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January 20, 2006

WE DO NOT WANT TO POINT FINGERS OR ANYTHING

But this explains a lot.

(Thanks to many alert readers, and TV's Craig "the-reason-the-s.b.-is-often-late-for-work" Ferguson)

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First?

Yes, first, and.....well, I sometimes kinda like to see bad things happen to bad people, too. Like the fragile blond tattletale in my office. But nothing ever seems to happen to her! Drat.

Well, I guess this makes me a man then. :P

Do I get a silver for being second?

You would if you were, Kitt. Good effort, though!

This is why women are not as good as men at rock paper scissors..

i don't think it's limited to bad people's pain. exhibit A) the three stooges, B)the number of crotch blows found in popular comedies, C) hunting.
not that women can't enjoy these, but historically, that's all guy stuff.

ha - ha !!!!

Crossgirl -- that does raise a good point. Are the three stooges supposed to be funny or something?

crossgirl, do you watch "four kings"? can you imagine any girls anywhere doing ANYTHING like "chesting"?

C'mon - was anyone not pleased to see the finger-in-the-chili lady get sentanced some hard time?

One detail omitted in article: the alleged 'cheaters' the men were watching were in fact topless dancers...

judi: Again, something about which I am apparently clueless. Chesting? Does that involve bumping chests?

Brain doctors have got to know why
What makes scans light up like July.
"They're either annoyed, uhhh...
Or perhaps schadenfreude,
Or J. Bauer has shot someone's thigh."

Well let’s face it....some people are like a Slinky...not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs. Just sayin…..

I want to know what the s.b. is doing with Craig Ferguson that makes her late for work.

I was sitting at a bar the other day with several friends, male and female, and the subject of the new movie "Hostel" came up and I asked what it was about and one female friend said it was these tourists who get tortured in this hostel...

I and several of my male friends basically said why would anyone want to see that and I SWEAR my female friends all wanted to go see it. They were looking forward to it. Said it sounded better than "Saw"... another movie I avoided....

Not to blow the study's theory, but women can be as sadistic as men. Now they argued that "it's just a movie" and all, but you gotta wonder...

oh don't i wish, 8ball ;) sadly, the answer is "watching the monologue" and then usually the rest of the show, dragging myself to bed at 1:35 and then having to drag myself out of it at 7:15. (if sly had taught me how to do strikethroughs, i'd put 7:15 7:30 7:45 etc.) hence being late for work.

"chesting" is a game of immense skill wherein one of the characters sneaks up on another character and punches him hard in the chest. that person then awaits his opportunity to punch the other guy when he's not expecting it. this goes on indefinitely, apparently.

"Chesting" eh?

Wow. I usually NEVER say this, but... that DOES sound like a "guy thing." :P

Geez, the slant on this...

They attribute this to
A: Men have some sort of sadistic thrill from watching this, sick bastards.

or
B: Men demand cold revenge!

Why couldn't it be
C: Men like seeing instant justice meted out to wrongdoers.

What would Superman think?

*snork* to crossgirl and Bamadano!

(I'm new here. Am I allowed to "snork" yet?)

This didn't hold true for my parents. Dad could never bear to spank us when we were little; mom always had to do it. Not that I think she enjoyed it, but she was able to do it.

Muffles~ As the spirit moves you. :-)

Annie's Guide to Gals - we do chesting, too, only instead, we pound each others' self-esteem. (and we're not genetically allowed to admit that we enjoy watching others suffer, but the evidence is there- American Idol, daytime tv, queer eye for the straight guy, valentine's day, anniversaries, etc....)

forgot to mention - Craig Ferguson rules my late night. Being Irish, that's the first scot I've ever said that about. I'll probably be disowned for it, but he's that good. And it's nice to see that CBS hires the handicapped.

Annie and Judi - I have the honor of having seen The Craig live at a taping of his show. Yes, I was a naughty little pony.

'Twas fun. Craig cracks me consistently up.

Annie - I'm both Scot and Irish (on my Dad's side), so I play both sides.

The women in my office who saw this study said it was complete drivel, and I believe them, based on personal experience. (Hint, guys: never lose an office bet on the Super Bowl when the penalty for losing is a leg waxing. I still have nightmares about that conference room.)

Gabriel - do you have a video of that leg waxing that you could send us girls? Pretty please?

Mr. C - your heritage explains a lot about why you frequent this blog.

Gabriel, rumor has it the International Commission on Human Rights has listed leg waxing right up there with the telephone generator to the testicles as torture of the worst sort...especially after the unfortunate leg waxing incident at Abu Ghraib Prison. And speaking of Abu Ghraib and the subject of women feeling sympathy for the one persecuted, weren't the most infamous photos of the Abu Ghraib incident the ones showing the dizzy bimbo with a cigarette dangling from her lips and a dog leash dangling from her hand? No, the scientists have erred in their conclusions. We all know women who, in the words of the late Louis Grizzard, will "rip out your heart and stomp that sucker flat." They also have an incredible flair for revenge. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if several of our bloglit/ster/ettes have a field day of vengeance hoisting me on the petards of their anguish at being called out for being less than the perceived fair sex.

NEVER! make a bet that involves waxing.

EVER!

/lesson from personal experience.

Lewis Grizzard!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I miss him.

*sob*

Sorry, Annie, no videos. There were some pics taken but they are currently held hostage as blackmail material in case I run for office someday.

Eleanor, S'girl - S'Man's getting a little big for his codpiece. I think he's due for a 'man-icure,' IYKWIM.

Gabriel - we know you have videos....we want them ... now.

AW-b-h, usually the exception proves the rule, but this time it appears you are the rule proving the rule. BTW, I've always been too big for my codpiece.
(Looks up "codpiece" in Wikipedia. Wonders if they were worn in front or in back.)

If you think leg waxing is torture, you oughtta try scrotum waxing ... not that I'd know anything about that sort of adventure, of course ... but I've heard some stories ...

...and I've heard some screams.

Do I want to ask why anyone would want to have his scrotum waxed?

No.

Suffice to say that it (hypothetically) had nothing to do with a wager on either an election or the Super Bowl, but alternatives involved ducks, goats, gerbils, iguanas and some very large spiders ...

oh ... and a Gila Monster ...

and Milton Berle ...

uh... right. Thanks, U.O, for clearing that up for me. *goes to find something, >anything< else to think about*

....why anyone would want to have his scrotum waxed?

I think "want" might not be the correct verb here.

SCROTUM WAX!?!!!!

aaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!

OH THE HUMANITY!!!

*imagining every male bloglit sitting at computers with legs tightly crossed*

*imagining every male bloglit sitting at computers with legs tightly crossed*

Scrotum Wax Party wbagnfa ... acid rock band?

acid - I remember acid, kinda - IMO, hallucinating is not fun (especially when it involves large bugs, or people melting)

Leg waxing isn't so bad. After all the horror stories my sister told me, I expected it to hurt a lot more than it did. The only part that really hurt was when they tweezed the ones they missed. I'll never do it again though. First of all, not worth the money considering how fast it grows back in. Second, you have to have two weeks worth of growth for there to be enough hair to wax. In a season when I'd want to wax, I wouldn't want to go around with two weeks worth of hair growth. I have enough trouble getting dates as it is.

Bumble - secret to getting more dates:

1) study less

2) party more

I remember your last set of grades - in my expert opinion, you can party at least one more night a week without substantially damaging your GPA...

trust me on this one - you need to have as much fun as possible in college, cuz after college you have to be a grown-up

TCK, and it's just for that reason that I put off graduating for 33 years.

damn sly - I wish I'd thought of that!

Look at the shine on that scrotum!

(oh, wrong kind of wax...never mind)

"At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking- I highly suggest you try it."

TCK~ Honestly, I don't study as much as you might think. I do all my assignments, but I do the bare minimum of what I think I must to get by. The reason I don't get dates isn't that I study too much. It's that I never go anywhere. I divide my time between classes, this blog, watching TV/movies and reading. And not living on a campus and having no friends or even acquaintances my age that are still in the area (my two good friends are at colleges quite far away) is not conducive to "partying."

... as to "wanting" to have one's scrotum waxed ... y'all know how it is with guys and beer and sporting events and beer and hunting and beer and tools and legally insane daredevil stunts and beer ...

Guy 1: He!!, Boy! I'd sooner french-kiss a cobra than that! (Insert current topic here.)

Guy 2: Dare ya!

Guy 3: (Hic ... buuuuuuurrrrrrrrpppp!)

Guy 4: Gimme them ducks ... and goss a toat! ... um ... goat a ... goat! ... I meen ... T-O-S-S a ... G-O-A-T inna deal toooo ... And a Gila Monster!

Guy 1: Yew gotta use some spiders ... there's gotta be spiders!

Guy 2: Buuurrrrp. Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrppppp! Burp!

All guys: HAWHAWHAWHAW ... HAW ... HAWHAWHAW ... BUUUUURRRRPP!

Guy 5: Snore .... zzzzzzzz

Guy 2: How 'bout one-a (hic)them ... um ... gumballs ? ... no ... goofballs? ... no ... um ... Gerbils! My kid's got(hic) one-a them ... talks to it(buurrrpp) all the time ... named it (burp) "Elvis" ... whatta dope!

Guy 4: Yeah ... he's a real dope!

Guy 2: You badmouthin' my(hic) kid, you (hic) sh!t(hic)head?

Guy 4: Nawp ... Elvis ... had all that money, and wasted it on pnut butter and banananan (hic) ... ananas ... (hic) ...

Guy 5: (HIC! HIC! HIC! ... mmgghnbmmvfff )...( "puke" )...

All guys (including #5): HAWHAWHAW!!! HAW!! HAWHAWHAW!

Guy 3: Gimme a beer ... (hic) ... uh-oh ... (hic)

Guy 1: Jus' gimme my 300(hic) Win-Mag an' that iggy-wanna(burp)-be is gonna be(burp) a iggy-wanna-WAS! (Buuurrrp ... hic)

Guy 2: Yew know hoo(hic) I miss ... but I ain't gonna(hic) miss Mr. Iggy-wanna-was ... you betcha ...

Guy 5: hoooooo? (buuuurrrppp) Gimme a beer ...

Guy 2: Yoo nooo ... that guy ... he always wore ... a ... (hic) ... dress ... with banananan(hic) ... anananas ... on the (hic) ... hat ...

Guy 4: ooooohhh ... her?

Guy 3: Yeah ... her ... (hicburphicburphic) ... uh-oh ...

Guy 1: Yeah! Auntie Miltie! I (hic)miss her(buuuurrrppp) too ... (hic) (HIC!) (sob)

Guy 5: Yew gnaw whut my wife does ... to her ... legs?

Guy 6: snore ... zzzzzzzz

Guy 2: I gotta tell ya, (hic)man ... she's sure (hic) got (hic) some perty(hichichic) LEGS ... (HIC!) ...!!!

Guy 3: Whose wife?

Guy 4: Auntie ... (hic) Miltie! hawhawhawhawhaw ... HAW!

Guy 3: "puke"

All: HAWHAW! HAWHAWHAW!!! HAWHAWHAWHAW!

Guy 5: She waxes 'em ...

Guy 2: She whacks 'em???

Guy 3: Naw! WAX! ... (hicburrrp) ... pours hot (hicbuuurrrp) wax on 'em ... my wife (burrrp) does it too ... sometimes three or four ... (hic)

Guy 1: Don't it hurt?

Guy 6: (snorehicsnorehicsnorehic ... hic)

All: HAWHAWHAWHAWHAW!!!!!

Guy 5: Mine says it does ... but ... (hic) ... not as much as ... (hic) when she ... (buuurrrrrrppp) RIPS IT ... (HIC) ... OFF!!!!! HAWHAWHAW!!!

Guy 2: Ooooooh, man ... thass gotta H(HIChicHIC)URTTT!!!

Guy 3: I betcha I kin ... (buurrrrp) ... hit ol' Iggy-wanna-gonna(hic)-be-was ... (hic) ... in the ... (hic) ... EYE ... at ... three hunner' ... LEFT EYE! ... ((hic) gimme a beer ... tanksh ... (hicburrp) ... yards ... wanna bet? ... WITH MY (HICBURRRP) 'LECTRIC DRILL BEH(hic)I(hic)ND(hichic) MY BACK !!!

Guy 1: Ohhhh, thass(hic) gotta ... HURRRRRRRRR(hic)TTT!!!

Guy 2: Whut? ... His eye?

Guy 4: (buuurrrrp)

Guy 5: How mussch (burrrp) yoo bet? (hic)

Guy 1: Pullin' alla hairs off ... OWOWOWOWTCH!!!

Guy 3: I betcha ... I kin ... inna eyeballlll(hic) ... or ... HE!! ... I'll letchu ... um ... (hic) ... WAX MY BALLS!!!!

[That's the way I heard it ... as best as I can recall ...]

Mr C, if a Zoroastrian is only fourteen, how much could that Zoroastrian possibly know about ritualistically shaving a scrotum. OTOH, from whence the quote? I want to read more about 14-y-o Zoroastrian girls (Vilma is a girl's name, isn't it?) shaving scrota...ritualistically or otherwise.

I just want to straighten out crossgirl's misconception about men enjoying seeing "...crotch blows found in popular comedies." Men do not, repeat DO NOT enjoy seeing crotch blows. (And we do recognize that by "crotch blows" crossgirl means an injury to the groinal area and not the other thing.) This is actually "comedy" for the benefit of women. Men cringe in empathetic agony at the sight. Women laugh hysterically and generally ask the nearest male if they can try it on them. Just ask my wife. I think that it is a deep rooted hostility thing.

Oops! Wrong thread ... nevermind ...

Bumble- you just described me!! Weird. (though, my good friends aren't at other colleges though, they're working)
That being said, I definitly plan on enjoying college life while I can, seeing as my parents are not keen on having a permanent tuition bill.

Stupe - it's from the first Austin Powers movie...

TNX, Mr. C. Guess that's one movie that wasn't adapted from a book. Dang!

On another note, but in keeping with this thread, I recall being in a bar once that was owned by a woman. Above the bar was a prominent sign (you've all probably seen it somewhere before) saying:

THE BEATINGS WILL CONTINUE
'TIL MORALE IMPROVES!

Dux~ Yeah. Mine aren't, either. But the phrase "enjoying college life" is a contradiction in terms as far as I'm concerned. I hate it, and I'm as eager to be done as my parents are; probably more. :-)

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