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January 07, 2006


...why all the teenage boys we know are good at calculus.

(Thanks to Russell Mc)


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"Bikini Calculus" wbagnfa all girl rb

Calculus...why did it have to be calculus?

I'm sorry... I tried to understand, but it's still all geek to me.

(lame calculus joke ahead)
don't want to see the video for the 'chain rule' (well, maybe I do a little)

Damn you Google Video!! That site always stalls out my internet connection big time. Hate, hate, hate.

Wow - I suddenly now totally get calculus!


I should e-mail that to my school's jerk calculus teacher. *snicker*

More advice for teens: Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.



WOOHOOO Leetie!!! Very well done! If I'd had a drink, I'd have snorked it all over the keyboard at that point.


*raises head sleepily off desk*

Ick. Math.

*falls back asleep*

Wow, those girls looked just like my H.S. calculus teachers.....except my teachers were 20 years older, 70 lbs heavier, not as pretty, wore the same pants for a week, and there was only one of her.

Spooky, huh?

so 70lbs heavier than their collective weight? (of about 45lbs..not that I'm bitter or anything) or 70lbs heavier than their median weight(22.5lbs for those keeping track)?

Double-wide Calculus Teachers WBAinteresting conceptFARB

I haven't seen acting that persuasive since Shark Attack 3: Megalodon.

Hilarious! But what about us females learning calculus?

Does he teach it?

What about him? Or him?

OK, I'll stop now, but I'm waiting for an answer.....

mmmmm... Calculust...

No, they don't. That's why men are better at math.

chuck norris invented calculus

Poop - Thanks for 'splaining! :)

It's totally clear now.

Someone call the Title IX lawyers!!

chuck norris also discovered pi when he noticed his roundhouse kicks were perfect circles

Why didn't they have this when I was in school struggling through Calculus? I learned in 2 minutes what took me two months the first time around!

These girls may be closet blogits and Dave Barry fans. From the How to Do Girls Website:

"Jaime Lynn is destined for big things. Her goal is to own multiple businesses....She worked for a company that puts on dress up parties for little girls. She noticed that there wasn't anything for little boys so she stepped up and started doing pirate parties. Aye aye Captain Jaime Lynn.

Tacky slag alert . . .

uuuum, pi....

and bless you, Eleanor, for reminding us of an integral part of this blog.

djtonyb ~ HILARIOUS!!!

Leetie - Why should one not drink and derive?

Because it becomes hard to differentiate and you may not know when you have reached your limit.

I correct myself. Jaime is a Nuclear Engineer. I thought she was a physicist. Ah well.
But I think my theory that there are beautiful people in Science is proven. I have no idea about the guys though. Just not into the cosign thing.

So, when they get to the part about exstrapolation ... ???

Oh, that's for logrhythms ... nevermind ...

For the record, I made the lowest score possible on the AP Calculus exam in high school, where (and I swear I'm not making this up) I actually spent more time writing a poem "Ode to Flunking the AP Calculus Exam" than actually trying to pass the darn thing. (Something about natural logs belonging in forests and other such garbage.)

I did pass the AP English exam, but that's another story.

But if THIS VIDEO had been available, things would have been very different...

... I probably would have flunked the AP English exam too.

I first saw this back in college...

Once upon a time (1/t), pretty little Polly Nomial was strolling across a field of vectors when she came to the edge of a singularly large matrix.

Now Polly was convergent and her mother had made it an absolute condition that she must never enter such an array without her brackets on. Polly, however, who had changed her variables that morning and was feeling particularly badly behaved, ignored this condition on the grounds that it was insufficient, and made her way in amongst the complex elements.

Rows and columns enveloped her on all sides. Tangents approached her surface. She became tensor and tensor. Suddenly two branches of a hyperbola touched her at a single point. She oscillated violently, lost all sense of direction, and went completely divergent. As she reached a turning point she tripped over a square root that was protruding from the erf, and she plunged headlong down a steep gradient. When she was differentiated once more, she found herself, apparently alone, in a non-Euclidean space.

She was being watched, however. That smooth operator, Curly Pi, was lurking inner product. As he numerically analyzed her, his eyes devoured her curvilinear coordinates, and a singular expression crossed his face. Was she still convergent, he wondered. He decided to integrate improperly at once.

Hearing a common fraction behind her, Polly rotated and saw Curly approaching her with his power series expanding. She could see by his degenerate conic that he was up to no good.

"What a symmetric little polynomial you are," he said. "I can see that your angles have lots of secs."

"Oh sir," she protested, "keep away from me. I haven't got my brackets on."

"Calm yourself, my dear", said our suave operator. "Your fears are purely imaginary."

"I, i," she thought. "Perhaps he's homogeneous."

"What order are you?" the brute demanded.

"Seventeen," replied Polly.

"Thats's prime!" he exclaimed. "I suppose you've never been operated on?"

"Of course not," Polly cried indignantly. "I'm absolutely convergent."

"Come, come," said Curly. "Let's go off to a decimal place, and I'll take you to the limit!"

"Never!" gasped Polly.

"Abscissa!" he swore, using the vilest oath he knew. His patience was gone. Coshing her over the head with a log until she was powerless, Curly removed her discontinuities. He stared at her significant places and began smoothing her points of inflection. Poor Polly. She felt his hand tending to her asymptotic limit. Her convergence would soon be gone forever.

There was no mercy, for Curly was a heavyside operator. Curly's radius squared itself. Polly's loci quivered. He integrated by parts. He integrated by partial fractions. After he cofactored, he performed Runge-Kutta on her. The complex beast even went all the way around and did a contour integration. Curly went on operating until he satisfied her hypothesis, then he exponentiated and became completely orthogonal.

When Polly got home that night her mother noticed that she was no longer piecewise continuous, but had been truncated in several places. As the months went by, Polly's denominator increased monotonically. Finally she went to l'Hospital and generated a small but pathological function which left little surds all over the place and drove Polly to deviation.

The moral of the story is, "If you want to keep your expressions convergent, never allow them a single degree of freedom."

Polly want a canker?

Oh, Eleanor...I was finally able to click on your links, cause the kids are away...I don't know who the last guy is, but he's kinda cute. Not really my type, though. However, I like Jimmy Smits, and Mark Harmon is like fine wine. He just gets better, and better, and better with age. Always has been a favorite. Thanks!!

Yeah, I've never seen a hot male calculus teacher. Or a hot male teacher of any kind of math. All mine had large tummies and icky coffee breath. It's definitely discrimination.

insom- Feel free to send us your picture if you think it might dispel this notion...

Bumble, I think I read somewhere on an earlier thread about Insom exposing himself. However, I have not seen the video.

Psst...between you and me...you want to tell me how you know about the "coffee breath"? ;)

Uhm... 42.

southerngirl~ Well, when they leaned over my desk to look at problems that were giving me trouble, let's just say I got more than I bargained for. I learned to go to the teacher's desk rather than raise my hand. Then I was upwind.

Also: Why do math teachers point (on chalkboards, textbooks, paper, etc.) with their middle fingers? Or were they only doing that to me?

Bumble - OMG! My calculus teacher in high school pointed with his middle finger! No joke!

Maybe there's a theme here (or a tangent)...anyone have a political science teacher who constantly had a tiny bit of spittle on the edge of his lower lip? I missed entire lectures waiting for the spittle to fly off. Kids in the first row could've used a salad guard.

Fivver, I'm not quite sure that I understood every word, but hot, verrrry hot, in a geeky and oversexed way!

Fivver, I didn't understand any of the words, but I know a classic when I see it!

Fivver.. huh? I saw letters, but there were supposed to be English words there, too.

Yeah, Fivver ... whut them others sed ... (I reckanized some a them words, too.)

StupeMan, I think we're hanging out together again. I have no idea what fivver was talking about, but I still really enjoyed the story, and appreciated it on its own merits. As Educashun said, it was quite hot.

*I hate math.*

fivver, If I knew anything about calculus I would think that that was very funny!

I'm a Calc freak. I loved that so much I actually forwarded it to my ex!

Eleanor, you made my day!!

Finally, a {set} of comments I can really appreciate.
Fivver - that is brilliant.
Sam, Anniewhere, great comments.

Sorry Dave, but this link does not "compute."

occam, why are you stealing jokes other people wrote six months ago on the Something Awful forums?

Heck I don't understand it all. Just appreciate it for what it is. Kind of like British humor (sic). I'm off for a couple of weeks to a place that rhymes with His Rail. See y'all when I get back. There may be a worldwide lamb and olive shortage in the meantime.

s'girl, the 3rd pic was Josh Duhamel, who stars, along with James Caan, in the TV show Las Vegas, and while perusing his images in Google, beside the fact that there are NUDE! ones, it also said, I think, (I was fanning myself at the time!) that he's in the movie Win A Date With Tad Hamilton, or something like that! :)

It's okay, Occam, jokes are meant to be retold. They're in the public domain.

Thanks, El! Josh is very hot. He's just a teeny bit too young for my taste. I really prefer
older men

sg -

Hey, he's young enuf to be my ... um ... younger brother ... does that mean I'm still under consideration? (Since I'm older, I mean ...)

My darling U.O. ~ I will always consider you. I'll consider you smart, I'll consider you witty, I'll consider you studly. (It's the mustache, don't ya know.) And, I'll always consider you "Master Storyteller".

Now send me a picture of you without a shirt on.

well, apparently it's not ok with someone who weilds power on the blog since my response to {i) was deleted.

i guess i went too far when i used the word 'persnickity'

/post deleted in 3...2...1...

opps, my dumb. it seems (i) posted the same remark in the thread about the counterfeiter's low flow toilets.

you can find my response there.

sg -

Sorry, photos of this corpus non delectible in a state of shirtlessness can only be send if accompanied by five gallons of eyeball bleach ...

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