24

My wife is off covering the Olympics, which means that I'm solely responsible for our five-year-old daughter. So I regret to announce that tonight I had to look into my heart and make a decision: Should I watch a silly, meaningless television show, or should I act as a responsible parent and take care of my child?

I'm sure she'll be fine.

I am not so sure about 24. The plot has been moving at the speed of the Department of Motor Vehicles. Last year, we had Air Force One getting shot down AND half the nuclear power plants in the United States melting down AND a nuclear missile heading to Los Angeles. This year, so far, we have: canisters. A large chunk of last week's episode was devoted to showing the reconfiguring of these canisters; in terms of dramatic visual impact, this was not unlike watching brake repair.

I'm hoping things improve tonight. President Manilow has turned over control of the United States to his unstable cleavage-flaunting wife, so that's a good sign. She seems like the kind of gal who just might do something wacky. And apparently the terrorists are going to take the canisters to a mall, which also holds promise for some action. Like the terrorists could try to set off the canisters in a department store, only to be thwarted when helpful sales clerks squirt them in the eyes with perfume samples. Or the terrorists could actually detonate the canisters and release the nerve gas, but nobody notices, because at the same time there's a major shoe sale. I'm just thinking out loud here.

Whatever happens, one thing is certain: When the trouble starts, a certain high-level federal agent will be on the scene -- a man who takes no prisoners; a man who shoots first and asks questions later. He's not perfect, but, darn it, that just makes us love him more.

UPDDATE: We have no update at this time.

UPDATE: What kind of moron watches Skating With Celebrities? Besides me, I mean.

UPDATE: They're advising viewer discretion.

UPDATE: Increased canister chatter!

UPDATE: They're probably going to kill Jack!

UPDATE: Edgar's on the schematic.

UPDATE: Mike thinks President Manilow is whipped.

UPDATE: Blah blah blah. WHEN IS THE SHOOTING??

UPDATE: Edgar is running the plates.

UPDATE: "Show time!"

UPDATE: Chloe knows how to install the chip. She is some woman.

UPDATE: I bet that voids the canister warranty.

UPDATE: How come nobody ever punches Audrey?

UPDATE: Why can't the president get a shirt collar that fits? He's the PRESIDENT!

UPDATE: President Manilow is definitely sleeping on the First Sofa tonight.

UPDATE: Twenty minutes and not a single shot fired. What is this? Sesame Street?

UPDATE: They obviously don't watch their own previews, or they'd have known the target was the Sunrise Hills Mall.

UPDATE: They never see anything, these people. They have visuals.

UPDATE: Toyota is having a Think Big Truck Event.

UPDATE: Chloe's in the server.

UPDATE: Oooh! Mall security! Those guys are good.

UPDATE: Gas the mall! Sounds crazy at first, but makes sense, now that you explain it!

UPDATE: This has to be the dumbest plot development yet.

UPDATE: It's a tragic choice, darn it, but what the hey.

UPDATE: I have this feeling Jack is going to....

UPDATE: OK, he's pretending to be knocked out, right? You can't knock out Jack Bauer just by hitting him really hard on the head!

UPDATE: The terrorists are talking to Canister Technical Support.

UPDATE: Yes! Neck breakage!

UPDATE: All teams are moving in.

UPDATE: Not the Food Court!!

UPDATE: Jack does not have a visual on the hostile.

UPDATE: It's either the nerve gas, or some bad mayonnaise at Chick Fil-A.

UPDATE: Jack is also of course a highly trained paramedic. Later, he will do everybody's income taxes.

UPDATE: He's on foot!

UPDATE: He's stealing a car! The bastard!

UPDATE: Boooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnngggggggggg

UPDATE: A perimeter! They should just put all of California in a perimeter and be done with it.

UPDATE: Hostile down!

UPDATE: They've got NOTHING! Which is pretty much what we got out of this episode. I don't know about everybody else, but my feeling is: enough already with canisters.

Comments

[adonis]

Shoot Audrey in the thigh! just because!

[Jessica R.]

Commercial - time for a drink...ahhhh.

[qetzal]

OK, Jack definitely needs to dump Awwdrey & hook up with the UV chick.

[slyeyes]

qetzal, you can zap through during the commercials and catch up. See ya on the other side.

[wolfie]

Blood and guts and some gross movie. It's what says loving this valentines day.

[BLaaa]

Wow. wierd computer commercial...

[Jessica R.]

Dave, what kind of crying would there be if someone actually HIT Audrey?

[slyeyes]

The First Cleavage is gonna slap someone again!

[jim]

abundantly

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

A coverup? In DC? Nah!

[blaa]

What happened to Walt's body. Is he still up there?

[philintexas]

Wacko First Lady is keeping the National Treasures under wraps...

[Sam G.]

President Weenie stood up for himself. Wow.

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

Whoa! First Cleavage is going to tll Walt's wife!

[slyeyes]

Oh, Novick is up to something!!!!!!!!

[tropichunt.com guy™]

First Lady Cleavage has a bigger pair than the president...and I ain't talking about what's above the waist...

[Jessica R.]

Why is Pres. Manilow on the couch?

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

C'mon you can tell Jack what the target is. He won't tell.

[silhouette]

They're gonna gas the GAP.

[wolfie]

North is never good.
Isn't Jack too old to chew on his fingernails?

[jim]

he had another appointment???

how many canister triggers are there out there that need to be re-configured...

[BLaaa]

They just want coffee...

[philintexas]

uh...We have masks? Nerve gas doesn't have to be breathed to kill ya...absorbtion through the skin does just as well

[FleaBailey]

Mike is so disappointing. President Weenie is such a weenie. First Lady Cleavage is so disappointed. And Jack is boring the hell out of me tonight.

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

Get the perfume ladies at Sunrise Hills on full ALERT!

[slyeyes]

Sunrise Hills Mall sounds more like a mortuary

[tropichunt.com guy™]

They're setting up on the second level of the parking structure! Thank God it ain't Christmas, or they'd never get parking!

[wolfie]

It will be soon sly. Unless Jack gets a'shootin.

[Glow]

Wow, the women are running the show now!

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

Hobbit is turning crazy!

[slyeyes]

Whoa! The Hobbit has balls!!!!!!!!

[Sam G.]

Aww...they made group jackets to commemmorate the canister opening!

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Hobbit's got a big pair as well! He's holding all the aces!

Uh-oh, they're calling President Manilow! Maybe he'll be the Chump..er..Trump card!

[Jessica R.]

24, the redneck version: "Wal now, I see this here feller with a big canister over yonder..."

[Peg Leg Pete, CPA]

Cool drums!

[Stolzi]

"We need to call the President."

Riiight! Mr Big Decisive Decision Maker himself!

[jim]

maintain your distance!!!...

[BLaaa]

Anyone else lovin the Victorias secret adds?

[slyeyes]

Do NOT play poker with THAT Hobbit! (How many "t's" did we decide are in Hobbit?)

[jim]

best ever, on the ads

[Peg Leg Pete, CPA]

Look at all the simulposts! Was it good for you too?

[Jessica R.]

One "t" in hobbit.

[wolfie]

Those ladies dont come with the knickers gents. But they are fun to look at.

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

Even if the Prez calls, chances are they still won't know anything.

[Jessica R.]

simul-anything is good, PegLeg!

[slyeyes]

Thanks, Jessica.

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

Okay Dave, there's the first shot!

[wolfie]

We have bloodshed. Yes.

[stevo]

I remember this from Star Trek...the security guards get shot first!

[slyeyes]

Happy, Dave? Bullets!!

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

No one can see that thing in Jack's ear? Do they just think he's hard of hearing???

[Peg Leg Pete, CPA]

Are you telling me they don't see that thing in his ear?

[Jessica R.]

Toyota - Think Big? You have to imagine that your toyota truck is actually big enough to be called a truck.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Sheesh, shoot a mall security guard. These guys never have guns. The terrorists obviously have no idea who they're up against...

[bizrey]

Say, didn't CTU have a video teleconference setup? Now they just have speaker phone.

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

Jack's thinking..."What would Dave do?"

[jim]

could you quiet down with that cutter???

I can't hear the president...

[slyeyes]

OK, while they are setting this up, couldn't they get everyone out?

[silhouette]

Won't somebody please, think of the children.

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

Fire Alarm!!!!!

[tropichunt.com guy™]

I know! Someone will pull a fire alarm to evacuate the mall! Watch!

Even the president won't think of that!

[Jessica R.]

You are welcome, slyeyes. I can't actually view the program tonight since the tv and the computer are in different rooms, and hubby needs his laptop tonight.

[bizrey]

Yeah! Let Jack beat it out of 'em!

[philintexas]

Jack's gonna break protocol

[slyeyes]

WIMP WIMP WIMP WIMP

[Glow]

You make the decision!
No, you make the decision!
No, YOU make the decision!

[wolfie]

President Weenie doesn't do well under pressure. Haven't they figured that out yet?

[silhouette]

When in doubt, delegate.

Buck? What buck? I don't see no stinking buck stopping here.

[BLaaa]

I need to take a few weeks on the ranch to think this through...

[bizrey]

President Sack of **** weasel pus punk

[Momanon]

Lisa, you are scary good at reading other people's minds!

[Sam G.]

I'm only an elected official, I can't make decisions by myself!

Kudos to anyone who knows where that quote's from.

[Jessica R.]

That's why we watch, Dave. Any one of us could foil this plot.

[Glow]

Oh yeah, the gas mask is going to help.

[bizrey]

Jack doesn't work for CTU Hobbit!!

[jim]

jack, can you hear me now?

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

Momanon-It's a gift.

[FleaBailey]

Did he just call that guy Molokov? As in the cocktail?

[silhouette]

Andre has an alternative. A keg tap.

[slyeyes]

I'm totally confused.

[Betsy]

The play area? They're going to blow up the play area???

[bizrey]

I'm not getting Jack's plan here -- ???

[Jessica R.]

I'll have to catch up on next week's show on the blog. I am going on a CRUISE!

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Y'know, that Fusion razor actually IS pretty good...

[Peg Leg Pete, CPA]

Tom?

[markle]

Catch the Westminster Dog Show on USA during commercial breaks! Miniature bull terrier ("Rufus") just won the terrier group!

[wolfie]

Eye gouge by broken handcuff?
I'm not liking the lack of shooting here today. But I could be appeased with something suitably bloody in the gouging area.

[Glow]

Jack's plan--side by side quad axel with the terrorist. Hey, it's got to be more action than we're seeing now--Jack flat on his back!

[philintexas]

it'll probably turn out that all they have to do to release the gas from the canisters is pull the poptop tab

[Jessica R.]

Are you kidding? You can't even KILL Jack Bauer, let alone knock him out!

[Betsy]

Whoa, Jessica! Enjoy the cruise; watch out for canisters.

[bizrey]

JessicaR : Well, if you must, just remember to maintain situational awareness even when on leave.

[Betsy]

Well, you can kill him; he just doesn't stay dead.

[«LabSpecimen»]

ABC? The freakin' unlock code is ABC? Holy cripes!

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

Jessica R - Congrats on the Cruise! good times

[chris]

Did they just handcuff Jack to a table leg THAT'S NOT ATTCHED TO THE FLOOR? Escape plan: Lift table. Slide cuff out from under.

[Jessica R.]

Well, hopefully it will be warmer in Jamaica than here in Ohio. First vacation without children in 9 YEARS!

[Betsy]

Oh...I'm sweaty and my head hurts

[FleaBailey]

By god they DID knock him out. Who is that guy, and what have you done with Jack Bauer!

[«LabSpecimen»]

Chuck Norris wouldn't be knocked out.