24

Here's the situation going into tonight's episode:

 

-- Despite the best efforts of fearless super-agent Jack Bauer, the terrorists are still at large with 19 deadly nerve-gas canisters and at least that many accents.

 

-- The president of the United States continues to display the leadership qualities of a dead conch.

 

-- Nobody at CTU has been able to stop the terrorists or – more important – make Audrey shut up.

 

In another alarming development, troubling cracks have begun to develop in the plot. In the blog comments regarding last week's episode, commenter Jimmyk offered this analysis:

 

Ok, I don't mean to take any of this seriously, but here's the situation: The canisters are useless without the 'chip,' as far as CTU knows. So (they) send Jack out to the terrorists with the chip, GIVE THE CHIP TO THE TERRORISTS, allow hundreds of women and childred to die, just so they can make sure to get those other canisters, WHICH WOULD BE USELESS WITHOUT THE CHIP THAT THEY JUST HANDED TO THE TERRORISTS… Can someone help me?

 To which commenter Tallulah added:

 

Jimmyk -- I was thinking the exact same thing, re: if the terrorists need the chip for the nerve gas to go off, why give them the freaking chip? At first, I was thinking, surely it's not a chip that actually detonates the device--it must be a tracking device! But, no! It's the real thing, and now CTU and Jack have actively participated in giving the terrorists back a functioning weapon, which they must now move heaven and earth to prevent from functioning. I don't get it, either.

My own feeling is that the main problem with the canisters is that they are boring. I've decided I'm going to give this season one more episode to improve, and if it doesn't, then, dammit, I'm going to keep watching anyway. Because that's the kind of American I am.

UPDATE: The beautiful woman on House is actually a man!

UPDATE: There's going to be a twist we won't believe.

UPDATE: Oooh. An early stabbing. Good sign.

UPDATE: I have NO idea what's going on so far, but it's violent, which is good.

UPDATE: Does it seem like every 15 minutes, they (a) set up a freaking perimeter, and (b) take Jack back into custody?

UPDATE: I can't put spaces between my updates.

UPDATE: Jack choked his own guy. That wacky renegade loner Jack!

UPDATE: OK, I am experiencing serious technical difficulties with my update capability. I will try setting up a perimeter and downloading the schematics, but you may be on your own for the rest of this episode in the comments section. This is probably a good thing, as I do no remotely understand the plot any more.

UPDATE: I can't be certain, but I think the president is on T-Mobile.

UPDATE: Maybe the Hobbit will shoot Audrey.

UODATE: It's all about oil!

UPDATE: Why is Jack suddenly helping the guy who shot Palmer? Who are the hostiles? WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?

UPDATE: I admire how they get excellent phone reception, even inside a building with a hail of bullets.

UPDATE: I have no idea who that guy was, and now he's dead.

UPDATE: Chloe's gonna data-mine the files and keep it under the radar. God, I love Chloe.

UPDATE: The president reminds me more and more of Lincoln.

UPDATE: Why is the Hobbit in such a snit? Does anybody understand that? Or anything else? No? OK, then.

UPDATE: Omichron! I KNEW it!

UPDATE: This episode was written by the Random Plot Generator.

UPDATE: The first lady TAKES ACTION.

UPDATE: What was the twist we don't believe? I am SO confused.

Comments

[slyeyes]

OK, we'll postpone that, judi. oooh! Pissed off Italians on ice.

Reminds me of my marriage.

ps. glad you are doing better, judi.

[«LabSpecimen»]

Jack and Chloe have just taken the ice...

[«LabSpecimen»]

They're looking for the Canisters of Mass Destruction. What they don't know is that they have been hidden in Sweden's Curling stones!

[bizrey]

The way those two are pissed at each other I'd be afraid to let the other's skate blades so near my throat O_o

[«LabSpecimen»]

Jack's getting ready to toss Chloe at a terrorist to distract him. Chloe will give him the Glare of Death!

[daisymae]

judi - I had to drive all the way to Miami to see the doc, get a chest x-ray, drive all the way back to Broward...then deal with all the confusion on 24 tonight. I'm exhausted!

Why are they wearing those weird scarves?

And whatever happened to pairs skating? Did they replace it with ice-prancing?

[slyeyes]

For a minute there, I thought he was gonna slam her into the boards.

[«LabSpecimen»]

Any minute now, a hobbit will slide out on the ice and try to take Jack into custody!

[bizrey]

I think I'll use that music in my next briefing!

[«LabSpecimen»]

Dammit. Still no canisters. I give up.

[slyeyes]

You know, maybe those two should be pissed at each other more often.

They did really well!!!

Bet they are gonna have some great make-up sex!!

[daisymae]

That's the ugliest costume I've ever seen (not scene).

[«LabSpecimen»]

Did you SEE her ELBOWS? The looked like this.

[bizrey]

daisymae: I think pairs skating was last week

[slyeyes]

*blinks*

You were watching her elbows?

[daisymae]

Lab, didn't you hear. They hid the cannisters in Sweden's curling stone (slaps head...where did I read that?....oh, of course...in Lab's post...sorry)

[«LabSpecimen»]

Here, lady. Use these. Often. Like every 23 seconds.

[bizrey]

Does the beer institute really need to tell me to enjoy beer?

[Steve]

Super quick summary:

3:00-4:00 - Jack gets a phone call from The Guy Previously Known as the Guy in the Dark Room, through Audrey at CTU. Jack gets into a gun fight on the roof of a building, no one calls the police over the machine gun fire, or the helicopter that's flying around with black smoke after someone shoots at it. After all, this is LA, and this happens every day there.

Audrey works with Chloe to get information from the chip Jack gets from The Guy Previously Known As The Guy in the Dark Room. The Hobbit goes CRAZY looking for the One Ring, and SWEARS that Chloe and Audrey are keeping the information from him. He goes so crazy, he locks up Bilbo...er....Bill, when he thinks Bill, Chloe, and Audrey are working against him. He looks threatheningly at Edgar, who was eating a ho-ho.

In the meantime, the terrorists get a hold of the President, because it's SUPER easy to get ahold of the president, (well, at least President Manilow), and ask him if they can pretty please have the motorcade route the Russian President is taking back to the airport. Mrs. Manilow hears this and completely freaks out. She's never been in a motorcade. She jumps into the limo at the end of the episode. As she drives away, it occurs to her she heard something about terrorists and a motorcade.

Body counts:
A number of people get shot, a living room in a video game commercial gets shot, Stylish gets knifed by yet ANOTHER terrorist (they must pay these actors per episode), who's apparently the REAL bad guy, at least until next week. Jack shoots at least two people, and brings down a black helicopter by shooting at it.

Dave, in answer to your question about what "the twist we wouldn't believe".... I think it's that Jack actually got to shoot at people this episode.

[bizrey]

Yay Steve!

[slyeyes]

YAY, Steve.

I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess that the twist is Mrs. Cleavage putting herself in harm's way by getting into the limo.

Very unwise of her. That means the President is going to have to....MAKE A DECISION!!

[«LabSpecimen»]

*bows humbly at Steve's feet*

Dude... Dr. Scholl's.

[«LabSpecimen»]

Sly, she's just one vote. And if she dies, he gets the sympathy vote, too. Hell, if the terrorists don't kill her, he'll probably have her killed himself!

[daisymae]

anybody still wondering about Mike Novak?

[«LabSpecimen»]

Hey, did that Israeli chick go crazy with a Bedazzler on her forehead?

[KOW]

I think the twist is that President Weenie made an executive decision almost without continually whining 'what should I do?'. And he stood by his guns against both Martha and Mike. Based on this episode alone, people could accidentally think he was not completely ineffectual. Twists don't get any twistier than that in my book.

[Eleanor]

I have to wait 15 minutes for ice dancing to see who gets flung here on the Left Coast, and one hour and 15 minutes for 24, which since I've virtually already seen it seems redundant.

judi, I took a 3 hour nap this afternoon too. Wouldn't it have been really cool if we'd dreamt about each other? YESSSSSSSSSS!

BTW, I read an article about Mrs. Cleavage (sent it to you judi) in which she said this was The Role Of A Lifetime because her character was not only VERY smart, but also VERY complex. *snork*

[«LabSpecimen»]

Holy hell-crap. There's no CRYING in the Olympics!

The Greeks would have shot that guy in the thigh.

[Betsy]

Steve...I hope that during the other 167 hours of the week, you do something that pays you handsomely. Your contribution here is priceless. I'm thinkin a Nobel...

[Steve]

Oh, and I forgot to mention...on that roof, The Guy Previously Known As The Guy in the Dark Room, is now known at The Dead Guy Previously Previously Known As The Guy in the Dark Room.

Sorry for the abbreviated summary this time... This cold has had me in a Flank 2 position nearly the whole week.

[slyeyes]

Did you hear Dick Buttons? I think he was telling us...in code...where the cannisters are. He said, "Everyone knows the bomb is under the chair, you just don't know when it's going to go off."

Ah, geez, the Italian guy is blubbering backstage.

*covers up all exposed body parts so Lab doesn't get critical*

[«LabSpecimen»]

El: "very complex" in actor-speak means "able to talk in a nearly complete sentence.

How's my left-coast friend tonight?

[daisymae]

Lab...did you mean me when you said, "Lady, look at these often?" and what were 'these'?

They looked like bottles of floral hair conditioner. Why would one look at them?

[slyeyes]

daisymae; e: Mike Novak: Yup. I think he's up to something and geezily that skater is darn near nekkid!!!!!

[«LabSpecimen»]

DaisyMae: I meant the skating chick with the UberDryElbows of Pain. She needs lotion. Lots of it. Often. She should be in a Lotion Clinic. On lock-down. With a perimeter. No salt.

[slyeyes]

OK. The boom schwacket music will be starting any minute.

[wolfie]

Oooo.. this lady is wearing pasties. Interesting choice. And he appears to be wearing a skirt. *sighs*
I don't get this sport.

[bizrey]

Say, isn't that music from the new Battlestar Galactica?

[«LabSpecimen»]

Strippers on Ice! Awesome! I think I saw this in Junior High!

[slyeyes]

THey just stated the rules for the outfits. Part of the rule is that they have to at least appear athletic in nature, but can reflect ...um, something. That's when I realized the guy was wearing a skirt.

[«LabSpecimen»]

The Wench says that the dangly parts of the costume is to keep his thumb from making a *pop* after he lifts her. You know, like you hear in bowling.

[daisymae]

LOL. *snork* @ lab, sly & wolfie re: ice dancing

[«LabSpecimen»]

Praying. "Help me be sluttier than the stipper!"

[daisymae]

So much for the 24 commentary...

[slyeyes]

Daisymae, I try to keep the 24 stuff in here....like with the bombs under the seat.

Lab referred to the skaters as Jack and Chloe.

And I think his reference to the anti-thumb popping device meant someone had set up a perameter.

[wolfie]

Hmmm.. matador on ice. How do they get the lil ice skates on the bull for the second part of the program? You know, where the bull gores them just because they made him wear itty bitty bullskates?

[daisymae]

AHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...Tango!

[daisymae]

(you know...what Jack was doing with the terrorists)

[«LabSpecimen»]

Okay. I'm leaving. We've switched to The Simpsons. Nothing to make fun of with something so funny.

Er... uh... yeah.

[daisymae]

Maybe the terrorists are going to release the gas during ice dancing...you know, to put them out of our misery.

[J M Walker]

I have not watched a single exciting episode of 24 since, like, I was ten, and I'm now sixty. And, son of a gun,Jack hasn't aged a day. That botox is something else, ain't it?

[bizrey]

They're slapping their thighs as if to say, "Shoot me here. I dare you."

[FleaBailey]

"He looks threateningly at Edgar, who was eating a ho-ho."

I laughed. I laughed and laughed. I laughed so hard I began to cry. I laughed and cried so hard I scared the dog.

THEN I read "She's never been in a motorcade." At this point laughter could no longer describe what I was doing--more like having hysterics.

Thank you Steve. Better than a high colonic.

[Betsy]

Uh...Steve? Flea's remark that your summary was "better than a high colonic"? Don't let that go to your head, ok?

[Wes S.]

OK, let's see, so far we've had a vampire, a hobbit and a warlock in this season of the show, and next week we get Robocop, too.

Is this "24" or a freakin' fantasy convention?

[Thomas]

What is with the music

[thomas]

HOW MUCH ARE THERE CELL PHONE BILL

[Novanglus]

OK..NOW my eyes hurt.

Judi..Audrey was doing a real life June Cleaver imitation cooking with Martha Stewart this week on her morning show...didn't look anything like her Audrey self...and seems to have been born in the Hamptons....
I suspect the screenwriters are trying to help her out by putting her in league with the Chloe.(think they are reading this blog?) I wouldn't mind Scully and Fox Molder to drop in and help out...just for fun, since thier careers are basically over.

I just LOVE it when Jack yells....pretty much anything..."GET DOWN!!..DAMN IT!!" "I'll Met you on the ROOF!" wow, good idea Jack...only fifty guys and three helicoptors waiting for you there.(THank God it wasen't "I'll met you in the bathroom!")Brookback Mountain being so "Popular" and all.

Jack can yell at me anytime. Even if it was "You Forgot the Keys AGAIN!! DAMN IT." (sigh)

ANd frankly, I agree Dave...if they arrest Jack ONE more time...I will have to start eating hostess cup cakes during the show, because of the stress.

Don't forget, the silver medalists ice skating dancers from the US made it a point to thank some senators for their help.( pointing out that in real life, even ice skaters have friends in high places.)
I only mention this because the blog went from the hero Jack to ice dancing....and costumes...which means pirate boy needs to write a song about this, between concerts.

Hobbit still looks like a little boy.

All in all...its good to know it takes a manic depressive to save the world. Will the canisters be found in time? Will Jack save the First Lady? Will he be able to help her put her eye makeup on evenly?Will he yell at her? "GET DOWN!"
A week is too long to wait.

[U.O]

all there cell phone bill are belong to us

[Mr. Completely]

U.O - Couldn't have said it better myself.

[The Good And Sometimes Even Great King Wingbipeekaboo Etc.]

The Good King thinks Dave should send The Good King some dough, in exchange for nothing.

The Good King thinks this is a fair exchange, since Dave clearly must have plenty of money, if he is watching 24 so religiously.

That's it! The Good King just remembered that he is a reverend! And in some remote places, an actual god! In exchange for eternal prosperity and health and nice mothers-in-law and yadda yadda yadda, The Good King is asking for only a marginal, tiny, eensy-weensy paltry little sum of $45,000,000,000 from Dave. Whatever else Dave may want, rest assured that it is included in this deal, too!

Think about it, Dave! It's too good to pass up! You don't want to risk not having a world-renowned King Wingbipeekaboo Life Insurance policy when Jack Bauer shows up at your doorstep and tries to kill you, and you have to turn into Kung Fu Dave and rip out his eyes with a paperclip again, do you?

Because there's always the chance that you might accidentally spill some blood on a good shirt. Remember how yucky that is? Yucky yucky yucky!

So let me know. Time is of the essence. You have The Good King's cell number.

[slyeyes]

The Good King obviously has access to some good pharmaceuticals.

[The Good And Sometimes Even Great King Wingbipeekaboo Etc.]

He does indeed, and they are for sale for $45,000,000 each, plus all applicable taxes.

[CoastRaven]

What a deal King!! - I'LL TAKE A DOZEN (Will ya take a check?)

[Eleanor]

Count me in on the you-know-what deal! Just ship them C.O.D., because here on the Left Coast I've been up since 4a.m. and could certainly use a good pick-me-up from The Good King. :)

[daisymae]

Dave. You should change the name of this thread to 24 and Sometimes Ice Flinging

[Lila]

Thought ya'll might like to know, TV Guide posted the following on their web site last week:

The buzz: As exec producer Howard Gordon made pretty clear when I spoke to him in early January, Palmer and Michelle won't be the only 24 MVPs getting clocked this season. "I would say it's a pretty good bet that we will have another major loss… or two," he said. "No one's off-limits." Actually, no one except Kiefer Sutherland and Mary Lynn Rajskub, the only two 24 thesps contracted for the entire season.
The lowdown: Things look pretty grim for Audrey, mostly because A) she loves Jack and that's never a good thing, B) Kim Raver has found other work opposite Ben Stiller in the 20th Century Fox comedy Night at the Museum, and C) she bugs.

Here's hoping, anyway.

[Suzy Q]

OMG! It is so fun to come here the day after 24 to get the real scoop on what's going on. With this episode, it seems that EVERYONE is confused. Or dead. Or both.

I Tivo-ed it. Do I still have to watch it?

[«LabSpecimen»]

Suzy Q: Save yourself. Throw away your TiVo and buy a new one.

[rita]

*snork*@Lab

[wordsure]

After reading all these comments, my only contribution is to note that there has been way too little mention of the fact that, after everyone got peppered (ala Dick Cheney) with machine gun fire, with only incidental damage, Jack shot down a helicopter with a handgun.

[Wes S.]

The lowdown: Things look pretty grim for Audrey, mostly because A) she loves Jack and that's never a good thing, B) Kim Raver has found other work opposite Ben Stiller in the 20th Century Fox comedy Night at the Museum, and C) she bugs.

I agree, Lila: here's hoping. Although I strongly suspect - given all the pre-season hype about the "personal costs" and "tragedy" that Jack will be facing this season, and the fact that Elisha Cuthbert was signed up for only four episodes this season - that Kim has been chased by her last cougar, too. Come to think about it, she and Kiefer are just about the only surviving cast members from Season One left.

Well, except for Tony (Carlos Bernard), currently in a coma after brain surgery...and his prognosis doesn't look too good, either...

[Nannie]

*wanders in*

*blinks*

*wanders away*

[WackyDave]

Does it seem odd that Sean Astin is still listed as "Guest Appearing" in the opening credits? Besides here he has become more of an unwanted guest.

[Laura]

What if President Weenie is the "higher up" that Nathanson was talking about?

Maybe the whole spineless-sniveling thing is an act. Could explain why he's so quick to give in to the terrorists.

Just a thought.

[Lila]

Wes, if we're lucky, Kim and Audrey will be eaten by the same cougar this season.

I heard that Tony was going to wake up and seek some 24-style vengeance, but we'll see. Don't count him out yet. Remember, this is the man who was shot in the throat a few seasons ago and returned to work mere HOURS later. That's dedication.

And wordsure - I said the same thing to my husband while we were watching the show last night - Jack took out a helicopter with a handgun!

[Betsy]

Laura...you mean you think non-statesmanlike behavior and chicanery at the White House level would be a credible plot development?!? You need to stop reading the newspapers.

[Missed it?]

If you missed it, I think Fox is doing a 2-hour recap on Friday night for 2:00-4:00.

[Tallulah]

Does anyone else think that at some point between now and the end of the season, they're (the Pres. and his cohorts) going to make the First Lady look crazy again, just to nullify her credibility, so they can do whatever they want to do? That way, even if she broke out and spoke to the press, she'd still look like a raving lunatic? I think Mike's just the one to do it. It just seems like they're setting her up as the Likable Voice of Reason so something underhanded can happen to her.

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

WackyDave-I think he's the enemy and will be found out soon.

[U.O]

Hey, helicopters are very sensitive and fragile devices ... yes, it's possible (tho admittedly, VERY unlikely) that one might bring one crashing to the ground with one eentsy little bullet from a handgun ... only the most expert shot, who could react in the briefest instant and compensate for vector, downdraft, windage and ballistic arc might be capable ... um ... Oh. We're talkin' about Jack Bauer here?

I rest my case ...

[U.O]

Huh!

My post disappeared ... fortunately, I saved it ... here 'tis ...

Hey, helicopters are very sensitive and fragile devices ... yes, it's possible (tho admittedly, VERY unlikely) that one might bring one crashing to the ground with one eentsy little bullet from a handgun ... only the most expert shot, who could react in the briefest instant and compensate for vector, downdraft, windage and ballistic arc might be capable ... um ... Oh. We're talkin' about Jack Bauer here?

I rest my case ...

[U.O]

HEY! Thats NOT a double! See disclaimer!

[Dr. Caldwell]

Did anyone else notice that Edgar was absent from last night's episode. There was plenty of Chloe frowning but not because of him.