24

FINALLY the football game is over. I hope everybody has visited the bathroom and is ready for some ACTION.

UPDATE: WE DON'T WANT THE SUBWAY POSTGAME SHOW. WE WANT JACK.

UPDATE: What the hell has Jimmy Johnson done to his hair?

UPDATE: Here we go. I pity the West  Coast.

UPDATE: I hate the needle-to-the-heart part.

UPDATE: Jack is wearing a hard hat. They'll NEVER penetrate that disguise!

UPDATE: The bastards shot former acting acting president Allstate Insurance Spokesperson!

UPDATE: They're setting up a hard perimeter. That's always good.

UPDATE: WHOA! Chloe has a boyfriend! He's, like, 9, but still.

UPDATE: Frank's hot new girlfriend does not seem quite so hot now that we get a good look at her. But she is a major upgrade from Audrey.

UPDATE: The new girlfriend's surly teenage son looks alarmingly like Chloe.

UPDATE: Michelle is reminding Tony that they used to run scenarios. That is SO romantic.

UPDATE: They got Michelle! These people are dropping like flies.

UPDATE: Oral-B has a new toothbrush that looks genuinely scary.

UPDATE: Whoa. Edgar has not been skipping the Krispy Kremes.

UPDATE: NOW THEY'RE AFTER CHLOE. It's like they want to wipe out everybody who had anything to do with the last season! And who can blame them?

UPDATE: New Girlfriend (NGF) to Jack: "I can't thank you enough for all the work you've done around here." Heheheheh.

UPDATE: Jack wants Chloe to go dark.

UPDATE: Jack got out his Secret Agent Kit! He's baaaaaaccckk!

UPDATE: NOT AUDREY! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

UPDATE: The first lady is not taking this well.

UPDATE: Jack has commenced hitting people.

UPDATE: Jack is taking the NGF's surly teenage son (STS) in the helicopter. It's a chance for them to bond.

UPDATE: The First Lady says she is, quote, "not making this up."

UPDATE: Edgar is the size of a two-car garage.

UPDATE: They're not at speed! I hate it when people are after me and I'm not at speed.

UPDATE: Hey, Jack is stabbing now. Is that new? He was always more of a shooter.

UPDATE: Do NOT mess with Chloe.

UPDATE: The guy actually believed Jack wouldn't shoot him! Obviously he has never seen this show.

UPDATE: At this rate, by the end of the second hour there's going to be nobody left alive in Southern California.

UPDATE: Celebrity skating? Where will it end? Celebrity welding? Celebrity eye surgery?

UPDATE: Why are they showing the highlights of the first hour, which we JUST WATCHED??

UPDATE: Edgar ran it through a high-res filter. That's exactly how I would handle it.

UPDATE: Chloe's going to get Jack a schematic.

UPDATE: "Jack would never murder his friends."

UPDATE: Edgar is jealous.

UPDATE: President Manilow is SUCH a wienerhead.

UPDATE: They launch in less than an hour! (Who the hell are they?)

UPDATE: Jack's girlfriend is thinking she should have kept dating the plumber.

UPDATE: Chloe is reading the agents' transponders. She is some woman!

UPDATE: "Relax. He's really good at this."

UPDATE: Jack is booted up, and Chloe is uploading to him.

UPDATE: Jack is a smooth talker.

UPDATE: You rarely see that kind of cleavage on a first lady.

UPDATE: Edgar found out that Chloe's logged in remotely! With an external socket!

UPDATE: HEY! ASSASSINATED FORMER PRESIDENT ALLSTATE INSURANCE SPOKESPERSON IS ALIVE AND DOING COMMERCIALS!

UPDATE: I don't like the looks of the bald guy with the accent and the guns.

UPDATE: At some point, even the FBI is bound to notice all the unconscious agents lying around.

UPDATE: There's, like, dozens of agents after Jack. They have NO chance.

UPDATE: The girlfriend's on the 210 at the 10.

UPDATE: Chloe is a stand-up gal.

UPDATE: Jack really does care.

UPDATE: Somebody is messing with the first lady's mind, such as it is.

UPDATE: Edgar says there's chatter! They're sourcing it! The reliability's approaching 95 percent!

UPDATE: Eventually the bald guy is going to punch President Manilow out.

UPDATE: I see guys like that in the Miami Airport all the time.

UPDATE: You watch. The airlines will claim this is a weather delay.

UPDATE: OHMIGOD! THE WEASEL ASSISTANT TO THE PRESIDENT! HE'S IN ON IT!

UPDATE: Looks like there will be shooting tomorrow night.

OK, everybody take a handful of powerful sedatives and try to get some sleep. We'll recap tomorrow. You'll be on your own tomorrow night, but I think you have shown, in the comments section, that you are completely out of your minds up to the task.

Comments

[Annie Where-but-here]

400th! Booger!

[Sam G.]

This was fun. Goodnight, everyone.
And yes..."Perpetual Mortal Danger" WBAGNFARB.

[mark b.]

Going into a building with 167 agents...

need a good disguise....

whew, glad I brought my sunglasses.

[U.O]

Wowser!

Great job, gang ... and there's still almost 20 minutes to go before it starts herre in SoCal ... except ... I already know enuf ... (except mebbe, about the stacked Crazy First Lady and the Redhead) ... and besides which already, my "home away from home" apparently does not supply the channel on which one might actually observe the "real" show ... so, this entire narrative will hafta suffice ...

tnx muchly, for that ...

[homeybeef]

only a few more hours til Tony is out of surgery and running CTU again for some reason. Or he'll fill in for the president after he leave to deal with his wife's upcoming suicide.

"Dave Barry's blog, predicting 24 plotlines since 2005"

[Sam G.]

The sad thing is, a lot of our predictions have been right...

[qetzal]

OK. Final score:

58 Updates, 1 OK, 406 comments (not counting this one).

Plus one thigh shooting, one gut shooting (well, one guy, but 2 or 3 shots; Chloe's an overachiever), one throat shooting, three (?) head shootings, one exploding to death, one exploding to critical condition, one back stabbing, one self-poisoning, and who can count how many glass-jawed FBI agents. Did I miss any?

[Blue Meanie]

Hey, folks, did anyone happen to catch 24 tonight?

[Steve]

Just got done watching (Thanks TiVo!) the show.

I swear, I saw Audrey almost cry again. AAAAAAA!

So, if WA (Weasel Assistant) was able to get the tapes altered that quickly, this is an inside job. At first I thought it was President Manilow, but since he was shown standing outside that door for TEN MINUTES, I realized he probably was just stunned, or maybe he saw a pretty birdie outside.

The other thing I noticed.... What is it with the head criminals that they feel like they need a bunch of plasma TVs just to watch what's happening on the news? This whole thing had to be planned way in advance.... What's that check list like?

1) Set up Jack
2) Go to Best Buy and buy four plasma displays to watch evil plan unfold.
3) Remember to save rebates on plasma displays
4) Get lights for room with plasma displays

Steve

[KOW]

Okay, I know this is late in coming (I was busy reading the comments and LMAO all the way), but what is it with the complete lack of background checks? They're trying to arrest/kill the good one while the bad apple is raoming around freely with full access to the president. Sadly just your typical example of government efficiency.

[Tony Almeida]

Damn premier. Not only do I only show up in three scenes, but my wife is dead and I'm in critical condition. Not to worry, though, I'm coming back to perform a hostile takeover of CTU and shoot people. Like Audrey, or Edgar, or the idiot FOX executive who decided it was a good idea to show American Idol previews to a demographic of People Who Only Watch Television for Violent Images of People Getting Shot in Their Thighs.

[Angie]

Wow. I kind of hate that I missed this. Oh well. Tomorrow I'll be with you guys.

[dude]

The Russians are gonna kill the President and blow up his HQ after he doesn't comply with the demands.
(Aww great--another Chapelle story)

[tradewind]

....me too! A lizardoid invasion of sorts.

[tradewind]

Ignorance warning:

Were the episodes tonight introducing this season or recapping last?

Was my first time watching, but the show has crack-like qualities, I couldn't stop.

[Novanglus]

The good news; Walter Cronkite is wrong...we are NOT a nation of dangeroous ignorant people, and this blogs proves it. Anyone who can blog and watch 24 at the same time has more going for them than ol Walter, who could read...but evidently has still not learned how to reason...and of course, DAVE is the master on this..Chloe was kept alive and still has the cutest pout on TV, and they even sexed her up a bit...the new girlfriend, although still wearing that great push-up bra in the promotinal picture, is more middle age like the rest of us (sorry guys), and Jack is still the incredible hero...who shot that guy IN THE HEAD...yes... with real gusto, overcame every obstacle put in his way, and even got senitmental over Palmer's right hand, and the dwebey kid (who is conveinlently around the same age as his daughter) Which took much more fortitude than going into a net of agents out to kill him. Most men would have not apologized to the kid. But not Jack...wow.

This means we will see the daughter again, and Tony, frankly Michelle was a little stale even though she looked good.

THE bad news;' everyone will miss Allstate President who will hopefully go over to the Genna Davis citcom and take over as President when she gets pregnant and has a nervous breakdown...Which will happen after she talks to the First Lady (of 24) her will advise her to show more clevege...(wait, I'm lost)

AND I can't beleive NO ONE mentioned the first half hour and the TORTURE in the soundtrack? WE had the soundtrack of JAWS...do do...do,do....THEN that horrible high pitch pulsating wining that made me want to actually jump out off the couch and actually find the man who decicded to heighten the whole plot by hitting my ear drums with pulsating, mind controlling, high pitched, (sounded like high E flat) notes....horrible. Guess I should have been blogging, but I'm not that good.

It's nice to know that CTU has the most updated and incredible technology in the universe, when we are told that our own FBI computors are still using Windows 95.

I can't wait for tomorrow.

[Sabu The Coconut Boy]

Um.. The President is a Dick. I just noticed. Thought I'd pass it on.

[sparrow]

1st lady is no longer working for Julia Sugarbaker in Atlanta but she's no ditz - just wait and see!

[Eli]

http://us.news1.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/p/uc/20060116/lft060116.gif
Today's FoxTrot makes fun of 24. Just thought everyone would like to know.

[Brad]

Someone up there asked: I guess I missed the part that explains why the kid and his momn call Jack "Frank".

Jack walked in one day and said, "Let me be Frank."

----

Tell them the truth! What an incredibly cool line!

----

Also, Dave, could we have an East coast thread and a West Coast thread for tomorrow night? And could we do this for Battlestar Galactica on Friday nights?

[prying1]

Eli - Great cartoon!

Another post/another site it was noted that NewPrez Weenie had Kerry like similarities. I didn't see it but I did think the wifey-pooh similar to Teresa...

[Sean]

422!

[Sean]

This has to be the most-is post-is ever..Yes or no ?

[Sean]

oh yes..4-24 !!! That's 424 y'all ..?

[Sean]

Or not...G'night...

[U.O]

Brad --

Old joke, similar somewhut to your line ...

Two married couples had become good friends, sharing many interests ...

After a time, they were unwinding after an evening on the town, at one of their homes ...

The conversation turned to sexual variations ...

"Let's trade partners," said someone ...

So, they did ...

After an interlude, Jane says, "I'll be frank ..."

Sue says, "No, I'll be Frank ..."

[Variation: Jane says, "I wonder how the guys are doing ..."]

(NTTAWWT)

(Just sharing ... it's late ...)

[Kafaleni]

That it is, UO, but some of us are still awake.

Then again.. it's a little later/earlier here, depending on how you look at it.

I wish I could be around for tomorrow's shoot'em up. Maybe another time...

[Josh]

Just popped in and saw the frenzy over 24. Sean, there are threads, whose location remains top secret to this day, that are several years old, and have thousands of replies to them. Their location remains a closely guarded secret to all but a few. They celebrate birthdays and have have fan clubs and other stuff like that. Stuff of folklore? Maybe, maybe not. :-) They're known in Dave's-blog-parlance as MOATs, mother of all threads. This thread looks well on its way to becoming a MOAT.

Oh no, have I said to much?

[U.O]

Not hardly, Josh ... um ... I said "hardly" ... nevermind ...

[hpl]

They killed the wrong president. But there's still 22 hours left.

Logan is really reminding me of Marie Warner from Day 2. "ITS MY SPECIAL DAY! YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Or maybe the Mayor from Jaws, who feels it's best not to talk about shark attacks because it'll scare the tourists away(as opposed to tourists being eaten by sharks, which always helps tourism).

Best not to ruin your photo shoot even if it does end up with a burning helicopter and a dead Russian President on the lawn.

[Annie Where-but-here]

and still FEMA does nothing.

[Betsy]

OK...I've made it through most of the two hours, and, while I deeply appreciate the fact that Jack would NEVER shoot his friends, I'm still pondering 'quick-- get in the car' 'I didn't drive -- I took a taxi.' I'll bet embattled fugitives just hate when that happens.

[Sam]

To Tradewind:

> Were the episodes tonight introducing this season or recapping last?

First minute or two: recap
The rest is what happened between 7am and 9am :)

> Was my first time watching, but the show has crack-like qualities, I couldn't stop.

This is normal 24 pace.

[j.d.]

I'm betting Mandy will have something to do with all of this one way or another.

[Name]

This strip seems appropriate: http://www.ucomics.com/foxtrot/

[Dr. Doug]

Instead of watching 24 I started an interesting book on the temporal leadership conflicts in adolescents.

[queensbee]

what channel is it on?

[Sheva]

"Michelle was a little stale even though she looked good."
Looked good? She looked great and better than ever. Then they go and kill her. Is there any justice. Now I have to back to digging Audrey. She has all the feminine plot lines that I dig.

[U.O]

... um ... yeah, Name ... that's why eli posted the link earlier ... just sayin' ...

[ArcticAl]

OK I gave in and watched the last hour after readingthe blog. It wasn't as bad as I expected. I'll probably watch part 2 tonight to see in the Colbain kid gets wiped.

[Morty]

"Your in good hands with Alls....

[Eleanor]

*zips in*

6:30am PST.

So - anybody do anything interesting last night?????

[Suzy Q]

Wow! Great recap and comments all! I can't blog and watch at the same time - just too much for me.

I can't believe Chloe got laid! And NOT by Edgar. Well, she does have some stress to blow off. And what better way?

SuzIE Q: Please get a new name. I was here first.

[Addicted to 24]

Oh God I needed that

[Eleanor]

Yes, SuzIE Q.

FIRST's are very important on the DB blog.

[Suzy Q]

Thanks for your support, El. :)

[Eleanor]

Always happy to help maintain the status quo! :)

[Leetie]

Way LTTG, but:

SuzieQ: That's not a man purse, it's a JACK BAG! Full of guns, gadgets, and smoke bombs at a moment's notice.

I really liked the fact that Jack happened to have a gun under the sofa cushion too.

LOL at Palmer being the Jesus of Insurance!

Did anyone else think that naming the son Derrick was corny? You know, the oil thing? No? Ok then.

Can't wait until tonight!!!

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Leetie: I hate to disagree, but Jack's bag is a man purse. It just so happens that he knows what to put in it that makes it stand out more.

[Eleanor]

UH-OH!

rumble on the 24 thread!!

*sneaks a pistol to Leetie*

[sparrow]

Hello to all! Jack was, frankly, always prepared and had gun under sofa cushion and "man/purse/JACK/BAG" hidden in secret compartment in wall. Surely, from past seasons you must have realized this. Just don't call him Shirley.

[Mrs Vee]

Did Mr Bad Guy at the refinery learn nothing from Mandy last season? Always leave 'em wanting more, pal, or it's lights out for you!

[sparrow]

It's 6:45 EST. Must quickly watch last night's (taped) episode of "Grey's Anatomy" to see what Meredith and Dr. McDreamy are up to as husband and I were watching "Crossing Jordan" as Jordan is having commitment issues and head of lab has drinking problem. Then...JACK IS BACK AGAIN. Then "Medium." I will never leave the couch.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

*eyes Eleanor suspiciously*

Don't make me come over there and do something to your thigh that you'll regret!

[jlfintx]

Cripes, I missed the first 45 minutes!

[sparrow]

"Medium" was not on tonight but that was okay as Jack was at the Golden Globes/"Ontario" Airport/and being carted off to CTU.

[L4c_1]

trying to figure out why my RA sent my whole floor the link to your blog...maybe there's some secret message encoded in the text here or something..

[Ken Levine]

Great post,

On my blog I posted the following:

Didn’t you love the 4 hour premiere explosion-fest? I hope President Palmer had Allstate life insurance. And Michelle had car and life insurance.

Now they’ve just stopped TRYING to approximate how long it takes to get anywhere. Mojave to downtown LA in twenty minutes – during 7 AM rush hour? And LA to Ontario Airport in 12 minutes? You can’t fly there that fast. Why not just “beam” Jack from place to place now?

Could they have found a President who looks more like Nixon? And acts more like Bush? Who needs a mole in the White House when the President is that vain and petulant and stupid?

And it’s great to see every family’s embarrassing “Aunt Carol” as the First Lady. Or was she modeled after Martha Mitchell?

What a break for the Channel 11 newscasters. John Beard, Steve Edwards, the weather guy – they all got to play parts. I was expecting Dorothy Lucey to report on the “lighter side of terrorism”.

So much for my theory that Chloe would be a lot less uptight if she ever got laid.

Sean Astin has gotten big. He COULD play football for Notre Dame these days.

Now Michelle can appear as a patient on HOUSE. “Teri”, Jack’s slain ex appeared as a bag lady that died in that show too. And evil “Nina” was a patient shortly thereafter. At the end of that episode she asked House why he had risked his career to save her. What I wanted him to say was “Because you and I have something in common. We both killed Jack’s wife.”