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December 02, 2005


A few years back I wrote a column about my experience staying at a hotel in New York City that, in the interest of protecting its anonymity, I called the "Hotel Shpennsylvania." Now it appears the hotel is back in the news.

(Thanks to Justin Hagerman, and my Daily Local News colleague Barry Rabin)


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Let me be the FIRST to say... ewwwwww.

Well, with all due respect, the women said they wanted a New York "experience".

How many nights did they stay there until they realized that there was a problem?

here's the thing that creeps me out about hotel rooms: imagine the disgusting human being that was in that bed before the women. you know, the one that brought the bedbugs in, in the first place. ::shudder::

Jamie, as a former regular business traveler, you can't afford to imagine that stuff. What you do is have several locally-brewed beers, flip on SportsCenter, and drift off to sleep.

Guess they still don't have that new furniture in.

Were they in Room 436? I have heard bad things about that room.

BTW, what's with this Shpennsylvania thing? Are you afraid of being shsued?


You were undoubtedly so traumatized by the Shpennsylvania story that you missed this late-breaking headline on the same page:

Guilty: Man Tapes Friend Who Died Having Sex With Horse

Was he in the room with the cattle, by any chance?

I loved that article and think of Dave every time I come up from a train at Shpennsylvania Station.

I even recommended the Hotel Shpennsylvania to someone. Obviously, I didn't much care for the person.

I'm just glad I decided not to follow your advice, Boo. No hard feelings.

Lab, I didn't know you had ED.

I'm really sorry to hear that.

Odd place to announce something like that, but I guess it never stopped Bob Dole.


Flash games

Hrm.. I would have thought that the greatness of your column reached Switzerland. Or perhaps they weren't able to crack the incredibly difficult code. Given this description though, 436 must be the deluxe suite; lucky you, Dave.

On a side note...EEEEWWWWWW.

Ksenija Knezevic should have known a knife would knock the khead off a kbedbug. I gnu it.


Before the average person discovers that they have bedbugs, they’re infested significantly, at least to the tune of several hundred bedbugs,” Tierno said.

It’s a booming business for exterminators. “We’ve done hundreds of celebrities this year, from the richest people in NY, to the poorest people, they all get it.”

Two Swiss Businesswomen... I don't blame the bedbugs at all... In fact, I am a little jealous...

Ok this didnt happen inside the Hotel Shpennsylvania but it did happen outside. My dad and I were in New York visiting my brother. We had just flown cross country from Seattle and were waiting outside the Hotel Shpennsylvania for my brother to meet us and Go to BROOKLYN (in the hishouse). Well my brother was in school at the time and was going to meet us about an hour after we arrived so we nasicly had to sit and wait. While we were waiting this lady came up to my dad and said would you like a good time to which my dad said no thanks. 15 minutes later she came back and asked if he had changed his mind to which my dad (and my mom just loves him for this) said nope. So we were still sitting there about 30 minutes later when guess who came back yep the lady wanting to give my dad a good time. This time though she brought her pimp who had pictures of what she was capable of doing and my dad for the third time had to say no thank you.

LOL, A'to24! nope Her pimp has a portfolio?!

This time though she brought her Shpimp who had pictures..."

Addicted: Are you sure those pictures weren't really stationary from the Hotel Shpennsylvania?

Btw, did she look like a bedbug?

How does a place like that stay in business with all the fine other hotels in which to stay?

If you check out the hotel's website, it looks like a decent place to stay. I certainly wouldn't think it deserved reports like this (which is why I love the AAA ratings!)

Good to know if the hotel's motto is:


Listed in several languages for the foreign bedbugs I imagine.

They can hurt you?
Holy crap.
I thought getting mass attacked by fire ants in my bed was bad.
Bedbugs? Woah.

You will be interested in knowing that The Hotel Shpensylvania, being directly across the street from Madison Square Garden, is the hotel of choice to the Westminster Kennel Club. That's right, people stay there with their doggies, sometimes a half dozen per room or more. You should see what these "guests" do to the sidewalks around the building, it's a regular slip 'n' slide good time. And by the way, The Maury Povitch show is also taped from their ballroom. It all adds up.

So in other words, its not bedbugs, its fleas that are at issue here.

Parasites suck.
Pun intended.

Thank you.

How did you end up in such a dump? Is that what you're reduced to when you're not on a book tour?

Simulposting ownz.

The best way to get rid of the bedbugs is to put spiders all over the bed.

In such cases it's best to waive the minibar fees, though.

My big brother told me that in New York City a sucker is born every minute, he was probably talking about those Bedbugs!

It could be worse

Hey Craig I caught that one too just as I was clicking off the page so I didnt read it thank god ICK!! Opps I'm supposed to capitalize God right?

In a dank New York subway
Old gum in my hair
A smell like old Fritos
Rising up in the air
When I came to the surface
I saw a shimmering light
My judgement was slipping
I stopped there for the night!
The maid gave me the room key
Along with two cans of Raid
I was thinking that the smell
Was like a corpse tomcats had 'sprayed'
She showed me the Bible
Suggested I pray
There were voices in the corridor
Thought I heard them say...

"Welcome to Hotel Shpennsylvania
It's a cozy place
Where bugs eat your face.
There's always some space at the
Hotel Shpennsylvania
We clean our rooms real fine
On Feb. twenty-nine!

The bedbugs gnaw on parts that
The cockroaches won't touch
They both pay protection to the rats
Who rule the roost as such.
And through the walls the porno
that's being filmed won't go away
Wake you up in the middle of night,
You can hear them say..

"We'ree getting off lots at the Hotel
Such rock bottom rates, when we meet our 'dates'
You can always join in at the Hotel Shpennsylvania!
If you want to share-a me
With Ron Jeremy!

The next morning I checked out
With my blood down a pint
The barn animals' anthrax
Had left me partially blind
But I was luckier than those conventioneers
Stuck there for a week or more, I still see their

"We can only afford to stay at the Hotel
It's a corporate thing
Feel the bedbugs sting!
Plenty of crime at the Hotel Shpennsylvania!
The lobby's new drapes
Are made of crime-scene tape!

and may i add: ewwwwwww. shudder. but dont you all have big a$$ palmetto bugs in the south?? not that i would want bedbugs, but, hey which creeps you out more??

Curse you, Insom! I'll be hearing that all night! I actually think my mind was whispering,"Welcome to the Hotel Shpennsylvania!" before you posted that.

Amy - At least the Westminster pooches are bathed and perfumed. I take my Border collie to compete in stock dog trials. Most of us stay in nearby motels. Guess where stock dogs spend a lot of time when not in hotels...

Mrs. Pogo and I sleep in one bed, Gus gets the other one.

Pogo - what's a stock dog? Are there NASCAR dogs and drag dogs and funny dogs?

No, really - what's a stock dog?

Aha, Insomniac, it's "old Fritos" that Don Henley was saying. (Seriously ... inspired. I'm not worthy.)

When I worked in the hotel industry, when dinosaurs were our main guests and we didn't have fire yet, a legend went round about a hotel that sent an apology letter, beautifully typed on crisp letterhead, to their business client who had had a bad experience; unfortunately, the secretary put it into the envelope without removing the Post-It that said, "Jane, print out a copy of the bedbug letter for this asshole - thanks."

I have no idea if this story was ever true, but it's pretty good nonetheless.

Come on, its obvious. A stock dog is one that has not been modified, just like you'd get at the dog lot. Usually though, things are removed rather than added to dogs. Although I'd really like to see a low rider dog. Dachsunds don't count, they come from the dealer that way.

... Seriously I think a stock dog is one that works with livestock, like a shepherd.

Mr. C - Stock dogs are dogs who "work" livestock, usually cattle and sheep.

The trial (somewhat over simplified) involves sending the dog out up to a half mile to fetch the stock, and directing it to move the stock around a course.

Neither the dog nor the "handler" know in advance what the course is. The stock is not necessarily tame and neither dog nor handler may touch the stock.

Basically it's a competition for crazy people with really, really good dogs.

Yeah, Pogo ... really good dogs ... and, watching a good retriever work is always a pleasure, IMHO ...

So, question r.e. the story ... the photos were gruesome ... were the Swiss Business Ladies also ???

... and, in re. the line in the story: Vornado Realty Trust, 401 Hotel Management Co. LLC and 401 Hotel TRS as defendants ...

That reminded me of a business sign I noticed the other day on Lincoln Ave. in SoCal ...

201 PC Bang ... is what it said ...

Which has me wondering ... does that mean computers scr*w? Explode?

Or, that if you have a PC, you're scr*wed?

Just wonderin' ...

Cheers, again, to Insomniac!!! When does your album come out? (for you young blogits, that's kinda like a large CD.)

queensbee, I'm not sure what a palmetto bug is, but roaches creep me out the most. And as long as any bug is outside, they can't be as bad as a BEDbug!


NEVER, EVER lie down on the bedspread in a hotel room.

El -

Howc ... er ... why?

Would under a bedspread be ... um ... better ... um ... more proper ... um ... preferable ... um ... nevermind ...

Insomniac--Cowabunga, dude! You rawk!

As for New York hotels, we think we'll just sleep in the sewer; it smells better and has fewer pests.

Also, "Compressed Grime" WBAGNFA punk RB!

Glowing with fluorescence, the Hotel Shpennsylvania is a neon candle in the dark.

*holds up lighter...waving hand*
*starts a fire*


U.O., to answer the hotel bedspread question... cause the maids only change them when they begin to Show dirt! *shudder* /gak.

*sprays tazBangi with plant mister* (hehehe)

Cyn ... makes sense ... most of the ones I've slept under in the last few years have been some sort of varied pattern or print ... I s'pose so they don't show the stains as much ... eh?

grodygrossyukiepoo. the mind boggles.

um ... well ... I try to not think about it ... or ... I try not to think about it ... or ... I try to tie the bedspread into knots ... or something like that ...

i always travel with a can of lysol fabric spray. no joke. (febreze is good also -the antimicrobial version)

don't think they work on bedbugs tho'.


Glowing with fluorescence, bedbugs are neon candles in the dark.

*hands Animotion The Big Book Of Different Quotations*

(sorry amigo;)

One of my friends was in New York for a school trip, and she had to get ice for her ankle that she had sprained ice skating. When she picked up the ice bucket, she noticed that it was emitting an aroma. She opened the bucket, and found an apparantly human turd. EW!

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