STUPID CRIMINAL STORY OF THE DAY, OR PERHAPS HOUR

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

Comments

[Annie Where-but-here]

Now he gets to go play "hide the salami" in prison!

[queensbee]

only his death prevents him from receiving a darwin. BOZO! i suppose the po-lice need a good laugh.....

[OtherDave]

Suddenly, it occurs to me, my "BNKROBR" license plate might attract attention.

[TCK]

Now he gets to go play "hide the salami" in prison!

yes, he can some guy's Bitchlmeier

[TCK]

damn - I dropped my Be

[Annie Where-but-here]

TCK - just don't drop your soap.

[Annie Where-but-here]

His name was Arlie, he needed money.
He thought he'd rob a bank or two, but he lacked a high IQ.
He had a license, his truck said "FINDME".
Now he's got a new roommate, one who really likes his plate...

Thank you! I'm here all week.

[Brainy Jello]

I guess "DUMBASS" was already taken.

[Kafaleni]

*cranks music up higher*

It's not wooooooooorking!! And there's some nice people at the door who want to confiscate my sound system

[Annie Where-but-here]

Oh Kafaleni, you are so funny.
Crank the music up some more, so that you just can't hear the door...

[gjcjax]

Brainy: HEY! You read my mind! Wait, I ready your's apparently since you were first. Dangit!

[occam's lady schick]

chuck norris doesn't need to read licience plates to catch the bad guys.

he just scans people with his crime-detecting eyes and they immediately confess.

[TCK]

"chuck norris"

*snork*

[Sean]

Arlie Bichlmeier jingle hymer schmidt..
His license plate reads FINDME..
Now when he tries go to bed
His cellmate plays "Hide the Salami" instead,
There goes Arlie Bichlmeier jingle hymer schmidt..
FA LA LA LA LA LA LA...

[Annie Where-but-here]

You go, Sean!

[Bumble]

He thought he'd get money without a weapon?

"Give me money, or I will taunt you a second time!"

[U.O]

I've got no smart/cool/funny remarks on this guy ... HOWever, I saw a vanity plate in SoCal today that sorta irked me a bit ...

On a Hummer ...

NINE MPG

I thot that was considerably insensitive, quite conspicuous as consumption goes, and several other negative connotations regarding our overall involvement in the oil affairs (and wars) ...

No, I'm not a tree-hugger, but I din't think it was humorous ... even mildly so ... sorry ...

(Coolest vanity plate I've ever seen: LICENSE )

[Teri]

TCK: Good one (with the soap). Re post, just another example of "crime doesn't pay," What was he thinking? Oh, right. He wasn't. Thinking, I mean.

[Blue Meanie]

U -

I've seen many stupid vanity plates, and a couple of pretty good ones, but none that were especially memorable except one. My award for most obnoxious goes to a guy in a red Lexus with plates that read U NV ME. Fittingly, I happened to see this jerk while he was engaged in a road rage duel with another moron, whose plates I didn't see, but I wouldn't be surprised if they read I PT U.

Close-captioned for the blind.

Clothes caps on for the blonde.

This is amazingly easy.

[Blue Meanie]

Dear :

Need help?

Nah, if s/he can do it, NEone can ...

[U.O]

See? Even us old farts can figger out some of this computer stuff ...

[annie where-but-here]

It was me, on JUST the last few posts. I don't like that the system can do that. But I guess you could just put any old name in there anyway.

[observer]

Where's the perky news team photo? I'm disappointed. And how did we miss the "couple finds condom in bag of nuts" story?

[TCK]

psssst - U.O.'s a tree hugger - don't tell anyone

[Brainy Jello]

gjcjax - They say great minds think alike. Apparently ours do too.

[U.O]

Not really ... I've got this lumber company acquaintance (obscure literary reference there, if NEone cares) whom I known nearly all my life ... I've cut trees down ... just to watch them fall ...

I just wasn't really amused by that specific vanity plate ... as I'm not amused by the blatancy of conspicuous consumption displayed by one back where I live ... it's always on a new car/pickup every year, the flaunting of status/money would appear to be of primary importance to the driver ... the plate says: BONUS 1 ... and the vehicle changes every year ...

Not really disgusted, definitely not jealous ... just, not amused ...

My appreciation of the vanity plate concept goes toward the witty, tricky or funny ...

Nope ... I like to watch trees being cut down ... and ... I like to watch weeds die ... (that's my job, after all) ... and ... in another lifetime, another century, another millenium ... during the CB craze of the 70s, my "handle" was CHAINSAW ...

Oooh, Chainsaw!!

Yup, it works!

Thanks, Chainsaw! ;)

[TCK]

Chainsaw - mellow dude - it was just a joke - you can hug the tree till it hits the ground for all I care - I burn 'em by the cord in my stove

[PirateBoy]

My favorite customized license plates:

On a blue Horizon: BEYOND.

On a Chevy Impala: VLAD.

[Jacki]

Okay, it's late and I'm in the mood to chat, having been a wallflower at the previous festivities of the week.

Apparently in Illinois it does not cost extra to receive a vanity plate. Living near the border, it offers a nice diversion in the form of a guessing game as to what people's plates mean.

Now for the big one, I must confess, for all that are awake and posting, that the very first album I ever bought, with my own money, was Barry Manilow's Greatest Hits. I was eight and my mom loved him. That same year, the first concert I ever attended was the very same BM. My mom took me as a reward for getting all A's in school. I still remember the set changing for The Song That Shall Not Be Named and fake coconuts abounding.

Please, I beg you, stop the ear worm. I was just a child. It's not my fault. And every time it is verbosley played out on the blog I am forced to deal with the fact that I know every single word to every single song on that album.

I hang my head in shame. Will you still have me?

[TCK]

OK, this anonymous crap is startin' to piss me off - if ya ain't got the balls to at least make up a fake name, then go blog somewere else, see? This blog ain't big enuff for the both of us, see? High noon, that's it - we meet at high noon tomorrow, main street, six guns are the weapon - we'll see whose anonymous then, won't we?

[TCK]

Jacki - we won't hold your previous, youthful BM disgressions against you - we've all done things we're ashamed of - don't tell anyone, but when I was 14, I went to an Air Supply concert..

[Jacki]

Wow. Okay I feel better. I did own the record, but I never actually went to a concert or anything - and I was like 17 before I even realized they were both guys...

Isn't it nice to share, really takes the load off...

[Tamara Rhymes With Camera]

Ahh, bloglits getting along; that's what I like to see. :)

G'nite, y'all! Bon weekend!

[Jacki]

What we need is a topic set to some good old fashioned heavy metal. Bonus points go to the person who comments on the next topic in the form of Slayer, Megadeth or Iron Maiden (or any other 80's metal band I haven't heard in years that you can think of...).

TCK is a pimp.

Just kidding....TCK is a HOT STUD!

Guess who, Loverboy...no...really, guess who.

If you're correct, there may be a prize involved.

[TCK]

slayer and megadeath are a litte too much metal for me - I'm more into the 80's hair bands - motley crue, poisen, skid row, warrant and the like

[TCK]

southerngirl - I know its you - what do I win?

[southerngirl]

Jacki, 666 is the Number of the Beast. Btw, I Am Not a Prisoner...I am a Free (wo)Man!! Now I shall Run to the Hills, leaving the Gangland, off to my home at 22, Acacia Avenue.

Iron Maiden ROCKS!

[TCK]

but you forgot "All Hail TCK!"

[TCK]

Iron Maiden does ROCK - but Judas Priest ROCKS better

[TCK]

*feeling extremely satisifed, as usual, after simelpost with southerngirl*

whose got a lighter?

[TCK]

ever get the feeling everyone else left, and yer just talkin to yourself and your imaginary freind Willie?

no?

me neither

[TCK]

*sigh*

I know there's a lighter around her somewhere

*wanders off in search of a lighter*

[southerngirl]

TCK, sweetie, I could never forget how much you "rock". And you won a simulpost!

And if "You Say Yes", we can go "All the Way", my "Troubleshooter"

*JUDAS PRIEST MOST DEFINITELY ROCKS MORE*

[southerngirl]

Dang, I posted when I shoulda said "Also, I didn't forget to say "All Hail TCK". I had just gone out for tea."

[TCK]

well, as long as you had a good excuse - I'll forgive ya this time

[southerngirl]

TCK ~ this is what we've been talking about all along, right?

Just checking.

[Jacki]

I was all with southergirl but I'm sorry, Judas Priest was "mainstream" in my time - plus Bruce Dickenson actually sweated upon my forehead at a concert, so I have to say Iron Maiden most certainly rocks more.

As for the hair bands, they were punks to me but some in my "posse" liked them lol (just remembering the fights between us girls over who was better Poison or Metallica)...

[southerngirl]

"I know there's a lighter around her somewhere"

Was that "slip" intentional? ;)

[Jacki]

I'm sorry, was I interupting something?

I'll just go now.

[Aunt Nancy]

I know I'm LTTG with this, but:

my favorite vanity plate - 10SNE1

It took me forever to figure it out: 10S NE 1

Tennis, anyone?

[Jacki]

Sorry, I haven't left yet. But birdseed? "Yes, I'd like a birdseed parfait please."

I have obviously missed some posts.

[TCK]

jacki - since southerngirl was out gettin' tea, she must be plannin' a "tea party", whcih means you could stay

southerngirl - it could be intentional, if you want it to be

[southerngirl]

Jacki ~ wait...*thread killer alert* My 9, (yes, I said 9!!) year old daughter's favorite song, in the world, is "Every Rose Has Its Thorn", by, yes, you know who. We bought her Poison's Greatest Hits CD for Christmas (yes, I said Christmas), and it was her most favoritest gift of all. Really. IANMTU.

Led Zeppelin and Black Sabbath are the utmost.

Period.

[TCK]

jacki - parfait is code for something you smoke
what's "birdseed" code for?

[TCK]

Black Sabbath ROCKS!!!

[Jacki]

A truce upon which I think you may agree: the absolute utmost is Randy Rhoads, formerly of Black Sabbath (and Quiet Riot, and Magic Wand) before some idiot crashed him into the ground in fire-ball of an airplane giving new meaning to the words twisted metal.

[TCK]

crazy train

[Jacki]

PS: As for the 9 year old, hey, y'all have forgiven me for my 8-9 year old bout with He Who Shall Not be Named....in 20 or so years, it will give her something to confess to total strangers...

[Jacki]

TCK: My question exactly.

I was just following southergirls' link - the description says that American Parfaits include "yogurt, birdseed, nuts.." and I forget the rest.

Pass the parfait please.

[southerngirl]

BANG YOUR HEAD!! Metal Health will drive ya mad!!!

[TCK]

"y'all"

jacki's southern too

[Jacki]

Bang your head on the wall!

[TCK]

another simelpost with southerngirl - people are gonna talk

[Jacki]

Oh most definatley. Born and bred in a small town that thinks it is a big city, being a state capital and all. And home to three universities. But for us backwoods natives, it is in fact only thirty miles from rural Southern Georgia, and THAT is southern. In fact, the city's motto was, "STATE NAME HERE with a southern accent".

Guess the city to win the gold star...

[TCK]

OK, that was a triple-post - people are really gonna talk

[southerngirl]

Jax, I didn't get the birdseed reference, either. 'course, I didn't read the recipe...

And, true story, a coupla years ago, me and Mr. S saw Black Sabbath at the Gulf Coast Coliseum in Biloxi. Before Katrina kicked *ss, that is. OZZY ROCKED! Duh, what a surprise!

[TCK]

gotta go - see y'all around

[southerngirl]

TCK, I'm pretty sure they're already talking.

And in the words of somebody or other...."Let's Give 'Em Something to Talk About"

Jacki, I'm not sure where you're from yet, (my geography genius son is sleeping), but can you imagine how people react when I tell them (and this is true) that I live SOUTH of New Orleans??

Really, I do.

[Jacki]

"An American Parfait is a delectable treat which ...may include granola, bird seed, yogurts, ... or other like toppings."

No parfait here since I resigned, er uhm, committed, myself to counseling inmates as a career. Some day maybe, I'm hoping/lobbying for parfait to become the perfered method of treatment both for the clients and counselors.

My legal hopps flavored "smoothie" has run out so I too will sign off for the night. (That and I have a 2 yr old that wakes up at 6am every morning without fail!)

Just remember, "Heavy metal rules dude"

[Jacki]

SG: Hint: It's the capital of the same state in which our esteemed blog owner resides.

But I currently live in Kentucky - which has issues of its own, to say the least!

[southerngirl]

"committed myself to counseling inmates as a career."

Sounds very interesting, Jacki, to say the least. And I had forgotten, but now that you've said it again, I do remember you mentioning this once before. Am I right? Maybe one day you'll share your stories? My e-mail is the real thing.

I love stories. Seriously.

Oh, and I know the answer...it's Canada, right?

[Mr. Completely]

CONFESSION TIME

Okay, folks, I'm a Pink Floyd fan from WAY back. I know all the words on each album from Dark Side of the Moon to The Wall. I PLAY a LOT of their songs on guitar. Needless to say, I have also had my share of "birdseed parfaits", IYCMD. I love Led Zeppelin, etc. Everybody get the picture?

Okay. This past summer, Mrs. ThePoint and I went to the L.A. County Fair. While there, she dragged me, kicking and screaming, to the free concert.

Here's where the confession comes in: The concert was The Village People with K.C. and the Sunshine Band. I did not burst into flames (although the Village People were flaming, NTTAWWT) - and (hanging head in shame here) I (sob) enjoyed it, God help me.

Am I still welcome here, or must I go in shame and humiliation to a BM-lovers blog?

[Brainy Jello]

southern - Judas Priest?

*wrinkles nose* Ew. No. Seriously?

Pink Floyd, Zepp - okay. Sabbath - I guess. But JP? Not for me.

[U.O]

Mr. C --

Y'all can like whutever music ya wanna ... Heck, boy, I went to the Bluegrass session @ Topanga Days last May ... stayin' @ my cousin's house as I recovered from surgery, so he said ... ya wanna? ... And, it was John McKuen doin' a little pickin' ... amongst other folks ...

I don't care if others do not (not dew knot) agree with my tastes in musical enjoyment ... however, I gotta confess do have 745 songs (I just looked it up) on iTunes (so far, I'm far from done) ... ranging from Mr. William Joel and Mr. Richard Penniman and Francis Albert Sinatra to Wilfred G. Nelson, Wynton Marsalis, Waylon, Don Henley, Doris Day, Dean Martin, Dickie Doo (and the Don'ts), Dave Van Ronk, Hag, Haley, Harry Connick Jr., John R. Cash, John McCormack, Linda, Mahalia Jackson (but no Michael, or his/her siblings), Robert Alda, Patsy, Pete Seeger, REO Speedwagon, Roberta Flack, Tompall Glaser ... and bunch of them others ...

So ... whatever turns your crank ...

[TCK ... I gnu we wuz just havin' fun ... besides which, since yew mentioned it ... I'd fergot about all them trees I burnt up in the wood stove ...]

[AlanBoss]

Wow! Until now, my favorite vanity plate was the legendary white Rabbit with the plate ML8 ML8. But VLAD the Impala is my new fave!

[AlanBoss]

On the subject of music, While I spent the 70's as a full blown metal head (80's metal was all imitation) I did have a copy of The Captain and Tenniel's first album. My iPod™ sounds a lot like U.O.'s (but Robert Alda?!? Who knew?) But let's add a large helping of KISS, Alice Cooper, and Ozzy!

[queensbee]

never got into metal. i'm an old folkie. and a geezer as well. i gotta have motown to kick up tho. the first 3 notes of heard it thru the grapevine will get me on the dance floor, bad back and all.......

[U.O]

AB -

r.e. Robert Alda ...

Original Cast album, Guys and Dolls

(I wasn't really sayin' that "He's on my Fave/Gotta Have list ..." ... just sayin' that for various reasons, he's on there ...)

Above clarification should also explain summat why Robert Preston and Lucille Ball are also on my iTunes ...

Might not explain the Canadian Brass, Clovers or Coasters tho ... that's another story ...

[J who oughta...]

Your iTunes and iPod playlists are all more mature than mine. Mine is filled with music from Sesame Street, Bear in the Big Blue House, etc., and the Pippi Longstocking song in German. I'm 28. I have no kids. I have no idea why this is my musical prefrence.

[Ken]

All this talk about Barry Manilow and CPCBN (spelled in the ancient Hebrew tradition of leaving out vowels so I don't offend sensitive readers) got me mind a-wanderin'. I know that Vanessa Williams had her Miss America title stripped after she did likewise. And I know that Milli Vanilli had their Grammy taken away after the lip synching scandal. So I started positing a fantasy cause for Margot Kidder's well-documented mental aberrances from a number of years back. What if she had been a child actress on the stage and actually won an award for her work? She was proud of it all her life, but late in her career it was found that she didn't appear in enough performances to qualify and they stripped her of her childhood award? It would explain so much...

"She lost her youth
And she lost her Tony
Now she's lost her mind!"

Sorry, back to the headbangers and Sesame Street afficionados.

[Noob]

My favorite vanity plate is on my boss's car. It says ISUE4U. And he's a criminal defense attorney. He doesn't sue anyone!

My musical tastes run the gamut. Everything from big band and swing to some (limited) modern music. However, I was a huge metal head in the 80's. Ozzy, Black Sabbath, Zepplin, Metallica...all among my faves.

[southerngirl]

Brainy, yes Judas Priest, among many, many others. Led Zep and Black Sabbath are my favorite "old" bands, but I also like AlanBoss' Alice Cooper A LOT, and many of the ones U.O. listed, such as REO, Billy Joel, Bob Seeger, (wait..he said Pete...), the Eagles...the list goes on and on. My favorite "today" bands are Maroon 5, Matchbox Twenty, and I LOVE Three Doors Down. And, my very first album ever was Styx's Cornerstone, which I still own. My prize possession, though is a Johnny Rivers album which belonged to my aunt, who died in 1975. It plays better than the rest, and I play it often.

Sorry this was so long. :)

[southerngirl]

Sorry, Mr. C ~ I meant to say that it doesn't matter what you like, as long as you continue to be your sweet, funny self. And I'm pretty sure that if I saw KC and the Sunshine Band live, I'd enjoy it, too.

[Annie Where-but-here]

Since it appears that Elvis (and everyone else) has left this thread, it's a good time for true confessions. I was the keyboardist/backiing vocalist for the Tomboys, an all-girl band a la the Gogos. This was in LA in the late '80s, after the Bangles were big. In fact, the guy that helped get those groups going, Rodney Bingenheimer, helped promote us. (We secretly hated the Bangles because they didn't really play their instruments.)We had a commercial on his radio station, KROQ, and once in a blue moon they'd play one of our songs. We were negotiating a contract with A&M Records when our guitarist, all of 18 years old, decided to go solo. With speed metal all the rage, we couldn't find a decent 'normal' guitarist to replace her. But it was fun while it lasted. And now, here I sit, a single mom in the suburbs...

[Eleanor]

*gives AnnieWBH a big hug*

But just think, Annie, what great stories you have to tell....:)

[Annie Where-but-here]

Thanks, Eleanor. And my kids think that everybody's mom does things like that.

[Guin]

Harking back to the original topic of this thread (not that there was one, really), my license plate says PONIES.

[Wavey]

I guess now he'll be banging out vanity license plates in prison. Probably will make one for himself that reads PAROLEME.

[U.O]

Haven't got any Bob Seeger ... yet ... prolly should ...

My own personal vanity plate says GETUMUP ... It's on my '76 Scout ...

[Edgar Greenberg]

Dear sir,
I too wish too rob a bank, but my partner says we should remove the giant red and white "Catch Me If You Can" sign on top of our get-away car. Please advise.

[AlanBoss]

Continuing with iTunes™ confessions... I just checked. I have 2070 tracks on mine. With the sheer volume combined with my taste for bad novelty songs and REALLY wrong cover versions (Pat Boone's "No More Mr. Nice Guy" anyone?) when I put it on "shuffle" at work, I often find myself diving for the Forward button.

U.O. I didn't know Robert Alda was in "Guys and Dolls" but that makes sense. And who doesn't have Robert Preston on their iPod™? ("Well, you got trouble, I say! Right here in River City...")

Annie, Very Cool! I'm well over 40 (closer to 50) but I still listen to KROQ!

[U.O]

AB -

Yeah, Alda played Sky Masterson on Broadway ... when they tooken it Hollywood, Brando got the part ... I'll not comment on the wisdom of that choice -- as well as others -- but suffice to say that my kids got me the movie (on VHS) for Christmas after we did the musical in HS ...

[U.O]

Trouble, with a capital T, and that rhymes with P, and that stands for POOL!