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February 27, 2006

ATTENTION, MADE-FOR-CBS-MOVIE SCREENWRITERS

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One thing about the fine people of Chile: You can always count on them to stone to death any giant cephalopods they happen to come across at the beach. They did that to my Uncle Murray once.

At least it wasn't an iconic yellow labrador puppy. And, on the other hand, at least Kimberly-Clark is not putting giant squid on their toilet paper.

Maybe everything is right in the world this morning after all.

"Ok, The Squidinator, Attack of the Ewwww, Take 1."

"Never fear, my love! I will protect you until my dying breat...AIIIYEEEEE!!"

"My...hero."

Yeah, but it did it sucker the kid to death or what?

*SNORK* @ Pogo!

So, exactly how many orders of calamari is that?

Dosidicus gigas - WBAGNFARB

"...these cephalopods take over the beaches." Wait, are we talking about Spring Break here?

More poor journalism: no mention was made of how many people were served once the critter was fried. Inquiring (but not very smart) minds want to know.

"Stoned" to death!?!? Man those Chileans must have some primo parfait.

Chilean children fear Dosidicus gigas
While fishermen reach for their jiggers
Peasants' celebrations surged
when fried calamari is served
With a distilled cocktail they call the Squid Swigger

How could anyone be scared of something called a "cuttlefish"? Cristina Rodríguez on the other hand is a name to fear!

Forget CBS! This is one for the Sci-Fi channel because I swear they have had a made-for-tv movie about every creature known to man, giant Komodo dragons, giant alligators, giant spiders, giant mosquitoes, etc.

I've been waiting for the attack of the giant chihuahuas....

*crosses Giant Squid costume off of Chilean vacation packing list*

Out on the Chilean beach on night
should'a looked left and I should'a looked right
didn't see the giant cephalopod
picked up a rock, and there your are

you got your dead squid just a layin' on the beach
dead squid just a layin' on the beach
dead squid lust a layin' on the beach
and he's stinkin' to high heaven

he got ten tentacles comin' outta his nose
he got a pointy beak he tries to nibble your toes
him and his kin trying to take o'er the beach
but me and my rock we got a lesson to teach

you got your dead squid just a layin' on the beach
dead squid just a layin' on the beach
dead squid lust a layin' on the beach
and he's stinkin' to high heaven

MOTW - Squid Swigger BAGNFARB?

"cephalopods take over the beaches" has such a nice ring to it. It shoulda' been the headline, for our headline of the day collection. Or perhaps we should all write a poem containing that phrase, similar to the dog ate mother's toes literary event of some time ago.

Wasn't something like this on an episode of the Rod Serling-era Twilight Zone? A squid washes up on a beach but the frightened locals stone it to death before seeing that it has a recipe book "How to Serve Delicious Scuingilli to Mankind." Or some such.

Stoned Cuttlefish or Stoned Squid WBAGNFARB.

God forbid it starts chunking rocks back at them. it's got ten arms!

>> reported to authorities who called for a local marine biologist.

"Is anyone here a marine biologist?"

"And at that moment, I was a marine biologist."

(You can't hear my George Constanza impression, but it's quite realistic.)

Am I stating the obvious by mentioning that Stoned Cephalopods WBAGNFARB?

*holds up bic lighter for MOTW and mud*

And the would be cephalopod savior was left to rethink his "Let he among you who is without appendages greater than four cast the first stone," strategy.

sea water temperature surges as much as two degrees

Two degrees is a surge?

Ummm.. how does one stone something that is underwater? Doesn't stoning involve rocks being thrown at something or alternatively smoking illegal substances? Don't stones thrown in the water gently fall to the bottom unless they are carried by the current? Which means it was the second 'stoning' and if so, how did they get the bong lit underwater?

So many questions...

Yes, olo, it's proof of global warming.

It IS HUGE, GINORMOUS, and whatever else really big words you know. :)

Wait a minute - I don't think water temp surges, I think it rises.

So I don't know WTF a 2 degree surge is.

never mind.

My guess is that if they could pull it out of the water it was already dead, close to it, or really, really stoned already.

Also, I'm really glad that Ms. Rodriguez told me precisely where in the Eighth Region the fishermen would be most exposed. Now I know not to go to Tomé.

El - I think it's a warm spot in the water. In the pool, we have another name for it. ;)

Got it Annie! :) *snork*

*Think I'll stay poolside when Annie is around*

*Goes to look for that pool chemical that turns bright blue when warm bodily fluids are released*

Cephalopods pee in the pool?

Hu gnu?

U.O. - the cephalopods knew - they were tryin' to keep it secret tho, so as to avoid bein' stoned to death

I'm going to remain silent, like the 'p' in 'swimming.'

Make your own!

http://www.strangebuttrewe.com/squidhat.pdf

I have abandoned my intended comment and have opted to share this interesting fact:

I Googled "common Chilean names" for use in this thread, and happened upon the following important information, from a list of common Chilean Spanish misunderstandings.

Word: Caballo (Male horse)

Central America Spanish: Male horse. Stupid. Jeans.

Chilean Spanish: Male horse. Something great, nice. Bastard. When the word caballo turns into yegua (female horse), this word means either lewd woman, or contemptible man.

Mexican Spanish: Male horse. Feminine sanitary towel.

I ask you, oh esteemed fellow bloglits. If "horse" can also mean bastard, jeans or feminine sanitary towel, isn't it entirely possible that a Chilean Spanish person shouted out "BEHOLD THE ICONIC LABRADOR CEPHALOPOD! IT IS A RARE AND TREASURED HOLY SIGN OF BEAUTY AND LOVE" and a large group of Central American or Mexican Spanish speaking passersby misinterpreted it as "STONE THE GIMUNDOUS BLINKING SQUID TO DEATH AND PLEASE PREPARE THE DIPPING SAUCE!"

This story warrants further investigation.

"...perhaps we should all write a poem..." OK javajones, you asked for it (and have probably already regretted that bit of temporary insanity):

It's the annual Spring Break event,
Cephalopods take over the beaches,
Of course, they bring their own tent,
Who cares that they lost the peaches.

They all bring some cheetos and beer,
Cephalopods take over the beaches,
They swim in from far and near,
No one has ever asked the leeches.

That's all I can manage while sober. Anyone who's already loaded, feel free to continue with the theme...

"Please prepare the dipping sauce" is what the preacher said at my wedding just before I kissed the bride.

And now the scores --
Dog, eight,
Mother's Toes -
Ten
all of them ...

whoa. squidward on steroids. wbagnfarb?

Just shows to go ya', you never know which threads are gonna die.

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