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October 12, 2005

FOR THOSE WHO ENJOY SOBBING HELPLESSLY AT THEIR DESKS

We bring you The Company Cookbook.

(Thanks to Russell Mc)

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I want a salad like this one. And it's healthy because it's salad!

Do these people know that cheese makes you constipated? TMI? OK, sorry.

This cookbook reminds me of books by James Lilek, who is a friend of Mr. Barry.
Check out the pictures!

Check out this picture and caption in particular! In my above link you have to click through 4 or 5 pages before you get to the food pictures!
But it's worth it!

My favorite from several years ago is the collection of 1974 Weight Watchers recipe cards, especially the captions that go with them. Just priceless.

Bean and Mushroom Salad is one good example of her sense of humor. (And read her little headings at the top of each page.)

And God help whoever came up with Fluffy Mackerel Pudding.

And let's not forget Marcy's "Enchilada". Or maybe we should.

Hilarious! Thanks for helping me find Amalah. She's too funny.

Dyin' here! I've laughed like this exactly three times before in my life: (1) When I read my very first Dave Barry column (it was "Daze of Wine and Roses"); (2) When I saw my first episode of Monty Python (the one with the curate on holiday who kept asking the young couple if they were absolutely SURE he wasn't disturbing them); and (3) When I saw "Spamalot" in Chicago. Thank you, thank you, thank you! I have to send this link immediately to everyone I know who ever purchased a Lutheran Ladies' Auxiliary Cookbook. Whew! *leaves to take Tylenol for aching ribs*

Too funny! A store I worked for actually had one of these, but they also offered it for SALE. To the unsuspecting general public. Naturally, it didn't move too well.

Which company put this out? Roto Rooter?

Well, I was coming down with a cold and my head was all stuffy this evening as I settled down to read Dave's blog, and in particular, this post.

Glad to report my nasal passages are all clear now! (Also, slightly light-headed.)

This woman read my mind! If I have to eat one more casserole with mushroom soup & cheddar cheese at a potluck dinner I will totally hurl!!!!
I'm sending this to all my girlfriends immediately if not sooner! thanks Judi!

Hil----areous!!! Kind of surprised that company was located in Florida and not Wisconsin.

Wonder why she didn't comment on all the placemats made of sticks.

(and I'm trying to figure out what it means that I have the first placemat...with the ivy stuff)

sly - it means that for one moment in time (good song line?) it was trendy! It looked familiar to me too. :)

Hey, Spinach Balls are one of *my* family's recipes, thank-you-very-much. They're actually really good.
The rest of that stuff, on the other hand. . . as a veteran of many a southwestern Pennsylvanian church potluck and marching band banquet, I am unfortunately able to tell you that: 1.It actually exists, and 2. It, well, sucks.

Oh. My. Gosh. I laughed so hard I cried. Worst cookbook EVER.

My favorite: Hot Dogs Smothered in Mucus Served On a Silver Platter, Much Like the Head of John the Baptist.

Second favorite:
"Diana's Sunday Breakfast"
Guess what! It contains sausage, eggs and cheese.
And mustard. Because Diana is batshit crazy.


If they had a cocktail section I would suggest the "Rum Runner" from the old Kelbo's Restaurant in L.A. Nothing like rum and prune juice to clean all the cheese out of the plumbing.

Also, it goes without saying that Fluffy Mackerel Pudding WBAGNFARB.

the one that really made me DISSOLVE was the sausage-ring breakfast food with apples and mustard. i can't even type it without cracking up.

I have been a faithful reader of Amalah's for months but for some reason I missed this link. Mebbe I was busy at the time. But holy cow. I think I just peed.

Christ.

And Mackerel Spectacular WBAGNFA Vegas Show.

Yum!

I have to come out of lurk mode to tell you that I am now forbidden to read the blog when everyone else is home - I have a cramp in my side from laughing so hard ! The tears keep coming, and even tho I tell everyone they should come and see, they think I am Diana and just batshit crazy !
LOVE IT !!!

raw bacon, yum!

here are my potluck survival tips: I eat only
1) whatever the Mrs. brought or
2) hard-boiled eggs

in the case of 1), I figure if the Mrs. wanted to poison me , she could do it at home where there'd be a lot less fuss, in the case of 2) if something is wrong with the eggs, I can gasp out with my last breath,"It was...the eggs."

But if you ingested this stuff, you'd have to say,"It was the apples...or the mustard...or the cottage cheese...or the raw bacon...or some demonic synergy between all four of them...aaarggh!"

And then you would explode.

Being a college student, I now feel a lot better about my own cooking. Teehee.

Good stuff, although like Wendy, the author should acknowledge the original auteur of this kind of thing, Mr. James Lileks, www.lileks.com.

On her website, Amalah does give credit to Lileks. She also explains that she's doing this task to while away the time waiting to go into labor.

September 27, 2005
Intermission
Because I need a break in talking about HOW I AM NOT IN LABOR YET, I decided to scan some photos from this kind of hilarious cookbook I found in my office last week. And then say semi-funny things about the photos, like I'm James Lileks and the Gallery of Regrettable Food or something.*

Click here for the The Company Cookbook: A Journey Through the Center of the Middle of the Shredded Cheddar Cheese Universe

*I am so not James Lileks and the Gallery of Regrettable Food or something. I'm just bored and again, NOT IN LABOR YET.


(EDITED TO ADD: Before everybody thinks I'm taking easy potshots at the gentle Midwesterners and their love of the Hotdish and Cream of Mushroom soup, let me state for the record that this company is located in Florida. Which makes zero sense, I know, but yes, Florida.)


(And it's always okay to make fun of Florida, right?)

It's also worth a read to go to her website and read about her her son's birth.

Dammit. The blog won't lt me comment. It calls me a spammer. Me! Which is really annoying, since it has no trouble letting spammers post every damn day. Not that I am bittter.

I don't get it. My post didn't even have links or anything.

This place needs a frickin approved list for regulars...

Let's see if it lets this post.

marlodianne, I've found a new productivity enhancer; it's trying to find the offending word in a comment I'm trying to post. And that's actually more fun than watching a skinny woman fall through bubbles.

Sly: Unless it was up in arms over the word 'cheesecake', I think the harshest thing in there was 'snort'.

(Aside: and no, you don't snort cheesecake; you snork it)

md -- I thot it was "snarf" for cheesecake ... "snork" is for (I thot) meat byproducts ... "snort" is (I'm pretty sure) for unmentionables ...

BTW/FYI ... as if ...

I'm going to trade vehicles with My Bride this evening, so I can drive a 40+ MPG car to Oregon on Friday, rather than my 15-18 MPG monster ... (wowser, huh?) ... She said we should go out to dinner when I get to Bismarck ... I said, "OK, where ? "

She said, "The Walrus is supposed to be pretty nice ..." or some such ...

I'll be checking to see if oosik is on the menu ... (a la carte, of course [PUN ALERT] ...)

Stay tuned for updates ... film @ 11 ...

Someone should put the mold balls as eyes on the salmon mousse, then he could look really dead.

These links were hysterical! Thanks!

sly, you're right, that was a great story.

Just too freakin' hilarious. The Weight Watchers cards, too. I'm trying not to snork too loudly here at work, where they think I'm actually doing something "productive."

OMG!!! They have the Green Dessert in there!

My wife makes that stuff. Only we call it "Green Stuff," and she puts mandarin orange wedges in it. And nuts. And miniature marshmallows. But not orchids. That must be a Florida touch. (She's from NY.)

I'd try to convince you that it's actually pretty good, except I can already see everyone backing away slowly....

This is classic Amalah people. Genius, I tell you- Genius! And? If anyone has EVER been to a church potluck you will cringe in horror when you see this cookbook. Becuase? More than likely you have unwittingly ingested one or more of these dishes.

At least we lived to talk about it....

Sly, I need to quote here:

Project: babalah
baby was born September 30, 2005.
9 pounds, 15 ounces and 21 inches long.

Nobody tells you what to do when you're nursing a baby and the Colace suddenly kicks in.

Um, The Walrus isn't bad, but check out Peacock Alley in downtown Bismarck. Much nicer, IMO. For the record, no one serves the weird Norwegian food except up at Hostfest (in Minot, this week).

I LOOOOVE Amalah. She cracks my shit up!

Amalah and the Dave Barry Blog, together forever.

Or something like that.

MOTW: Yeah. There's a LOT they don't tell you. Like those after-pains with the second baby. WTF!?!?!?!?!? Nothing like nursing and still doing lamaze breathing.

KT --

Yeah, I know about Peacock Alley, My Bride (Remember Her?) has an efficiency apt. about two doors away ... she also likes Fiesta Villa ... tho when I spend three to seven months a year in the Great American Southwest, I'm not usually looking for that type of cuisine ...

Her suggestion of the Walrus ... well ... let's just say that her suggestions carry more than just a little influence in my behavior patterns ...

Oh, I'd fergot about the Norskies in Minute this weekend ... should mean that there's not as much crowd in Bismarck ...

I WILL have an update/report however, on the special items on the menu ...

KT -

P.S.

Oh, you said weird Norwegian food ... fer a moment there, I was gonna mention Kroll's, and many of the other fine establishments in Bis-Man ... but then I remembered that their specialties are often German items ...

or ... more specificially ... Germans-from-Russia ... and, one had better not forget the difference ...

Oops. I s'pose you're G-f-R ... ?

Big Amalah fan here too.

My fave was the orange jello and cool whip, which is said to be an "old family recipe". I'm dying. I mean, it's orange jello and cool whip. hahha I bet that family has an old family recipe of roasted turkey for Thanksgiving too. Or maybe Snickers at Halloween. LOL

Judi, thank you for posting this!!!! HILARIOUS! Made me laugh A LOT.
You rock! :)

Bulletin! Late-breaking news!

We did NOT go to the Walrus.

We went to Peacock Alley. (Yes, it's better. But prolly pricier. My Bride said the Pizza from the Walrus is very good, though.)

Our wait person's name was WALTER!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!

(No, not really ... just kidding ... but it would have pretty neat-o, if true ... especially since our wait person was of the female-type gender person ...)


Pizza from the Oosik wbagnfarb?

I was hoping that laughing hard would induce my own tardy labour, but alas, I'm just marvelling at the ability of people to prop their own food, and the remarkable colour cheese can be in the land of the world's biggest superpower.
I think my fave has to be the open sandwich, which just begs to be closed for the benefit of arteries all over the Western world.

Love your blog. Mine is still in development (and very primative compared to yours), but I would love if you'd take a look at it

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