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January 22, 2006


I apologize for the lack of blog posts from me, but I'm still out being a book strumpet. In the past week I've strumpeted for my book on pretty much every television show there is, as evidenced by this unretouched photograph of a TV screen:
I have some troubling news: According to my book-tour schedule, I'll be at book-signings tomorrow night and the following Monday night, which means I'll miss the next two episodes of 24, at a critical time when the nation is under attack by bad-accent canister-wielding terrorists abetted by the evil mole weasel presidential aide who choked the first lady and snatched a classified document from her cleavage. I'm going to miss what happens next and I CAN'T STAND IT. I will be counting on you folks to keep me posted. Thank you.


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Love the pink 'do.

You can count on us Dave. I think we've got judi addicted too, so this is bound to be interesting. Truly who made your schedule? Even strumpets get the odd night off. This sounds like abuse of some sort; authorities need to be notified.

Wow. A photo where Dave isn't dressed in blue.

It's shocking, I know; but I have reason to believe that your tormentor is Patrick, SpongeBob's henchman. We on the blog have received a photo which clearly shows him wielding the net in which your head is riding around; and I find it hard to put an innocent interpretation on this. We will alert Jack Bauer, and hope that he can shoot someone appropriate in the thigh (or other appendage, depending on species.)

Somebody send that man a beer.

see that red fish to patrick's right? Thats jack bauer, who died and got reborn as a fish just so he could complete the mission of patrick in the thigh so he would reveal the location of a photo of you in blue.

"Who lives in a hotel room under the sea?
SpongeDave BookTour!
Exhausted and gifted with oosik is he
SpongeDave BookTour!"

i still haven't found Dave in the photo?? is this like finding Nemo??? over!

Wow! Did you feel that? We just had the worst 'quake we've had since I've been here (Panajachel,Guatemala, 6 years.) It lasted almost 2 seconds! And really shook the place. Stuff fell off the shelves.

Off to the city for surgery. See ya next week.

Annie...Thanks a HEAP [heavy irony] for that particular earworm. My grandson will be thrilled that we have SO much in common. grrrrr...

*skips off to do Sunday errands to spongebob loop*

Sondra - it was a 4.8 25 miles from Escuintla. Jack Bauer is on his way to shoot it in the thigh.

I was telling my new girlfriend about 24 and the whole premise and all that and she just stares at me and snickers and says "24 huh? coming from you I bet it's really only 18..."

I just love that girl.


*Snork* at Annie

Count on us, Dave. I'm sure those who watch the show will faithfully update you. And those of us who don't will make stuff up.

dave did NOT wear a blue shirt on friday night.

He didn't?? I think that's one of the signs of the Apocalypse, isn't it?

bob: she's right, if you take into consideration the commercials, promos, intros and out-tros ;) i bet she's right.

renee: check out the message board


They gave you three-plus minutes on HNN this morning big guy. But I refuse to buy your book until you come to Texas and sign it. Nice shirt BTW.

I was telling a friend of mine who shall remain nameless (for reasons that will become clear!) and he made the following remarks:

1. So - like one whole hour is Jack Bauer just doing paperwork???

2. And another hour is him going to the bathroom, shaving and getting dressed?

I'd *snork* if this wasn't so sad....

so, when I woke up this morning, I rolled over and turned on the TV, that just happened to be tuned into CNN, and what to my wondering eyes did appear but his royal Daveness doing an interview on the CNN money segment - excellent way to start the day!

*shameless self-promotion*

my phrase "You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink." is #2 (with a bullet, or maybe a whole magazine of 'em) on the 'Top 30 Facts about Jack Bauer'!

Guess I have to start watching the show now...

oh, and thank you to anyone who voted for it!

Will Dave be making anymore TV appearances, or have I missed them all while wandering in the darkness of my prehistoric pre-tivo days?

Dave has a look on his face like he was forced to consume a crabby-patty, with extra seaweed.

Annie-wbh: Brilliant!

I just saw Samwise the Brave Hobbitt in...a rerun of "The Goonies." (I swear it was him at the age of maybe 12 or 13.)

Dave miss 24 that make Patrick sad. Patrick go JELLY FISHING!!!!!!

Sorry Folks but Sponge Bob is my guilty pleasure. I dont even have kids so I dont have a good excuse to watch it. But I do 8^)~

OK, so which is more disturbing - that Samwise the Brave Hobbit was once a goonie - or that daisymae openly admits that she actually watched a rerun of "The Goonies"?

TCK: gggg

I actually had to go the TV Guide channel to see what the movie was when I saw Sam...

daisymae - did you just growl at me?

No. grrr = growling
gggg = grinning


daisymae who just saw 10 minutes of a 24 rerun (where CTU gets blown up...it must be last season, 'cause Michelle is still alive)...and is channel surfing


daisymae who just saw 10 minutes of a 24 rerun (where CTU gets blown up...it must be last season, 'cause Michelle is still alive)...and is channel surfing

oh, sorry, my mistake - it's just that a got a little bit scared there, just for a second

The fact that daisymae is "surfing" and such activity takes 16.7 percent of an hour for one complete revolution/cycle ...

and the fact that she did it twice ...

would seem to indicate that the wave action/weather pattern is relatively quiet today, and the surf is ... down? ... so to speak ...

daisy~ I've never watched Goonies all the way through, but I know for sure that you're right; it's him. My sister is a LotR expert and loved The Goonies when she was a kid; still does probably. Sean Astin was also in a really old movie with Kirk Cameron that was kind of funny called Like Father, Like son.

Bravo, Insom! But, you already know you rock it hard-core. ;)

Really old? Really old? Really old? Really OLD!!!?????

A movie cannot possibly qualify as "really old" (in any of the phrases varied manifestations, to any degree) unless Patty Duke is pre-pubescent and Gomez Addams cannot grow a moustache ...

Correction: Unless their PARENTS meet those required standards.

... (wanders off, muttering ... 'really old? really ... old ... what? ... really old??? ... really [sighs] ... um ... old ... [sighs] ...)

Bumble: Thanks, I kept watching...it's him...not it's NOT him...yes, it's him...wait...it's GOTTA be him.

re: surfing/wave action...it takes waaaay less than 16.7 minutes to hit all the channels unless I stop to watch

daisymae...who's known to surf during ALL commercials...even 24 commercials and has never watched Goonies all the way through either...which is prolly why she didn't know what movie it was.

breathe deeply, oh Great and Powerful OZ - she is young and innocent, and knows not of what she speaks

guess i need to tivo 24. never saw it, you all seem to really enjoy

Wait a minute.

really old = Patty Duke is prepubescent?

daisymae who's the same age as Patty Duke

The Goonies and Like Father, Like Son were made in the 80's. They ARE NOT really old. They are in COLOR! Steven Spielberg directed (or produced The Goonies).

pssst - Bumble! If you need a place to hide out from these, um, disgruntled mature folks, I can clear a spot under my be for you - after all, you'd do the same for me, right?

Note to Dave: Hire a new scheduler. (Note to Jack: Shoot the existing scheduler in the thigh.) One would like to think that your publisher would know you better than to schedule ANYTHING on a 24 night. The genre, such as it is, suffers by Dave's absence.

Jessica~ You're right. I guess I can't call a movie that's the same age as I am "old."

*scoots under TCK's bed*

By my last count, there were upwards of twenty or thirty people under TCK's bed. I've lost track; are they ALL females, or are there a few guys there to share the workload?

P.S. Hey Dave? That picture in the fishnet makes you look kinda like Elton John. (No, I said "fishnet" singular, not plural.)


your count's off a little bit Betsy - Bumble's the only one hidin' under my bed just now - it's usually me hidin' under southerngirl's bed (and under Bumble's when I've managed to get on southerngirl's bad side - not that she really has a bad side, but I'm pretty good at it)

but, for the record, I have never offered to let a guy hide under my bed...

"but, for the record, I have never offered to let a guy hide under my bed..."

Neither have I, except for TCK (btw, your fridge is stocked), but I have offered refuge to Bumble, should she ever need it.

My apologies...I'll try to do a better job of tracking who's under the bed of whom. But you gotta admit sometimes the blog sounds like one of those English country house parties where everyone is slipping down the hallways in silk dressing gowns trying not to step on the squeaky board outside the Duke's chambers.

My favorite prehistoric Sean Astin movie, Harrison Bergeron, was made for TV in 1995. What does Kurt Vonnegut think of 24?

By the way, big thanks to everyone who helped me get started with the HTML thing. I truly linked some websites on a discussion board for a class. Yes, I was showing off.

Awesome sunglasses, Dave.

So, Dave doesn't have TiVo? Or a DVR? Or good ol' fashioned VCR?

To be completely fair, I'll hafta cut some slack for Bumble and them others of a much younger age group ... after all, if the era in question is comparable to one's entire life-span, it might seem as if anything that predates this would, in fact, be "old" ... apologies for outburst @ Bumble's commentary/reference standards ...

[Aside narrative: A few years ago, Granddaughter #1 was telling My Bride (Remember Her?) about the imminent journey she (GD#!) was taking with her dad ... flying to LA/Disneland, et cetera ... MB/RH? said, "Well, I've never flown in a big plane ..."
GD#1 looked @ her and said, "Wow, Grandma, you're really old!"
I dunno from where that non sequitur arose, but we thot it funny @ the time ... ]

Patty Duke was prepubescent (a looooooonnnnng time ago) ... so was her mom ... and her mom ... and her mom ... and ... well, IFYCMD ...

Bets' -- would that be Patty Duke's chambers, to which you refer?

monk' -

Vonnegut apparently thinks that there is some good stuff on TV, but no commentary or opinion of his thots on "24" seems to be available ... unless one takes the liberty of assuming that when he says "crap" that he is, in fact, referring to programming that is not "good stuff" ...

whatever ...

My favorite Geezer Bus (GB?) story of the day:

A few years ago, one of my co-workers was cleaning out their attic and came across a Smith-Corona upright typewriter.

His 12 year old child then asks "Daddy? What is that thing? "

Being a good techie father, he puts a sheet of paper into it, types a few lines to make sure everything still works, then hands it off to his child, who runs inside to try out the new "toy".

A minute or so later, the kid reappers, lugging the typewriter, with a sad look on his face. "Daddy, I'm sorry, but I think I broke it..."

So the father hits the carriage return lever and is glad to discover that everything is working fine.

He notices his son's eyes grow wide as he exclaims: Daddy? Do you have to hit that lever after typing every single line?

If you want to see a similar look, go to your local stationary store and ask the 18 year old clerk for some carbon paper.....

southerngirl - I would've offered to let Bumble hide under your bed, but you weren't around at the time, and I sensed a lynch mob forming - quick and decisive action was necesary

if you like, we can invite her over for beer and parfait later- we can all three get mellow and try to sneak past the Duke's chambers...

Youre book tours don't come to southeastern pennsylvania enough.

PirateBoy - I had a similar experience with my 16 year old daughter, when I had to explain to her what a record is - she's never seen one, and I'm pretty sure she thought I was making the whole thing up, especially the part about the needle on the turntable

PirateBoy, when word processors first arrived at our workplace, we had an older secretary who had difficulty adapting. She would hit "enter" at the end of every line. The other secretaries dreaded getting one of her documents to revise because the first job was to go in and remove all of the hard returns. Then they had to replace all of the "l's" where there was supposed to be a "1". I'll admit, it took me a bit to stop doing that one myself.

TCK & southerngirl~ Thanks for the hospitality. I feel so safe and loved. :-)

Bumble, you're very welcome. However, no beer or parfait for you. Sorry.

*pouts* Why not?

pssssst - Bumble, don't worry about it - I'll sneak ya some when she ain't lookin'

I heard that ! See, Bumble? You'll still get to enjoy the party, but I won't be have to take the blame for your corruption. TCK can do that all by himself.

*snork* Like I would need help corrupting a young, innocent college girl!

Wait, did I say that out loud?

TCK~ You might find it harder than you think. ;-)

Besides, how would beer and parfait corrupt me? I'm 21, and as far as I know, there's no age limit for parfait. Unless parfait is a euphemism for something I'm too young and innocent to know about.


(re Bumble)

I was corrupted long (long, loooooooooooooooooooooooooonnnnnnnngggg) ago, but so I can pretend I'm part of this whole deal, I'll paraphrase Bumble a bit ...

" ...a euphemising for something I'm too old, decrepit and senile to remember anything about ..."

... and besides which already ... whut is this "SpellCheck" everyone keeps talking about ???

Bumble, nope, parfait is not a euphemism for anything, no matter what TCK tries to tell you.

And yes, TCK, you said that out loud. Makes me wish I'd known you in college.

I'm not that old, my typewriter was electric.

southerngirl! For shame.

U.O~ "Dew knot trussed yore spell chequer two fined awl yore mistakes."

Wait! You mean I've been hanging around here for months to find out what Parfait really is, and it's nothing but parfait??? OK...then it had to originate in some context or other; young Bumble and this ancient crone BOTH deserve to know the whole story!
Although of course the blanc mange in M.P. was just a blanc mange -- and played a mean game of tennis, as I recall.

Bumble - for the record, I have no doubt that you are neither easily corrupted nor easily talked into doing anything you don't want to do...

but, just so you know, it's not the beer and parfait that would be corruptin' you - just sayin'

oh, and Betsy - I don't remember the exact origins of the use of the term "parfait," but I do remember that it started with a discussion having to do with me spending way to much time with Willie Nelson...

I thought perhaps it was a reference to Donkey in Shrek:

"You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits. Have you ever met a person, you say, 'Let's get some parfait,' they say, 'No, I don't like no parfait'? Parfaits are delicious."

TCK- Well, you talked me into letting you hide under my bed... :-)

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm - parfait

TCK- Eat up.

*stretches out lazily, alone at last*

*helps herself to a beer from the well stocked fridge*

*thinks she'll have some parfait, as well*

OK, I thought the Willie Nelson reference was pretty clear - Bumble, your innocence is showing

TCK- At least my slip's not showing. All I know about Willie Nelson is that Johnny Carson once spoofed him in a duet with Julio Iglesias on The Tonight Show. And I think it's pretty good that I know even that, considering that the majority of Johnny Carson's stint on that show was before my time, and I haven't had TV in my house since I was 8. Oh. And he was also a guest musician on Emeril Live once. Willie, not Johnny. :-)

I'm going to be hung for this, aren't I? You came close to doing it during the John Lennon bobblehead doll thread, but this is going to push me over the edge, isn't it? *runs away*

Bumble, Willie Nelson is an older type male guy with long hair who also happens to sing a little bit. And he enjoys parfait. All clear? :D

Ok, let's stop beating around the bush!(Har!)

A parfait usually isn't eaten,(except brownie parfaits)it's usually in a tubular form and sucked on to be enjoyed.

**happy dance** ..... I saw dave on tv today!

or some guy claiming to be dave but NOT wearing a blue shirt. an imposter strumpet???????

If you're serious about wanting to know where the parfait references started; it was in a news story that Dave linked to last year about McDon@ld's. A customer found a partially smoked joint in a Fruit 'n' Yogurt Parfait. The rest is history.

If you weren't serious about wanting to know the origin...then.... never mind.

The Eagle has landed.

sly~ Thanks.

El~ Bald, or Golden?

Sly...I WAS serious; and I, too, thank you, from the other end of the age spectrum. Bumble: we make an excellent team; it's a pleasure working with you.

*stares into space with a half-smile, remembering parfaits of the past...*

Bumble - I'm sooooo sorry. I thought you were a club member. I can't tell you. Maybe TCK can help you out with this. :)

Betsy~ Let's head to TCBY; the parfaits are on me. Perhaps that's a bad way to put it. Oh, well.

TCK~ Bald, or Golden?

The Genesis of Parfait.

The link to the article doesn't work, but if you scroll down, someone pasted the article in their post. And, the date of the article coicides with my birthday. That's a fact that is really of no importance, but I oddly felt compelled to point it out.

One thing I learnt from reading that article (which included the AP disclaimers and copyright and stuff) was ... well ... I did not (not knot) know (not no) that AP copy editors could read ... let alone read this blog ...

I mean, with all the errata of spelling and/or usage I see every day in AP stories, it was a big surprise to moi ownself ... that's all ... just sayin' ...

Bumble - definitly golden (unless we're talkin' 'bout actual eagles, in which case I don't have a preference)

sly..thanks again. I just reread the original article and thread and feel that I'm once again a full member of Opus Dei, and privy (bad choice of words) to the secrets of the Inner Sanctum.

Bumble...TCBY sounds good, but do they offer the, uh, high fiber special like Mcdonald's? I mean, as an older person, I need that roughage.

["TCBY: the Takin' Care of Business Yogurt"]

Just a comment to show that I have earned my monkeyshines Geezer Buss Pass...

I was watching Patty Duke when she was younger (much younger) than Sean.

And a Geezer Bus Tech story...

My wife, a school teacher, once sent a young student that was not feeling well to the office to call his mother to come get him. Some 20 minutes later, she found him standing in front of the office's ancient rotary phone, tears on his cheeks. My wife asked what was wrong and he replied, "I don't know how to use this phone!"

Are you sure "strumpet" is the right word?

Bob Pert

TCK~ *sigh* Explanation? Don't make me go off to school curious tomorrow. I won't be able to concentrate. Pretty please?

Betsy~ You can get 'em with fruit; does that count?

Bumble - since it's you, I'm gonna tell you that I was just messin' with ya - I have no idea what the hell El was talkin' about (which isn't all that unusual), and there's a fair chance she was just messin' with ya too...

Now if this had been anyone else but you, I would've just went on playin' with your head, so I hope you appreciate this :)

Bumble...no, not "the face"!

bob, aka BJ (nttatwwt) - yes, strumpet.....

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