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November 27, 2005

BULLETIN! BULLETIN! BULLETIN!

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so, like, what's the big deal? doesn't, like, everybody have a shark tank behind their big screen TV?

also - the in-laws are finally gone - the house is soooo quiet - and life is good

The headline reads:

"Spears' hubby makes use of his landscaping skills at home!"

Is the fact that this shiftless sponge finally did a little work around the house meritorious of an exclamation point?

Guess so.

Kevin Federline is alive and well...and still the Department of Homeland Defense does nothing?

A shark tank!!?? How cosy.

sharks = paradise? What's his version of hell?

Never mind, I don't want to know.

Yeah, nothing says tropical paradise like a tankful of sharks. Oh, with a TV in front of it.

Um, I wonder if he put some safety precautions around it to keep the baby (remember, K-Fed? Your son? Check around your wife.) from falling in.

Mr. C~ If he checks around his wife I doubt he'll find the baby. Choreography for a new fitness video and sagging boobs perhaps, but not a baby.

If the nanny has any kindness in her heart at all, she'll kidnap that poor child and put him up for adoption.

Fascinating! I didn't know that sharks liked to watch TV.

Who! the hell! cares!

"But the key piece is the shark tank. It's probably like 600 gallons.

He designed this tropical paradise with "...probably like 600 gallons"???

Bumble - good point.

Gjcjax - You don't think he can really count that high, do you? He probably said "eleventy-hundred" and the editor fixed it.

Its not often you see a complete idiot with a sugar mama. I really think he knows he has a limited time before she tosses him out and it doing everything stupid he ever wanted too before it happens.

Yes, when I was baby proofing our house, the first thing I did was put a sign by the shark tank, saying "no skinny-dipping". Ya just can't be too careful.
Do you think the sharks like watching "Finding Nemo" on the big screen tv?


Josh ~ everyone here cares, right guys? That's why Dave is kind enough to provide us with this information, which we may have not known otherwise. And then how empty would our lives be?

About as empty as Mrs. & Mr. Spears' brains.

Seriously, baby endangerment is fun! Remember the laugh riot we all had when this guy um, pretended to feed his one month old to a family pet?

No really, this is a good thing! Maybe Kevin will accidentally, you know, slip, while walking by the shark tank with Britney (who didn't push him, nope, no sir). Then she won't have to pay alimoney! (I think it was her mother who suggested he do some landscaping, and sharks are so cool, you know...)

Next job for K-Fed: Author? Imagine Mssrs. Federline and Jackson, co-authoring a book entitled "How to raise a screwed up child". And then they would go on the talk-show circuit, hawking their book and lamenting how "no one understands the pressure of being a celeb-bratty (sic) parent."

Most tropical paradises I've been to have flat-screen TVs in front of their shark tanks.

The sharks get a bad rap, you know (and not K-Fed's music, either) - people think they're mean and that they eat people just because they can. The truth is they'll only take a bite out of you when you interrupt their daytime TV viewing.

Ahhhh, paradise!

A pool, a grotto and a B-B-Q area...just like Lourdes.

Shark steaks, anyone? FfFFFffFfffffrreeeshhhhhhhh!


Artchick, *snork* i think ya "pegged" it!

Artchick,

You spoke my mind. One slip into the tank and a big chunk of Britney's problems is wiped away. Of course, she will still have the problem of being, well, Britney.

Meanwhile, living in Malibu, they live right next to what the sharks refer to as a "Kevin Federline tank"

Dear God.
May he fall into the shark tank and die.

I'm sorry, did I type that out loud?

Anyone scan the headlines below the story? All those exclamation marks just leave me breathless with anticipation!

DnB,
oh yeah, huh? maybe if we send Stufed a body board,
the sharks'll think he's a nice, yummy turtle.

Earwig alert: Fins

He came down from Podunk City.
It took him three days on the bus
Lookin' for some peace and quiet,
Why'd she marry such a 'wuss'?

Now he lives down there in Malibu,
Kevin's got a couple of sharks.
They hang out in front of the plasma screen,
And they eat kids after dark.

Can't you feel me cheatin' Britney?
Can't you see I'm messin' around?

You've got fans to the left, fans to the right,
So I'll spend another night on the town.

You've got fans to the left, fans to the right,
So I'll spend another night on the town.

I'm usin' up all of her money.
She plans to see a lawyer next May;
Maybe grab all she can, with a rock'n'roll man,
Somehow that's the trailer-trash way.

I can't rap without a reason;
Guess I'll rhyme about her chest.
When a guy doesn't have any talent,
He tends to stick with what he knows best.

Sailed off to see her lawyer;
Three more days, back on the bus.
Reviews of my first album
Filled her with a sense of disgust.

But now she feels a little remorseful,
'cause our baby is still close at hand.
Just behind the reef, with the big white teeth
Are the sharks that done bit off my hand!

Can't you feel me cheatin' Britney?
Can't you see I'm messin' around?

You've got fans to the left, fans to the right,
So I'll spend another night on the town.

You've got fans to the left, fans to the right,
So I'll spend another night on the town.

He took a class in interior decorating? Well, we can see what sort of grade he must have gotten. Shark tanks and televisions just GO together.

*fires up a blender of Margeritas in PirateBoy's honor*

Excellent work!

Bravo, PB!

Actually, I'm impressed. The boy has figured out how to handle a diva and control an upcoming brat with one brilliant inspiration of "fixing up " the home, proving that it doesn't "Take a Village" just a well placed shark tank...with a big screen to lure in the bait.

PB should get one, with a karaoke machine built in.
amazing....where does he find the time?

*zips in*

BRAVO, PB!! Excellent.

Josh: Yes, we care - a lot. We live for these updates and we'd be bereft without them.

I am having a little trouble, I will admit, "wrapping my mind around" (as they say) the concept of a shark tank with a TV in front of it.
Some questions come to mind:
Are there, or will there be actual sharks in the tank?
Will the sharks be real or digitalized?
Will the TV screen prevent the guests from seeing the sharks?
Will the TV screen prevent the sharks from eatin - er I mean seeing the guests?
Will Jaws be shown on the TV? Could be a little dicey...

OK, I'll stop now, but I have more. :)
(cue Jaws theme song)

Eleanor, you forgot to *zip out*.. are you still there?

Has anyone seen my enthusiasm? If you find it, please return it ASAP so I can give a rat's rear end about K-Fed and Twitney.

Maybe Tom and Katie could bring over their new sonogram machine and they could all have a big party.

Dave (NB) - yes, I'm still here. I was waiting to see if anyone wanted me to ask more questions *snork*.

But as long as I am still here:

Aunt Nancy -
Here's what you're looking for. I found it for you. :)

Dave NB - ROFL at the visual!

*zips out*

I KNEW there was a lawn mower in Kevin's future.

*looks at Eleanor's link*

OK - rah rah rah. Kevin can do landscaping and interior design. So can my dog. Whoopee.

Eleanor,

Shark tanks are the lastest big ticket waste of money for those who have everything. Yes, they put sharks in them. I learned about this when Shaq got one.

Here's a couple of a questions: When the shark gets too big for the tank, what will they do with it? Drop it in that lake where Reggie the alligator was dumped?

El .. the reality and DnB's visual .. just add jessica simpson and nick lashay bemoaning their breakup, for a truly gakable celebrity soap. no? good.

AN! *SNORK*

hi sondra!
i saw a shark tank in a bar in n'awlins 10 yrs ago
(sharkey's?) fasinatin'. whoda thunk they'd become household items.

holy cow! wonder what happened to the bar during katrina!?

hel-freaking-o ... *echos* .. o .. o .. o

Sondra;

If Mr. O'Neil indeed got a tank for his fishies, wouldn't you call it a "Shaq tank"?

I'm just sayin'...


PB - yes, and he'd buy the batteries for it at Radio Shaq!
(remember the commercial?)

*waves hi to Sondra*
I believe you about the shark tanks but it's unbelievable, if you know what I mean.
*rolls eyes*

In a James Bond movie, there was a shark tank where James was almost dumped. Those sharks were pretty scary - could eat KFed for an hors d'oeurve...not that I'm suggesting anything...

Can anyone tell me why Mom and Dad keep jumping over the new tank?

*snork*

Where's Mrs. PB? Does she know PB's loose again? He's being mean to Brit & Fed, and I personally find it offensive. And, Dave (NB) is being mean to Tom & Katie. Unfrickinbelievable. Who's next, Jess & Nick?

I'm so upset, I think I'll have to fix myself a margarita.

oh...we're supposed to be NICE to them? Well.... that's just no fun at all.

ssoutherngirl - You're sitting around on your front porch snorking with SM AND taking your top off and here you're talking about being 'nice'???? WTD?

I'll have a margarita too, please, as long as you're up, and may I come and sit on the porch with you guys? I love to *snork*.

Eleanor ~ I didn't see a :). Are you being mean? And yes, since I'm up anyway, Margaritas all around! Slyeyes, you ready for another?

And I don't believe I ever actually said that I took my top off. I didn't say that I didn't, just that I didn't say I did.

Ah, southerngirl, you've moved up to margaritas now! I've always enjoyed margaritas, but what could you expect from someone who, as an infant, was breastfed by Jose Cuervo. It all began when my mother couldn't get me to take the nipple unless she put salt and lime around it. But I degrease (did I have a margarita already?) Well, I'll avoid the K-Fed/Twitney thread and go watch tonight's rerun of an old ABC ratings week show called Simon & Simon Rub Johnson & Johnson on Cagney & Lacey. That'll be followed by a Lucille Ball/Jerry Mathers special called I Love Lucy's Beaver. Ah, for the good old days when TV didn't have so damned many reality shows.

SNORK snork ....snork...snork snork....snork...\
Hey, we've expecting twisters here in fifteen minutes..snork smork...
I want to get my practicing in...just in case..
snork snork..you can all be proud that if I don't live til tomorrow...snork...you made did a good deed. snork.

Oh, southern girls ALWAYS have at least two good snorks.

I can't believe no one is offering ME a margarita.

Sean, I think I see one of your sharks offering you a margarita right now! Go ahead, reach for it!

600 gallons?

Must be pretty small sharks ... I've got a tank on the back of my truck that holds 1,100 gallons, and it wouldn't take very many sharks to fill it ... just sayin' ...

Ok, let's get a few things straight.

I am not drinking margaritas. My sister took all of my tequila.

I am wearing a shirt... Hey, give me back my shirt!!

Novanglus, do you live near me, by any chance? If you're not sure, I'm the one who's barefoot on the porch, with a beer (not a margarita), and a shirt.

"I guess it all depends on whether or not you can pass the pencil test." Ok, I plead ignorance. What's the pencil test? And the reason I don't know has nothing to do with beer. Or margaritas.

Oh, and Sean, stay away from mommy's margaritas.

southerngirl, still swingin' and swiggin' I see. Which way did your sister go? Was she barefoot? Did she mention my name? And about the pencil test: Take a pencil and place it under the unsupported appendage. If the pencil does not remain under said appendage (i.e. it falls to the floor), you pass.

Stupe -

I was never very clear on that ... does the test work for guys, too?

(If so, I know of some guys who'd fail ... no one around here, but ... I know of some guys ... they could prolly carry a brick under ... um ... nevermind ...)

Hey, I resemble that remark...

Well, Mr. C ... p'haps of we adjust the lighting a bit, the resemblance will not be so apparent ... eh?

You know that the next shark/KFed article we read will be that he lowered himself into the tank in a safety cage and forgot to shut the door.

One may only hope ...

On a serious note: has anyone else notice how many of the articles pertaining to the stupidity of our nations celebrities we read in foreign newspapers. I am so sick of the Twitfed Cruisers representing my culture even when the really don't.

rant done. will get sleep and work on paper in the morning.

Mr C you don't have a problem unless you go jogging (jugging?) and slap yourself unconscious.

U.O, why would you want to test some guy's appendages(NTTAWWT)?

Self-test ... just to see if there's any hope left ...

Howdy, y'all! I've been a little busy to check in until now.

Pirate Boy: *SNORK* ON THE BUFFETT PARODY, MATEY! ARRR!--Red Roger Kidd

Dave (not Barry): If Tom and Katie came over, maybe we'd get lucky and Cult Dude and Federslime would both fall in the shark tank.

well, isnt that special. when will these people go away!

Hey Ivory Bill! I wondered where you'd gone.

SMan, I can pass the test. If I stand up straight. Well, mostly. And my sister mentioned something about looking for a Stupendous Man.

Also something about a pencil test.

southerngirl, congratulations on passing the pencil test! Now about your sister: can she pass the pencil test? Can you get her to send me a picture of the tequila?

Любителям девочек погоречее - Мотильда (любительница анального секса) Пишите matilda177@rambler.ru ICQ 335056293

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