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January 23, 2006


Our state of alertness continues to ratchet.

(Thanks to Justin Barber)


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Sounds to me as if she's taken leave of her senses ... common ones, at least ...

Nazareth is so picky. That's where they wouldn't let the guy get a business license for his cheese shop under the name he wanted - "Cheeses of Nazareth".

Third! But it doesn't matter because I've been published 4 times in the blog. Ha!
And mudstuffin, I loved my anagrams.

What was the fifty cents for?

I pulled into Nazareth, I was feelin' about half past dead;
I just need some place where I can lay my head.
"Hey, mister, can you tell me where a man might find a bed?"
He just grinned and shook my hand, and "No!", was all he said.

Take a load off Fannie, take a load for free;
Take a load off Fannie, And (and) (and) you can put the load right on me.

Off with her head! Off with her head!

50¢ for the head (!) of lettuce ...

If she just wouldn't have played the "sanctimonious" card and just showed-up at court the first time, she could have saved us all much ado.

Do you think she can avoid sentencing if she promises the judge she is willing to turn over a new leaf?

Hey, a corpse is biodegradable, but you don't see me emptying the trunk of my car in front of a Denny's do ya? (We dump all our bodies in Jersey. You gotta problem with dat?)

And that, kids, is why we finish what's on our plates.

Good to know they're being tough on such offenders. You let lettuce go, and next thing you know, people will litter any old thing, biodegradable or not. Oh, wait. They already do! Never mind. That's got to be the stupidest thing I've ever heard. And that covers a multitude of stupidity.

My favorite legal story: A man buys some expensive cigars and insures them against many things, including fire. He smokes them and puts in a claim with the insurance company, saying they were "destroyed in a series of small fires." The insurance company basically comes back with "Are you crazy? You smoked them. We're not paying you for that." The guy sues and wins; they were insured against fire, after all. The insurance company pays, then brings the guy up on 30+ counts of arson. There's justice for you.

"You deserve a whopping fine!
So eat your greens and don't you whine.
At McDonald's we do it all for youuuu!"

Uh-oh. While checking out a link in Dave's schedule of appearances for this year, I found this.

Is this already old news that I just missed, or were we not told this on the blog for fear some of us might have nervous breakdowns? :-)

... um ... Yeah, you missed it ... there was a main thread, with a bit earlier version of this story, and Dave™ posted it as his way of announcing to us that he would not resume his column ...

If I can think (?) for a few minutes I might even find the date of that thread ...

No, that was the date, that's the one ... if you wanna go back and read the posts, it's on that date in the archives ...

Title of the thread is FYI

U.O- Oh. I was in Oregon that day; I didn't check the blog every day when I was there. Guess I missed out on the depressed bloggit support group. *sigh* We've survived this long; I suppose life will go on. And hopefully, Dave's will be a lot more fun and fancy free. He'll have more time to play Barbies with Sophie and arrange play dates for Walter with Tiffani (was that her name?). And he deserves that after all the laughs he's brought us. And still brings us.

Thanks, Dave! :-)

Yeah, in all the confusion (which reigns here) of those several jumps and posts, I meant to mention that I thot it was when you were on Christmas vacation with your nephew, but you gnu that and so I din't hafta tell you ...

Ultimatum for Dave - either bring the column back, or we write a book FOR you and force you into another book tour, which, when last I checked, is against the Geneva convention, but since we're not going to a convention in Geneva... booger!

Ok, I don't miss the columns so much because I get to spend time with Dave on this blog...see ya later, I'm off to therapy!

You ever read a news story and think,
"There but for the grace of God go I"?

As a summer camp councelor I had an unruly table of kids who would not eat their salad so I tried to make it fun and put a piece on my head. I told them I loved lettuce so much I was a lettuce-head.
To make a long and very strange story short,
the kids grasped this concept like a house on fire and within a week there was very close to civil war at the camp between the "Lettuceheads" and the "Anti-Lettuceheads".
(did I mention these were sweet little girl scouts threatening to crush each other like croutons over a wilted vegetable?)
I am not making this up.
Lettuce is a very dangerous vegetable and should not be casually thrown about.
Believe me, I know.

AAMF ... there is a mild narcotic in lettuce ... but our Micro instructor (Dr. Marwin) told us we'd need to eat about 50# of it for a buzz ...

U.O- Perhaps this is why "It is said that the effect of eating too much lettuce is 'soporific'."

-Beatrix Potter

Speaking of Peter Rabbit's creator (since you brot it up, after all ... so please don't chastise me for the digression) do you happen to know her middle name?
(I've asked this one here before ... tho it may have been before your time with us ...)

U.O- Beatrix. Her first name was Helen, but it was confusing because that was her mother's name, so they called her by her middle name.

*snork* @ Edgar G!

Also, this is about a rival purveyor of haute cuisine, but some special lucky folks will get this treat after Super Bowl Sunday.

VERY good, Bumble. Go to ... um ... good work ...

Blue~ On that note, does anyone else think those new BK commercials with the giant fake headed king are freaky? Especially the "Wake up with The King" one. If I woke up with him in my bed, I think my reaction would be to scream and run, not eat whatever he handed me without question. It'd be even scarier than finding TCK under my bed for real.

U.O~ Just call me google queen. I cheated. But at least I learned something new to add to my stash of information that will pop into my head when I'm supposed to be studying, taking tests, whatever. If Jeopardy catagories were: Dave Barry quotes/anecdotes, Movie Trivia, Harry Potter, Calvin & Hobbes and The Far Side, I'd clean up.

correction: categories *sigh*

*wanders off to attempt boring & complex accounting exercises*

Bumble, finding TCK under the bed isn't scary. I mean, you get used to it, ya know?

Hmm...throw in a couple more somethings, like CS Lewis or Get Fuzzy (to balance out 'movie trivia') and I'd give you competition, Bumble.

Especially on Harry Potter.

southerngirl~ I suppose I would if he's cute. TCK, are you cute? Actually, I suppose I should ask TCK's wife if I want an honest answer. ;-)

Joy~ If it's Chronicles of Narnia I could compete, but I've yet to read anything else by Lewis. I've got Mere Christianity sitting by my bed, but every time I finish a chapter my head is spinning. His genius level of discussion is just a little beyond me; I have to read it twice to understand it. Maybe I should start with The Screwtape Letters.

I could also do well in the categories "Pern" and "L.M. Montgomery Novels." And maybe a little Tolkien, but that's more my sister's category.

pogo - forgot to mention - love that song, love that band - I grew up across the river from the big pink. But well after the songs were made there, I mean, come on, I'm not old or anything....*cough*

Yes, Bumble ... I wuz gonna suggest a start of Lewis might be a tad easier if you try Screwtape first ... it's pretty funny ... well, that's not quite how to express it ... it's the droll humor one might expect from a mind as impressive as Lewis' ...

My middle daughter once had a chance to audition for Teen Jeopardy ... but she'd turned 18 about 6 weeks too soon, so missed on that ... when she was in HS the rest of the school banned her from playing ... she'd take on the whole school and beat the whole bunch ... she's really good @ Trivial Pursuit (several versions) but I can still beat her @ the original version ... which, when I think about it, really doesn't mean much ... it is, by definition, trivia ...

But it's fun ...

Favorite answers from TP ...

W.C. Fields


U.O~ I'm ashamed to say the only Trivial Pursuit I can't be beaten at is Disney Trivial Pursuit. That's another Jeopardy category I'd kick butt in. I also tied with my sister when I played the pop culture edition though. We both kept getting our final questions wrong after we filled our pies, so we just called it a draw. As far as regular Trivial Pursuit, Daddy always wins. :-)

Score one for the old folks ...

bumble, i know i'm a broken record, but if you check the NEWS page on davebarry.com every once in a while, you should find... well, pretty much all the news.

Thanks judi. I'll try to tear myself away from the blog and do that every now and then. :-)

Blessed St. Judi ... always helpin' the needy, guiding light for the lost, patient, trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly courteous, kind, cheerful (?), thrifty (??), brave (???), clean (!), revere ... um, well ... 10 outta 12 ain't bad, 'cuz I hear you're scouting for boys ... sometimes ...

ah ... I got the middle of the night (PST) woke up and too early to get up and too late to go back to sleep ... blues?

So, judi, do you ever sleep? I mean ... I see your posts at hours even more odd and random than my own ...

Bumble--I despise (and fear) that big plastic head Burger King guy. I will not ever eat at Burger King again. He just creeps me out, and the commercials keep getting worse and worse.

Yeah, I'm going to shut down BK single-handedly.

rita~ I ate some chicken fries the other day; I'm just going to keep fast-forwarding through the commercials and go on. I kind of like whoppers. (The BK kind and the chocolate kind. :-) But that king is eerie. Hope he doesn't do the cooking.

Back to the original issue....

Is MacDonalds lettuce ACTUALLY biodegradable?

Yeah, but it'll slime up the parking lot when it rots. It's not like she threw it in a grassy field or a place where no one would walk.

Bumble, AlanB, & y'all ...

Lotsa stuff is biodegradable (really) ... does that mean this woman would leave a baby lying on the roadside? Or a family pet? Or yesterday's newspaper?

No, I think her rationale is decayed and her logic is rotten ...

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