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October 17, 2005


But we had no idea those things were so high-maintenance.


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Wow...No wonder I'm such of fan of those things

"That's right, take a look at them, study them, squeeze them, check for discharges, cracks, cuts, sores, change in size, shape or form."

That sentence started out so well then just went to heck in a handbasket. OMG!! It used to have a perky pillow shape, now it looks like the slope of Nixon's nose, WHAT HAPPENED?!?!?!?

Are us guys supposed to do this stuff too?

you didnt realize it because you only rent.

Key Quote: Wake breasts up slowly after a night's sleep

God I hate cranky breasts in the morning...atleast until they've gotten their first cup of coffee!

So I've been doing it wrong all these years?

What if your breasts don't like broccoli? Mine prefer ice cream.

Or so they tell me.

I found this article strangely titillating.

(get it? GET IT?)

oh, be kind to your mammary friends
that breast may nurse somebody's brother
you may think that just staring's enough
but check for cracks,sores and discharge, too!

Breasts do NOT perfer cotton; breasts prefer freestyle.

Also, if you gave your breasts a 'facial' or a 'moisturizer', you'd make yourself as sick as dog, and probably get a seeping rash besides. Nipples, especially, are very absorbent, and a hell of a lot more sensitive to chemicals than your face, or even your mouth is. Like the mucus membranes, they also provide much more direct access to your blood stream.
Meaning allergic and adverse reactions would be faster and more severe.

The phrasing is cute, but the actual advice is dangerous.

I put my salad on my breasts and got arrested.

underwritten by Cosmopolitan magazine ...

I'm with you, marlodianne. Free them! Bras are sadistic and should only be worn when coming off again soon, *winkwink*! Of course, this is much easier for those of us, who after four children, still shop in the teen bra section or look for "almost A". I am hopelessly not blessed in this area.

You mean guys don't caress and massage any areas of their body? That's not what I heard. "Mom, it's mine; I can wash it as fast as I want to!"

I'm sorry. Is this a serious article about breasts ? Do you women actually DO this stuff ?

Wow - I guess 've been totally neglecting the sistas. My bad. My only concession to breast care is hoisting them out of the way before I plop down on my side.

Besides, the kids might ask questions if I started incorporating cucumbers into my morning routine.

So, does the morning "wake-up" routine vary depending on whether one has cherries or pineapples???

Put your favourite music on and relax your breasts.

Should I do this when I am relaxing the rest of my body or do my breasts require some sort of personal relaxation therapy? And what music do they prefer? So far I haven't gotten any selection advice from them although I've been asking them regularly for about 15 minutes now. The only reaction I've gotten to this questioning is from my colleagues.

i think there was an article some time ago about plastic implant cum mp3 players... perhaps the relaxing music should come from there?

the armpit belongs to the breast

I didn't know this and I just asked my breasts and they said no way did they want my armpit, so I guess this article is not totally accurate *sigh*. And I read them the entire article to see if they felt (hee, hee) neglected, and they said no, we only want to be free as much as possible!
OK then, can do.

jillywilly: that's the same breast care that I do too! Get out of the way, I want to lie on my side!!

S'North - try putting your headphones on them before channel surfing for the best music. I've found that time and gravity 'relaxes' them.

i'm postive this was not written by a woman. at least not one with home grown breasts.

One must keep abreast of these things.

It's REALLY fun to read if you take the R out of the word Breasts at every occurance.

Bumble: Don't be such a boob!

Down in Texas, Wouldn't you like to know?! *wink, wink*

I like to wake them up slowly, but they always want to get out of bed in front of me.

Why did I hear boom schwacket music while reading that....especially the cucumber part.

Sigh... my breasts are requesting a long vacation in a hot destination with lots of good looking, half dressed men who give me drinks instead of the whole music relaxation technique. They just laughed at the cucumber suggestion.

Hi Dave,

I was Personally involved in The OJ Simpson Case.

I posted a message for You on the June 15th, 2003 thread titled,
"We also have OJ Simpson."


Mario G. Nitrini 111

Jessica R. - You probably like driving a red-blooded men crazy ! Shame on you. Bad girl !

I think Polly used some of that bronze sparkly stuff in Vegas.....

Check out this from justLinda's website.

"Can I fluff your pillows?"

Name that quote.

"Roxanne" with Steve Martin of course!

but Steve Martin dosen't say that, Chris McConnell does.

Sarah J~ Excellent work. Take your boobs out somewhere nice and make them feel special. :-)

Put your favourite music on and relax your breasts.

I wonder what kind of music the average breast is listening to these days.

I've been doing this faithfully for my knees for years. NOW I find out it shoulda been my breasts?

M.C.: Probably not Britney "Maternity Bra" Spears.

Hey, look! No wonder there were so many hits on my awesomely fantastic blog from this site. ;)

Breasts... ah, yes. I'm a fan of them. I remember when they used to be "big" but now they're just kind of LONG. When did that happen?

And I believe a woman's life can be summed up in this: the search for the perfect bra (pssst- it doesn't exist!).

Besides, HIGH maintenance is such a misnomer... when you're my age, they are very LOOOOOW maintenance, like, almost down to your belly-button low. ;)

Feed your breasts? Do you just let them hang in the plate and forage for themselves?

M.C. -- The average breast is, of course, listening to this band:

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