stated by Bergermeister Heidelwurst. When asked about household security if the entire town is vacated he replied, "Are you kidding!? WHO in their right mind would want to be here? Otherwise, they're welcome to it." (Or something to that effect.)

Included in the Fischer package is a pair of clean shoes - obstensively to keep their buses and planes oder free.

Wow Suzie two in a row take a bow girlfriend you have earned this!!!

*marks Elsa off list of towns to visit in Germany this summer*

When I worked for the State of Iowa in their Soil Conservation division, we had to meet with a farmer who wanted to build a larger hog confinement facility. He needed a bigger waste lagoon, so we were out there taking measurements and surveying. It was warm so (obviously) the smell of manure was pretty strong, but at one point as we were working the farmer took a deep breath and said, "Ahhhh! The smell of money!"

No, I'm not kidding.

BTW - cyaneyed - I don't know about Germany, but here in Iowa farmers use stockpiled liquid manure as fertilizer. They pump it into "honey wagons" and inject it into the soil. Solid wastes are loaded into manure spreaders (aka "turd hearses") and spread out over the surface of a field to fertilize it.

This has been your agricultural 411 for the day.

Also, "Turd Hearses" WBAGNFARB.

*takes a bow and the cupcake with big happy smile*


The World salutes you, Suzy Q!!!

Female blogits RULE!!

AN - My grandmother (in Spirit Lake) used to call it the smell of money, too. I remember spending my teen-age summers back in IA with my grandparents. Idyllic times but, once in a while, the wind would shift to the south-east and, WHOO-EE!, it was bad. On those days the screens on the doors and windows were (ISIANMTU) covered with flies. Pig manure smells so much worse than cow manure.

All hail, Suzy Q! Power to the girlie bloglits!!!

ScottMGS - I agree on your pig stink review. The rest of you - take the smell of the worst diaper, multiply the intensity 50 times, then imagine not only smelling it, but tasting it, all day long, to the point where your skin is tingling and your brain is just a flat line on an ekg.

Has anyone ever driven by a paper factory? Hands down, one of the worse smells ever. Saurkraut and pig and dirty diapers combined. I think only the smelling-impaired are allowed to live by one.

Additional benefits of hog manure. While I was in school I did some farm labor to earn tuition, etc. Occasionally this would involve shoveling hog manure.

Hog manure is an incentive to stay in school.

ncc1701~ YES! I used to have to pass one to get to a place I frequented for quite a while. It reeked. What on earth do they use to make paper that stinks so bad?

I, too, unfortunately used to live a little too close to a paper factory (depending on which way the wind was blowing, but I must say that a chicken farm is a darn close second on my bad-smell-o-meter.

I don't ever want to know.

Addicted - you didn't filch one of Sophie's cupcakes did you???

*inserts a closing parentheses after "blowing" up there.

Darn!! When WILL I learn to use that "Preview" button??

As to what a chicken farm smells like, I'm trying to think up an appropriately colorful description for those of you who haven't ever had the pleasure (?) of experiencing it....

Nah, I got nothin'....

OK, just imagine a litter box that hasn't been changed in a while, and multiply that by about 5,000 chickens in a fairly small space.

*blushes from the kudos from Eleanor and Annie*

Thanks!

*wipes frosting from chin*

I once went to the house in the country of a CDA friend to pick up some papers and he raised pigs. For many, many months afterward every time I ran into him at Court, I could smell that smell - the worst EVER, and I've been to a chicken ranch (pretty awful) and my Ex and I on a vacation were in that town where they filmed Officer and a Gentleman and there was a paper mill, and that was horrible, but not as bad as the pigs.
/end smell rant

El - ever been close to a mushroom farm? Pig crap smells like roses in comparison.

I'll remember that TCK, but I thought mushrooms just grew in the woods and people walked around picking them holding a chart to show which were the poison ones.
NO???

There was a mushroom farm here that caught fire and they couldn't put it out. They apparently grew them underground in caves. That thing smoked for months. I'd give the paper mill the bronze, mushroom fire the silver, but pig muck takes the gold.

sthnbelle - You're close, but lose the litter. I spent too long in Frank Perdues hometown. It may take a tough man to make a tender chicken, but if they came up with one that didnt have so much STANK attached to it, that man would be on the fasttrack to sainthood!

Ok, since we're playin' my stink is worse than your stink, you all have not smelled stink until you smell the bathroom after it has been used by the sasquatch my brother decided he had to marry - sasquatch stench beats pig stench seven ways to sunday - just sayin'

CR - AMEN!

sthnbelle & CoastRaven~ My aunt's house (my home away from home) is just down the road from a chicken farm. I second that.

TCK~ Thank heavens we're not related.

that's funny Bumble - I say the same thing to my sister-in-law pretty much every time I see her

*looks at the leader board*
Lesse - TCK has ticked off lawyers, wives, inlaws, lawyers wives, and sasquatch so far today... Unless I have missed a few you're laggin behind your average day TCK - feelin OK?

TCK~ Oh. Your brother's wife. I didn't read carefully; I thought you said your brother. Never mind.

CoastRaven~ He hasn't ticked me off yet, but as Curly said, "Day ain't over yet."

CoastRaven - I have a cold - it's draggin' me down a little - I'm hopin' to be back in fightin' form by Monday - thanks for askin'

Bumble - I go to great lengths to try not to tick you off, cuz I always like to have at least one female freind I can go cryin' to after I've managed to tick everybody else off - since, of all the blog chicks, you are by far the most tolerant of me, I choose you

your TCK tolerance level is also one of the reasons i love you best, snuggle bug

That's cuddle bug. *blushes*

Btw, what's TCK stand for? If you won't tell, I'll make up my own acrostics for it. I guarantee they'll be interesting. ;-)

Bumble, I wish you hadn't asked him that. The answer is way more boring than the question.
Trust me on this one.

oh yeah, you're right - it is cuddle bug (sorry)

and I would tell you what TCK stands for, but, for some reason, it makes a certain southern california goddess very angry when I do so - ask me again later when there are fewer southern california goddesses in the immediate vicinity

in the meanwhile, feel free to make up your own

although El is correct in one respect (which does happen on ocassion, purely due to the laws of chance) - the actual answer is pretty boring

Well, I'd like to know anyway. To pass the time:

Too
Crass
(for)
Kissing

or

Totally
Cuddly
(and)
Kind

or

Teasing
Candid
Kid

Vastly different, I know, but at various times all three can be applied.

OK, I like all three of those, even if the differences indicate a certain level of insanity on my part, given that i apparently have at least 3 distinct personalities

so, is El still around?

lets find out - a poem:

Between grand theft and a legal fee, there only stands a law degree

hmmmm - that shoulda brought her outa the woodwork, but lets try another one, just in case:

Lawyer's Creed

A man is innocent until proven broke

OK, she's clearly not here

so i'll tell ya the boring answer:

TC is my first name (well, actually, it's the first letter of my first name and the first letter of my middle name, but most of my freinds call me TC)

K is the first letter of my last name

see, El was right - the answer is more boring than the question

and not nearly as good as the one's you came up with

So to say what you just said succinctly, they're your initials.

Thomas Christopher Kincaid? Trevor Caleb Knitch? Todd Carl Kollins? Timothy Cameron Krauss?

yes, my initials

and out of the 12 names you just listed, one of them is actually one of mine

Narrowing attempt. Thomas, Christopher, Carl, and Timothy. Is it in there?

*snork*

maybe

"The Chauvinist Kook?"

*applauds Annie*

Timothy? I'll just call you that till you tell me. Timothy.

yes Annie, when I was born, my mother decided to honor my great uncle Chauvinist by naming me after him

Kook, of course, is the family name, and "The" seemed to go so well with "Chauvinist Kook" that she just went with it

Timothy Calvin Klein.

*snicker*

OK cuddle bug

*snork*

"Isn't that your name? Calvin Klein? It's written all over your underwear."

I don't wear underwear

so unless "Calvin Klein" is tatooed on my ass, and I'm pretty sure it's not...

I soooo did not need to know that. But OK, Mr. Smarty no-pants. Do you know what that quote's from?

Back to the Future

(and I was just kiddin' about the no underwear thing - boxers guy - but no calvin kleins)

Correct. We'll civilize you yet. :-)

I wear briefs. Fruit of the Loom low-rise briefs. Because no matter what kind of jeans I buy, regular brief underwear pokes out the top at the back. I hate trendy clothes. *sigh*

OK, suddenly we're discussin' underwear...

NTTAWWT

You started it.

And while we're on the subject, why do disgusting large-butted women wear thongs with low-rise jeans and squat in front of zoo exhibits, showing everyone behind them more than they wanted to see?

*shudder*

BTW, don't tell El I told you what TCK stands for

(I know, she can just read it for herself, but after she sees the lawyer jokes, she'll forget all about the whole name thing)

gotta go - see ya around cuddle bug

Why would she care that I know they're your initials?

*e-mails El to see*

Just kidding. See ya!

Timothy Cold Keg? I think I'll start calling TCK Timothy, too.

Bumble - thanks for the painful visual. Butt you're right - it's always the fat ones squatting. I have a theory that the peeking thong is actually trying to escape, saying, "Somebody save me - I can't take the pressure anymore!"

One Saturday we were at the zoo when we came to an empty exhibit that a cute construction guy was working on. My son asked me what animal lived there. "Well," I replied within earshot of the cute dude,"This is the home of the extremely rare American Week-end Working Male." The cute guy cracked up and said, "Yeah, we're endangered." "Of course you are," I said, "The only way we can get you to do anything is to threaten you."

*snork*

Good one Annie.

*zips in*

I've been out test driving some kind of SUV Jeep with CG so he could get a free ski lift ticket. I flashed (with clothes on) the sales guy and he gave me 4 ticketswhen he was only supposed to give each test driver one!!
Hooray for ramparts!

I will no longer be speaking to TCK. Would someone please tell him that the LAST thing I ever needed to know was what kind of underwear he wore.

Thank you.

Does this mean you won't be talking to me anymore either?

Merely sayin' ... I useta raise pigs ... yeah, the smell is memorable ... HOWever ... a sugar beet factory upwind of you has an ambiance all its own ...

... um ... sorry ... make that sugar beet plant -- as in "where the process the beets into sugar" ... not as "something that grows in a beet field" ... and fer shure, they don't "manufacture" sugar beets there ...

My bad ... almost as bad as the smell ...

Not at all, Bumble sweetie, not at all.

*zips out for tonight*

Worst smell ever? Have you ever seen one of those fly trap thingies that you fill with water and break an ampule of "attractant?" I dropped one of those once. Imagine combining pig muck, rotting meat, and DEATH.But hey, 20 million flies can't be wrong!

But these were contented pigs.

All animals are equal. But some are more equal to stink than others.

just buy this house now for 375,000 Euros in cash right now and we can be friends for a little while because it has marble floors, a balcony, and borders the LOVELY GERMAN NATURE BLACK FOREST WALDESCH THUNDER CULTURE OF THE HAWK AND SAVAGE WILD EDIBLE GERMAN ANIMAL IN THIS HUNTING RESORT VACATION LOCATION. We have so many fffffffff....pics......................just ask us for more pics.............if you REALLY intend to buy this house that is OH SO CLOSE TO HOLLAND AND FRANCE YET SO OH SO GERMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!! -designed by my Grandfather and his brother. (Scientist,Philosopher,Chemist,Pharmacy Doctor,Explorer,Medial Dr., Researcher, Rocket Scientist...........................etc. etc. there are paintings for sale at www.bernardboffi.com


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