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November 21, 2005


The Zero Tolerance Home Improvement Retail Store

(Thanks to DJ)


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Hey... if they let a used pencil out the door they have to increase their prices to cover the loss.

Am I the only one who thinks Marwan is behind this? Someone here needs to be shot in the thigh. Where's Jack when you need him?

Wow. How long will he get in the slammer if he only removes the eraser?

This is a scary precedent for us office supply pilferers.

*snork* @ Pyro's Gal

Pyro's gal ~ I don't know any office supply pilferers. Do you? :)

I guess they've upped security what with all the butt glueing going on....

"Office Supply Pilferers" might be AGNFARB. Notice I said might.

*hides eraser pig under desk*

Home Despot steals a portion of my soul every time I have to step foot in that dastardly place. I think a complimentary pencil is the least they can do to compensate me for the slow leak they've punctured in my very BEING as payment for helping kill all the rainforest trees. *weeps*

Their anti-drug policy w/in their workforce is equally harsh and unrelenting. There are signs up everywhere. "Don't even bother applying here if you do drugs." Uh, hu-duh.

Once they ban pencils, only criminals will have pencils.

So the Soup Nazi is back and working for Home Depot?

Zero tolerance = zero intelligence. Barney Fife lives.

They started back peddling after they started getting bad publicity? Who'd have thought?

I have a carpenter's pencil in my pencil collection. I'd be happy to donate it if it will resolve the issue.

Bumble, Yeah the back peddling took about a day to start. Not finished yet I would imagine. Ok ... I just gotta ask .... Do Bumbles bounce?

I think Bumble has a great idea......everyone send that place a carpenters pencil......with tooth marks in them preferably.....

Wow! I stepped on a thumb tack at a store and didn't notice it until I took off my shoe at home! Guess I'm going to prison. I just hope they have internet.

DJ - well, we know Weebles wobble (but they don't fall down)...

Mr. Completely, I'm happy to hear that they don't fall down, because that's not good.

Wait, if I pilfer office supplies, does that mean that they'll ban me for a year?

Because I'd be okay with that...

Do you suppose the President of Home Depot saw this casefile and shouted "Stealing pencils? We've got to draw the line here!"

Sorry, lumber jokes go against my grain....

If only the tree saw that one coming.

I suppose some of 'yew' are wishing that I 'wood' just stop now.

P.B., pining away....

PirateBoy, jokes are cool, just I didn't get it.

Ok, I get the joke now, PirateBo.

Draw the line before he steals that pencil.

PirateBoy - No one saw that coming, not even the chair.

He's banned for taking a pencil after buying $117.00 worth of lumber?

Why do I think some employee is now getting their butt glued to a toilet?


With apologies to Jimmy and the Coral Reefers, I present a variation on "Pencil Thin Moustache":

Now they're makin' cop shows in old black and white
Confusing endings, no "read em' their rights".

So if you find yourself in an all-compelling rage
Honey, jump right up, let me rattle your cage...

I wish I had Home Depot pencil
They're kind of hard to find.

A pink yard flamingo, such a good deal,
Add in a number two pencil that I could steal.

I remember bein’ handcuffed and searched
Treated like a criminal, without proper research.

Oh I wish I had a Home Depot Pencil
So I could write some books like Dave.

Then it’s cops, judge and D.A.,
Just ain't no way,
I'm giving up my fake I.D. (Not me!)

Yeah, and some genetic inebriate,
Soon became my cellmate

But only Dave and Judi,
would care to celebrate.

Yeah, I wish I had a Home Depot Pencil,
Then I could write some books like Dave.

Then it’s bad cop, dirty cop,
It's worse than I feared,
Sleeping on my cellmate's floor (I'm sore!)

Yeah, for this I went to college, try to gain construction knowledge,

But all the Depot wants is to ban me some more!

Yeah, but now I’m gettin’ old,
Can't find underwear,

I don’t steal pencils,
It's because I don't care.

But I can go to movies and see it all there
Like Pam and Paris, before they went bare.

I wish I had a Home Depot pencil
They're kind of hard to find.

A pink yard flamingo, such a good deal,
Add in a number two pencil that I could steal.

Oh, I could be anyone the Warden wanted me to be
Maybe Kevin Federline, or his twit, Britney.

If I only had Home Depot pencil,
Then I could do some writing too!

Yeah, guilt-ty, 20 years will do yah
Oh, I could do some writing too!

No apology needed ...

Here's what ya do - go to Home Depot, buy a pencil. Just one. Go outside, then come in and return it for a refund. Do this several hundred times. If you like, you can add motifs - twitch a lot, hum "happy birthday", rock back and forth, etc....

DJ~ Not this Bumble. I buzz. And sometimes sting...

My first name is Beatrice, and I go by Bea. My 8th grade Social Studies (why do they call history "social studies?") teacher gave me the nickname Bumble. It stuck. He called my locker my "hive" and whenever I contradicted him (which I never did of course) he'd tell me to "go pollinate." Upon reflection, he could probably get sued for that or something nowadays. I've also answered to Buzz, Wasp, Aunt Bea (which is now appropriate coming from a certain adorable two-year-old), A, C... You get the idea.

I once ran into a former teacher who couldn't remember my name. I told him it started with a B, but he still didn't get it.

D@mn straight the store won't be persuing it! They'd be laughed right out of the court room!

They're fault for leaving pencils laying around....

I'd return the $117 worth of wood for a refund.

Useful trivia of the day - inmates at the jail where I work are not allowed to have pencils.

This is because they stuck them in electric outlets to produce a spark to start a small fire, which they then set under the metal frames of the beds in order to heat the metal to serve as hotplates to keep their coffee warm.

When pencils are outlawed, only criminals will have cold coffee.

Kibby' ...

Yeah, I think I would (not wood) too ... return the wood (not would) ... tho, I gotta say, at today's prices, $117 worth isn't very much lumber ... (remember, I'm the geezer bus driver ... why [not wye] ... I remember ...

... um ... what (not watt) was I gonna say ... ?

in certain circles office pilfering is known as requisition and reposition
(not that i'd know anything about that)


ok Bea, lets keep it to buzzing and making sweet things. I better stop before my mind falls off the curb. Too late ... wouldn't stinging, bouncing and even making sweet things, fall under the general category of pollination?

DJ~ I'm not touching that one.

PirateBoy ~ your songs never cease (not seize) to crack me up.

Bumble .... your no fun!

DJ ~ you're (not your) :)


Thank you Maam, thank you very much.

DJ- I resent that! And not just because it's ungrammatical. ;-)

Ms. Bumble Bea,

My heartfelt apologies for any resentment that my comment eluding to your possible lack of positive influence on a given situation may have caused to you personally. ;^)

A nice apology. I shall accept it. :-) Happy Thanksgiving!

Ok, so the Home Depot opposes stealing. How about lying? Is that acceptable? When they promise a store rebate and it never comes is that acceptable lying? When they force employees to put down "fake" information regarding safety walks in the store, is that lying acceptable?

Let's say the security guard makes $20.00 per hour, and the cost of goods on the pencil is $.02. How many pencil "thefts" would the guard have to prevent per hour in order to match his pay rate?

I work at a HomeDepot and what a dissapointment I have experienced. Management constantly threats to terminate on a constant basis, they discriminate against the physically disabled, have total disrespect for all employees, lie to the public and I could go on adinfinitum. This is one of the worst places to work in America and the public is being hoodwinked when they think they are getting a deal/sale. The prices remain the same they just put a yellow tag on an item. Almost everything is controlled by Atlanta and if you complain - God help you. I think someone should go undercover and write a story on this company. I think they would be surprised by what they find.

I can't under stand how a company as large as Home Depot can treat customers so poorly. I signed my roofing contract on 9-14-05, Home Depot has now installed three roofs on my house and are getting ready to install the fourth one. They pay their contractors as little as possible and that is why they get poor quality contractors. Home Depot does not return phone calls, emails or letters for weeks or never. When you see my web page you can see the distruction they do to peoples lives and property. When you search the internet for "poor customer service from home depot" you can read for days, how do they get away with this?


Thank you,
Don Wenzel
Oxford, Michigan

Home Depot is God, just ask them! We ordered a door and they lost the order. We ordered a bathtub, and they couldn't find it AFTER it was received. We ordered carpet, and two days AFTER it was suppose to be delivered they called to tell me it had been back ordered. It took 5 phone calls to get them to cancel the order. And they still billed me for the stuff. Then it took another 10 phone calls to get a credit. And we are still not done...they charged me a re-stocking fee even though they promised they wouldn't!

I've called President's office, no return call. I've called The Dalles branch manager, no return call.

Buyer beware. Home Depot has gone from a good company to one that is terrible!

I read a nice piece about Bob Nardelli at http://saneramblings.com/phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=29. His parachute is absolutely ridiculous...

Speaking about the pencil issue in Methuen how about this? A cousin of mine tells me that a regional manager that he knows for HD rents a car every week. She does this because HD does not provide her a car and she feels that HD does not reimburse her enough for mileage to use her own car. But she gets away with renting a car, every week to visit stores. Total car rental, insurance and gas 100%. Much much more than using a personal car with mileage reimbursement. Still not a problem right? How about if she is a mall freak? This woman has gone as much as 3 hours out of her way to go to a big outlet mall in this vehicle while visiting stores. Even when she takes a vacation day she still does it and uses the car. I think that if the stockholders knew about this they would pitch a fit. Isn't this some type of stealing? Maybe if they controlled this stuff better they could afford to pay their floor people and extra 50 cents an hour. How about giving the nickel and dime guys like in Methuen a break?

I'll never go to a Home Depot again. I recently ordered $3, 500.00 of flooring-100 sq yards of carpet and 85 sq. yards of laminate. The installer, who never went to my building to look at the job, decided he would not install the laminate over a vinyl subfloor even though the manufacturers specifications permitted such an install. The real reason was the job had alot of cuts and the installer was too lazy to do the work. I complained to the manager-reminding him that I and my companies spend $50,000.00 per year on average in the store. The guy did not care. He said he would not over-rule the installer. Imagine that? A common laborer likely possessing a ninth grade education telling a college graduated store manager what work he will not do. This was the final straw atop a number of bad experiences with defective tools and really bad lumber. I'll never go into one of their stores again. I'm going to make a list of small merchants and trade with them.

In 2000 Nardelli got rid of the old guard that built this company. now he's gone and those of us who are still here and survived him hope his old guard will be removed and home depot can return to what it was.

I had a nightmare experience with Home Depot install services first time around, oh my god, they showed up without an appointment to do the install, I wasnt home, the person who was home is mentally handycapped, My African Parrot had to sit through all the dust and noise and cold from outside, I would have wanted to have the bird in a different room, plus the color of the window was wrong, so they say to me they installed them anyways and they will change them later? Oh boy I was steaming.

SO I went into the store, but met this lady Susan, a real nice lady, so nice in fact that she was telling how well the salesperson, Andrew Spurvey, takes care of his clients. So I say, well how could he be taking care of me I just suffered this ordeal at my home. So Susan gets him on the phone she explains to him what happened to us. I get on the phone with Mr. Spurvey and I dont know what it was, he just understood how I felt and I could feel the empathy was genuine. He profusely appoligized and of course what had occurred. What happened in no time, a different crew came back, changed all the windows and did such a good job i am so pleased, I was a little over emotional in the beginning but when you have a salesperson this is still there for you even though you harrass the heck out him and call him too much, Andrew was still there to service to the end and thats what I like. I also like the fact that you dont pay until you sign the release. Its a safe choice when it comes to large undertakings.

Was hired with Home depot as A specialist 6-3 but now Iam all over the clock need help to handle the monster, looking for A insite how to deal with this.
My DH does not have A clue what he is doing in the department and is very rude to people,store manager started as a cart pusher now he is a home depot GOD,
HR talks with both sides of his mouth just to save his own ASS. I like the job and dealing with most of the people, some our ass holes, but they need to be stopped the home depot corparation for shiting on the little guy. I did't recevie A christmas bonus
but I know that corp did help me to stop the MONSTER. RAdel33339@aol.com

I bought a LG washer dryer from home depot and the sales person forgot to include the pedestals. This is a 400 dollar difference that I must have overlooked on the bill. We had the appliances delivered and my wife said we will just go back and order them. Well home depot won’t help us install them! What a crock! What should I do?

I wander they would do about the little staple I found in the sole of my shoe after a visit to the Home Depot store?

Does this make me a kleptomaniac?

DIY Home Center

They could have at least given him a 10% coupon on his next $100 purchase + a free pencil. That would have made the news and been amusing. Kind of reminds me of the incident with the short skirt on the South West Airlines where the lady couldn't get on board.

Southwest made fun of themselves and gave discounts to all ladies (or men) wearing short skirts on a certain day. Much better way to handle PR.

Polywood Furniture

hmmmm home depot i can't belive it..it's a good store but the ppl i don't understand...i live in goleta ca and i went to this home depot and i have walked around and saw alot of the associates who have walked past alot of customers well except for the lumber department ..when i walked through there i was asked four different times if i needed help...and its funny to cause i know some ppl who work in home depot..i have ran into alot of customers who have complain about the staff availibity in home depot. for example this one customer asked an associate where were his help out ..the associate who was polite told the customer that his department was short on staff..due to the schedule writers scheduling..yep thats right alot of ppl don't know that the schedule writers who hang out in the back of the building inside of home depot are told from the the corp office how many associates to put on the floor..can you believe it..i hope they build a lowes here in my town..but now i'm not really shopping at home depot due to there policy..

hey you know what if you guys don't like home depot then don't shop there ok even if it's the only store near you. i'm sure there is another hardware store near you that you could go there instead..ppl just have to relize how hard it is to deal with crappy rude customers wich i have seen in many home depot through out califonia were i live..but come ppl if your on happy with home depot then stop shopping there beside i have heard some body from the head quarters of home depot say that they will have plenty of home depot shoppers and that they don't care how many customer they get cause they get enough as it is..i'm sure that they didn't relize that i heard what they said and was kind of hurt so i put my stuff that i was going to purchase down and walked out....and know i go to lowes or osh hardware..due to there politeness and good customerservice

Home Depot is good. Everyone hates it when you go in a place and cant get help (and that is often the case in home depot) but outside of that...you can't go wrong. Let's talk about the little guy and all their issues. I am rooting for them myself but if they can't get off HD's issues and focus on their own....

Home Depot is closing and liquidating it's 41 Expo Design, Yardbirds, and Home Depot Design stores.

Home depot sucks! I ordered window coverings in Dec '08 and I still don't have them. I called March 17th to get a refund. I got a message saying it is too late they are being shipped. Every month they call and tell me that they are delayed. I didn't know I had any options. The customer service rep told me "well I left a message." Whoooppeee! A jr. high kid can do that! She said some people have switched their order - gee thanks for telling me. She never apologized or offered any solutions. I talked to a friend who got their window coverings from Sears and they got them in three weeks. Jerks took my money and screwed me over.

U all have to realize, Home Depot Store managers bonus at 66% of their salary, roughly about 70,000 dollars, the assistant managers bonus at roughly 33% of their salaries, which equals about 26,000 dollars per year, the hourly employee, if he is lucky, may bonus 200 dollars and up to 400 dollars for the year. Plus the average hourly employee does not even get a cost of living raise. My last raise was 1.2%, March of 2009, but the cost of living went up 4.3%.
However, it IS documented that assistant store managers get cost of living raises and so do the people above them, however, the assist. managers and people above them do not make any money for the company. So, why do the assist. managers and higher ups make bank on bonuses and salary, and the hourly people, who actually make the money for the company, get diddly squat????????????

for the person who posted the last comment. let's get the facts straight. i will not comment on how much the store managers or the upper executives at home depot make but i will for the assistant managers due to the fact that i am one. we bonus 25% of our pay if the store makes 4 different factors. so if the store does not make the four factors. we barley see anything. as far as cost of living goes i received an annual pay increase of $1,000.00 when you factor in the hours that i work 50 hours a week, sometimes more it breaks down 20 cents per hour. you should be grateful you even have a job in this enconomy. so get your facts straight. i can only speak for my self but i work harder physically and mentally than most salaried managers due to the fact that i believe in working along side of my associates helping customers in all departments including packing out freight etc... i would not expect any one to do a job i couldn't do that is wrong. so if your sooo pissed and unhappy working for the great company of home depot. there is a sliding glass door at the front of the store why dont you just walk out and stop whinning about your problems

Well, I worked for Home Depot in Altanta and I took a posting in Canada. I will say that Canadian Home Depot Installation Services (not At Home Services) in my opinion, services their customer base 20 times more efficiently than Americans I am afraid. The American services are scattered into a divided environment. At least in Canada, it's very organized compared I regret to say. Also, Home Depot in Canada has been able to maintain the same top executive management team for years and years. that says alot too.

Home Depot isn't the same store that Bernie & Arthur stard 25+ years ago. Back then, the business prided itself of knowledgeable associates. When they gave you advise back then, they knew from EXPERIENCE what they were talking about. Now, you get some inexperienced kid, who is trying to work his or her way up to $10.00 per/hr and attend college. The only reason they are working at Home Depot is to get insurance and have their school tuition subsidized. When they graduate, (or sooner) they will be gone and the process starts all over again.
As little 12 years ago, the stores were filled with artisans that, in their own field, were experts, but had grown tired of the constant hustle for jobs. So they took their knowledge and worked for Home Depot. They did not have to actually do jobs in their field because they were making $20-25+ dollars per hour.... Now though, at a Home Depot the high end of average pay, is around $15.00 per/hr. These poor associates that are struggling to support their families, and have a few of the nice things in life. Working only 40 hours per week, REQUIRES these people to do side jobs to supplement their income. ( in direct violation of "company policy")
This quagmire that Home Depot has gotten itself into, is counter productive, and as a result, the Depot has reached a level of success that it will not be able to rise above.
They are over priced, for their products and their service. (Unless you want to treat your purchase the same as 2when you buy a CAR when haggling is the way to get a deal on the vehicle you want)
The kitchen(for example) that HD will sell and install may result in a FINAL cost of $35,000.00. But you can purchase the same style and design, have it installed by your local retired handyman, for say around $15,000.00 total and complete satisfaction, in a 3rd of the time. The customer wants "SIMPLE" Not,.....pick the design, have a measure, adjust the design, pay for the WHOLE JOB, wait for cabinets, tear out the kitchen, wait till the install date, discover a mistake in the design, re-design, purchase more than you need..Each of these steps require the time to make a trip to the store... Just to be sure you have what you need.....Thias procesas may sound exaggerated but I assure you it is not. More time, and then finally go in the store AGAIN to complain to the point of speaking to a job-scared manager, he offers a discount just to keep you from complaining to Atlanta about the un-organized process....(that, by the way, prescribed by Atlanta, with the attitude of, "do it this way or you are fired!"). Then they fire everyone envolved because, the customer was dis-satisfied with the process..... Home Depot is a victim of their own greatness! They have grown too big and may NOT FAIL.... But they will continue to tick people off.
One steadfast rule to follow when shopping at home depot..... If you see it....buy it......if you must order something, get ready for the merry-go-round ride, because you are going to get one.....PROMISE!!!! Most of the time.

I learned the hard way about the game Home Depot plays with their customers......if you also have a Lowes card you get a 5% discount BUT only if you ask for it. I automatically get a 5% discount at Lowes without having to ask for it. From now on my future business will be at Lowes

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