JUST A SUGGESTION

Instead of a live human being, the Senate Judiciary Committee should have an inflatable doll sitting in the witness chair while the senators ask their 37-minute-long questions. On those rare occasions when they need an actual answer, staff people could go fetch the actual nominee from the golf course or wherever.

Comments

[Brainy Jello]

That is a strangely agendered doll.

[ALDentist]

Andy Androgyny

[«LabSpecimen»]

Dave, there's *got* to be something better on TV. Isn't South Beach on?

[Blue Meanie]

Good to see things went well for Colin Bone.

[Tamara Rhymes With Camera]

*snork!* @ Blue Meanie!

[Christobol]

I think what they do is get a good six minutes of Alito sitting there apparently awake in the morning, and then let him leave.

Then they just occasionally run a clip of that footage as necessary during the day. They don't need much, because Senate bylaws require the camara to stay fixed on each windbag 98% of the time when he or she "has the floor" (code for "is talking louder than the other Senators).

Oh - be watching for Ted Kennedy to let his dog Splash ask a question in a blatant cross promotion for his "book".

It's bound to be the most insightful portion of the proceedings.

[philintexas]

Mr. Chairman....could you instruct the witness to stop making that hissing noise .... and to stop slumping over?

[Christobol]

Oh - but if they DO use a blow-up doll, as a taxpayer, I DEMAND that they use the one from the Airplane movie.

At least then we could enjoy watching Senators re-inflate him.

[Dave]

C-bol -- Isn't "Splash" unbelievable? Does Ted have NOBODY advising him?

[Blue Meanie]

Sen. Kennedy with a dog named Splash? That is simply wrong. Really wrong.

[Blue Meanie]

Dave - I believe Don Imus has been advising him of late.

[queensbee]

so now this right wing nutjob is ok and the senators are being pilloried?? i am confused.

[Tamara Rhymes With Camera]

Does it mention Chappaquiddick?

[Christobol]

Dave - I believe Drew Rosenhaus is his agent.

[Eleanor]

Well Dave, at least he didn't name it Chappaquidick!!!

[ArcticAl]

Ted Kennedy's last dog was named Beetle. He liked to pee on bridges.

[ArcticAl]

Great twisted minds think a like. It wasn't a simulpost but close enough for a quick parfait.

[kibby F5™]

If the Bavarian couple found him in their guest room would they shoot him?

I would!

[Dave]

queensbee: We're not talking politics here. We're talking gasbaggery, which is bipartisan.

[Christobol]

*At Ted Kennedy's Office*

Ted: "And so, ah, I've decided to, ah, write a book about the Senate from the, ah, perspective of my dog, ah, Splash."

Advisor 1: "Wow. That's a super great idea, except I don't think you should do it, and we need to get your dog a new name, right now. I vote for 'Biscuit'."

Ted: "No. I like 'Splash'. And the book is a go."

Advisor 1: "Sir. The voters..."

Ted: "Allow me, ah, tell you something about the, ah, voters. I could, ah, break and enter everyone of their houses, ah, while they're home, ah, and take a, ah, dump on their, ah, television, and they'd still, ah, keep me in office."

Advisor 2: "He's right about that."

Advisor 1: "I need a drink."

Ted: "Got you, ah, covaaahhhd."

[Sean]

Dennis Kusinich finally made the big time..

[Annie Where-but-here]

Unfortunately, many of the senators have already replaced THEMSELVES with inflatable dolls, aka 'airbags'. Hence the slumping and hissing from the senate floor.

[Christobol]

And "Bipartisan Gasbaggery" wbagnfarb, natch.

[Tamara Rhymes With Camera]

*snork!*

*loves Cbol*

Except that I wouldn't have known about the book if not for him...

*kinda-likes Cbol*

[kibby F5™]

If the Bavarian couple found him in their guest room would they shoot him?

I would!

Posted by: kibby F5™ | 12:27 PM on January 11, 2006

I meant Ted Kennedy.

[Dr. Doug]

"so now this right wing nutjob is ok and the senators are being pilloried?? i am confused.

Posted by: queensbee | 12:19 PM on January 11, 2006"

Yes, queensbee you are, indeed, very confused; confused by fringe propagandist.

OPINION Poor Ted, he's deluded; poor Massachusetts, they have been mesmerized by Mr. Splash.

[Christobol]

Speaking of shameless strumpetry (weren't we?) - WeeklyNewz produced a transcript of the last confirmation hearings which, but for laziness, would be updated.

On the other hand, not much has changed.

[Mahatma Kane Jeeves]

They might want someone more recognizable . . .

[Splash]

Don't blame me, my name is a lame attempt at my owner being "clever" given that I'm a Portuguese Water Dog.

Too bad I wasn't around at Chappaquiddick as I'm apparently good at retrieving things from the water.

Personally, I wish he had just named me "Massachusetts voters are TOOLS" and been done with it.

[Tamara Rhymes With Camera]

Maybe he's saying, "Kids, it's okay to ride in cars with senators; they have water dogs [now]!"

That's commendable, right?

[Sarcasmo]

I'm just curious why we haven't had a post regarding Jack Abramoff's name . . . it practically writes itself.

Also, I don't even KNOW Abram.

[Guin]

I think Cbol has done an excellent job of demonstrating the importance of questioning nominees in a timely and important manner.

[kibby F5™]

Went to find the Senator's birthday song - couldn't go back that far!

*checking on Splash*

[TCK]

wow - 32 comments and only one political disagreement? That's commendable...

BTW, I agree with both that Alito is a right-wing nutjob, and that the senators from both parties are gasbags (see, that's me being diplomatic)

on the other hand, who else would our illustrious prez nominate than a right-wing nutjob? he's got right wing nutjob voters to impress (anyone present excluded, of course)

as for the windbags, everybody knows that Alito will be confirmed - shouldn't somebody tell the dems that they're not really impressing anyone with their "tough" questions?

OK, I'm done now

[Blue Meanie]

Lee Harvey Oswald, Sirhan Sirhan,....Kibby?

*to post or not to post.....*

[queensbee]

then they need to give alito a chance to be a gasbag.

[Dave R]

I suggest the product:

Item Number: 1875349
Pitcher's World Bullpen Buddy
$49.99

at Sports Authority or other fine sports retailers. For $15 more, you can have the Bullpen Buddy dressed as a Yankee, Dodger, or Cub. The Bullpen Buddy's head is attached by velcro, so Senators can practice plunking batters in the face.

[Mad Soapboxer]

Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary:

senator

Main Entry: sen•a•tor
Pronunciation: 'se-n&-t&r
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English senatour, from Old French senateur, from Latin senator, from senatus
1: a gasbag

[insomniac]

'senator' and 'senile' do have the same root....

if they called it 'Supreme Court Hazing' and paddled Alito, or made him collect earwax from the Lincoln Memorial or wear a pink frilly dress under his robes, it would have the same effect, but be much more telegenic...

[pogo]

Could they please question him about some other issues besides Rowe v. Wade and Presidential powers? They don't even know that these issues will come before the court while he's on the bench.

There will be hundreds of others. (You'll notice I'm presuming his confirmation making this yet another dog and pony show at our expense.)

[MOTW]

They could dress said inflatable in the new iPod jeans and broadcast replies from the janitorial closet.

[Edgar Greenberg]

What do you want to ask him? You can either ask for his opinion on important issues like Alito's stand on squid massacres? Or you can ask about his character, such as the exact number of building Alito torched when he was high on motor oil? Either option takes advantage of the fact that he must make some kind of response but absolutely not answer whetever you ask. The senators have every right to choose this third option. And by asking the same question fifty times, they can increase the odds that he will accidently give them a straight yet highly embarrassing awswer.

"I don't recally exactly. My mind was foggy for some strange reason, but I do remember igniting at least three."

[Christobol]

UPDATE

Alito just denied that he EVER used steroids.

It was in response to a question about what soda he preferred in 1974, but still.

[mnich]

Where is Jack Bauer to handle sticky political situations when we need him????
the anticipation is agonizing....hopefully Audrey will not make it even more frustrating for the second time around...

[queensbee]

well, if he's like 50-something then he probably doesnt remember the 60s anyway. lawd knows, i dont. did you, on or about the nite of the 15th..... what? where?? and what is the name of YOUR dog?

[Aunt Nancy]

*checks into blog*

*detects political animosity*

*backs sloooooowly away from blog*

BOOGER!!!

[Christobol]

"Mr. So-Called Alito. Where do you stand on squid massacres?"

"Downwind."

[Christobol]

Alito: "No wait. Upwind. Can I change my answer?"

[Supreme Court Justice Alito]

My dog's name is Prolife but I don't see why that's relevant.

[Brainy Jello]

I thought his dog's name was "Vanguard."

[Annie]

Court adjourned; I need to see the witness in my chambers. Alone.

[Federal Duck]

"Mr. Alito, what exactly was your nickname in elementary school?"

"Well, I don't really see how that's relevant, considering..."

"Answer the question!"

*sigh*

"Alito Bandito."

"Bwahahaha!"

[queensbee]

did you, knowingly, or unknowingly, following the following sequence, try to fool all of the people all of the time, or just some of the people some of the time - or did you in fact try to fool some of the people all of the time?
you may use the entire blue book for your answer.

[ArcticAl]

Mr. Alito, what number am I thinking of right now?

[Christobol]

"And now, Mr. Alito, please sing the song."
"That can't be necessary...I don't even remember..."
"Please just sing the song, Mr. Alito! May I remind you that we are conducting a charade here!"
"Aye aye aye aye! I am Alito Bandito!"

[Tamara Rhymes With Camera]

*cheers and applause* for Fed & Cbol :D

[Sarcasmo]

I second that Tamara Rw/C.

Aye aye aye aye I am Alito Bandito! Funniest earwig EVER!

[queensbee]

from duck soup- the marx bros take on govt - and anarchy:

Chicolini: Peanuts!

Firefly: Hey! (Chicolini tosses him a bag of peanuts, which he catches) Do you wanna be a public nuisance?

Chicolini: Sure. How much does the job pay?

Firefly: I've got a good mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

Chicolini: Peanuts...to you!

Firefly: Have you got a license?

Chicolini: License? No, butta my dog, he's gotta millions of 'em. Believe me, he's some smart dog. You know he went with Admiral Byrd to the Pole?

Firefly: I'll bet the dog got to the Pole first.

Chicolini: You win.

Firefly: C'mon up here...I wanna scare the cabinet.

(Chicolini comes up to Firefly's office. The phone rings and Chicolini answers)

Chicolini: Hello? Hello? No. No, he's not in. Alright, I tell 'im. Good bye. (Hangs up phone) That was for you.

Firefly: I'm sorry I'm not in. I wanted to have a long talk with you. Now listen here...You give up that silly peanut stand, and I'll give you a soft government job. Now, let's see...How would you like a job in the mint?

Chicolini: Mint? Ah, no. I no like-a mint. Ah, what other flavor you got? (Phone rings and Chicolini answers) Hello? No, not yet. Alright, I tell 'im. Good bye. Thank you. (Hangs up phone) That was for you again.

Firefly: I wonder whatever became of me? I should've been back here a long time ago. Now listen here...I've got a swell job for you, but first I'll have to ask you a couple of important questions...Now what is it that has four pair of pants, lives in Philadelphia, and it never rains but it pours?

Chicolini: At'sa good one, I give you three guesses.

Firefly: (Thinks) Now lemme see...Has four pair of pants, lives in Philadelphia...Is it male of female?

Chicolini: No, I no think so.

Firefly: Is he dead?

Chicolini: Who?

Firefly: I don't know...I give up.

Chicolini: I give up too. Now, I ask you another one...What is it got big blacka mustache, smokes a big black cigar, and he's a big pain in the neck?

Firefly: Now don't tell me...Has a big black mustache...Smokes a big black cigar...And is a big pain in the...(pauses) Does he wear glasses?

Chicolini: At's right. You guess it quick!

Firefly: Just for that, you don't get the job I was gonna give you!

Chicolini: What job?

Firefly: Secretary of War.

Chicolini: Alright, I take it!

Firefly: Sold!

NOBODY does it better.

[jp]

Does this article have anything to do with us?

[Eleanor]

jp: Not if we start every post with I consent to this blogging. :)

Maybe.

[Renee]

Ted "Chappaquiddick" Kennedy buys a water spaniel and names it "Splash" . . . and ALITO is the nutjob??

Oooookay . . .

[Guin]

Cbol...snork@Frito Bandito song! :)

[Jessica R.]

I don't really want to know where every fire hydrant is in DC. Also, I am not interested in Senator Kennedy's dog's personal greeting of every elected and appointed person in DC because I have owned a rather, um, "friendly" dog and that would be entirely TMI!

[AlanBoss]

I would rather see Mr. Inflatable Guy on the Supreme Court bench than Alito.

[MOTW]

excellent, queensbee!

[Mahatma Kane Jeeves]

queensie: right about that.

[Eleanor]

Y'all know that I NEVER get political here, so in the MOST non-political way I say, AlanBoss, I'm with you on this one.!

[Lin]

Doesn't anyone find the whole process peculiar? And
downright STUPID!!
The questions they ask--"If the president committed murder, would you consider that his actions were within the law?" Obviously, Alito is going to say
NO, and all the Republicans can then nod their heads
knowingly and say, "See? He's not that right wing!"