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November 18, 2005

SQUIRREL TERRORISM UPDATE

They have struck again. And although some people still have not recognized the threat, others are fighting back.

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Yes, this battle may require firearms. We're told the squirrels may have WMDs, and they were attempting to acquires metal tubes for something or other. We must take action!!

A squirrel with issues? Sounds dangerous to me!

So turn out the lights, the party's over.
Turn out the lights, the party's over for you.
This time is the last time, never be a next time.
Tonight I wanna dance to a brand new tune.

Did the squirrel eat all the close quotes?

a haiku (for the third article)

Sly, fat grey squirrel
Like bushy tailed rats, damn pests
Tit family gone

squirrels eat birds?!

My vote for Quote of the Day So Far:

"He may be a robust huntin', shootin' and fishin' countrydweller with a 12-bore shotgun and mud on his boots, but for the sake of our tits and crocuses we say - let's do it!"

I don't even have a good joke for that one.

Me neither, Fed.

But you can bet your sweet bippy that I'll be incorporating "For the sake of our tits and crocuses we say - let's do it!" into the staff meeting today.

----

Also, I like the image:

"I'll see your quarter and raise you a dollar."
"A dollar! Looks like he got his queen, fellers."
"Maybe he did, and maybe he didn't. I'm bettin' my sweet bippy."
"Too rich for me."

...a licensed wildlife rehabilitator!

a WHAT!?

Somehow I just can't visualize wildlife streched out across a massage bed, in the whirlpool, sauna, or anything like that!

silly kibby, it's not like that. it's occupational rehabilitation. you know, where they teach them new ways to eat birds, dig up crocus and steal bird food while accomodating their new physical limitations.

Turns out it was a squirrel that turned off the lights in several sections of Ohio County, WV.

See, they can do things you would think they couldn't do with this little tiny hands they have....

i say let the brits spearhead a worldwide squirrel terrorism brigade.

...or taking up new life styles, basket weaving, knitting, painting, furniture making?

This sounds like a job for the Flying Squirrel!

Mmm...maybe not. She might have a conflict of interest. Perhaps we should just call The Tick, instead.

crossgirl: Squirrels eat bird eggs, as do raccoons. Add in housecats (who eat the feathered finished product but not the eggs), and the wild bird population is a lot lower than it could be. So, what we need more of are the predators of these terrorists and egg-eating fiends...coyotes, wolves, and the BIG cats. ;-)

"Squirrels. Why did it have to be squirrels?"

P. S. SPOON!!!

so how, exactly does a family of tits settle in to a bird nesting box - I'm gonna need to see some video

Uh, ya know, John, I think I might rather just put up with the squirrels.

also - "squirrel predator" WBAGNFARB

"family of tits"--come to think of it, Twitney does have a sister...

"Tits and Crocuses" WBAGNF Squirrel Predator's debut album.

A middle school in Helena, MT was recently put on lock-down due to reported gunshots in the area - turns out it was a guy living the next block over shooting squirrels out of the tree in his backyard - he said he found a recipe for squirrel stew online, and really wanted to try it...

Mmmm...stewed rodent.

Seinfeld episode, anyone?

Kibby~ There's a wildlife rehabilitator who shops at the greenhouse where I work. Bascially the park service people just take her injured animals and she cares for them till they're well enough to be released. Mostly raccoons. She brings baby ones with her sometimes. Cute, but very smelly. Not a job I'd want, but I guess someone has to do it.

john, now i understand. and i'm guessing that bird lovers are the ones responsible for the release of pythons in an effort to reduce the nuisance squirrel population. it all makes sense now.

"Release the pythons!"
(Which WBAGNF Squirrel Predator's second album.)

A Kokomo Wildlife Rehabilitator?

Rats in fur coats.

If squirrels eat tits, maybe we could convince them to attack Twitney as yesterday's bra-less pictures might be attractive to them.

Here squirrelly squirelly! Nice Squirelly. See the Picture? Now sic her!

kibby- Closer to Peru actually. I guess they find a lot of injured animals out by the Mississinewa Reservoir. I dunno. She kind of reminds me of the character Stephanie in Short Circuit.

TCK - re: the video - I'll bring the popcorn and beer!

IBW - Releasing the python is what got me arrested that one unfortunate weekend in college.

Oh, and may I add also: SPOOOOON!!! (Not in the face!)

Bonus Dave Barry connection: In the 2001 live-action series, The Tick was played by Patrick Warburton, who played dense cop Office Kramitz in Big Trouble, which, as we all know, was based on Our Dave's novel of the same name.

Kokomo? Mississinewa Reservoir? Peru (pronounced by locals PEE roo)?

*feels like he is being propelled backward in time and space*

My husband has requested information on how to get a family of tits to move in. So far, he's only had couples settle in for a stay.

Mr. C:

Added Bonus Dave Barry Connection: Patrick Warburton also appeared in Dave's World as Eric, the boyfriend of Dave's assistant, Mia. (and I always wondered if Mia was based on judi.)

MOTW: If you are still here and not on the road to Tennessee, in the first line of your haiku, for a minute there, I thought you were calling me a fat, grey squirrel.

*snork*

pogo~ I'm a resident, and I don't pronounce it that way. The people who do drive me up the wall. I know there're morons all over, but I think we got more than our share here. Working retail jobs reinforces that notion.

I once had a pen pal from Turkey for a brief time; she was very puzzled by my address. She had sent in for an American pen pal and couldn't figure out if she'd gotten what she asked for or the address of someone from the country Peru.

Slyeyes - Wow, good catch! Kudos for the obscure reference.

Hey, how about a new Blog game - 6 Degrees of Dave Barry? We'll take a random actor or something and see if we can tie it to Dave (or maybe Patrick Warburton) in 6 connections or less?

Mr. Completely - I think we'd have more success if we picked random singers and tried to link them. Manilow, Cher and Twitney for instance. And, this may be disallowed on a technicality, (the technicality being that he can't sing) K-Fed.

Hmmm... interesting concept, SN.

Bumble - everybody thinks they have more morons than anyone else but they are wrong - I got 'em right here in Atlanta.

squirrels eat birds?!
Posted by: crossgirl | 10:05 AM on November 18, 2005

They prefer seeds and nuts and similar stuff, but squirrels are omnivores.

IBW ~ would "stewed rodents" bagnf the Squirrel Predators' third album?

>>Did the squirrel eat all the close quotes?

>>Posted by: ljoct | 09:40 AM on November 18, 2005


Hilarious, ljoct. I noticed that, too, and it bugged me immensely!!

I'm with ljoct and Shannon - buy some punctuation and proper verb forms, people! We would 'very please' if you did. (I'm resisting making any type of ignorant West Virginia joke.)

Amazing...nobody commented on "NEWS IS EVERYWHERE" yet from the first link.

Annie, Ijoct n Shannon: we'uns shur r sorry we ain't as good talkers is you'uns

ye-up. whut tck saids.

There are few things more upsetting than missing a period.

Ok, I admit it - it's part of my dayjob - catching all the dweeby typos the overpaid yahoos make. And it gets worse....did anyone else notice the typo in the banner ad at the top of the page? "Win $100 just just for playing!"

yeah, I remember way back when that time my girlfriend missed a period - upset doesn't even come close...

Don't interrupt me ;) - it gets worse. Did I mention it gets worse? Today I went to a funeral service. Some of the family members of the deceased were very heavyset, Samoan perhaps. Anyway, I was reading the memorial flyer that was given out. It contained a beautiful poem about heaven and moving on to eternal rest. However, instead of saying "Peace be thine," it said "Peace be thin."
And no, I'm not making that up.

"Have you got any blogs without spam in them?"
"Well, there's spam, blog, sausage and spam; that's not got much spam in it."
"I don't want ANY spam!"
"Why can't she have spam, blog, bacon, and sausage?"
"THAT'S got spam in it!"
"Hasn't got as much spam as spam, blog, sausage, and spam, now has it?"
"spamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAM
SPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMLOVELYSPAMWONDERFULSPAM..."

And, as always, all spammers are invited to go hump the nearest available cacti at their earliest respective conveniences; also, all spammers are reminded that they suck dead oosiks.

The Acting Deputy Minister of Silly Walks, Ivory Bill Woodpecker

Wherever did the spam go? (not that I miss it!)

IBW - I'm hoping that the spam went where all spam eventually ends up - in the crapper. I feel confident in saying "crapper" here because I suspect no one will see this post.

Holy Sh!T!!! All the typos and usage errors in link #1!!!

HOWever, it's not necessarily the fine folks of West (BY GOD) Virginia, who made those mistakes -- as much as I hate such sloppiness -- you hafta give credit to the (non-winning) perky news team of WTOV9 ... someone of which apparently wrote this item ...

r.e. Link #2 -- Wildlife Rehabilitators got licenses? (Others of you said it better than I ...)

Link #3: Actually, a .410-bore would serve quite well -- a 12-bore is (sorry) overkill -- the .410 is quite capable of doing the job, and the potential danger to neighbors is much less ...

John- did you ever see The Birds? (Or, read the story by Daphne du Maurier?) Mebbe we don't want to let the birds become so populous? Just wonderin' ... and NOT trineta save the squirrels ...

Bumble -- Someone has to do it? No, they don't.

Raccoons are second only to skunks as a carrier of rabies (hydrophobia), and they damage a lot of property ... if the critters would die in the wild, due to other predators, or as roadkill, or any other quasi-natural selection process, then let them die ... cute or not ...

All: Contrary to what one might assume, hydrophobia is not necessarily a disease suffered by W.C. Fields ... just sayin' ...

In great hope that I have not misspelled too many words ... I respectfully apologize for soap box speeches and lack of humor ...

Resume regular stuff ..

Mr. C -

I saw that.

U.O. - I must respectfully disagree re: 12 bore being overkill - the resulting exploding rodent is worth the extra munitions (although caution is of course advised as far as danger to the neighbors)

U.O - Oops.

TCK -

Whatever floats your boat ... no problem ...

I was merely thinking of the relative safety of the enterprise in a crowded, house-filled neighborhood ... along with the options available in utilizing the .410 ... you can take the kiddies along (in my case, the grandkiddies) and they are able to participate with comparitive ease, less recoil, less noise and less initial fear as they participate in the thrill of the ... hunt? ...

Now, for all the PETA-Tree hugging fruitcakes (c) out there, yes, I am a hunter ... and for the HCI folks, yes, I own firearms (more than seven) ... (and No, I do not belong to the NRA ... I dislike their political methods ...)

As an added health benefit, sometimes life/work/SSDD gets to be so depressing or angrifying, it may help to go out and shoot something ... if that be a paper target, clay pigeon, gopher (Richardson's Ground Squirrel, to some of you, and NOT a so-called Prairie Dog), or something larger, and it happens to be hunting season ... then you might use this method of venting your aggressions in an acceptable manner

Tree Rats fall somewhere into the above category ...

End of soap box rant ...

Resume regular tomfoolery ...

....Leaving my favorite squirrel-tailed cap & squirrel-chatter mating-call whistle.

Help yourselves, guyz.... :-D

Off-to-duck-behind-some-leaves-now-Giraffe

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