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January 31, 2006

NEWS IN THE NEWS

Possibly inspired by this blog's high-quality and insightful live coverage of 24, the Wichita Eagle newspaper editorial board blog is going to be  blogging the State of the Union speech tonight, and apparently you can comment on the speech while it is being delivered. I mention this because (a) the higher powers at Knight Ridder asked me to, and (b) the publisher of the Eagle, Mr. Lou Heldman, once performed "The Tupperware Song" with me live in front of 1,000 Tupperware distributors. Also in the band were Mr. Gene Weingarten and Mr. Tom Shroder of the Washington Post. Here is an account of our performance.  God knows how far we could have gone as a band if we had not been destroyed -- like so many great musicians -- by journalism.

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BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!!

*ahem*

Congrats, El! Great story , Dave. I don't recall reading that one before. :(

My uncle called to tell me he'll be standing near the First Lady tonight.

Personally, to "The Good King" King Wingbipeekaboo, it is difficult to imagine there being 1,000 Tupperware distributors.

Do we have an audio clip of the Tupperware Song? Anywhere? Dave? Judi? Buell--Wait a second! The powers at Knight Ridder WANT us to comment on the President's address? *suspicious*

My ex-mother in law (RIP) was a Tupperware dealer, and in the interest of family harmony what with being a newlywed and all, I attended many of her "parties". (That's what they call them *snork*). After only being married for a few months I owned every single item that Tupperware made, including the highly prized *star* of the line, the cake plate with cover!!!
I was the envy of my neighborhood!
/

Are we allowed to make thigh shooting comments, compare the administration to their 24 counterparts or anything remotely fun, or do we have to make insightful comments?

Did your, um, musicians get to "burp" the Tupperware throughout the song? Because how perfect would that be?

I will be working my trivia game tonight so I will not be watching or recording this president because Trivia is far more interesting, and he doesnt have a First Lady Cleavage for eye candy during the standing Os

Let's add "Taking a Shot of Tequila Every Time Bush Shoots Somebody in the Thigh" to the usual State of the Union drinking game rules.

Shots of Cuervo for every time Our Fearful Leader sez "new-cu-ler"

Just in case the state of Kansas gets touchy and write the blog huffy memorandi, it is Wichita, not Witchita. They could invoke an obscure interpretation of libel laws that could lead to several dozens of dollars changing hands. Otherwise, I would never dare edit Dave's writing for content.

God knows how far we could have gone as a band if we had not been destroyed...

You mean disbanded...


A company that rhymes with Champered Pef holds very Tupperware-esque "parties". They sell some very sharp knives that their dealerettes demonstrate. Our dealerette went to great lengths to outline safety procedures of the paring knife right before she seemed to sever the main artery in her middle finger. Plucky dealerette that she was, fresh from Champered Pef boot camp, she forged on, saying,"If I hold my hand over my head it doesn't seem to spurt as much." She then proceeded to attempt to demonstrate other of the Champered Pef items despite the arterial spray and light-headedness.
None of this has to do anything with the State of the Union Blog but it does go to show the greatness of capitalism in America and makes me proud to be an American.

*cues up "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" for Crabby...*

I'm with CoastRaven! I was going to suggest a shot with every mention of "up or down vote" -- but I tried that during the press conference a couple of days ago and I think I hurt myself.

Bonus shot if a piece of photography equipment dangles from the ceiling and hits Rick Santorum in the noggin.

I went to a party once for a "company that rhymes with Champered Pef" that a friend of mine gave. I hate parties like that, but we did Jello shots, so it wasn't so bad.

Was that off topic?

Sorry.

Wait, maybe the cannisters are for the speech. To show off that they could get canisters into the building. Very likely the terrorists will get lost and some how blow up New Jersey. No one in New Jersey will notice.

Man that was mean. I have never actually been to any of the Eastern united States. So please shoot me in the thigh.

Is knight ridder trying to be a proper monarchy by making jokes at a politicians speech. Can't they get there own Jokes? Or are there jokes that bad that even the teller can't get it.

Dave, are you sure the Powers That Be meant for you to mention it here, in the blog? Do they not know what sort hangs out here?

I wonder if the Wichita Eagle realizes they're about to be overrun with blog comments suggesting that Bush should shoot somebody in the thigh, or drop Audrey already... let alone comments about the first lady's cleavage.

Oh my.

they do jello shots at pampered chef parties? who knew? and to think I swore I'd never go to one of those...

Oh, TCK, that is the ONLY way to attend one. Blender drinks of any sort also make the time go much quicker. However, if tequila is involved, just don't order anything, otherwise you end up with 38 paring knives and a cooking stone in the shape of West Virginia, not to mention a headache of the magnitude that you can hear your eyes blink individually. You've been warned.

I took a peek at the Wichita blog. Um. There are a few over there that aren't exactly respectful of others' opinions.

There's no place like home!

um, does anyone here have an actual opinion? I kinda thought we were more of a sarcastic, make fun of other people's opinions crowd...

Crabby A - your host has to use decent tequila in the margaritas, then no headache. I read it in Ann Landers. But yes, you're right - I had no clue what the heck I ordered until it came. Quite the fun time, though!

Crabby Appleton - I promise, if I do decide to go to a pampered chef party, i'll stick to the froofy blended drinks

Umm.. have you seen the length of the threads over there? Dave? Are we trying to crash their server? Will I be forced to robot? Will they *gasp* require I register? So many questions, so gonna need another bottle of Cuervo.

Eleanor - re: tupperware. I wound up with 24 containers with NO TOPS. I know you can buy just the tops, which I did once...then finally got rid of MOST of the tware in favor of the stuff you can just throw away when you get tired of it.

Slyeyes - no kiddin'! Those people are like, rabid! And political and stuff!

I need a shower now.

I'm new to this blog (sort of - been reading it for a while) but this website goes along (sort of) with the blogging of the Presidential address tonite:

www.drinkinggame.us

how does one link to a website on the blog comments?

I think Dave is using us as a WMD - weapon of mirth distribution. He knows that if we hit that blog tonight, they'll never keep up with us. He is probably tired of Knight Ridder bugging him, and never wants to speak to Lou Heldman again.

well i will put up a file of the tupperware song if i could figure out HOW. :( anybody good at dreamweaver?

Wonder if Susan would play it on the air on her station for us? We need to hear it. Seriously.

*begins plotting to crash evil political posting board*

He's using us as something. Did you see how looooong their posts were? And definitely NOT satiric, satanic, sarcastic, sardonic, sadistic, sophmoric, sophistic, scatological, scattered...or...or...even funny.

Let me know what you come up with, Wolfie

daisymae~ Lots of short posts that don't relate to anything serious. Being able to draw parallels between pres weenie and pres weenie will garner extra points. Working the word 'booger' into a coherant statement earns 50 points. Person with the most points wins.
Umm.. not sure what they win, aside from maybe my undying admiration for being able to outtype the politicos over there.

OkieDokie - Just use the usual "A HREF=etc." coding.

o.k. now I know the game plan

daisy trying to figure out a way to use the word booger coherently

Okie - should look like this:

<a href="www.drinkinggame.us">Click here!</a>

can we work in some faux political rhetoric such as militant familiarism, pro-political connotations, leftist ambiguity, rampant boogerality,etc.?
The next blogger in could act like he understands and carry it further.

oooooh, but don't forget the "http://"

(dang)

So it should really look like this:

<a href="http://www.drinkinggame.us">Click here!</a>

They are soooo never going to ask Dave to advertise for anyone else again.
Annie ~ fluent use of double speak is also encouraged.

This is just rampant boogerality!

*like that?*

Rampant boogerality obviously skewed (sp?) by the left wing conspiracy. Possibly heavily influenced by the potential communist neo rivival. It's as painful to watch as a pair of surgical scissors to the neck.

(LOL)

I recently watched the grainy tape of the performance. Dave's account is, unfortunately, wholly accurate.
Lou Heldman

Here's a headline from an article in the NYTimes that gives us something from the SOTU so appropriate posts can be prepared.
You're welcome.

Bush to Say 'America Is Addicted to Oil' in Speech

daisymae, wolfie - I'm so proud!

*perks* oil? Like edible type? Flavored? Oh this could be fun.

Annie ~ ty *curtsies* Of course I plan on playing the drinking game so commenting on anything beyond about 20 minutes in will be impossible for me, but I'll give it a shot.

Bush should know - how much money has he and his buds made off that addiction

Judi, I don't have Dreamweaver on my computers, but I used to use it. What version do you have? Is this link helpful?

Marvin the Paranoid Android and/or Mike "Mad's Fiance" Weasel might have and know how to use Dreamweaver.

wolfie - just do what the Republicans do - write your comments down beforehand. Then paste them one by one into the blog, and watch 'em hit like mosquitoes in a bug zapper.

tck - nice post.

I'm not gonna go over to the politics discussion, but if anyone feels like fighting dirty, I suggest they post this.

Tamara - what if it backfires and they like it?

The seizures of pain or joy will keep them from typing. It's win-win, baybee.

Crabby: did the plucky salesperson shout out "save the liver!" before she collapsed?

El, Jackie wants to know if you have the TWO different jello molds?

Tamara RWC - you've a point. I'd like to go for hang-time though, see how long I can blog before I'm exposed. Maybe Hasselhoff them toward the end.

DAVE -- you should not spring that column on people like that. i've been collapsed and wheezing, with various bodily fluid leaks, because it is the funniest thing i've seen in almost 2 decades.

TRWC/Judi - I don't think Weasel has Dreamweaver, but he isn't on the computer very much these days so I wouldn't wait around email Smarvin or lab will be your best bet. OR Judi email me the file and I will put it on my web server and link to it there. It worked for PollyPI songs.

It is in your best interest, when visiting our Wichita Eagle Blig, to wear an aluminum hat. If you fail to do so, you will probably end up teaching your kids Intelligent Design, and I ain't talking Logos.

By the way, Eleanor, our tupperware is made out of cast iron . . . try nukin' that!

wolfie: "but I'll give it a shot."

or shots, as it were...

OK, as far as going over to the other blog tonight, where a welcome mat has been laid down for us, there is a bloglit over there who ends every post with "Viva la raza blanca" --- Let the white race live.

*gulp*

mommy


sly- they think they can scare us I fight back with viva la Dave. Don't worry we can hold our owns just don't say anything political all talk will be on boogers and ramparts.

and I am still at work so I can't even see the SOTU but I can have fun.

Annie - since I behaved myself allll day today, maybe you could think about lettin' me out of the doghouse, and capitalizing my initials again? :)

ok the site is still locked for comments isn't 8 on the east coast some one tell me what is going on!!! Did Jack Bauer already shoot someone in the thigh?

TCK- offer her flowers and snickers that should help

SOTU will be viewable online here.

Mad, isn't Weasel studying graphic design? Or is that a part-time endeavor?

TRWC - He is taking night classes to that end, but I don't think he has it on his home computer and he starts classes again next week. Thanks for thinking of him though. His day job has nothing to do with graphic design and thanks for the link, but I don't really want to watch the speech I will be heading home soon. And big Hugs to you and the wee one.

Sly - why in Spanish? To frighten Hispanic people?
I'm coming back with "Viven los boogers sucios!"

Annie he has a spanish sounding moniker. Who knows, but it really doesn't matter. We are just having fun over there.

Tamara - do you know where they might have a SOTU translation to English? I don't speak Texan, much less Politician.

Our posters are so political, (how political are they?) Shoot, I forgot.

Annie - I am sure that the folks at KTLA or UPN13 will translate to valley and surfer for us on the late news.

*Don't worry we can hold our owns just don't say anything political all talk will be on boogers and ramparts.*

How about cleavage? is that too much?

OMG I just saw an audition on American Idol...I've never seen an early audition before. The guy was AWFUL!

The guy has an eastern European accent...PERFECT for 24! They should add him to their terrorist roster.

daisymae - ramparts are DB code for cleavage. So feel free to refer to them as melons, cleavage, cazongas, insert your favorite word here.

*ramparts are DB code for cleavage.*

REALLY!

(gives a whole new meaning to the Star Spangled Banner)

Daisymae, the genesis if ramparts can be seen in this link. Dave posted it here; but the photo in his link was changed to delete Mrs. Lima.

the genesis of ramparts... should be a good name for... well... something

LOL - thanks, Sly.

(gives a whole new meaning to the American Dream)

Let's see if I can piss off ian in under 5 posts shall we?

*slides over to politicos*
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
(pantsless)

he was pissed before we got there :)

Hey, I can see again!

Mr. White Rice don't play nice, do he? (over on the poloticio site)

They are ignoring me. TeeHee.

Wonder if at some point I'll have to be punished for being so evil?

107 already. This is fun.

*snicker*

grrr! I can't post over there anymore! What did I do?? I hadn't even gotten pantsless yet!

neo - try reloading - I just got one in about cheap illegal drugs from Mexico (that being a good thing), but I had to reload and repost

TCK! Stop being serious over there or I'm going to have to spank you.
Seriously.

257 comments over there

wolfie - you can spank me anytime - no need to wait for a special ocassion

WooHoo!

I mean. Oh? Really??

*Doesn't wish to appear overeager or anything*

sorry about bein' serious tho - can't help it tho - I got kids that I'd rather not have die in a pointless war

that, and those damn republicans seem to have a problem with my freedom to enjoy a little parfait as i see fit - which really pisses me off

OK, I promise to no longer be serious

Ditto TCK. On both counts.
*smooch*
But you can't fight a battle of wits with the unarmed. You also can't argue a point with people who are too close minded to see anything but their own hand in front of their faces.

And I got in a booger and a neener and a mention of a po*n star. *giggles*

I was just wanderin' along when I suddenly ran into an earworm! (see mad and judi's posts a few scrolls up) Now I have :

Ooh dream weaver
I believe you can get me through the night
Ooh dream weaver
I believe we can reach the morning light
Fly me high through the starry skies
Maybe to an astral plane
Cross the highways of fantasy
Help me to forget today's pain

now, about that spankin'

*deletes what she just wrote cause this is a family blog*

Bwuahahaha. See? I can be good. Really n truly

anybody want to shoot the Democratic rep in the thigh?

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