24

FINALLY the football game is over. I hope everybody has visited the bathroom and is ready for some ACTION.

UPDATE: WE DON'T WANT THE SUBWAY POSTGAME SHOW. WE WANT JACK.

UPDATE: What the hell has Jimmy Johnson done to his hair?

UPDATE: Here we go. I pity the West  Coast.

UPDATE: I hate the needle-to-the-heart part.

UPDATE: Jack is wearing a hard hat. They'll NEVER penetrate that disguise!

UPDATE: The bastards shot former acting acting president Allstate Insurance Spokesperson!

UPDATE: They're setting up a hard perimeter. That's always good.

UPDATE: WHOA! Chloe has a boyfriend! He's, like, 9, but still.

UPDATE: Frank's hot new girlfriend does not seem quite so hot now that we get a good look at her. But she is a major upgrade from Audrey.

UPDATE: The new girlfriend's surly teenage son looks alarmingly like Chloe.

UPDATE: Michelle is reminding Tony that they used to run scenarios. That is SO romantic.

UPDATE: They got Michelle! These people are dropping like flies.

UPDATE: Oral-B has a new toothbrush that looks genuinely scary.

UPDATE: Whoa. Edgar has not been skipping the Krispy Kremes.

UPDATE: NOW THEY'RE AFTER CHLOE. It's like they want to wipe out everybody who had anything to do with the last season! And who can blame them?

UPDATE: New Girlfriend (NGF) to Jack: "I can't thank you enough for all the work you've done around here." Heheheheh.

UPDATE: Jack wants Chloe to go dark.

UPDATE: Jack got out his Secret Agent Kit! He's baaaaaaccckk!

UPDATE: NOT AUDREY! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

UPDATE: The first lady is not taking this well.

UPDATE: Jack has commenced hitting people.

UPDATE: Jack is taking the NGF's surly teenage son (STS) in the helicopter. It's a chance for them to bond.

UPDATE: The First Lady says she is, quote, "not making this up."

UPDATE: Edgar is the size of a two-car garage.

UPDATE: They're not at speed! I hate it when people are after me and I'm not at speed.

UPDATE: Hey, Jack is stabbing now. Is that new? He was always more of a shooter.

UPDATE: Do NOT mess with Chloe.

UPDATE: The guy actually believed Jack wouldn't shoot him! Obviously he has never seen this show.

UPDATE: At this rate, by the end of the second hour there's going to be nobody left alive in Southern California.

UPDATE: Celebrity skating? Where will it end? Celebrity welding? Celebrity eye surgery?

UPDATE: Why are they showing the highlights of the first hour, which we JUST WATCHED??

UPDATE: Edgar ran it through a high-res filter. That's exactly how I would handle it.

UPDATE: Chloe's going to get Jack a schematic.

UPDATE: "Jack would never murder his friends."

UPDATE: Edgar is jealous.

UPDATE: President Manilow is SUCH a wienerhead.

UPDATE: They launch in less than an hour! (Who the hell are they?)

UPDATE: Jack's girlfriend is thinking she should have kept dating the plumber.

UPDATE: Chloe is reading the agents' transponders. She is some woman!

UPDATE: "Relax. He's really good at this."

UPDATE: Jack is booted up, and Chloe is uploading to him.

UPDATE: Jack is a smooth talker.

UPDATE: You rarely see that kind of cleavage on a first lady.

UPDATE: Edgar found out that Chloe's logged in remotely! With an external socket!

UPDATE: HEY! ASSASSINATED FORMER PRESIDENT ALLSTATE INSURANCE SPOKESPERSON IS ALIVE AND DOING COMMERCIALS!

UPDATE: I don't like the looks of the bald guy with the accent and the guns.

UPDATE: At some point, even the FBI is bound to notice all the unconscious agents lying around.

UPDATE: There's, like, dozens of agents after Jack. They have NO chance.

UPDATE: The girlfriend's on the 210 at the 10.

UPDATE: Chloe is a stand-up gal.

UPDATE: Jack really does care.

UPDATE: Somebody is messing with the first lady's mind, such as it is.

UPDATE: Edgar says there's chatter! They're sourcing it! The reliability's approaching 95 percent!

UPDATE: Eventually the bald guy is going to punch President Manilow out.

UPDATE: I see guys like that in the Miami Airport all the time.

UPDATE: You watch. The airlines will claim this is a weather delay.

UPDATE: OHMIGOD! THE WEASEL ASSISTANT TO THE PRESIDENT! HE'S IN ON IT!

UPDATE: Looks like there will be shooting tomorrow night.

OK, everybody take a handful of powerful sedatives and try to get some sleep. We'll recap tomorrow. You'll be on your own tomorrow night, but I think you have shown, in the comments section, that you are completely out of your minds up to the task.

Comments

[Kafaleni]

Okay.. Nancy, Barbara, Hillary, Laura..

you tell me, Lab.

[scat]

Suddenly 24's a mismatched buddy flick.

[CoastRaven]

Can Jack shoot SimonIdol in the leg??

[shane]

Jack's kidnapping Chloe, Jr? What, he need some thigh-shootin' practice?

[Cheesewiz]

Crime 1 hitting the guy
Crime 2 kidnapping
and we're under an hour.

[wolfie]

Taken into a helicopter at gunpoint but it's not kidnapping. I like those rules.

[Cheesewiz]

do cell phones work in helicopters?

[jlfintx]

Maybe Jack will do that towel trick with the Idol Kid!

[Cheesewiz]

do not trust that man.

[philintexas]

now that's a super secret agent...18 months out of the loop and he knows exactly where to go to fix things

[Kafaleni]

yes... but they're off during take off & landing.. or they should be

[Marie in Kourou]

Kaf, as soon as Giant Frog and I are done with the DVD set of "24", I can send it to you so you can watch all of the first three seasons. I don't even know who Audrey, Edgar and the Allstate guy are yet, but I LOVE Dave's summary because I can already picture Jack shooting them all in the thigh.

Also, just for the record: Sherry Palmer in the first season makes me want to strangle her. I keep saying "Divorce! Divorce! Divorce!" at the screen all the time whenever she's on.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Cheesewiz, yes, they do work, but the flight attendants get REAL pissed when you use them in flight...

[philintexas]

Hah! I knew First Lady Wienie was on pills

[Jessica R.]

The first lady reads dave barry! That proves that she should be taking her medication.

[Sam G.]

Yes! President Weenie, man of action!

[qetzal]

Hey, that's Dave's line!

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Dave, you are going to sue the production team for stealing one of your trademark lines then, right?

[FleaBailey]

Shades of Martha Mitchell! They even named her Martha!

[qetzal]

Dave, tell you'll settle if they'll work you and Walter into an episode.

[homeybeef]

"I don't like how the pills make me feel" Didn't the crazy girl subplot say that last season before killing herself?

[Marie in Kourou]

*has multiple snorks*
Thanks to Sam G. for his "Yes! President Weenie, man of action!" He should be made into an action figure.

[rita]

What the hell happened to Jack's wife and daughter, you know, the ones that were kidnapped? Or was that before last season?

I've seen part of one show before tonight. I have no idea what's going on. I'm depending on you guys.

P.S. Dave, I'm knitting a gift for you. Watch out Wednesday night.

[«LabSpecimen»]

Does the president look a little like Nixon, or is that just me?

[sandy beach]

FleaBailey--exactly!

[Sam G.]

Is it 1 hour tonight, or 2 hours?
I know there's another episode tomorrow, but my dad said tonight's 2 hours.

[Kafaleni]

thanks, Marie.. I don't actually watch 24. I tried but the split-screen thing was too much for me. I have enough multi-tasking to do without multi-tasking my downtime. I know that sounded slightly dirty, but there you have it. Season 3 is currently screening on Friday (?I think) nights here, so I could watch it if I wanted to.. but I won't see this episode till later this year. Which is fine with me, because I probably won't watch it then anyway. I'll know how it ends.

[Jessica R.]

Nic Cage has only ever played one character. The same one over and over again.

[sandy beach]

2 hours tonight and 2 tomorrow.

[Kafaleni]

Rita .. is it the same gift you knitted for Kibby?

I'm not sure if I want the answer to that.

If memory serves the wife is dead and the daughter is pole-dancing in Vegas

[qetzal]

More proof that Chloe's new bf is a bad guy.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Edgar is going to shoot Chloe's BF in the thigh...don't piss him off, dude..take my advice...he can make a power plant go critical faster than you know!

[sandy beach]

It didn't take Chloe's boyfriend long to spill the beans to Edgar!

[tropichunt.com guy™]

The kid's going to bolt the helicopter...

[Sam G.]

Jack is good at being inconspicuous.

[Jessica R.]

Was Chloe in Men In Black?

[philintexas]

Hey nobody will notice a red and white helicopter landing at CalTech

[qetzal]

Yep. I can call 'em.

[Marie in Kourou]

No problem, Kaf. It's a serious offer: if you want to, I'll gladly lend them. Every minute has its snorks, I swear. I'm up to 9 PM and Jack hasn't peed yet. I'm just thinking: boy, is he ever going to make a run for the bathroom when the day is over.

I have a theory: Jack shoots people in the thigh because he really, really wants to pee and that's how he lashes out.

[Stormy Dragon]

Smoke Grenades? Jack Bauer doesn't use wussy smoke grenades!

[Jessica R.]

Good thing he had those smoke bombs.

[rita]

Kaf--yes. Sort of.

[qetzal]

First blood!

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Oops..Jack missed the thigh...

[Cheesewiz]

won't the helicopter blow the smoke away fast?

[slyeyes]

I like the instructions to get out and stay next to the helicopter...you know, the thing with the highly explosive gas tank.

[Sam G.]

Jack decided to get out of the car's way this time. Good for him.

[Jessica R.]

first kill for Jack, put a notch in the helicopter.

[qetzal]

Now that was nice. A car crash that didn't result in an explosion!

[Bucket]

Ok, I am new to this and all, but I was just wondering if shooting guns at a refinery was really a good idea.........

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Jack did it! His first thigh of the season!

[Cheesewiz]

it's a hanging offense now

[Marie in Kourou]

Out of curiosity... What did you knit for Kibby, Rita?

I'm dying to get to the season with HomeDepotShopper Marwan. He's in the third, right?

[Stormy Dragon]

Yay, torture!

[philintexas]

time for a little impromptu torture

[Bumble]

This has nothing to do with 24, but it does have to do with Fox; I'm hoping some non-24 fan who's had TV reception this past year can answer me something that my google keywords can't: Why is American Freaking Idol occupying the space in my TV guide that is supposed to be occupied by the excellent shows "House" and "Bones?" Are those shows done for the season, or are they being relocated?

[Marie in Kourou]

I'm having so much fun here that I'm probably going to stay up late and read the UPDATES.

[philintexas]

Nice hospitalization plan Jack

[Stormy Dragon]

Jack apparently missed the McCain Amendment training session.

[wolfie]

That was so not a thigh shot.

[Cheesewiz]

Jack's gone rogue.

[Sam G.]

That's a kill shot, that is.
Jack loves revenge.

[Bumble]

Man, I've simulposted a lot lately. People are gonna think I'm easy.

[scat]

Two quality kills in one scene! Go Jack Go!

[slyeyes]

I don't think he got him in the thigh that time.

[sandy beach]

Now Jack is going to have to shoot the kid. Doesn't bode well for the new romance.

[rita]

Because American Freaking Idol brings in the big viewers. Sweeps month starts in two weeks, you know.

[qetzal]

Remind me never to kill any of Jack's friends.

[Kafaleni]

reads Rita's post

*faints*

[Marie in Kourou]

I don't know, Bumble. You could check Fox's website, I guess.

Ooooooh! Torture already? How many minutes have passed?

[slyeyes]

An Octuplet simulpost!!!!!

[Bumble]

Again! Sam and phil, don't fight over me.

As if anyone cares about my simulpost life in the middle of 24.

*wanders off to do *gulp* homework*

[philintexas]

American Idol commerical...now that's torture!

[Kafaleni]

okay.. the post before last before my LAST post. Damnit.. I think I type too slow. I stop to breathe.

[Suzie Q]

Is Jack carrying a "man purse?"

[homeybeef]

1 hour down, 23 more to go

[qetzal]

I count 12 of us in that one, sly!

I hope it was good for you, too.

[Sam G.]

One hour gone, and basically half of the cast is dead. I like this pace.

[Marie in Kourou]

Wolfie, for a moment there I thought you meant "thigh shot" as something kinky.

[Jessica R.]

Wow, whose basement did they shoot that commercial in?

[jlfintx]

No sign of the clueless daughter yet, but hope springs eternal.

[Bumble]

sly- Wow; missed that one. It's like a 24 orgy. *shudder*

[tropichunt.com guy™]

qetzal: For reference, Mythbusters proved that cars don't blow up the way Hollywood makes you think they would.

They actually just flash brightly while making a 'fizz wink' noise.

[slyeyes]

I spoke too soon, it's a.... um... 12 bloglit simulpost.

[philintexas]

Bumble...you can't leave yet... Jack's gonna do a triple kill this episode

[Bucket]

Simulposts.... does that make this a 24-gie????

[Bumble]

And there's another one. I'm getting out of here while I still can.

[Kafaleni]

ahem.. actually .. dodecaple simulpost. Which takes supreme agility.

[«LabSpecimen»]

At this rate we'll have 147 fatalities by the end of the day, as well as 24 gross head traumas.

[qetzal]

I just want to note that we're already up to 29 Updates and 185 posts (no Uodates yet, though). At this rate, the old record is toast.

[Bucket]

*hangs head*
sorry bumble....

[tropichunt.com guy™]

I'm glad they're recapping the episode...I missed a lot...

[wolfie]

Sorry MiK. I leave my pervie persona at the door of 24. I never watched this show till I got hooked on the day after readings and updates from Dave.
Oooo it's starting again.
Now if it's a high probably point of entry, I'd post moren just 2 more. Wouldn't you?

[Marie in Kourou]

Fizz Wink Noise WBAGNFARB.

*is impressed by Kaf's use of the word dodecaple*

[Bumble]

phil- But I'm not watching; no TV reception in the house till Wednesday.

*seethes because American Idol can take the place of quality TV*

[Sam G.]

Dave-I'm looking foreward to Celebrity Eye Surgery.

And now everyone thinks Jack killed the president...

[sandy beach]

Jack wuz framed!

[qetzal]

th.c guy -

You know that, and I know that, but I didn't think anyone in Hollywood knew it. I've never seen a TV or movie car crash that didn't lead to an explosion.

[Bumble]

Bucket- Don't. Yours was funnier. :-)

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Oh, I got to remember Jack's line whenever I need to deal with a teenager...