CRIME IN SOUTHEAST MISSOURI

A troubling case is finally closed.

Key Name in Story: "Morley Swingle"

Comments

[TCK]

well that's all fine and good - but what happened to the goat? How can they just leave us hangin' like that? There's probably a fascinating love triangle plot left unexploited...

[monkeyshines]

Goats! Why did it have to be goats?

[slyeyes]

TCK, I think it's a love triangle in need of a song;

The goat of my dreams, the sweetheart of Sigma Chi

[TCK]

OK, I'm startin' to feel really, really sorry for that goat

[U.O]

I had a goat once ... '70 GTO Judge ... geezers who paid attention will understand that reference ... (and, from a Capricorn, of course)

[Kex]

I think you guys just don't appreciate what a story like this could mean to a university student!. It is 23:45 here. Tomorrow at 10 I will fail at one of my most important exames. I was geting ready to tell my parrents, that I am going to quit my studies and my new carrier choise is becoming a chimneysweep. But as I read this story, it reminded me of why I came to the University, and why it is so rewarding to stay. Plus, our main rival's symbol is a scale. I bet it is a lot easier to steal!

[J who oughta...]

I thought that only happened on Brady Bunch episodes.

[insomniac]

I agree with TCK, could the goat have wanted to be abducted? Isn't there a lesser sentence for consensual goat-napping? (although napping with goats is probably still a crime...)

On the other hand, note the university's punishment was more strict than what the authorities had in mind, go SMSU! (or whatever)

[ceeg22]

Kex, I bet you're failing because you can't spell 'Career Choice' (not to be critical, just saying).

[BAD spelling is my pet peeve. Goober is my pet hamster.]

Kex, Forget it....he's better off stuffed up a chimney.

[Peeved]

Oops, I mean ceeg22.....

At least I spelled right (not write).

[Betsy]

"I felt that the administration's judicial process they'd been through was punishment enough,"

Note that there was no action -- it was the process itself that constituted the punishment.

"Please rise and face the bench. I hereby find you guilty of transporting a ruminant across campus for fraternal purposes, and sentence you to death by bureaucracy. Bwah hah hah hah hah!!!"

[TCK]

wow - U.O. had a '70 GTO? color me impressed - I got to drive a goat once - speedometer stopped at 120, but that car went waaay past that...

ah, memories

[random thunking]

Fresh in from the Little-Known Fact Dept: SEMO's sports team were once known as the Otahkians, however they changed their name once their language department translated the Indian word "Otahkian". It seems that otahkian translates to "rapture of the goat".

[bobndougfan]

I wonder what the community service was? Cleaning up after the goat? Keeping the goat? Eating the goat?

(Warning! Bad feng shui joke!)
"Thank you officer for bringing back our goat, but could you put it over there? We need to be well alligned, after all, we are Sigma Chi."
(Attention! End of bad feng shi joke. You are all free to seek therapy.)

[U.O]

TCK --

Yeah, a ways past ...

HOWever, I never got a ticket while I was driving it ... 55 and stay alive, that was my motto ... (HAR!)

[Brad]

Good thing they recovered the goat! The Sigma Chis were probably starting to think they'd have to have sex with each other soon.

[NorthOfBaghdad]

Believe it or not (not Knot...who's there...not whose. Sorry. I digress), I went to SEMO's northern sister school, then named Northeast Missouri State University. The Sigma Chis there had no goat, though. No relevance to anything I guess. It's just the middle of the night here and I'm bored.

[R.T. Firefly]

Jack Bauer actually takes down a goat in a future episode this season. Goes something like this....

Jack: "Freeze, drop your weapon!"
Goat: "BAA!"
Jack: "DROP IT!"
Goat: BAAAAAAAAA! (fires gun)
Jack: "AARgh! I'm hit" (fires back)
Goat: "Bleeet!" (goat talk for "Ya got me")
Jack: (on Cell) "Edgar, are you hungry?
Barbecue at CTU tonight.

[TCK]

yeah right U.O. - so yer sayin' you never got the goat outa low gear, am I right?

geez, I kinda forgot about the 55 speed limit - what a pain in the ass that was (not that I ever paid any particular attention to it)

[J who oughta...]

The goat gets shot in the thingh, right, RT? It's important to specify this.

[J who oughta...]

*thigh* that was

[U.O]

Din't exactly say that ... just that I never got a ticket ...

Whut ... yew think I just put the back axle up on blocks to see how fast I could get the wheels to turn? (Ate up a MoPar the second night I had it ... wowser, that was a LONG time ago ... 400 Ram Air III, wide-ratio tranny, positraction ... just your run-of-the-mill average Goat ...)

My Bride (Remember Her?) wuz driving once, when we got stopped for a minor lighting problem, she just got a warning ticket to get it fixed ... that's the total truth ...

[The Herd Has Spoken]

Just wondering if things were different and he was instead cressened Sorley Mingle

[Annie Where-but-here]

I can't believe they got off that easily. I thought abducting a kid was a serious crime. Now that really gets my goat. (hey, somebody had to say it)

[R.T. Firefly]

"J", you're correct,it was a shot to the
right thigh.

After shots were fired,Jack interrogated the goat with the promise he'd get him to a good vet. Naturally,once Jack got what he needed, it was "game over goat".

[Jacki]

I keep trying to explain to people the utter weirdness of the area in which I live. I'm about 45 minutes away from where this caper took place. And it just gets stranger as you get closer to my home.

[slyeyes]

NorthofBaghdad; I always thought that Northeast changed its name to Truman State to avoid being called "NEMO".

[U.O]

Jacki -

It would seem that there is some phenomena that is acting as a "weirdness sucker" to draw the unusual events closer and closer to the center of the condition/problem ... not unlike a tornado, astronomical black hole or a magnetic cyclone, this will continue to be a problem until someone can discover what is causi ... um ... nevermind ...

[NorthOfBaghdad]

Sly--My senior year, in fact, so now you know how old I am. Interesting (well not really) fact: The administration asked all students and faculty what we wanted the name changed to. We overwhelmingly said "Well, actually, NEMO works for us." Truman State came in fourth or something, so naturally that was the winner. My first real lesson in representative democracy.
ROTC used this cadence, but only once:
Went to school at Northeast MO.
Was told it was the place to go.
But on my graduation date
I was leaving Truman State.

[slyeyes]

North: My daughter went to Northwest Missouri State (in Maryville) and now teaches there. This is the usual conversation I have with people.

People: Northwest? That's in Kirksville, right?
It's now Truman?
Me: No, NorthWEST; in Maryville.
People: But Maryville is here. (st. louis -
thinking I meant Maryville University)
Me: *sigh* No, it's in NorthWEST Missouri,
north of Kansas City.
People: Oh. Huh.

[NorthOfBaghdad]

Sly: I grew up in New Jersey. I'd tell people I was going to Northeast Missouri State and get "Where's that?"
How exactly was I supposed to answer that?

[Bob]

First Degree Possession of Cloven Property

[wordsure]

My wife grew up in the Bootheel and attended SEMO. From what I can tell of the area, goat stealin' would be considered entertainment of a Saturday evenin'.

[Stupendous Man]

Southeast Missouri State University
Motto: Our students will get your goat

[Mad Soapboxer]

Hmmmm... when first reading this item and what was NOT said in there, SOME of you thought about the love triangle angle (is that repetitively redundant?) and others were concerned about the frats, but *I* want to know how they cooked the goat! I don't understand the priorities some of you have! TSK!

BTW, "Cloven Property" WBAGNFARB

[Escaped from the East Coast of MO]

A few notes from a native Southeast Missourian:

1) Prosecuting Attorney for Life Morley Swingle needs SOMETHING to make news. I mean, he was upstaged by a flap (at my alma mater, no less) regarding a kilt. What can you do but prosecute some fun-loving college students out for a lively night of goat-thievery.

2) Despite all indications otherwise, most homes in the Boothill metro have indoor plumbing. Interbreeding is also more common than not.

3) SEMO is largely a commuter school in a town where nightlife consists of about two clubs, several seedy bars, and lots and lots of cows to tip.

4) Fraternities have done stranger things - I think. At least it gives new meaning to the name "Animal House," right?

[thats my HOME!]

I just got on here to check the 24 comments...but now I'm extremely ammused. I am from Cape Girardeau...home of SEMO. I actually have friends who are Sigma Chis....I get a huge kick out of all of this.
In fact...I GAVE them the goat as a present.....well no not really. But I was trying to find a purpose in posting this...purpose not found.