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January 25, 2006

WHY THIS BLOG DOES NOT GET INVOLVED IN KARAOKE

If you are a man of the male gender, do not even think of clicking here.

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ow,ow,ow,ow,ow,ow,ow,

first....

Being a foolish man, and possibly with the first post, I foolishly clicked.

OUCH.

"Attempted?"

Oh, good, then it's just a misdeweiner.

(Had to say it first.)

He must have tried to trick her by saying that Tony wanted to talk to her.

EEEWWWW - YUCKY ANAGRAM ALERT
Island of Peace
=
Penis Load Face

also =
Lo Penis Facade
Whateveer that means

*Typing from fetal position*

I'm not sure I would be posting under the name Peg Leg Pete, given the context of this story - just sayin'.

*snork* at JT!

Scissors? She used SCISSORS???? Then she wasn't serious. If she was serious she'd have used a machete. It's gotta be a sharp blade with no serations. Steak knives take too long and leave a jagged edge. Pruning shears are ideal.

Not that I've given this any thought......

There's an old eskimo term
for this procedure;

Oosikus Removus Ouchus

this really is on the cutting ney bleeding edge of comedy!

According to the internet anagram server, the victim's name can spell:
a kinky hag
or
khaki yang.

What about your daVinci code, now?

"internet anagram server"?! - ya mean I dont have to come up with this twisted krap in my own warped noggin?

If Jack Bauer had sustained this injury,
he would have sutured himself up.

While exhanging fire at the same time!

(Chloe,download athe "SutureSelf"
beginners kit,please!)

Ooooooohhh, that's gonna leave a mark......

Painful, yes, but now (depending on how well it was sutured), he has his own "Wiener Whistle" for Karaoke Night.

"Darling, what is that paper cutter doing next to the bed?"

"I sometimes do office work at night, sweetums, Punkin Poo says it's much more efficient than scissors."

"You know I would never hit you ,dear."

"Or do karaoke?"

"Especially that!"

My legs are crossed tightly, I have a large book on my lap and I am sweating profusely as I type this.

But it's my fault. I *am* a man of the male gender and I read the story in spite of Dave's warning. Of course, being a guy, there is no way I could NOT have ignored it after reading an intro like that!

He shouldn't have favored his wife with his interpretation of "Cuts Like A Knife"...

Was he doing the Sheryl Crow or Rod Stewart version of "The First Cut Is The Deepest"?

Insom - It's no mistake I left the paper-cutter option out - though it's truly a beautiful instrument, it's too conspicuous to have by the bed. And the guys wiggle too much to get perfect placement. (It's so hard to get the ropes as tight as you want them, what with all the screaming, crying and begging going on....now where did I leave that duct tape?)

*looks at Punkin in a WHOLE new light...

*backs away VERY slowly...

Dang!

CoastRaven - Yes, the anagram server can be found here: http://www.wordsmith.org/anagram/.

Better back away fast, or you might not be Mr. Completely .....

I guess Mr Completely wants to stay that way.

Ken - Before the incident he was Rod... Afterwards - Sheryl

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHH----WHY DID I CLICK! WHYWHYWHY DID I CLICK!!!!!

CoastR - Another good anagram site is at http://www.anagramsite.com/advanced.html

I am truly a peaceful, fun loving woman by nature.

Unless you lay a hand on me, or attempt a karaoke version of "Mandy". Then I get a wee bit snippy.

Any court in the world would aquit me - right girls?

Simulpost, simulthought with Punkin Poo!!

Wait....is that a good thing?

*Searches for kevlar™ underwear*

*nods head at Punkin Poo*

*runs away*

And women claim that childbirth is painful?

*sitting quietly in the corner, keeping my comments to myself for now*

Better hope Annie's not taking notes today, TCK.

Hey Blue, would a peg be an appropriate replacement? Need a chain saw to, well, nevermind....

I have more fun doing anagrams here at the office... I DID however have a co-worker wondeer why I had "Penis Load Face" written on a post-it note... errrr THAT was a bit odd.

Pete - you're askin' the wrong guy, or maybe even the wrong gender. But at least you'd have a built-in woodie.

Would Built In Woodie BAGNFARB?

Oooh! Thanks Peg! (runs out to get a table saw - and a protective poncho)

Tee hee...

I found this vastly amusing. My husband's party piece for years has been "YMCA" by the Village People.

No one would blame me at all.

Kilmeny - wanna borrow my poncho?

Just remember, termites could be a problem.

"and attempted to cut off his penis, the newspaper reported, not detailing whether she succeeded."

Close enough, I'd say...

Can I use the table saw too?

There's something happening here
What it is is appallingly clear
There's a babe with a scissors right there
Telling me I got to beware
I think it's time we stop, children, what's that sound
Everybody look what's going down

There's battle lines being drawn
Nobody's quite satisfied with my song
Young woman speaking her mind
I’m getting so much puckering in my behind
I think it's time we stop, hey, what's that sound
Everybody look what's going down

What a field-day for the girls
A thousand slashes by my curls
Singing songs, I a-thought it was cool
But they just say, let’s whack off his tool
It's time we stop, hey, what's that sound
Everybody look what's going down

Paranoia strikes deep
Into your bed she will creep
It starts when you're always off-key
Flub some lines, woman come and take it from me

We better stop, hey, what's that sound
Everybody look what's going down
Stop, hey, what's that sound
Everybody look what's going down
Stop, now, what's that sound
Everybody look what's going down
Stop, children, what's that sound
Everybody look what's going down

"walked 500m to a relatives house" - let's see - that's over 1500 feet - so about 1/3rd of a mile...WITH A PARTIALLY SEVERED PENIS!

I've found my new hero...

This guy probably jogged home from his vasectomy...

*snork* @ Higgy

(that's not a comment - just a snork)

Kilmeny - (BTW, LOVE that name!) No need for the table saw. The guy at Home Depot hooked me up with this great thing called a "saws-all". I asked him if it did indeed SAW ALL....he ran off to ask the supervisor and never came back. Guess he was busy. And off course you can borrow it! Just let me break it in....

(The following is to the tune of "The Lion Sleeps Tonight", and was obtained from a friend's grade school son.)

In the bedroom, the mighty bedroom
John Bobbit sleeps tonight.
In the kitchen, the mighty kitchen
Loretta gets a knife.

A weiner whack, a weiner whack...

Blue M:

Nice work on the Buffalo Springfield song.

You can drive the geezer bus any time you like, although I think we'll have to repaint it in psychedelic colors and all wear tie-dye depends.

We have you surrounded Punkin Poo. We men are armed and dangerous. After watching Jack for four seasons we know the correct placement of thigh shots. If you value your thighs, put the saw on the ground, put your hands over your head and step out into the open where we can see you clearly.

Teaser fuss? Speak up, Sonny, can't hear ya....

And how come all these maniacs passing me on the right are waving at me?

*waves lighter in the air for Blue Meanie*

ArcticAl - Where do you get this "we" stuff? Leave me out of this; she has a Saws-All™ and a man's gotta sleep sometime...

*still looking wide-eyed at Punkin (from a safe distance)

Oh take your time Punkin, be sure to do the job correctly.

I actually worked at a Home Depot for a while and its entirely possible he never came back because he couldn't FIND a supervisor. Certainly I never saw them. They were like the Wizard of OZ.

Just FYI...I have been to Cambodia/ Malaysia/ Indonesia and "karaoke" is basically a euphamism for "whorehouse". There pay to sing karaoke and get "special services". It costs 10USD for a "full body massage". My husband's cousin married a woman who used to work at a karaoke bar and she is shunned by the whole family. So he wasn't just singing, he was messing around. Not that I condone the use of scissors...

25 stitches ... so Jay Leno quipped that the guy told all his friends that it took 43

Mama's got a sawsall,
Daddy never sleeps at night!

*zips in*

*applauds Blue Meanie's song*

*stands next to Punkin Poo and raises arm up holding scissors*

Seriously, (really), I've always wondered how a guy could really be comfortable sleeping next to a woman, when women think these types of thoughts ALL THE TIME!
At least that's what my girlfriends have told me - *ahem*

Question for the guys here:
Which made you hold your legs tighter together - the scissors or the stitches???

John. Totally sick, I mean really sick.

El - The scissors, definitely. At least when they put the stitches in, you're numb from Novocain™ or something...

So no one's gonna comment on that childbirth remark? Look, fella, think 'weiner whacking' for 15 or 20 hours, ok? Even with pinking shears, Lorena woulda been done in 15 minutes. ("Note the festive use of zigzag trim" M.S.)

While reluctant to make any sort of comment in the presence of scissors-weilding females, I'm gonna have to side with Mr. C. on the scissors vs. stitches question

When I wake up yeah I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who wakes up with no dick.
When I get out yeah I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who gets out to get it stitched.

But I would walk 500 meters
And I would walk 500 more
Just to be the man who walked 1000 meters
With my dick in my hand to the neighbor's door.

There is something I need to clear up here. I did not slap my wife. She was mad at me because I was out karaoki-ing without her. She said "You wanna sing, huh?", I said "oh yeah, baby, bring it on" (thinking I was gonna get some more to cap off a good night), and than she came at me with the scissors. I was shocked when she snipped it off. But we are back together and she thinks the sex is awesome with the stitches in there.

Thank you all so much for your concern, though. I am doing much better.

This guy must be one heck of a piano player, because it is obvious he will never play the organ again.

# /rimshot.h

This guy must be one heck of a piano player, because it is obvious that he will never play the organ again.

This guy must be a heck of a piano player, since it is obvious he's not going to play the organ again.

My hubby (a kind, non-cheating, non-hitting, VERY non-karaoke singing guy) sleeps with a teensie tiny motorcycle helmut he stole from our Grandaughter's "My Little Pony" on his head. Um, the OTHER head. Safety first!

Ok, what's with the blog clock NOW?

Punkin - Which one is his OTHER head?

Peg - Consider the size of a "My Little Pony".

(Yes, my man is hung like a toy pony.)

Since you guys brought up the Lorena thing already... I live in the town where that happened. Forget two huge Civil War battles- when I tell people at college where I'm from, they say "Oh, that's the place where that Lorena Bobbit woman was from." What a thing to be known for.

Wait - was that a blog spammer? I hate those!

She used scissors? That's for amateurs. What a hack!

*quietly taking notes and watching tck closely*

So that's why airport security confiscated my pair of Slip-N-Snips?

Hey! We're time-travel posting again.

Remember Dave's Year in Review for the year the terrible thing happened to J.W. Bobbitt? Tropic Magazine's staff cartoonist drew an accompanying "Bobbiteen" with a tiny hole where the neck would be placed in a guillotine. And Dave commented, "Sales of cast iron jockstraps shoot up." I still have a copy of that Tropic issue. Hilarious!

Bumble, why is it that this time traveling stuff always seems to happen when you're around?

Just askin' :)

southerngirl- Hey; it's John and El who are posting in the future. Don't blame me.

Punkin Poo - Isn't that a bit TMI? And does he know you're posting such an embarassing "little" personal "tidbit" about him?

My bologna had a first name - was O-S-C-A-R.
My bologna had a second name - but now just call me "Scar."
She cut and sawed and hacked away,
The "O" came off and wouldn't stay,
'Cause wifey didn't like the way I drank and wandered off to play.

Annie~ *snork*

It is at times like this that I remember the last thing I said to John Wayne Gacey:

Are you going to eat that pickle?

Memo to Bobbitt:
Lorena was right. You are definitely a sicko!! :-)

I don't know who posted "500 meters", but the Proclaimers are my favorite singing Scots twins in the whole entire world. No kilts, though.
"If yer bloggin'/will ye send back
A letter fraahm America
Take a luuk/up the railtrack
From Miami/ to...
Kansas City"?

So ... (not sew ...) ... this article raises a couple (well, three) questions ...

25 stitches ...

Was that lengthwise or circumferencial ... (that's two)

How much is that in metric?

such is life here in Cambodia !

Lord Playboy
www.khmer440.com

Lord Playboy (if that is your real name) - Okay. Thanks for stopping by.

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