WE'VE KNOWN A LOT OF GUYS LIKE THIS
I'm an attorney in Tacoma and I stumbled onto your blog because I'm also a 24 fan (it doesn't hurt that I'm a long time Dave Barry fan too).
Anyway, I saw the post about the oosik and thought I should write. I did some legal work years ago for a gentleman who collects Alaskan art and artifacts, including oosiks. He owns many, some of them intricately carved. The fact about oosiks I thought you might like to know is that the most valuable ones are covered with spider web-like networks of hairline fractures.
It seems that walruses not only suffer from raging mating instincts, they also suffer from extremely poor vision. When the mood strikes, they look for a mate. They sometimes see large, dark shapes in the water they believe to be good-looking female walruses. After using their best moves they discover they made love to a boulder, hence the fractures in the oosik. It's not easy being a walrus in love. Feel free to use the info (check it out for yourself) but please do not use my name.