24

My wife is off covering the Olympics, which means that I'm solely responsible for our five-year-old daughter. So I regret to announce that tonight I had to look into my heart and make a decision: Should I watch a silly, meaningless television show, or should I act as a responsible parent and take care of my child?

I'm sure she'll be fine.

I am not so sure about 24. The plot has been moving at the speed of the Department of Motor Vehicles. Last year, we had Air Force One getting shot down AND half the nuclear power plants in the United States melting down AND a nuclear missile heading to Los Angeles. This year, so far, we have: canisters. A large chunk of last week's episode was devoted to showing the reconfiguring of these canisters; in terms of dramatic visual impact, this was not unlike watching brake repair.

I'm hoping things improve tonight. President Manilow has turned over control of the United States to his unstable cleavage-flaunting wife, so that's a good sign. She seems like the kind of gal who just might do something wacky. And apparently the terrorists are going to take the canisters to a mall, which also holds promise for some action. Like the terrorists could try to set off the canisters in a department store, only to be thwarted when helpful sales clerks squirt them in the eyes with perfume samples. Or the terrorists could actually detonate the canisters and release the nerve gas, but nobody notices, because at the same time there's a major shoe sale. I'm just thinking out loud here.

Whatever happens, one thing is certain: When the trouble starts, a certain high-level federal agent will be on the scene -- a man who takes no prisoners; a man who shoots first and asks questions later. He's not perfect, but, darn it, that just makes us love him more.

UPDDATE: We have no update at this time.

UPDATE: What kind of moron watches Skating With Celebrities? Besides me, I mean.

UPDATE: They're advising viewer discretion.

UPDATE: Increased canister chatter!

UPDATE: They're probably going to kill Jack!

UPDATE: Edgar's on the schematic.

UPDATE: Mike thinks President Manilow is whipped.

UPDATE: Blah blah blah. WHEN IS THE SHOOTING??

UPDATE: Edgar is running the plates.

UPDATE: "Show time!"

UPDATE: Chloe knows how to install the chip. She is some woman.

UPDATE: I bet that voids the canister warranty.

UPDATE: How come nobody ever punches Audrey?

UPDATE: Why can't the president get a shirt collar that fits? He's the PRESIDENT!

UPDATE: President Manilow is definitely sleeping on the First Sofa tonight.

UPDATE: Twenty minutes and not a single shot fired. What is this? Sesame Street?

UPDATE: They obviously don't watch their own previews, or they'd have known the target was the Sunrise Hills Mall.

UPDATE: They never see anything, these people. They have visuals.

UPDATE: Toyota is having a Think Big Truck Event.

UPDATE: Chloe's in the server.

UPDATE: Oooh! Mall security! Those guys are good.

UPDATE: Gas the mall! Sounds crazy at first, but makes sense, now that you explain it!

UPDATE: This has to be the dumbest plot development yet.

UPDATE: It's a tragic choice, darn it, but what the hey.

UPDATE: I have this feeling Jack is going to....

UPDATE: OK, he's pretending to be knocked out, right? You can't knock out Jack Bauer just by hitting him really hard on the head!

UPDATE: The terrorists are talking to Canister Technical Support.

UPDATE: Yes! Neck breakage!

UPDATE: All teams are moving in.

UPDATE: Not the Food Court!!

UPDATE: Jack does not have a visual on the hostile.

UPDATE: It's either the nerve gas, or some bad mayonnaise at Chick Fil-A.

UPDATE: Jack is also of course a highly trained paramedic. Later, he will do everybody's income taxes.

UPDATE: He's on foot!

UPDATE: He's stealing a car! The bastard!

UPDATE: Boooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnngggggggggg

UPDATE: A perimeter! They should just put all of California in a perimeter and be done with it.

UPDATE: Hostile down!

UPDATE: They've got NOTHING! Which is pretty much what we got out of this episode. I don't know about everybody else, but my feeling is: enough already with canisters.

Comments

[homeybeef]

next week we get a shocking new development, Jack gets arrested! That's something that happens only twice maybe three times a season!

[Eleanor]

From reading along, it didn't seem as exciting this week - bummer, yes?

[Jessica R.]

Happy Valentine's Day to all. See you on this thread in two weeks.

[Sam G.]

Jessica-You're right! I have no idea who the bad guys are this season! All I know is that they may or may not be vaguely Russian.

I'd probably understand better if I were actually paying full attention to the show.

[Jessica R.]

Eleanor, Dave posted BBBOOOOOORRRRIIIINNNNGGGG.

[Lydia]

I think I'll just go back to only reading the comments and never watching the show. Y'all are a hoot, but the show is a little slow.

[philintexas]

okay guys...putting in a plug here for My Name is Earl...comes on Thursday night...funny stuff, but little light on the thighshooting...

[Glow]

Dave, was it worth ignoring your daughter now? Hmm?

[Jessica R.]

Sam G., that is the main reason why I find it hard to watch dramas these days. Everyone is too D*** PC. No one wants to offend anyone; thus all bad guys are nameless, country-less, wimps!

[Jessica R.]

Going to pack now...bye all, stay safe!

[slyeyes]

Jess, bon voyage. Bring me some rum, OK?

[Steve (not Steve-o...he's another guy)]

2:00 - Rudy is back in the locker room at CTU, after getting tackled in the parking lot. Bill tells Rudy that the terrorists want to contact sleeper cells. Rudy suggests a "Hail Mary Pass", and "Dumping Gatorade on the coach".

2:01 - Stylish calls Jack, doesn't recognize Jack on the phone. Apparently Jack's "Hello" sounds Russian.

2:02 - Jack calls CTU for permission (Jack? Permission??) Jack plans on delivering the chip himself! Permission? Jack must think he'll have a chance to shoot someone.

2:03 - Stylish is still at the garage with a terrorist working on the canisters. Where the heck are the people that "were still at lunch" from that garage last hour?

2:05 - Manilow and Cheney-Looking-Guy (CLG) want to say that Weasel was "despondent" and killed himself when he found out there's two more weeks of Celebrity Skating. Manilow thinks Mrs. Manilow won't like that, and wants to ask her permission. CLG suggests the old "bird shot" tick on Mrs. Manilow.

2:07 - Mrs. Manilow, having almost been locked away in the funny farm, is using her Mac very calmly. Her assistant wants to ask all kinds of questions about Weasel, and Mrs. Manilow is the person she comes to for advice?

2:09 - Jack's on the bewilderingly empty L.A. streets, in a parking garage, waiting for the drop. A van pulls up.

2:10 - Audrey takes off her glasses, primed and ready to cry.

2:10 - TWO guys get out of the car... Jack doesn't like surprises, and says so. Terrorist says they're doing a two for one deal.

2:11 - Jack goes to install the chip, Chloe is telling him what to do. Take the bad chip on, put the good chip in, and shake it all about.

2:12 - Terrorists hit Jack and throw him in the van! They want him to come with to "be sure". Bad choice terrorists!

2:13 - They're letting him take Jack! Rudy wants them to follow, but not take Jack! Bill at CTU says "Jack can handle it." Boy, that's an understatement.

2:18 - Mrs. Manilow is MAD that the press release about Weasel calls him a "hero", and confronts Manilow about it. CLG tries to excuse himself for that "pointy bird bringing down thing" which he wants to show Mrs. Manilow.

2:19 - She threatens to tell everyone about Weasel. Manilow tells her to tell Weasel's wife the truth first....and she says she will.

2:21 - Terrorist guy tells Jack that Stylish wants to do a "field test"

2:22 - Chloe says that the target is Sunrise Hills Mall! THEY'RE GOING TO ATTACK THE BOOKSTORE AT THE MALL! DAVE! GO IN FLANK TWO POSITION!

2:22 - Terrorist guys find a parking space immediately. Fake! Fakefakefakefake FAAAAKE!

2:23 - CTU is putting agents at the front doors of the mall. If they're really good, they'll look like mall cops... the terrorists wouldn't suspect being stopped by those guys.

2:24 - Rudy want CTU agents to hold off! He wants to take a time-out on the field.

2:24 - Rudy pulls rank on Bill, and wants to let the terrorists to let the gas off in the mall. If they let it loose in the food court, no one should notice.

Commercial - Cars dropping out of the sky, and which hold NASCAR drivers and rappers appear to be a growing problem in America.

2:29 - Chloe broke into the internal video at the mall. Edgar mysteriously had the code for all the dressing rooms.

2:30 - They go in the back area of the mall, and kill a mall cop.

2:31 - Terrorists cutting into the HVAC ducts. They call Manilow, and ask about the other 19 canisters. Rudy says that he and Bill want to let the gas go. Manilow tries to shove the decision off. CLG suggests they go in with a shotgun to "take care of things". They convince Manilow to release the nerve gas at the mall, which will kill 900 people. Audrey looks horrified. ...er, more horrified than usual.

2:36 - Jack tells the terrorists the wrong code! The remote starts downloading songs from iTunes. Rudy yells at Jack, telling him to go for the end zone and that the coach will be mad! Jack's defying Manilow! Terrorist thug hits Jack! Terrorist calls Stylish, asks for advice. Stylish thinks they can set off the canisters.

Second terrorist guy handcuffs Jack in another room to a table leg!

Commercial - Help Desk Guy from IBM .....THAT'S who should be helping CTU right now.

2:41 - Jack wakes up, and hears terrorist talking about the canisters. Foolish terrorists.....leaving Jack handcuffed to a leg of the table. Amateurs!

2:42 - Audrey argues with Rudy, and Rudy wants to Jack to let them release the gas and to bring back tacos from the mall.

2:43 - Both terrorists put on gas masks, one goes to kill Jack (ha!) as the gas is being released. Jack kills the guy with his legs! That's our Jack!

2:44 - Jack gets the keys from the dead guard, disables the gas.

2:45 - Jack tracks down someone to ask where the gas vents are, while he inconspicuously walks around with a gas mask.

2:46 - Jack turns off the HVAC, at least 11 people dead.

2:47 - JACK PULLS OFF HIS MASK TO GIVE TO A LITTLE GIRL! ADMINISTERS THE SHOT TO SAVE HER HIMSELF! GO JACK GO!!!!

2:48 - CTU wants Jack to follow the terrorist guys; Jack tells the little girl she'll be OK.

2:49 - Terrorist guy runs for hit. Hotwires a car to escape.

MORE TERRORISM! ....oh, no wait. It's an American Idol commercial.

2:53 - Terrorist driving fast in L.A. (FAKE!), calls Stylish that the guy they were with (It's Jack, but he doesn't know that!) killed Second terrorist, didn't want to play their terrorist gas release games, and that he had a red shiny nose. Stylish asks if Terrorist is being followed by a sleigh. Terrorist says no, and Stylish tells Terrorist to come back.

2:54 - CTU is following him via Chloe! Rudy was sent in by Manilow! Rudy is tattling on Jack! Manilow tells Rudy to shape up, or he's out of the game.

2:55 - CLG tells Manilow that only 20 or so people died, and that Mrs. Manilow is going out to talk to Weasel's wife, who just arrived to claim Weasel's. Weasel's wife must drive a hearse, since Weasel only died an hour ago.

2:56 - Mrs. Manilow goes to talk to Weasel's wife.... Mrs. Manilow can't tell Weasel's wife the truth, and gives Manilow a dirty look as she leaves.

2:57 - Terrorist back at the garage (STILL no more guys back from lunch).

2:58 - CTU putting on masks, headed to the garage.

2:59 - Terrorist goes in; Stylish is watching from another car....pulls out a cell phone and tells Terrorist to kill himself and he does. Jack says "Dagnabbit!" and Stylish drives off in a pickup truck.

NEXT WEEK - Rudy wants Jack arrested! Mrs. Manilow yells at Manilow! Mysterious Guy leaves his dark room! Jack shoots at helicopters!

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

Happy Cruisin' Jessica

[Cheryl]

Oh my god!! The vice president just shot some guy!!

Wait ... I don't watch 24 ...

[Antonio]

Does anyone else think Chloe needs to git it done with Edgar? That sexual tension is driving me crazy. Everytime she says canisters...

[adonis]

Man, that was disapointing and I wasn't even watching the show. Sad. I feel like I'm saying Wayne Gretski can't cut it anymore, but maybe Jack is getting too old for this stuff. (insert bad Lethal Weapon imitation here)

[illigitimis publius 727]

What happened to Walt's body. Is he still up there?

They are using it for a pinata.

[Dr Alice]

Personally I think Hobbit guy may have the hots for Chloe. Not sure why, but every time he eyes her I keep thinking he's getting up the nerve to ask her out on a date. Is this just me?

[homeybeef]

he wants to ask chloe on a date but then he sees that "stay the hell away, rudy" look in edgar's eyes

[Sam Muldia]

"The plot has been moving at the speed of the Department of Motor Vehicles. Last year, we had Air Force One getting shot down AND half the nuclear power plants in the United States melting down AND a nuclear missile heading to Los Angeles. This year, so far, we have: canisters."

That's just not true. Last year, by episode 7, Jack had rescued Heller and Awwdrey. The remainder of the airtime was spent following the travails of the Terrorist Family and their search for pain medication. Also, there was some anticlimactic control-shift-F5 "hacking" by Edgar, culminating in stock footage of power plants and a horribly miscast Edgar's Mom lobbying for euthanasia. There was no sign of shooting down Air Force 1, there was no sign of nukes, heck, even Marwan was just making brief appearances.

This year, everyone and their neighbour's dog was assassinated, an airport was held hostage, Jack was framed for everything, and it took him four episodes to clear his name AND find out the guy behind it all. Knowing 24, this canister plot will be over in exactly two hours, and by the end of the next one, the new HUGE DANGER will be revealed.

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

Good Job Steve !

[Annie Where-but-here]

Did I miss anything? Rhetorical...please don't answer....I do enjoy watching the blog-frenzy. It's like when I feed our goldfish, and they all attack the food at the same time.

[Jacki]

I'm with you Annie WBH. Except I'm dumb and I always forget it's Monday night (since that doesn't mean anything to me) and I come on here expecting to comment about...well damn, I was going to say expecting to comment about something I understand, but that would be silly now wouldn't it.

Oh well, I'm glad to see Dave approves of my own personal parenting philosophies, namely being, "I don't care what you do as long as you don't interupt my show".

[jimmyk]

Ok, I don't mean to take any of this seriously, but here's the situation: The canisters are useless without the 'chip,' as far as CTU knows. So send Jack out to the terrorists with the chip, GIVE THE CHIP TO THE TERRORISTS, allow hundreds of women and childred to die, just so they can make sure to get those other canisters, WHICH WOULD BE USELESS WITHOUT THE CHIP THAT THEY JUST HANDED TO THE TERRORISTS. (Leave aside the fact that something is bound to go wrong and they won't get to those other canisters anyway, it being only 3:00.) Can someone help me?

[Liberated From The Telly]

Sometimes, I'm glad I don't have a telly. This show sounds totally devoid of content. Isn't there more to life than watching some Yank wince, grunt, and generally raise havoc?

[bbescuela]

You could watch a General wince, yank, raise and have a grunt. But then you'd be watching BBC news.

[Novanglus]

Jack needs a pet...a dog, or a WART HOG.
Rufus would do. He could attack Audrey, better yet, he could attack weanie President and Hobbit who were willing to scrifice hard shopping citizens...

Jack could just sit back and say "down boy" while we sit and enjoy it.

At this very moment the canisters are being put in the seven harbors just bought by the Saudi's.

A poodle, and maybe a few chow-chows could help find these vicious villians. Maybe the writers should consider NOT making this up as they go along and actually think of sending Jack out of the country before another mall gets threatened. Italy would be nice.

Actually, the fact that Yoko ONO did NOT sing at the olympic's opening ceremony is a good sign that we just MIGHT have a chance at world peace.

[silentbananafish]

OK, why has no one mentioned that the head russian guy looks exactly like Dave Matthews?

[Jacki]

bbescula wins the *SNORK* of the month, possibly of the year!

[Patty]

When I finally give up waiting for some action to occur within any perimeters I'll signal I'm done by
COUGHING!!! Hack Hack Hack Hack.......

[AlanBoss]

I haven't read the comments yet. But....

My God!!!!! 330 comments already!?!?!?!?

I won't be able to get to these until tomorrow.

[Ryan Nielsen]

I am just curious why you always call the President "President Manilow"??? On this show his name is "President Logan" - so I am confused... but I am sure you can help clarify that one for me. Thanks.

[Annie Where-but-here]

Ryan - yes, we can help clarify. It's because he writes the laws that make the whole world sting.

bbescuela - way to go!

[U.O]

SoCal DBBLOGlits - CYE

[Betsy]

Ryan..."Manilow" relates to annoying U.S. singer (?) Barry Manilow, who, we on the blog agree, personifies lack of talent, pointlessness, a penchant for appearing whiny, and hollow ego. If viewed in certain lights, President Logan may at one time have vaguely resembled Barry Manilow, although that degree of logical thinking would be a lot to expect from the blog. In any event, "President Manilow" is a term of opprobrium.

[Betsy]

P.S. Ryan? "President Manilow" is specific to this Blog, on Monday nights, during "24'. If any of us went out on the street and referred to "President Manilow" among normal people, they would inch away from us in mild alarm.

P.P.S. Annie...I love the goldfish image!

[slyeyes]

*gets out dictionary*

*flips through...opossum....oppose.....opposite....*

Ah, here it is. "opprubrium":

opprobrium \uh-PRO-bree-uhm\, noun:
1. Disgrace; infamy; reproach mingled with contempt.
2. A cause or object of reproach or disgrace.

*slams dictionary shut*

Oh, yeah. I knew that.

[Mrs Vee]

Martha's blog:

OMG! I just realized my husband looks like the illegitimate spawn of Tricky Dick Nixon and Rosemary "I hit the erase button by mistake, honest" Woods. That can't be good. This day is rapidly taking a dive. And after all my trying to convince Charles to attend the Olympic Splatfest in Torino, we're stuck in this mess instead. On the upside, I hear that rogue agent Bauer killed a hostile with his legs. Bauer's legs, not the hostile's. Why can't my husband show some initiative like that? Why did I marry this weanie?

Current mood: bereft
Listening to: Jose Gonzalez's Veneer

[crossgirl]

soooo, anyone watch 24 last night?

[moony]

Hey, didn’t the blogger turn 50 several years ago?
Can someone please elaborate on a slight misunderstanding – he wrote my five-year-old daughter or granddaughter?
Roaming the blog, no definite conclusion can be gathered…

moony the plumber

[U.O]

moony -

Sophie is five years old. Dave is her father. Mrs. Blog is her mother. Rob is her brother.

I am older than Dave.

How old are you?

[Lila]

Stylish the terrorist was in a first season X-Files episode in which he played a pyrokinetic that could set himself and everything around him on fire. Too bad he lost that power along the way - he'd be a much more effective terrorist.

I predict that this whole canister thing will wrap up soon and we'll get to the really evil plot. Did anyone notice that when Rudy got mugged, they took his keycard? I think it was a set up.

[Jeff Meyerson]

I haven't read the commentary yet, but what can anyone say that wasn't said better by Dave already?

BORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRing!

Let's get back to Dick Cheney shooting people in the face. At least that was some action!

And how did this Total Weenie (GNFARB?) get to be President (or even Vice President). He makes Bush and Kerry look like respectable choices!

[Dave]

Lila -- You have given me reason to hope. We need a major threat here, to something big. Bigger than the Food Court, even.

[Suzy Q]

Great comments, everyone! I TiVo-ed the episode, but now that I know it's so boring, I won't have to actually watch it.

[Suzy Q]

And Dave, what's with Mrs. Blog never having had coffee before? Do you keep her locked up or something?

[daisymae]

Sorry I missed most of the blog last night. I'm visiting in Atlanta (ffffreezing, too) and the computer is in a different room than the TV. Since the room with the TV is (marginally) warmer, I watched the show. I agree with all of the commmentary re: it's time for some ACTION!!

I'll be back in (marginally) warmer Miami tomorrow, so see you all then.

[Nike451]

>>And how did this Total Weenie (GNFARB?) get to be >>President (or even Vice President). He makes Bush >>and Kerry look like respectable choices!

Manilow fell into office after Air Force One fell out of the sky in Season 4. Even though they said the President survived the plane crash, a la Jack Bauer, I'm guessing he either died or didn't feel like coming back to office. He's been a moron since the second he was sworn in. The President was a moron for choosing him as a VP.

[Lila]

I just read that they cast the dad from Twin Peaks as the VP for this season - I'm crossing my fingers that this means that First Lady Cleavage is going to whack President Manilow and someone with some chutzpah will take over. Also, William Devane will return as Secretary of Defense and Kim makes an appearance within the month. Cougars beware!

[sparrow]

Don't shoot me in the thigh please but (and I hate to admit this, please don't throw me off the blog, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE) - I taped Jack and watched the 'Lympics. I promise, I'm gonna watch Jack tonight before I watch any more from Turino.

I'm so sorry, I just lost it and had to watch the pairs skate..............

[Tallulah]

Hi,
I'm new here--well, I've been reading the blog for a few weeks, and all of the sudden it occurred to me that I could actually participate.

Jimmyk--
I was thinking the exact same thing, re: if the terrorists need the chip for the nerve gas to go off, why give them the freaking chip? At first, I was thinking, surely it's not a chip that actually detonates the device--it must be a tracking device! But, no! It's the real thing, and now CTU and Jack have actively participated in giving the terrorists back a functioning weapon, which they must now move heaven and earth to prevent from functioning. I don't get it, either.

[Cushball]

It'll pick up next week when Jack goes renegade. Like always.

[Mike Antonucci]

Has anyone noticed the producer's name is Manny Coto? Who does the music, Alfredo Fettuccini?
http://www.compactdiscoveries.com/CompactDiscoveriesArticles/Fettuccini.html

[tefta]

Haven't laughed so much in ages.

LabS is right. Get the ranger in to mop up.