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February 15, 2006

ATTENTION, PRODUCE SHOPPERS

Be careful.

Key Quote: I noticed a large web and spider sack that was attached near the top of the banana with several little "very healthy" spiderlings escaping across the kitchen counter and running along my banana.

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We once found a badger in our trashcan. I know it doesn't seem as scary, but it was one of them new-fangled badgers with the teeth and the rap music. Scary stuff, man. Scary stuff.

i sure don't want any spiders anywhere near my banana

or my fruit neither

I particularly like the comment "I am aware most spiders found in bananas are known to be deadly." That's a great fact I'm going to start sharing at parties.

If it were me, I'd skip the exterminator and just sell the damned house. One question: would deadly Brazilian spiders be a required disclosure?

1) Does the "mama" spider actually stay with the eggs? Doubt it!

2) "The grocer said there is a quarantine process that banana shipments go through, such as sprays, cold storage, etc... - Color me skeptical.

Ahh! I saw a show about these the other night on PBS. Very large, very dangerous, very scary.

*breaks out the skeptical-colored body paint*

I have a Brazilian Wandering Wife, which is scary enough for me! I just took my new 100 megawatt laser and vaporized my remaining bananas, the kitchen and the grocery store around the corner where I bought 'em, just to be safe.

BTW, TamaraRWC, I have looked through my entire 1000 Crayola collection and cannot find "skeptical", so I will not be able to color you. Sorry.

She should kill the spiders by jabbing a pencil into the banana . . .

Has anyone noticed that it's always bananas in which spiders are found? I'll just stick with strawberries and apples, thanks - they are less likely to harbor deadly arachnids.

Guin, I agree... with apples all one needs to worry about is finding half of a worm (without the mezcal).

See, this is why I have all those complex banana preparation rituals, with all the syrups and whipped creams and whatnot. I'm a safety nut, really.

Speaking of spiders on your banana, I just wrote another song parody - Cheney's Got A Gun

Screw that! I'm going to stick to less-deadly foods, like potato chips and crackers, where the biggest threat I have to worry about are some rat droppings and/or bug parts (but not whole, live ones)!

The site is down so I can't read the article.

Thank you, Dave Barry fans!!

*zips out to check C-bol's new parody*

Andrew? Are you sure the spider in the picture you posted isn't French? It looks like it's trying to surrender.

...which I placed on the banana holder to ripen.

Would that be a Joe Namath netted slingshot banana holder?

Anyway, she doesn't have to worry about the mama. They don't hang around. More likely the sac she found is a local species. But yeah, if they DID make it all the way from South America to her kitchen (doubtful--too much handling and stuff in between), they could quite easily grow and thrive in her house. Yeek. Call the fumigator.

But I'm confused: didn't Harry Belafonte tell us that bananas "hide de deadly black taranchla"?

Hmmm...

*stares at Tamara RWC for a minute*

*double-loads a 1" wash brush with neon green and road sign orange*

*paints daisy petals all over Tamara RWC*

Yep! Looks skeptical to me!

C'Bol - Most excellent! It's so blindingly obvious once it's out there, yet I haven't seen anyone else hit it. Very nicely done.

Belafonte was talking about Carribean spiders and/or bananas, IIRC...

"This s**t is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S.. this s**t is BANANAS, B-A-N-A-N-A-S!!"

Oh, Aunt Nancy, can you paint my back now? I'm only half-done; that was Federal Duck's back you painted. Or was it Christobol's imaginary unmarried twin brother's? I forget.

Spiders. Why did it have to be spiders?

*sneaks up to Tamara and paints a teeny spider on her left butt cheek*

Deadly Brazilian Spiders
WBAGNFARB

also...

Ladies and Gentlemen, here they are with their latest chart topper, the fabulous "Egg Sack and the Spiderlings"!!!!

TRWC - most spiders are very good at mothering and stay close to the egg sack or carry it with them.

As for bananas: I never buy'em, 'cause after you skin'em and throw the bone away, there's nothin' left!

Ummm, anyone notice that this chick pointed out that her HUSBAND is the one who brought home the bananas? He might be in some serious trouble. Also, I can see this brief exchange at our dinner table tonight.

Wife:'See, honey? This woman has her husband do the shopping.'
Husband: 'Yes, dear, but he brought home death with the fruit. Therefore, you may rest assured that I will never wreak havoc on our household by doing the grocery shopping again.'
Curse this article, I must make sure MY husband never sees it.

OK, I am filled with confusion.
Here's the Brazilian Wandering Spider
http://www.petbugs.com/caresheets/P-fera.html

I like the very alarming note at the bottom.
"Please note that ALL true spiders have a certain amount of venom. This species happens to have very strong venom. If you get bit by it, you may very well die."

OTOH, I get this in InfoPlease
banan'a spi"der
a large, brown and yellow nonvenomous crab spider, Heteropoda venatoria, seen on the walls of buildings in the tropics, sometimes transported to other regions in shipments of bananas.

Which contradicts her whole "All spiders in bananas are venomous".

The solution is easy.

She simply needs to peel (not peal) the bananas and leave them in strategic locations throughout the house. That way, all unsuspecting spiders will slip on the peels causing severe leg damage, or extreme embarassment at the very least.


WriterDude: As an offspring of two teachers (one being an English teacher/librarian), all I can say is HUH?! More power to you.

Prairie Dog - InfoPlease is describing the spider known in the US as a Banana Spider, but which is actually a Golden Orb Spider. The Brazilian Wandering Spider is often found in bananas but, as its name implies, is found a lot of other places as well.

Tamara RWC - Oops! Sorry about that.

*gets 1" wash brush, neon green paint and road sign orange paint out again*

OK, now hold still...

There you go! Hey! Nice spider. No, I didn't put it there.

Did you want blue leaves with that?

Cook your nanas this way. That'll kill the eight-legged terrors.

I think I'll have a few grilled nanner, peanut butter and spider sandwiches...

Hey, at least it wouldn't bite you back.

"Needless to say the exterminator arrives this afternoon. We received a call today from head office, apologizing and that they will reimburse us for the expense of exterminator."

They sent this guy

A friend of ours just came over and was telling us about this spider. That a man in Kansas just had an infestation of these spiders in his house. He set off the bombs to kill them in his garage he heard one screaming like a cat and standing on its hind legs pissed off!! Then when he went to clean up the "bodies" of the ones the bomb was supposed to kill he didn't find a single one. They had all left the house and went somewhere else. He hasn't told his neighbors yet!!

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