24

Here's the situation going into tonight's episode:

 

-- Despite the best efforts of fearless super-agent Jack Bauer, the terrorists are still at large with 19 deadly nerve-gas canisters and at least that many accents.

 

-- The president of the United States continues to display the leadership qualities of a dead conch.

 

-- Nobody at CTU has been able to stop the terrorists or – more important – make Audrey shut up.

 

In another alarming development, troubling cracks have begun to develop in the plot. In the blog comments regarding last week's episode, commenter Jimmyk offered this analysis:

 

Ok, I don't mean to take any of this seriously, but here's the situation: The canisters are useless without the 'chip,' as far as CTU knows. So (they) send Jack out to the terrorists with the chip, GIVE THE CHIP TO THE TERRORISTS, allow hundreds of women and childred to die, just so they can make sure to get those other canisters, WHICH WOULD BE USELESS WITHOUT THE CHIP THAT THEY JUST HANDED TO THE TERRORISTS… Can someone help me?

 To which commenter Tallulah added:

 

Jimmyk -- I was thinking the exact same thing, re: if the terrorists need the chip for the nerve gas to go off, why give them the freaking chip? At first, I was thinking, surely it's not a chip that actually detonates the device--it must be a tracking device! But, no! It's the real thing, and now CTU and Jack have actively participated in giving the terrorists back a functioning weapon, which they must now move heaven and earth to prevent from functioning. I don't get it, either.

My own feeling is that the main problem with the canisters is that they are boring. I've decided I'm going to give this season one more episode to improve, and if it doesn't, then, dammit, I'm going to keep watching anyway. Because that's the kind of American I am.

UPDATE: The beautiful woman on House is actually a man!

UPDATE: There's going to be a twist we won't believe.

UPDATE: Oooh. An early stabbing. Good sign.

UPDATE: I have NO idea what's going on so far, but it's violent, which is good.

UPDATE: Does it seem like every 15 minutes, they (a) set up a freaking perimeter, and (b) take Jack back into custody?

UPDATE: I can't put spaces between my updates.

UPDATE: Jack choked his own guy. That wacky renegade loner Jack!

UPDATE: OK, I am experiencing serious technical difficulties with my update capability. I will try setting up a perimeter and downloading the schematics, but you may be on your own for the rest of this episode in the comments section. This is probably a good thing, as I do no remotely understand the plot any more.

UPDATE: I can't be certain, but I think the president is on T-Mobile.

UPDATE: Maybe the Hobbit will shoot Audrey.

UODATE: It's all about oil!

UPDATE: Why is Jack suddenly helping the guy who shot Palmer? Who are the hostiles? WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?

UPDATE: I admire how they get excellent phone reception, even inside a building with a hail of bullets.

UPDATE: I have no idea who that guy was, and now he's dead.

UPDATE: Chloe's gonna data-mine the files and keep it under the radar. God, I love Chloe.

UPDATE: The president reminds me more and more of Lincoln.

UPDATE: Why is the Hobbit in such a snit? Does anybody understand that? Or anything else? No? OK, then.

UPDATE: Omichron! I KNEW it!

UPDATE: This episode was written by the Random Plot Generator.

UPDATE: The first lady TAKES ACTION.

UPDATE: What was the twist we don't believe? I am SO confused.

Comments

[daisymae]

Quetzal...I've had my suspicions about Mike, too.

[Betsy]

Mrs. Cleavage has just done all her acting for the next six episodes in two minutes.

[judi]

president manilow SUCKS

[KOW]

And Sam Un-Wise Gamgee strikes again...
I think it's the mention of the keycard that did it. Think he'll order himself to holding once its disappearance is made common knowledge?

[Lane-o]

I need another drink. Then it won't matter what is going on as long as we can see some more shooting!

[scat]

Now, wait. The Russian president has a stealth motorcade?

[wolfie]

Time to decrypt the vectors.
Chloe is seriously starting to turn me on.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

President Weenie: It's not that simple; it never is.

Yeah, when yer a freakin' flag flapping in the breeze...it's never easy to blow in 5 different directions.

Chloe's decrypting vectors! Yeehaw!

[daisymae]

The Hobbit's NOT going to stand for it!

[Cheesewiz]

the hobbit looks more and more like the Pres.

[BLaaa]

Hobbit hitler.

[jim]

the girls are instant messaging stuff behind the teachers back...just like in high school...

and he's pissed..."you have detention, mister!!!..."

[Betsy]

Don't tell me to calm down!!

If your father wasn't Secretary of Defense, I'd have you thrown outta here!

[bizrey]

Gah! Section two-three!! Did anyone check Sam for a ring?

[slyeyes]

SECTION 2 - 3 REDUNDANCY!!?!?!

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

[daisymae]

Yike, Buchanan's busted...NO CTU is busted. Where's JACK!!

[ChrisB]

Rudy's got a stick up his behind.

[judi]

wow, what a pompous little martinet.

[scat]

Go Hobbit!

[Reddish Jode]

He just put a Section 2-3 redundancy into effect!!!!

You know what that means????

Me neither!

[daisymae]

Hobbit hitler. ROFL!!

[qetzal]

Bite Audrey?! Bizrey, WTH are you thinking? Won't that turn Audrey into a vampire? As in undead? We'd have no hope of ever getting rid of her.

ARRRGH!

[philintexas]

I've never seen a Hobbit meltdown before

[FleaBailey]

Samwise just channeled Bruce Banner!

"Don't make me angry, Ms. Raines. You really wouldn't like me when I'm angry."

[scat]

Pompus Martinet WBAGNFARB.

[bizrey]

That "V for Vendetta" commercial speaks to me -_-

[daisymae]

SNORK @ BLaaa

[Reddish Jode]

"If your father wasn't Secretary of Defense I'd flatback you right here in the middle of CTU!"

[homeybeef]

daaaaaaaammmmmmmmn

[Betsy]

what exactly is the Hobbit's role, besides reminding my of my old Accounting teacher, who was raised by wolves and educated by nuns?

[bizrey]

qetzal : He doesn't have to turn her -- just use her for snackage :P

[m4ttb4rr]

Lynn has until deadbeat boyfriend starts waving his key card around to boss everybody around, then he's either going home or into custody.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Section 2-3 = Double Secret Probation.

[qetzal]

Dave,

I think the Hobbit's in a snit 'cause his sister's boyfriend stole his Lord of the Rings trading card, and he won't give it back.

[slyeyes]

Betsy, he was appointed by the White House to oversee CTU.

[Cheesewiz]

what are those white things on the wall behind mike, jelly fish?

[Betsy]

Ick ick ick ick ick
touching moments before the fireball

[qetzal]

Martha, this is a difficult decision for me.

Charles, you weenie, "white or wheat" is a difficult decision for you.

[FleaBailey]

I do...underdstand Charles. I understand that you're A WEENIE!!!

[Shattered]

>>Why is the Hobbit in such a snit? Does anybody understand that? Or anything else? No? OK, then.<<

No one has a clue what's going on so just relax and enjoy the stabbings, thigh shootings, shots of Mrs Cleavage and of course, the hard perimeters.

[adonis]

snork @ qetzal

[Cheesewiz]

liar liar pants on fire

[m4ttb4rr]

"Thank you, Yuri, and thank you for your steadfast support. NOW DIE!"

[Lynn]

Don't trust Evelyn, the First Lady's secretary. She has Shifty Eye Syndrome.

[bizrey]

I thought the First Ladies were gonna start smooching there

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Brilliant handling of the incident? HA! He doesn't know who he's talking to...he's toast.

[qetzal]

I knew it. Mike, you dirty traitor!

[Cheesewiz]

MIke we hardly knew ya

[progger]

Looks like Manilow's been hitting the tanning booth hard lately...

[judi]

what did he do to mrs president to get her to go along with his nefarious plot?!

[jim]

it's a tic-tac toe game?

[bizrey]

Gee boss, you think you could give us a more precise strike location than your ten-mile wide circle?

[Blaaa]

Every ones fighting at CTU, bills in jail, Terrorists are trying to kill the russian president?

How will this all turn out?

[Betsy]

Mrs. Cleavage is going to crack...I KNEW IT!!!!! She's GOING ALONG!!!!

[Reddish Jode]

Aaron is one dedicated dude!

[Todd]

Does the president have to tilt his head (and keep the mouth open look) whenever he's having a conversation?? And can someone give the first lady a drink?

[m4ttb4rr]

Not Aaron! She's risking Aaron's life!

[bizrey]

Woo hoo! I knew it! The First Lady wears all the pants in that family.

[adonis]

No terrorists are trying to kill Pres Weenie 'cause they know First Cleavage will kill him fore erlong.

[scat]

Crazy stoned First Lady, the hero!

[wolfie]

First Cleavage is on the move. I repeat, First Cleavage is on the move.

[stev-o]

no wonder the terrorists are politically out of it; they watch FOX news!

[daisymae]

Mrs. Cleavage told him to tell her husband.

[Momanon]

OOOH, Jack's gonna get stun gunned!

[judi]

what is the missing-with-the-sister keycard FOR? anyone know?

[slyeyes]

Uh-oh Apparently next week, the Hobbit places EVERYONE under arrest.

[m4ttb4rr]

Tasering Jack in the neck next week is likely to turn out badly for the taser-er.

[Geoff Brown]

Another week down the drain -- next week, RoboCop is on as that Christopher Henderson.

[Alfred]

Jack shoot the russian president in the thigh. The terrorists will think he is dead. Then kill them.
While your at it. Could you get me some hamburgers and Dr.Pepper. I realize you don't know who I am. But I figure you can figure it out.

[bizrey]

Jack gets dropped by a TASER?! WTH!?!

[scat]

qetzal, you're so hot you're on fire!

[Reddish Jode]

THE PRESIDENT IS TURING OVER PORT SECURITY TO A COMPANY FROM A COUNTRY WITH TERRORIST TIES!!!!!

Oh wait, that's the news!

[wolfie]

judi ~ it's the key card to the parkinglot so he won't have to pay exhorbitant downtown ctu parking fees.

[slyeyes]

judi, I think it was a way for the Hobbitt's keycard to go missing. That's all I got. For further developments, we should check Dave's Random Plot Generator.

[daisymae]

There are so many simulposts in this thread - 9 was the highest I counted.

[qetzal]

Dave, I think they must have meant "a twist we won't understand."

[Sam G.]

So, uh...to sum up this episode: Wha?!

[bizrey]

dave: I still don't believe that girl was actually a guy! It all went downhill from there

[FleaBailey]

I must admit I kinda enjoyed tonight's episode. For the first time in a long time there's all this crap going on at CTU with Insane Superiors running around being horses' asses and the geeks sneaking messages back and forth and Noble Heroes being "detained," and Jack is missing all of it.

If this keeps up, Samwise will end up having a nervous breakdown and being placed in detention himself, and Buchanan will take over again, and Jack won't even know about it until he calls in again.

[daisymae]

Dave says he's confused. What's not to be confused about?

Two brand new sets of terrorists with unclear motives and targets, two are killed off by the end of the show.

Prez conspiring with one of the sets of terrorists to take out the Russian prez, not with the cannisters but with a missle.

CTU on lockdown by Hobbithitler.

First Cleavage riding with the Russian prez & wife to force her weenie hub to intervene in the terrorists plot.

Jack's disappeared.

[adonis]

Didn't Jack get dropped by a tazer in an ealier season? Didn't that end with him dying, coming back to life, shooting a bunch of people, and at some odd point taking a chip out of some dead guy? Help judi! I think I'm going crazy and making up CTU plots!

[qetzal]

adonis,

Can you be a little more specific? All of that stuff happens every season.

[Dave]

daisymae: Exactly. PLUS my fonts are all screwed up

[slyeyes]

I'm gonno go watch Olympic Ice Dancing and Partner Fling.

[«LabSpecimen»]

Let's see if I can sum this up before Steve gets here.
3:00-4:00 Stuff happens. We learn very little other than the fact that the President of the United States addresses the President of the Russian Federation by his first name while the PotRF calls the PotUS "Mr. President". Also PotUS is willing to allow terrorists to kill PotRF since, after all, he doesn't vote.

Other than that, we're STILL chasing Canisters of Mass Destruction.

Gotta go. Ice Dancing is on! And as we know, there is NO finer SPORT!

(Why? Why is this an Olympic event?)

[Antonio]

YAWN.

[qetzal]

Lab,

You left out the weird, terrorist font/letter/space stealing subplot.

[slyeyes]

But Lab, there is drama in tonight's competition. Tonight, the Italian Flingee is pissed at the Italian Flinger. They just showed them in their goofy costumes and overly made up faces glaring at each other backstage.

[judi]

but the italian pair are STILL SO PISSED they can't look at each other! i think she was planning to shoot her partner in the thigh with her eye-beams.

[«LabSpecimen»]

Dave, can you have Mrs. Blog call me tomorrow and explain WHY I have to see this ice dancing crap during the Olympics? And it better NOT have anything to do with the assassination of Arch Duke Franz Ferdinand and the Black Hand.

[judi]

oooh simulpost with sly ;)

[slyeyes]

Commentator: It's still way below freezing backstage.

*snork*

[slyeyes]

*high fives judi*

Are you feeling better, or should I use Purell?

[«LabSpecimen»]

I hope somebody's skates explode.

[slyeyes]

Now THAT was a cool move!

[wolfie]

The most you can hope for Lab, is an accidental finger removal if someone's fingers 'accidentally' end up under their partners skates.

[qetzal]

I think even Steve (not Steve-o...he's another guy) must have had problems following this episode. He's usually posted his steller summary by now.

[bizrey]

Wow, thigh around the neck -- good times.

[judi]

sly: this afternoon i read for an hour and fell asleep, so i put my book down and took a three-hour nap. (i never nap.) so i'm doing okay right at the moment but i'm really not sure you should, you know, kiss me on the lips or anything yet.

[slyeyes]

I wonder if they practice some of those moves in the bedroom. Without the skates.

Or maybe with.