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October 28, 2005

ARRRGGHHHH

Last night at 4:30 a.m., our electricity came back. We rejoiced and did the Electricity Dance, then went around the house closing all the windows and turning off all the lights that we had turned on over the past few days, because when you have no electricity you are constantly walking into dark rooms and flipping the light switch and then remembering that you have no electricity. Then we went back to bed, and... the electricity went off. So we said some bad words in the dark, and 15 minutes later... the electricity came back on.

And then, 30 minutes later, just when we had finally fallen back asleep, it went back off.

It's still off.

They're clearly doing this on purpose. Somewhere in our house, there's a hidden camera, sending images to Florida Power and Light headquarters, where we are watched by sadistic power executives ("Make them do the Electricity Dance again!").

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Sadistic indeed!!!

But, funny. See Dave? Your life is just destined to be full of humor, whether you're on hiatus or not!! The humor gods are saying "you cannot resist our force, Dave... come back into the fold..."

Well, depending on what kind of a dance your Electricity Dance is, that would explain why they want to watch it again.

Betcha they'll charge you a reactivation fee for each time they turned the power on.

Maybe the power supply people just wanna remind you what life can be like with electricity...
It's black(out)mail.

Pardon the lameness...


Also, yay! first!

arrrgh... while i was typing somewhere north got the first..

That's what they're sending you the electricity bill for -- to pay the cost of powering the hidden camera. Which, of course, runs on a different circuit than your house.

Your best bet is simply to send hoards of money to them and beg for mercy. Also, I hear they like virgin sacrifices although their version of "sacrifice" is a little different.

I also recommend moving in with Jeb Bush since apparently he has power and lots of gasoline. I'm sure he won't mind. Probably won't even notice in that mansion.

Elvis Costello wrote about this...

I wanna know about the Electricity Dance
I wanna know 'cause I'm still mystified
I can't do it in the dark and my batteries all died!

Somewhere in our house, there's a hidden camera, sending images to Florida Power and Light headquarters, where we are watched by sadistic power executives

All correct, Dave, except the "sadistic power executives" part. Do you really think they come in to work at 4:30 am to watch you? No, they review the tape highlights when they get in at noon.

The ones watching you at 4:30 am are stoned slackers.

And very entertaining you are too, I'm sure.

So did you wake up and hear yourself on NPR this morning?

Big Deal, so your power goes out in Florida. What, you gotta drink your beer at room temperature? The mold in your shower grows faster? You can't watch ESPN or Boobiemax for a few days? When the power goes out up here (in the winter) you end up "camping out" in the rec room with the entire family (to localize body heat) and end up explaining to your eight year old why her pet finches aren't moving anymore.

Wait, how could he have heard himself on NPR if he had no power?

Urrg, I feel slow this morning.

It's like the show Lost...they turn the power on every 108 minutes..and then turn it back off. Imagine what that does to the pysche!

the electric company always seemed so innocent. thanks for clueing me in to their sadistic ways, dave.

My story is much too sad to be told
But practically everything leaves me totally cold
The only exception is when they glance
When I’m sleeping, no power for me,
fighting vainly old FL&P
Power's on and then off again, Gee!
Electricity Dance

They get no kick from champagne
Mere alcohol doesn’t thrill them at all
So tell me why should it be true
That they get a dance out of you

Ya see, the problen is that you are doing the Electricity Dance, they love that dance, and live to see that facial expression of disillusionment when they switch the power off (they have infrared cameras). But, if you did this dance, they would give you a little more privacy.

Singin through you to me; thunderbolts caught easily
Shouts the truth peacefully Eeeeeee-lec-tri-ci-teeeeeeee

High voltage man kisses night to bring the light to those who need to hide
their shadow deed
Go into bright find the light and know that friends don`t mind just how you
grow

midnight cowboy stains in black reads dark roads without a map
To free-seeking electricity (repeat) (Repeat both lines)

Lighthouse beacon straight ahead straight ahead across black seas to bring
Seeking eeee-lec-tri-ci-teeeee

High voltage man kisses night to bring the light to those who need to hide
their shadow-deed hide their shadow-deed (repeat)
Seek electricity...........

Just a variation of the Electric Slide? I know, I'm a geezer.

I bet if you hired eleven strippers and then notified FPL that they'd be dancing just as soon as their boom box and strobe got some juice your electricity would come on pretty fast.

As a bonus, you'd have to keep the strippers there to make sure the power stayed on.

Actually, if you're not drunk, about how long does it take for strippers to just look goofy? Fifteen minutes?

That question is exactly why I never watch strippers unless I'm drunk....

And (although I've never seen them) my wife assures me that male strippers look goofy no matter if you're drunk or not...

NTTAWWT...

Random Thunking -

Thank you so much for posting the Numa Numa dance. I love watching it. There is so much joy in the dancer, he's clearly having a fabulous time, regardless of the dorkiness. It's what I aspire to as an actor.

and the oil companies have reported huge profits.....

Meg, where we live they have battery powered radios that people keep on hand in case the power goes out. Maybe they don't have those in Florida.

In my tribe, we do the Electricity Dance when we want electricity to come, not as a welcome. Maybe the problem is when you do the Electricity Dance after it comes on, it summons more electricity to come, and it all gets jammed up in the wires.

Since it's Halloween weekend & everyone obviously needs cheering up, I'm hereby presenting the following link (wherein two guys give hilarious critiques of various bad costumes). Best ones: banana Elvis, baby ice-cream cone, No-S**t Sherlock, &...hell, they're all funny.

Okay. I've tried. I cannot come up with anything good that works with Safety Dance by Men Without Hats. Anybody else wanna give it a shot?

I have said it before and I will say it again. Dave you need to move to Seattle. Our Power is on, Our School year starts on the first wednesday after day instead of the first wednesday after memorial day. Our Football team is winning (knocks on some serious wood as it is the Seahawks) our Coffe is strong and readily available. And the best part is Bill Gates lives across the lake and when ever he drives by money pours from his car onto the street.

come to glorious albany ny, home of the......well, home of a lotta people. and snowstorms. but rarely hurricanes and massive power outages. we had one of those in 1987. and occaisional outages from t-storms in the summer.... but nuthin like what youre talking about. the house across the street is for sale. interested?

And someday Mount Rainier will crumble to dust and bury the entire area under 6 feet of hot mud.

I love Seattle. Why am I living in a town where the population only goes over 10,000 when school is in session?

Then we went back to bed, and... the electricity went off. So we said some bad words in the dark, and 15 minutes later... the electricity came back on.
And then, 30 minutes later, just when we had finally fallen back asleep, it went back off.

Umm....you know the electricity was going on and off in the dark because??? You were maybe just opening and closing your eyes?

Fight the power!

Watts Happening?

Power to the people!

P.B.
(Who is just keeping up with current events....)


It's stories like Dave's that remind me of my time in Florida, and how I found it to be the most infuriating place on earth.

Move north, Dave! Civilization beckons...

You can dance when the power's back
You can leave blackouts behind
But if you do the dance, then there's a big chance
That again you'll be completely blind!
I say, you can moan if you want to
But it won't help bring back the power
'Cause F. P.&L. gets orders straight from Hell
And your lights'll flicker every hour!

And you can dance, you can dance
It's not really under human control
You can dance, you can dance
A generator's worth more than your soul
You can dance, you can dance
Don't matter if you can't see your hands!
We can dance, we can dance
Nobody's washing their pants
It's the 'Tricity Dance!

(parents still powerless from Wilma in Miami-Dade...)

Insom - brilliant (pun intended) as usual.

Bravo, Insom! What this blog really needed was some light verse. Or a verse about lights....

P.B.

FPL is the sleaziest, cruddiest, most disgusting company that is not Halliburton in the universe.

WoooHooo Insom!!!

Thank you. Much better than my measly attempts.

Pour tous vos travaux de chauffage, electricité... Faite appel à un electricien qualifié, bruno meeus.
http://www.entreprise-meeus.com

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