24

FINALLY the football game is over. I hope everybody has visited the bathroom and is ready for some ACTION.

UPDATE: WE DON'T WANT THE SUBWAY POSTGAME SHOW. WE WANT JACK.

UPDATE: What the hell has Jimmy Johnson done to his hair?

UPDATE: Here we go. I pity the West  Coast.

UPDATE: I hate the needle-to-the-heart part.

UPDATE: Jack is wearing a hard hat. They'll NEVER penetrate that disguise!

UPDATE: The bastards shot former acting acting president Allstate Insurance Spokesperson!

UPDATE: They're setting up a hard perimeter. That's always good.

UPDATE: WHOA! Chloe has a boyfriend! He's, like, 9, but still.

UPDATE: Frank's hot new girlfriend does not seem quite so hot now that we get a good look at her. But she is a major upgrade from Audrey.

UPDATE: The new girlfriend's surly teenage son looks alarmingly like Chloe.

UPDATE: Michelle is reminding Tony that they used to run scenarios. That is SO romantic.

UPDATE: They got Michelle! These people are dropping like flies.

UPDATE: Oral-B has a new toothbrush that looks genuinely scary.

UPDATE: Whoa. Edgar has not been skipping the Krispy Kremes.

UPDATE: NOW THEY'RE AFTER CHLOE. It's like they want to wipe out everybody who had anything to do with the last season! And who can blame them?

UPDATE: New Girlfriend (NGF) to Jack: "I can't thank you enough for all the work you've done around here." Heheheheh.

UPDATE: Jack wants Chloe to go dark.

UPDATE: Jack got out his Secret Agent Kit! He's baaaaaaccckk!

UPDATE: NOT AUDREY! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

UPDATE: The first lady is not taking this well.

UPDATE: Jack has commenced hitting people.

UPDATE: Jack is taking the NGF's surly teenage son (STS) in the helicopter. It's a chance for them to bond.

UPDATE: The First Lady says she is, quote, "not making this up."

UPDATE: Edgar is the size of a two-car garage.

UPDATE: They're not at speed! I hate it when people are after me and I'm not at speed.

UPDATE: Hey, Jack is stabbing now. Is that new? He was always more of a shooter.

UPDATE: Do NOT mess with Chloe.

UPDATE: The guy actually believed Jack wouldn't shoot him! Obviously he has never seen this show.

UPDATE: At this rate, by the end of the second hour there's going to be nobody left alive in Southern California.

UPDATE: Celebrity skating? Where will it end? Celebrity welding? Celebrity eye surgery?

UPDATE: Why are they showing the highlights of the first hour, which we JUST WATCHED??

UPDATE: Edgar ran it through a high-res filter. That's exactly how I would handle it.

UPDATE: Chloe's going to get Jack a schematic.

UPDATE: "Jack would never murder his friends."

UPDATE: Edgar is jealous.

UPDATE: President Manilow is SUCH a wienerhead.

UPDATE: They launch in less than an hour! (Who the hell are they?)

UPDATE: Jack's girlfriend is thinking she should have kept dating the plumber.

UPDATE: Chloe is reading the agents' transponders. She is some woman!

UPDATE: "Relax. He's really good at this."

UPDATE: Jack is booted up, and Chloe is uploading to him.

UPDATE: Jack is a smooth talker.

UPDATE: You rarely see that kind of cleavage on a first lady.

UPDATE: Edgar found out that Chloe's logged in remotely! With an external socket!

UPDATE: HEY! ASSASSINATED FORMER PRESIDENT ALLSTATE INSURANCE SPOKESPERSON IS ALIVE AND DOING COMMERCIALS!

UPDATE: I don't like the looks of the bald guy with the accent and the guns.

UPDATE: At some point, even the FBI is bound to notice all the unconscious agents lying around.

UPDATE: There's, like, dozens of agents after Jack. They have NO chance.

UPDATE: The girlfriend's on the 210 at the 10.

UPDATE: Chloe is a stand-up gal.

UPDATE: Jack really does care.

UPDATE: Somebody is messing with the first lady's mind, such as it is.

UPDATE: Edgar says there's chatter! They're sourcing it! The reliability's approaching 95 percent!

UPDATE: Eventually the bald guy is going to punch President Manilow out.

UPDATE: I see guys like that in the Miami Airport all the time.

UPDATE: You watch. The airlines will claim this is a weather delay.

UPDATE: OHMIGOD! THE WEASEL ASSISTANT TO THE PRESIDENT! HE'S IN ON IT!

UPDATE: Looks like there will be shooting tomorrow night.

OK, everybody take a handful of powerful sedatives and try to get some sleep. We'll recap tomorrow. You'll be on your own tomorrow night, but I think you have shown, in the comments section, that you are completely out of your minds up to the task.

Comments

[philintexas]

Cobain kid obviously needs some Jack-style fathering...like a firm grip on his neck

[Jessica R.]

The kid is not very obedient. Needs some home training, I'd say.

[Marie in Kourou]

Tomorrow I must watch the end of the first season. I want to know what happens to the Drazens and if Jack will go to sleep.

[Bucket]

Hey, my mom used to use that line about getting in the van....

[FleaBailey]

This season is starting out strangely like Season One.

[Marie in Kourou]

What line did he use, TH.C Guy?

[scat]

Jack's gonna be cleared when Edgar figures out that the shadows on Jack's face were wrong for the sun's angle at the time. The real killer was wearing a Jack mask. I saw it on Columbo once.

[Bumble]

Fox should pay Dave for bringing in so many viewers.

[Sam G.]

Jack's been officially alive for about 4 seconds and the entire U.S. government already wants him dead again.

[philintexas]

It's Jack Bauer Sir...and I understand that he doesn't care for you much either

[Jessica R.]

Jack faked his own death, so obviously, he is now an assassin. HUH? Who thinks like this?

[Bizrey]

You don't find Jack Bauer, Jack Bauer finds you.

[Sam G.]

Someone launches something in less than an hour! I'm so excited and confused!

[scat]

Another launch? Like last year, in the mountains of Illinois?

[jlfintx]

Jack may want to think about a hairpiece soon.

[Stormy Dragon]

Isn't 9:00 a bit early for lunch? Oh, LAUNCH!

[philintexas]

Launch? Crap...Logan's gonna nuke the Russkies

[qetzal]

No, Jessica. Jack didn't fake his own death.

Jack really died. Just temporarily, like I said.

He's actually pretty good at it. He's died and come back to life at least twice so far.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Marie: He told Cobain kid: "The only reason you're still conscious is because I don't want to carry you."

Classic. I have a friend who will start using that in daily conversation to his co-workers. :)

[Chuck]

Finally , a schematic.

[Sam G.]

Marie-I think Jack said something like, "The only reason you're not unconcious right now is because I don't feel like carrying you around".
No wonder his daughter is so weird...

[Joe Simmons (Slow Joe)]

To answer Jessica R.'s question, the IRS thinks in similar fashion.

[philintexas]

Say goodbye to your mother kid...Jack's taking you in harm's way

[Sam G.]

Oops. I lost.

Oh...So they're driving to the site of the assasination. Did I miss something?

[slyeyes]

I guess I missed the part that explains why the kid and his momn call Jack "Frank".

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Hey, a tail-light is out on the van! Didn't the cops notice that?!

[Joe Simmons (Slow Joe)]

Every time Jack's phone rings I keep reaching for my cell phone!

[Stormy Dragon]

That hard perimeter didn't seem all that hard to get through...

[sandy beach]

I missed something. Where did the van come from???

[Bucket]

I am so confused... Does anyone have a flowchart for this stuff, or dare say I, a schematic of the plot?

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Hey, Dave, I think Chloe's tapping into your new "real" MIMO wireless access point!

[Bizrey]

That's a good way to get kicked in the head FBI guy

[philintexas]

Just a sleeper hold....I hope

[Sam G.]

Transponders...green blinkng lights...

Wow...Jack just set a new record for knocking out an extra and changing into his clothes.

[Marie in Kourou]

Jack was called Frank during his "death"? He is not a wiener!

[philintexas]

Flow charts? all we know is that Jack will shoot someone before the hour is out

[Stormy Dragon]

Plot recap for Bucket:

Former president and two former CTU agents are killed to frame the formerly thought to be former Jack Bauer. Frank (formerly known as Jack Bauer) returns to his former home to rescue a former coworker, in the process turning the former president's shooter into a former assassin. Now he's at the former president's former apartment to find out what's going on.

[slyeyes]

I like the sunglasses disguise. Really fools people.

[Cheesewiz]

all good agents wear sunglasses inside during investigations.

[Marie in Kourou]

Thanks to TH.C and Sam G for the line. I think it's great.

[Jessica R.]

He removed his disguise, glasses with the nose.

[Sam G.]

Jack just took off his sunglasses of disguise. I don't think he'll go unnoticed much longer.

[Bucket]

Phil - I am expecting too much?
*shrugs*
OK.
*waiting for the shooting*

[philintexas]

uh oh...Cobain brat is aready fantasizing about Jack's daughter

[Bucket]

Thanks SD. That, uhhhhh.... helped(?)

[Kafaleni]

I am completely lost and I couldn't care less. I have to go out now, though.

*grabs Jack's sunnies, so as to disguise herself, and sneaks, un-noticed, out of the blog*

[Bucket]

There's CRYING?

[qetzal]

Is it just me, or is this episode lagging just the teensiest bit?

[Sam G.]

First Lady Crazy looks like she really wants to shoot someone in the thigh.

[Jessica R.]

Maybe Acting President Allstate could come back to life too.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Dave, do you print your first chapters yet encrypt them on your hard drive for people to compare to see if there are differences?

[qetzal]

Dude. Just use the MS Word 'Compare' feature.

[slyeyes]

UPDATE: You rarely see that kind of cleavage on a first lady

You seldom WANT to see that kind of cleavage on a first lady.

[qetzal]

Edgar is SUCH a tattle-tale.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Chloe must be using one of those 'fake' MIMO routers that Dave went on about...that's why they were able to find her so quickly...

[Sam G.]

Oh my God! President Allstate is alive again!

[Marie in Kourou]

*pictures Hillary Clinton with cleavage*
Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

Yeah, I agree with Sly: "You seldom WANT to see that kind of cleavage on a first lady."

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Hey, Former President Allstate is STILL ALIVE!!!

[qetzal]

Palmer's alive after all!!!

[Jessica R.]

I think Bill Buchanan is an undercover IRS man and the biggest weinerhead.

Hey Allstate spokesman is alive; there he is!!

[scat]

President Allstate's alive and doing an ad!

[Joe Simmons (Slow Joe)]

President Allstate is ALIVE AGAIN!!! At least, for Allstate he is...

[Jessica R.]

I think Bill Buchanan is an undercover IRS man and the biggest weinerhead.

Hey Allstate spokesman is alive; there he is!!

[Stormy Dragon]

Wow, the dead former President is offering accident forgiveness. He's like the Jesus of insurance!

[Marie in Kourou]

Is Sherry Palmer still alive? I hate that woman.

[Cheesewiz]

the former president is alive and doing more commercials

[Sam G.]

Cool. He came back to life to do some more commercials. What a dedicated President/Insurance Spokesman.

[philintexas]

Chloe's got game...she got to shoot the guy in the stomach and knows socket stuff that even Edgar can't grasp....she's gonna get caught though

[Marie in Kourou]

*has more multiple snorks thanks to Stormy Dragon's He's like the Jesus of insurance! *

[mnich]

for the first time in show history...there isn't a teenager rebelling against Jack longer than the first 5 mins of the show! I hope Jack keeps his mom!

[«LabSpecimen»]

Yeah... I'm going out for beer. This show is silly, but not as silly as the blog. I'll come back for the updates later and spare myself the actual watching.

[sandy beach]

A swarthy guy with an accent! Where's Marwan?

[mnich]

for the first time in show history...there isn't a teenager rebelling against Jack longer than the first 5 mins of the show! I hope Jack keeps his mom!

[slyeyes]

Celebrity Skating?

Whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Willis?

[J who oughta...]

*falls over laughing at the updates and the blog comments*

Well, that's just snapped me out of my homesickness. Thanks, everyone!

[scat]

Just Who are these skating celebs? I don't recognize one of them.

[philintexas]

that helicopter would come in handy right about now

[sandy beach]

One slug and the guy is out cold. Our Jack has impressive fists.

[«LabSpecimen»]

Oh yeah, Dave? About Jimmy Johnson's hair:
Johnson's hair is often a source of humor: heavily starched in a perfect wave, it has been called "helmet hair" for staying in place through wind and weather. His players often took delight in tousing it after victories. However, Johnson has been sporting a looser, spikier hairstyle of late.

[mnich]

i hope that wasn't a hotel clerk

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Jack taking out Secret Service/FBI agents doesn't make his innocence plea all that convincing...

[qetzal]

I guess this season it's bad to be a terrorist OR an FBI agent.

[Bizrey]

OOooh staircase to the sternum!

[sandy beach]

I think the kid is going to come in handy as a human shield.

[Stormy Dragon]

IDIOTS!!! YOU'VE CAPTURED THEIR STUNTDOUBLES!

[Sam G.]

Chloe and Chloe Jr. are really sweating...do they have the heat all the way up in that van?

Chloe just got caught and is looking mutinous...but that's basically how she always looks.

[Annie Where-but-here]

Lab - shhhh! I'm tryin' to watch the show!

[tropichunt.com guy™]

The ease of which Jack just broke into and took that car can't make a good case for buying a Ford...

[qetzal]

It's official. A new record!

48 updates and 286 comments. And still 15-20 minutes left!

[scat]

Hot wiring a car! Now young Mr. Cobain knows Jack's cool.

[FleaBailey]

My, what a practical education Cobain is getting.

[homeybeef]

Jack IS very good at that

[slyeyes]

Show of hands, how many people KNEW Jack was not in the van?

[Marie in Kourou]

There's going to be a major cliffhanger at the end of the episode. Jack is in soooo much trouble now.

[Annie Where-but-here]

What kind of agents? Travel agents? Sure hope they're not sports agents.

[Joe Simmons (Slow Joe)]

"UPDATE: At some point, even the FBI is bound to notice all the unconscious agents lying around."

Apparently you've never worked for the Federal Government. This is SOP for most government offices.

[Sam G.]

*Raises hand*

[mnich]

That kid is just watching and learning from the master...that kid is smart...i also think he wants to learn that hot wiring skill

[Bucket]

*raises hand*

[Marie in Kourou]

Hotwiring cars is Jack's specialty. That and shooting thighs and /i> not peeing in 24 hours.