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January 24, 2006

STORY OF THE DAY FOR THE LADIES

They think this is news. Isn't that cute?

(Thanks to xmnr)

Comments

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I'll bet I'm not first.

Whew. Since I live in Naperville, I have to worry about my size shrinking every day I'm in town.

Scott Pitnick...Are we sure that isn't "Nitpick"?

Hey! I was! And I even read the article! Could it be because I have such a large brain? Could I use any more exclamation points!?!

*wonders when first poster's club will contact me*

judi: DUH!!!! *snork*

Scott: Standby for contact from FIRST Club! :)

Sigh... generations of women have known that for a long time. Mind you, its still a tough choice to make.

Um, I done fergot whut I was gonna say. But ah got three dates tanight!

Scott - maybe you shouldn't draw attention to your large brain in a thread the topic of which is the inverse ratio between brain size and, um, the size of your dangly parts - unless that was your intent all along...NTTAWWT - just not a choice I would've made :)

Wow, TCK - you're really smart!
*moving on*

Annie - I'm hurt - that's quite possibly the meanest thing you've ever said to me!

in fact, i'm dumb as a post, and as...

well, let's not go there

MeThinks it goes to prove that those with bigger brains know how to handle their danglie bits better. After all, weren't they the ones with faithful females?

.... and why would they be faithful?

Satisfaction

enough said....

"There's an evolutionary trade off between intelligence and prowess"

What about the poor bastards who didn't make it into either line?

If I were smart enough, I'd be insulted and dejected by this news. Oh, crap. I am.

TCK - "Dumb as a post"? Wow! I'm impressed. Does Judi know?

Kibby, you took the words right out of my mouth.

too late, TCK - you've exposed your true identity...and then some!

In the interest of science, I am willing to participate in a survey to debunk this finding, by having a scientist give me a careful IQ test. She would then need to thoroughly measure my prowess.

But I am aware that this would amount merely to anecdotal evidence against the fallacy at hand. In statistics, one needs a sampling of about 2000 in order to establish a reasonable margin of error. A single measurement won't do.

The question, therefore, is whether we can find 1,999 other scientifically trained women training to similarly verify my relevant specifications.

--
Words of the Sentient:

Under a government which imprisons unjustly, the true place for a just man is also a prison.
-- Henry David Thoreau

Scott Pinick = "Spit Cock Tint"

Sorry, that's Scott PiTnick

Scott - didn't you know? judi knows all and sees all

There are no free lunches.

Would I then be considered a mutant if I am both smart and carrying 8.4% of my body mass in my cords? Wait, I'm posting to this blog, so, um nevermind on that first part.

Be careful who you Pit your Nicks with or you might find yourself without the Nicks to Pit with

Key sentence -
"The relationship between the breeding system and relative brain size has received little investigation, said Pitnick..." Gee, I wonder why. I wish someone would give me lots of money to do a study - *trying to come up with my topic* How about why my dog always picks the weeniest guy in the room to try & hump. That should be worth lots and lots of $$$s.

Lets see - Batman was about 200 pounds - 8.6 percent of that errummm multiply by .086 - decimal point goes there... HOLY DANGLY BITS Batman!!! Adam West has a 17.2 pound schlong!!

Hmm...Adam West.

Scroll down to black & white photo at page bottom. You be the judge.

hee hee, Kaz said "fallacy at hand".

which post are you as dumb as, because we get some pretty dumb posts around here.

ceeg22 -that would be this post

TCK - Huh. That doesn't look like a post that has dreadful grammar and mediocre punctuation.

OK, so is this beat up on TCK day, cuz i checked my calendar, and it's not on there..

oh, and brainy, grammar and punctuation (and, as far as that goes, spelling) are, in my opinion, highly overrated

I'm pretty sure that Tommy Lee proves the researchers' point.

*Wonders why we haven't heard from Brainy Jello.....*

And I'm confused on the significance of THIS - is it more bad noos for us intalekchulls, or whut?

Alright, I retract that.

Awwwww, TCK, I don't think you're smart!!

(pretty sure that's the first time that's ever been a compliment)

Now bring your little brain right on over here and sit next to me!

Scat- HOLY PACKAGE, BATMAN!!

Literally! Is that? And peeking out from his leotard? Man, Adam clearly dresses left... *ahem*

*goes to look again*

No wonder the guy never seemed like the brightest bulb. Wow.

CRaven, you beat me to it... You must be purdy smart. I would have beaten you to it, but I was using a slide rule.

*looks around nervously, crosses legs*

OT: I just read Gene Weingarten's [very long] article on The Great Zucchini. Anyone else read it? I feel terribly conflicted about it.

Now over here we have exhibit A - Albert Einstein. Obviously intelligent, incredibly large brain but you can tell with the hair that he never did well with the women.

Exhibit B: Keifer Sutherland. Obviously a hit with the ladies but a little shy on the meaningful dialogue bit. That is why he has to resort to shooting and lately, stabbing. Because he couldn't come up with a witty reparte for the villians.

Most of the men on the blog have exhibited at least the ability to communicate in complete sentences so you'd better start dumbing yourselves down right away. I suggest massive infusions of K-Fed's Popozhao. At least 3 repeat playings should do the trick.

sthnbelle - you always seem to show up right when I need you :)

Here's my question.

Where does Jack Bauer rate according to the data indicated in this article? He's big on brains, but lousy in the relationship department.

But, hey, the guy saves the world a lot. Must count for something.

I'm here for you, darlin'.

To all you girl bats -

Your cheatin' hearts , boy bats have brung
To a dumb place, but man! we're hung
If you had stayed home, with one bat-mate
Our packages would hold less weight

But human girls still have a choice
If your man's 'nads make you rejoice
Get a new friend,with lots upstairs
Your cheatin' heart will run affairs!

It occurs to me, in a completely unintelligent way, that the source of this post - xmnr - would have been a much funnier source for the Valentine's Day gift post.

My goodness! A 3 way with Insom and Blue Meanie!

(And when I was cooing at TCK - shame on me!)

So, how did women's brains figure in the study? Were the women bats who were promiscious have smaller brains than the faithful women bats?

I'm in a quandry as to whether I should be leaning towards a Pamela Anderson/Brittany Spears/Madonna role model or a... a.... um.... well, someone else.

You're here for us, darlin'! ;)

Somewhere North - if I had a brain in my head, I'd advise that you go with the "someone else" option

Oh! And was there a direct link between the promiscious women bats and the size of their gazoombas?

Good thing you're dumb as a post eh TCK?

A couple of things. First, Holy Crap, Scat! (Heh,heh, crap and scat consecutively) There is a picture in your Batman collage that, no matter how much the "Ambiguously Gay Duo" exaggerated, they could not outdo. The picture of Batman and the boy wonder (wink, wink) climbing down the building would impress Robert Smigel. Secondly, it seems odd that the dumbest bats would have the largest testis making them more likely to reproduce. Why do they want more dumb bats. Thirdly and lastly, as an adult male with a college degee, (college is where all things dangly bits are compared, mocked, and revered) I have never considered, noticed, or cared about the size of my or any other guys' testis. The non-teste portion of dangly bits is what receives all the attention.

Why are mostly men responding to this? I suspect that it's because likely most women have known this forever... or, at least since high school, where the jocks need help with their homework in order to stay in play...

Probably the "no free lunch" is applicable here... although it does give me a headache trying to figure out how...

Ok, I've got two women convinced that I'm dumb as a post, and am just now wondering whether or not that was a good idea - hmmmm - maybe I really AM dumb as a post

TCK - don't worry - you're not as dumb as you look...

Right, Annie - he COULDN'T be as dumb as he looks.

(No offense, TCK. Want us to use smaller words or type slower?)

Punkin Poo - he's hiding under the bed again. Quick, get the broom!

no offense taken punkin - i do, however, have something to show you and annie...

I resemble that remark.

oooh, a digital bouquet! Thanks, tck!

p.s. - I intentionally didn't capitalize your name. With our newly acquired information, I thought that was more appropriate. No offense or anything.

I can't believe no one has mentioned that The Dangly Bits WBAGNFAB. I guess the women are barely paying attention since none of this is news to us, and the guys are too busy worrying about whether they want to parade their incredible intellegence, or their incredible lack of intellegence, or just stay quietly in the corner on this one

oops

*blushes furiously*

"Intelligence" (thus showing my lack?)

If my brain is just nuts, can I be both smart and promiscuous?

*thinking that maybe hiding quietly in the corner, or under the bed, would've been the way to go*

right again, tck...jeez, you should be on Jeopardy.

Coyote Osborne - define "nuts".

Annie - and I ask this purely out of concern for you - but are you OK? You seem a little, well, mean and vindictive today...

Your exalted judi-ness, you are partially correct about this subject. It wasn't blogged when I sent it to you over a week ago. I was quite surprised it wasn't blogged and thought maybe I should resubmit. Glad to see it finally made the cut.

TCK, if you're feeling out of sorts cause Annie keeps picking on you, I hear that under Bumble's bed is available.

(you said so, Bumble!)

hey southerngirl - if yer here to take a shot at me too, go ahead - I can take it

OK, now that I may have managed to piss off both southerngirl and Annie at the same time, I'm gonna go look for my lighter...

see ya

tck - am I ok? let's see....3 years of divorce litigation (over $25,000 and counting), he quits his high-paying job so he doesn't have to pay child support and now he wants me to pay him spousal support...

I'm just fine, thanks for asking!

(btw - that 'not as dumb as you look' line was one of my dad's favorites. Sometimes we new yorkers have a nasty way of sayin' 'hi.' But humor is definitely my therapy lately.

hey Annie - glad to hear you're OK - sorry about the other stuff - from now on, feel free to beat up on me as much as you like

oh, and about your ex - I know a guy that would take care of him permanently for a case of beer and a girly magazine - let me know

TCK - You're the center of attention and you know you love it!!!! :-)

hey El - how come you know me so well? you haven't been talkin' to my mom, have you?

Apologies, judi! Let me rephrase my previous post. I got confused reading down the threads. You didn't say this one may have been blogged before. Nonetheless, I submitted it sometime back from a different source than the link here, although it was almost word-for-word the same story. Glad to see it finally made it, although from the comments here, I'd say TCK wishes it hadn't.

Hey, AW-b-h, I always thought it was a case of lingering PMS. I'm not sure whether to say I'm happy it's not or I'm sorry it's not, if you get my drift. Don't worry, though. From the tone of your posts I'd say you've got your ex outnumbered one-to-one. Keep your chin(s?) up!

Aaaawww, that's why I love youse guys. You let me pound on you and come back for more. Thanks for taking it like men even when it had absolutely nothing to do with you. And to you, TCK, for having the courage to approach the fire-breathing princess head-on. Of course, that could just be stupidity in drag. ;)

*snork*

Annie - did you just call me stupid? I knew you loved me best...

[and I'm serious about your ex - convince him to come to Montana on a hunting trip - you won't be disappointed]

Hey, Annie ~ girlfriend, TCK's been waiting all night for you to admit that he's stupid. You have so got it made now. Take advantage, ok?

Annie ... if he can't afford a hunting license in Montana, send him to Nodak ... lots of things are cheaper there ...

(goes back to quiet corner)

Annie - Send him up here. I could fix him up with my ex. Maybe they could go hunting together and freeze to death in a snow drift.

I've got you beat on the court case though. I just celebrated my 7th anniversary. I claim my lawyer as a dependent on my income tax.

Oh, my...I leave for a quick dinner, and it's like "Divorce Court" meets "Laugh-In." Well, not really, but my analogy battery is low... just like my humor (badum!).
ArcticAl - so very sorry! I sent my attorney an anniversary card. She read it, and billed me for the time!
TCK - sorry I mistook you for an intelligent man - you are as dumb as a big, hard post.
U.O - staying in that quiet corner of yours is a good idea. I can tell you're very smart. ;)

Blue Meanie, I love "A Fish Called Wanda". Hubby & I frequently apologize by imitating John Cleese stating, "I apologize unreservedly". It always breaks the tension!

"Bats invest an enormous amount in testis, and the investment has to come from somewhere. There are no free lunches," said Hoskens, who did not participate in the study."

Was that a bat named "Hoskens"?

Stupid me! Very very stupid me, if you know what I'm sayin', ladies.


Italics off?

apparently not.
Let's try that again.

better now?

OK, so am I the only one who is disturbed that out there somewhere someone is measuring bat testes???

". . . in bat species where the females are promiscuous, the males boasting the largest testicles also had the smallest brains. Conversely, where the females were faithful, the males had smaller testes and larger brains".

The sad part is, many men would still go for the tradeoff.

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