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October 30, 2005


Last night we went to a Halloween party thrown by my wife's cousins. They're Cubans who've been in the United States a little over a year, and like most Cuban immigrants I know, they're working at 17 jobs and adapting fast to life in the United States, or at least life in Miami, which of course is not quite the same thing. They love Halloween. They cannot believe what a great idea it is to put on costumes and consume vast quantities of carbohydrates.

They have no electricity, which does not paticularly bother them, as they often had none in Cuba. They borrowed a generator, which they used to power the stereo, because at a Latin party, music takes precedence over refrigeration. They also used it to power an illuminated skeleton that they got at a party store, which they had halfway buried in the yard, in a hole that was left when a large tree got blown over by Wilma.

There were maybe 50 people there, and I was the only one who did not speak Spanish. Not that it mattered: The main activity was dancing under the sky to a wide range of music, from salsa to the Fine Young Cannibals. At one point they were playing disco, and we danced to what has to be one of the dumbest songs ever written, even by disco standards: "Ring My Bell." When we got to the chorus, you could hear many different voices, with many different degrees of accent, singing:

Ring my bell...
Ring my bell!

It was a great night. I can't say we totally forgot about Wilma, But we definitely said the hell with her.

And now for the news: Here is a hardcore factual report on the situation.


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Thank heaven the havoc created by Wilma did not create a shortage of your sense of humor. If that happens, then the terrorists have won.

Are you saying that Wilma was an evil terrorist sqirrel plot?

*checks blog clock; is amazed*

"Ring My Bell" is the same as "Rock My World".

"You can ring my bell, anytime, any place.
"Ring it, ring it, RING IT ... AHHHHHH!"

It ain't about the lyrics.

Well, it aint about the tune, either.

It's all about the Benjamins, Dave.

I'm glad Wilma didn't crash the spirit of the party.
"...we danced to what has to be one of the dumbest songs ever written..." Is there generator-powered video footage of you doing the white guy disco duck dance to this song?

Hooray Dave! I'm glad you got invited to a party so you could take your mind off your troubles, if only for a short time.

Did you and Mrs. Blog wear costumes? I think I can speak for all blogits when I say that if so we'd love to see them!
Any pics??

Dave, regarding your column:

"Don't hate be because I'm electro-tooled..."

(Sorry, I couldn't find a fitting word to switch out with 'beautiful')

Can't wait for the Herald Hunt next week! It's going to be a great diversion. I'll get in line for gas now to make sure I can make it.

I hope to see everyone there!

tropichunt.com guy -- Thanks for that. I believe the Official Word will come down Monday, but it appears that we will be going ahead with the Hunt. I'll be blogging about it during the week. See you there.

I also hope the Hunt is on!
I am assembling a team of old Miami friends with a combined IQ of 98.6 and an average liquid consumption of 2 gallons/hour/p.p. We used to play poker together in the roaring '80's, when the whole world thought Vice was Miami's last name.
The Hunt will be a unique opportunity - and valid excuse - to get together again after so many years.
I hope we recognize each other.
Good thing we're *not* drinking gasoline.

Dave...as a current non-consumer of electricity or gasoline, there's a few things Florida Power & Light wants you to know

THE KEY TO ELECTRICITY RESTORATION: When you see crews, please let them work. Asking the crew questions slows restoration down for everyone

It's too bad it took a hurricane to get Dave writing articles again. Does anyone agree with me - He used to be funnier? (Just kidding, of course.)
Maybe Dave will realize that he doesn't just need to write about natural disasters and come out of "retirement".

It's too bad it took a hurricane to get Dave writing articles again. Does anyone agree with me - He used to be funnier? (Just kidding, of course.)
Maybe Dave will realize that he doesn't just need to write about natural disasters and come out of "retirement".

Darn double posting demons! I only pushed "Post" once!

Dave, there are two gas stations across the street from me, a Mobile and a Chevron, and there are no lines. I could drive my car up to either one and fill right up if I were so inclined, but.. oh, wait.. I filled up YESTERDAY! I don't NEED to..

Mwhaaa! HA HA HA!!!

Happy Halloween!!!

When catastrophies strike, people almost universally realize what's most important: The company of others, especially their loved ones.

Not the consuming career, the intimidating house or the Porsche. Loved ones.

It's also good to laugh at the fact that there's a grown man named Scooter.

Isn't Sting from Cuba?

WooHoo! Two columns in one week!!! We'll have to thank the Japanese Mafia.

I thought of something while I was reading the article; how did you write that? A computer with batteries? Did you have enough spare gas left in the "Whut?" generator "Whut?" to crank that out?

Did you use...gasp....a pencil and paper?

If the Herald was able to get that published, I suggest hanging around the building and following people around; someone over there has gas.

....er, I mean gasoline.

PS. Have fun at the Herald Hunt. We haven't been able to participate since we moved back to the midwest, and we miss it.

Right on
When life hands you lemons
Party like it's the ned of the world with some kick ass Mike's hard lemonade.

This is TOTALLY OFF THE SUBJECT, and sorry, but I read the name of one Ted Habte-Gabr in a Los Angeles Times story this morning. This was here in Los Angeles, where we have plenty of electricity to power our smog-belching industry.

Anyway, I recall that Ted has been a frequent subject of blog entries, so thought I'd pass along the reference.

The article discussed a University of Iowa law professor's attempts to have the visiting team's locker room at the school's stadium re-painted from its current pink. Here's the gist, including the bit from Ted at the end:

"Former University of Iowa Coach John Hayden Fry had the visitors' locker room painted pink in the early 1980s to get a psychological edge over other teams. Armed with cans of pastel-pink paint, the stadium's staff sought to create a soothing and calming environment.

Over the years, as the Hawkeyes became increasingly successful, some began to attribute it to the pink curse.

"I teach discrimination law, and this is not a good precedent for anyone to set," said (law professor) Gaulding, 39. "What I object to are sexist jokes paid for by my employer, a public institution."

Gaulding and her supporters have received an onslaught of e-mails from angry Iowa fans around the world. "The world will be a better place when you die," one wrote. Another wrote that, "Maybe we should waste taxpayer money and repaint it lavender, just to appease you."

"Iowa has no other major-league professional sports, so the Hawkeyes have a cult-like following that is incredibly superstitious," said TED HABTE-GABR (my emphasis), of the Los Angeles branch of the Iowa Alumni Assn. "You don't do anything to jinx the team, no matter how ridiculous it might seem."

I tried to link to the full article here, which I expect would require registration, but my efforts have failed.

The curious may go to LAtimes.com, click "Nation" and look for the "Dispatch from Iowa City, Iowa".

Who knew?

Dave: "We're partying like it's the ned of the world!"

Addicted to 24: "Okilly-Dokilly!"

Re Philintexas' link to FPL's website; A power company's website advising their customrs what to do if they don't have power.

Things that make you go "huh".

it's for future reference, sly.

My favorite line from philintexas's link to FPL:
When driving, please clear the way for utility trucks. That's a little thing that really helps.

Is this because of the way that FL people drive? Without this tip would they park their car diagonally across the street, and say, "No, no, no, the FPL truck is not coming through on my street."? WTF?

"inzombiac": good costume.

Dave wrote: "There were maybe 50 people there, and I was the only one who did not speak Spanish. Not that it mattered"

This is such a nice change of pace for me from the racist, xenophobic comments I constantly hear regarding Spanish speaking people in the US. I myself took French in college but am now teaching myself Spanish and my two year old daughter both languages.

On the lighter side, glad to see the Walter survived, I'm thinking he may just have been the muse needed to begin writing again....

You did take him to the party I hope!

Yeah, Dave (not Barry) ... but ... you neglect to mention in WHAT STATE AND/OR CITY are those gasoline stations ... oh, wait ... where ... um ... nevermind ...

Dave, as if your Wilma troubles were not bad enough, I have to be the bearer of bad tidings: tonight at 9:00 is the showing of CBS-TV's soon-to-be-classic made-for-tv movie, Killer Bats, starring noted thespian Lucy Lawless.

Would you like me to tape it for you?

Good for you, Dave, and glad you had a heck of a time at that party!!

King Wingbipeekaboo heartily appreciates Sir Dave's column effort this week and would like to encourage Sir Dave to resume column-writing on a full-time, even daily basis, if only for King Wingbipeekaboo's own personal satisfaction in life.

Show of hands: Who agrees that this is a good idea?

Sounds like fun. Back during California's "rolling blackouts" we had a block party every time the lights went out. Ostensibly, it was so that "the drinks in the fridge won't go to waste", but it was mostly cuz there's nothing better to do when the TV ain't working.

Snakey: I was in CA for a week during the rolling blackouts. I never got invited to any parties.

I like it very, very much when Dave blogs instead of just linking to funny stuff.

I'm with Marianne - the funny stuff is good, but Dave's funny stuff is what we're all here for . . .

*zips in*

*raises hand in agreement with King Wingbipeekaboo Etc.*

Vote counted.

*zips out*

Also raises hand in support of KW's motion ...

Dave --

Although you will be polite but really hate me, our power was restored Sunday evening around 8 pm. My feet are now bloodied from doing the Electricity Dance. (Not to be confused with the "Safety Dance." Talk about a stupid song. "Esss-Aaaaa-Eff-EEE..." etc.)

The good news for you is that I have 10 GALLONS OF GASOLINE THAT YOU CAN HAVE FOR FREE! That's two five-gallon cans worth. If you wanna drive to Fort Lauderdale, it's all yours. Really. No obligation. (Well, I might ask you to sign "Boogers are My Beat" or something.)

From one Road Warrior to another.

Okay, we were talking about Halloween costumes the other day and I gotta add an update: My twelve year old son put on a suit and tie, smooshed his hair down with about half a pound of "sculpting gel" (whatever that is), put one of those electronic fart machines in his pocket, and went to the Halloween party as "the farting preacher". If you don't know what this is, just google "farting preacher" and find out. You won't be sorry.

In a few weeks the Harry Potter movie will be out. If you have chidren between the ages of 4 and 30 you will no doubt have to go see it a minimum of six times. You can;t avoid it, but you can make the experience a little less fun for your kids by "being embarrassing". I recommend asking your kids dumb questions in a loud voice while waiting in line for tickets, such as: "Do you really thing Harry Pooter will be able to thwart Lord Moldyfart again?"

Other names you can use:
Dingledork (the wizard)
Half-Wit (the giant)
Hormoney (how do you make a hormone? Don't pay her. (rim shot)).

ok, first off, I agree with "EVERYBODY" when I say, that Dave should do his column again. Second off, *snork to mudstuffin, cuz I haven't heard that joke since third grade!!! The farting preacher has been on tv since I was a kid in the sanfrancisco bay area...and believe you me (another geezer saying) that was a long time ago!

Years like this make this Wisconsinite wonder how you Floridians do it.

Oh, yes, and please may we have the column again, Dave?

Well, as a variation ... my sister-in-law -- who majored in agriculture -- used to ask this riddle (flaunting her better-than-average scientific knowledge):

What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?

You can't make an enzyme

So - what ate my post?

(Above line is to "prove" this is not a double post ... mebbe ...

In variation, my sister-in-law -- who majored in agriculture -- (and displaying her better-than-average scientific knowledge) would ask this riddle:

What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?

You can't make an enzyme.

(Her actual major field [Har! Agriculture pun there!] was horticulture, but I don't remember the punchline for that joke, it's so old ...)

why am i not posting?

OK -- so now they all show up at once ... go figure ...

Two columns in one week!!!!! Three (or maybe, two and a half) if you count Dave's post!!!! It has been a good week!

U.O. "You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think."

I don't know, I can think of some other songs that are right up there and just as bad... like "My Ding a Ling", "YMCA", and the electric slide, which everyone but you I bet, knows how to do. (Say, what does American Pie sound like in Spanish?)

Spanish people are born to party. It's a genetic proclivity that has been handed down from the Inca's-- way before Castro-- They just took some poor Spanish soul up to the top of the pyramid and pulled their heart out and played soccor with it.... Happy genes developed in evolutionary leaps and bounds due to the happiness everyone had when they were not PICKED for this honor.

Yet in Miami, ( we hear has happened in some places in Iraq)..the electrical engineers are somewhere dancing to the sounds of "Ring My Bell" at wild parites and they can't speak Spanish either, which is why you might just have to wait till the party stops before you get your electric back on.

Maybe you should have the next party at your house, so some electrical guys would show up and fix things between songs.

AND thanks Dave...even though our electric is on in the rest of the country, some of us still had a bad week...and reading your wonders is like FINALLY getting the electric back on!! So when yours does get back up, remember that moment because, that's how you make your fans feel.

Aaaaahhhhhh, Yesssssss ... tnk u AlanBoss ...

BTW ... as much as I hate to admit it, the plans seem to be that I'll be headed back out your direction in another two or three weeks ... mebbe this time we'll have a chance to finally have an actual face-to-face chat ... tho that's not too likely unless His Daveness happens to draw us to the same general locale ... whatever ... SoCal, be nice now, to your guests ...

WTF was that?

My post was held up by "you may be a spammer, as your comment indicates ..." blah, blah, blah ...

Well, apparently I passed the test, but what in that post was "spam" indicative?

BTW -- Happy Halloween, everyblogger ...

U.O. We might get past our own rain and have some decent weather for you when you get here. I will be heading to Ohio in three weeks, but if we end up in the same local before that, I'll buy the beer. (Well, the first round anyway!)

And yes, Happy Halloween to all!

"Vast Quantities of Carbohydrates" WBAGNFARB!

Also: Over on another blog, the blogmistress had included a link to OKCupid's Political Test. At the end, it asked if you could make one law, which one would you make? I said I would change the national anthem to the Jimmy Buffett classic, "Why Don't We Get Drunk And Screw".

From the swamps of Arkansas, Ivory Bill Parrothead

ok, its unonimous. everybody here thinks you should be writing a column again. all in favor........... and maybe all us bloglits should start calling your power company to complain on your behalf. i mean, you're a kinda sorta famous guy.... or you could move. its lovely here in the northeast. and the lights are on....

If the DJ was any good, he followed it up with The Gap Band's You dropped a bomb on me and you didn't even here the song change.

U.O. Her actual major field [Har! Agriculture pun there!] was horticulture, but I don't remember the punchline for that joke, it's so old ...)

You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her watch.

You're welcome.

AB (& markhh) -- tnx4 memory joggers -- I finally googled it ... Dorothy Parker ... I'd forgotten that ... (What else is new?) (What's on second ...) ... I'd have guessed W.C. Fields or Robert Benchley (which personage is actually close, as the Algonquin rotates ...)

Bueno Halloweeno!

Wishing everyone on my blogroll a boo-tiful day! LOL!
Happy Halloween!

I can't do the electric slide, not even when I'm drunk enough that I'll do the YMCA or the chicken dance. I can do the Hokey Pokey.

UO; your post that was held up as being possible spam had the word "ch@t" in it. I'm surprised it got through at all as Nava seems to hate that word.

Tony Montana ("Say hello to my little friend") is either running FPL or needs to strongarm FPL. FPL provides a beautiful speckled grid on their site where you can view the has power and the has no power. Find the speck in Coral Springs and you'll find me.. the seemingly last person in Coral Springs without electricity. I say they are saving me to be the last official person with power restored just for the great photo op :)

sly' --

tnx4 the info ...

Ch@t?!?!?!?! OMGWTFBBQ/GRBRAN!!!

How about: conversation, chin music, ch@tter, talk, verbal exchange, friendly debate, talk, expound, run it up the flagpole ... well, I could go on ...

whatever ...

oops! My bad ...

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