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January 24, 2006

WHOA

Looks like you folks did some very strong analyzing last night. I will analyze your analysis later today when I get a break from strumpeting. Meanwhile, I want to thank the blogsters who came out to Naperville last night and gave me an official blog name tag and, for judi, Barbie's new boyfriend. Apparently Barbie ditched Ken and has a new boyfriend named, I think, Blair. Here we all are:
Photo_012306_001
To be honest, Blair looks to me like he might be more interested in Ken, not that there is anything wrong with that.

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HOOORAYYY!!!!!! They made it!!!!!!!

*goes back to bed to sulk*

Names! Names!

We gotta have names to go with the faces! (Or else, how will Jack ID them, so as to know they're the good guys?)

Was that Dave in the picture? I didn't recognize him - where's the blue shirt?

Sorry, I'm pouting. That would be DDi, Lab Specimen, Insolent Wench, and Scat?
With Dave and Blair, of course.

CrapCam makes Dave look like he has a booger hanging out of his nose.

Blair seems to be wearing Dave's blue shirt. Hmmm.

Bulletin Bulletin Bulletin

Dave is NOT wearing a blue shirt! (Or did the blogsters cover him over?)

(Nice work, blogsters™!)

HEY! What's with all those books in the background?


... are they getting closer and closer?

*waddles in glowing*

That was the bestest night EVER! I drove to Naperville to meet Lab Specimen and his Insolent Wench, as well as Scat, and guess who was there doing a book signing? His Royal Daveness!! No but really, Dave was wonderful in person - even with the bazillion people in line to meet him, he was just as charming when he got to us at number 189,978 as he was with the first 189,977!

I have a word of wisdom to share with those of you who've not yet met Lab and Wench, when you do get to meet them in person, wear adult under garment protection!! I'm glad I did. :)

Psssssssssst...Dave... I think his name is Blane, isn't it? Then again, don't listen to me, I didn't sleep last night as I was too busy re-reading what you wrote at the bottom of my Aztek picture over and over again.


CoastR, heh, heh - it's the CrapCam™ 's fault, not a real booger. yeah, right.

* waves at bloglits *

I'm sorry I stood you up last night, Dave. I know said I'd be there. I can see the disappointment on your face that I didn't show. Maybe next time, ok?

And I'm pretty sure it must be Lab's fault that I couldn't make it. I happen to know he is away from his computer today, so he can't refute it. Neener, booger, and CAR!

grumblemuttermissedmeetingDiandLabandwenchandScatandDAVEmuttersgrumblegrowl*

Off, Off, I turned them off!

{{{neo}}}

What I don't get is--- I plan on going to see His Daveness on Wednesday and I *think* I am the only person that will be representin KC.

But when I called the place where His Daveness is said to be coming, they warned me to come early because, and I quote, "When you have someone like Dave coming, it's bound to be nutty."

Yea for the blogsters! Isn't it nice to see that Judi wasn't left out?

I missed you too, neo :(
Next time for sure :)

Hey Dave--any chance of a USO book signing tour? Just saying. Little bit jealous.

I'd lend you my flak jacket...promise!

{{rita}} (Not 'cause you need a hug, just cause you're so huggable!!) Hey, Rita... if I had been able to go, what I wanted to take, I couldn't figure out how to make. How 'bout knitting a thong for Walter?

Dave...the show was full of moles, and mrs. president weiner escaped her husband's nefarious plan to have her committed (I think she and Chloe are going to team up to bust the mole in the pres' office)...Sam the Hobbitwise was...well...wise. Just read steve's recap to know what happened on last night's episode. That cleared it up for me. There was a surprising lack of violence (no thigh shots or hand shots and remarkably little torture) until Jack jabbed the scissors into the neck of the IT repairperson cum assassin.

Dave,

Sorry I missed ya. It's too bad, too, since I was going to bring you a whale's vagina lovingly handcrafted of rice krispie treats.

uh...Dave...nice 'doll' ya got there. (don't they call them action figures when boys play with them?)

(Rita, by the way... I think that was Wolfie's idea... my brain doesn't think of things so clever)

(psst, thanks, Eleanor! *grin*)

so i see you packed more than one shirt. good for you! and nice to meet the rest of everybody out your way....

Jaybird and any other KC bloglits
My sis and a good friend live in K.C. and I've warned, erm, TOLD them about Dave's upcoming visit. My friend was planning to come, but her brother was critically ill (in hospital) last week and thru the weekend - she has to make up for all that lost time and is pretty bummed that she can't make it. But my sister might. She's not a bloglit per se, but a relation TO a bloglit (that's got to count).

I told her to wear a propeller beanie, you know, so she could be recognized.

*sigh* So very jealous. I considered making the trip since Naperville was the closest Dave was gonna come to me, but it would've been over three hours there and three hours back, immediately following five hours worth of three classes back-to-back. I was all set to do it anyway (I so wanted to) but I didn't want to go alone because I've never driven in Chicago myself, and my parents couldn't/wouldn't go and also didn't want me to go alone, so I capitulated and did my homework in a full-on state of January 23 depression.

Nobody cares about this, do they? Never mind. Let's hear more of the bloggit joy from those who did go. I'll shut up and stop whining. Promise.

Blue shirt? All Dave's blue shirts are short-sleeved. Naperville is freakin' Chicago and it's January!

Dave was also good on Chicago Tonight last night. But I don't think host Phil drinks beer.

I care, Bumble, really. :(

I'm sure you can tell from my emoticon how very sad I am for you!

Anyone catch the preview for next weeks 24?

I saw the "extended version" in which they reveal that "Samwise" will issue all CTU agents corduroy pants with vertical piping.

This is a big mistake, in my opinion.

El~ There's always Dave Barry Turns 60, right? :-)

Now that's a crapcam picture! The one of us in Arlington was almost too clear; this is more like it.

Sorry you missed Dave, neo, because he is always worth seeing, and a bloglit meeting is always worth the trip.

Love to all. Thanks for the 24 recap. I got that housecleaning bug and only REALLY saw a few scenes. The TV was on, but I was buzzing around with clothes baskets and dusters and also picking up clutter. I'll get to meet Dave someday, but when I went to the book store to pick up my reserved copy I mentioned that they needed to get Dave to come to Canton (OH) to sign books, and the clerk said that there was very little chance of that. Why please? What does Naperville have that Canton does not?

neo--you hugged me last year when I really needed it. I'll knit anything for you!

Got Walter's "measurements"?

I know Jeff! *sob* You're not helping!

juuuuudiii! Jeff is teasing me again! ;p

If that guy in the back is Blair, then he has the hots for you, Dave! Not Barbie.

You rock, Dave, you gay icon you!

Shame on you, Jeff! Just because we've met Dave a couple of times (3 for me; I met him in '95 before he was The Blog) is no reason to rub it er........

Shame on you, Jeff!

Jaybird -

Alas, I no longer live in the KC area. I would have given half of my left nut (which I imagine is a lot worse than giving the whole thing) to have Dave come to KC last year on his book tour.

Oh well, pick some boogers for me.

(PS. Rock Chalk?)

Okay, I'm sold.

I read every day, but by the time I get up, y'all have been posting for HOURS and I feel like if I post anything I'll be seen as the short-bus kid who doesn't get the joke at first.

Will anyone be at the Palo Alto signing on Saturday?
I'm so there.
-KF

What a lame book tour!
Who set this up?

You don't have one stop in Texas!
You could have gone to Austin. It is a very happening place. I would have made the drive.

WE DO READ IN TEXAS YOU KNOW!

(think of the grumbly lone star state next time!)

Kim F - come on up to Berkely instead. Then you can meet me and we can get our Crapcam shot with Dave!

Dave! judi! Thankfully, not all Texans are like Grumblin' Lizzy. Please don't let one sour grape keep you from coming here!
(Lizzy - Dave went to Arlington TX several years ago.)

I *can't*! I would MUCH prefer the Berkeley stop, it's closer to home and Cody's whomps the snot out of Borders any day in every area in which bookstores have snot whomping competitions. Alas, I am instructing at that big Palo Alto school that starts with an "S" all day and doubt I would get back to the less preppy side of the bay in time. Do get on the CrapCam, nice to know I have a bloglit neighbor!
-KF

(Devotional moment: I am giving a TEST during the time I will be off campus to see Dave. I hope none of them read the blog.)

Bismuth---ewww.

And I can't imagine moving from here. **insert eyeroll here**

Oh and no. Tigers eat Hawks. ;)

*zips in*

*slaps Jeff upside the head for being mean to neo*

*gives rita a little poke*

*hugs neo*

Kim F - !* Snork *!

jeff: be nice to neo!

ahh that wolfie: always trying to supply me with men :) so thoughtful.

thanks to all the bloglits! can't wait to meet my new guy, sexual preference notwithstanding. hurry home, sir!

judi, you were missed terribly, but we're grateful you were able to keep the fort down while we were basking in the glory of Dave. Or were we basking in the glory of beer? Either way. Thanks!

Wow, I'm getting wierd looking. No, wait, it's the CrapCam's fault!!

DDi gets the Pulitzer Scat Prize for her astute report of the Naperville signing. Dave's head was visibly spinning from being kind and personable to 189,978 fans, posing for 193,476 pictures with fans, not to mention the fact that he was still recovering emotionally from the shock of seeing a little girl with a horse's head.

Thanks for a great night, DDi, Lab & Wench!

Oops, apparently the "strike" HTML code doesn't work here. It was supposed to work in the previous post.

There's a prize for the first person who correctly guesses where it was supposed to be!

scat~ Pulitzer?

Wash.Post reporter Joel Aschenbach has a blog, and since this is on topic, here's his entry for today:

Posted at 08:44 AM ET, 01/24/2006
The Jack Bauer Speech To Lazy Teenager
There comes a point in life when a child turns into a creature that cannot get out of bed in the morning. You can try bribery -- cash, Red Bull, offers to buy the kid a car -- and still, the lumpy object will not stir. Dawn will be a distant memory, and still the slothful entity will refuse to become fully conscious, much less vertical. You will realize, as a parent, that you must bring out the heavy artillery. You must give the Jack Bauer Speech:
"Do you have any idea," you will say, "what Jack Bauer would have already accomplished by this late hour?"
[For those of you lacking culture and sophistication, Jack Bauer is the terrorism-foiling hero of the TV show "24."]
"Jack Bauer would have already stolen a helicopter. Jack Bauer can steal a helicopter faster than most people can drop off dry-cleaning. Jack Bauer would have somehow managed to find and summarily execute a political assassin. He would have already broken into a building swarming with federal agents who think he is the actual assassin, and extracted secret codes from a computer. He would have then escaped, and raced to the airport to monitor and ultimately foil a hostage situation. All this while YOU have slumbered!
"And how does Jack Bauer do all these things? He does them because his parents taught him how to get out of bed in the morning. His parents taught him the virtue of industriousness. He gets all this accomplished because he believes in working hard, even when it is unclear whether he is still on anyone's payroll. He will capture and kill the bad guys who want to detonate a nuclear weapon in a large city even if, on paper, it should be his day off. He does not pause for unnecessary events, like going to the bathroom. Though he will sometimes detour his stolen chopper to Starbucks and rush in for his morning coffee, he will order the drip, rather than wait for a fussy espresso drink.
"He knows that the secret to foiling a terrorist plot in the morning is to leave his lunch plans flexible. He knows that the only sure way to master the art of time management is to fake his death and thereby eliminate such timesucks as sending thank-you notes for Christmas presents. But it all starts with GETTING OUT OF THE FRIGGIN' BED."

yay partner!

*giggle* fussy espresso drink

El~ If they're anything like I was when I was that age, they'd just go "Mom, gimme a break. Jack's a fictional character. Lemme alone." and pull the covers over their heads. :-)

when i was a teenager, my solution for avoiding confrontations such as the one described in El's post was to leave a little parfait on the dresser in plain sight - my mom would come in to roust me out of bed, spot the parfait, and suddenly decide i could sleep a little longer (so as to give her sufficient time to confiscate and sample the parfait elsewhere) - if it was good stuff, she would generally decide that me sleeping the day away wasn't really all that bad after all...

pssst, TCK has a one track mind, pass it on!

Well, with a name like Jaybird...

ah, wishful thinking.

on a serious (kinda) note, dave's PUBLICIST is the one you should all be mad at for dave not coming to your city. though i gotta say, canton is a bit of a stretch; cleveland maybe... but unlikely on accounta the burnin' cuyahoga... anyway, texas, dave goes to texas ALL the time. and i myself am planning a trip to dallas in the near future. but i digress.

El - that would be a 2 track mind, thank you very much

sorry, that was from way earlier and for some reason it didn't post! :)

But, Judi, we don't know Dave's publicist; we only know you and Dave! And Nava! Ooh--and Ted!

May we gripe to Ted? Even if we're not disgruntled?

*waves*

Hi, judi!

{{{neo}}} I apologize for getting carried away with myself.

Tamara - not to mention that we know Walter. Some of us (who shall remain Nameless, TrwC) even make Rice Krispie replicas of him.

His Daveness was most gracious even after 2 grueling hours of, um, strumpeting. Pointing out that "book-strumpeting" can be rearranged to spell "promote stinkbug" and "pot-smoking brute" seemed to make him nervous, though. ;-)

Replica? I heard Walter mated with a breakfast cereal and had a son.

Bumble! You win the prize!

What is the prize? Um, the sentence above is the prize.

We are sorry you couldn't make it to the now famous Naperville. 'Twould've been even more fun if you'd been there.

judi, you should really pop in for at least some of Dave's tour dates. I'm sure he's told you how delightful they are. Despite that, we'd love to see you and give you hugs of appreciation.

Bumble, where you at?

I should have driven to Naperville. Dang. Although, to be fair, and I'm not really sure how this happened, I didn't know he was going to Naperville.

I really need to pay more attention.

I'm just waiting in quivering anticipation for Dave's appearance with the RBR at the Los Angeles Times Festival of Books in April... maybe he'll strumpet for his new book, Dave Barry's Money Secrets (available at Amazon and major booksellers now) at a local bookstore...

I guess I could have driven to Naperville. It's only 8 hours away. I have gon efarther than that for Star Trek. (Did I say that outloud?)

Shoot, I'd go see Judi on tour, without Dave. Judi should go on tour! All expenses paid! To someplace cool, like...um, some place where men wear very few clothes!

People, come on, I was NOT being mean to neo, I was honestly trying to be sympathetic! Really. I would never tease her. Really neo, I wouldn't. Now if I was joking about rita meeting Don Henley, that would be teasing, but I was trying to commiserate. I guess I just didn't make that clear enough.

Sorry. OK?

scat- Thanks! :-)

Angie- Peru, IN. About an hour and a half straight north of Indy.

Aww, Jeff, that's a really nice apology. I didn't think you were teasing neo. Eleanor, be nice and make up now, okay?
{{ group }}

*mutterstoself,remembertochangenamebackondifferentthreads*

Bumble-I'm from just north of Decatur, Illinois. I was wondering if you were from around here.

Angie~ Nope. But I lived in Champaign for a while.

Jeff, honey, I winked at ya. I was giving you grief. And I HOPE you would tease me! But it got me LOTS of hugs!! *triumphant grin*

**SMOOOOCH!!**

I'm with Lizzy, another disgruntled Texan, but from the Houston area... we know how to read books here too! I've even DONE IT, in fact! (Well OK, that was before I got a computer... in 1980.... but still, that should count....)

judi, it should come as no surprise that for us to become regruntled, it's not good enough that Dave allegedly comes to Texas "all the time", he needs to get his butt here NOW! So, if you'd be a sweetheart and tell us where to find that $^&@^$%&#@ publicist, all of us neglected souls will make the necessary arrangements to send an "emissary" (aka GOON SQUAD), taking full advantage of the Flank 2 position, to pay him a visit, rip his lips off to get his attention, then shoot him in the thigh and negotiate the schedule from that point.

gollum:

neo got hugs.
Jeff got teased back.
All is well. :)

Now that there's a Jacktracker, maybe what you need is a Davetracker.

Confused - every day on his tour is another day away from Sophie et al. I'd love to see him, too, but I'm willing to make sacrifices so that Dave gets to spend more time with his family. Shoot, I have to spend time with mine - Dave should have to, too. Besides, that's where the best comic material comes from....Dave's family.

Barbie and Ken went their separate ways last year but they remain close and commited friends like Brad and Jennifer.

Yes, but now that they're divorced, Barbie comes with all of Ken's stuff.

Did Barbie get Ken's zucchini, too?

She got custody of it, however Ken's boyfriend has visitation rights.

barbie dolls are cool
bratz dolls look like hookers
and bratz are ugly
barbie is cool

barbie is hot,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

i like playing barbie dolls

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