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October 16, 2005

AND THEY SAY AMERICANS LACK CULTURE

We got yer cultchah right here.

(Thanks to Loren Bosshard and Celine Chamberlin)

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Only truly cultural if it is opera on ice.

In the London production she says 'Why me kneees?"

The only surprise here is that it isn't a "Disney on Ice" extravaganza. Soon enough, I guess.

Didn't Nancy Kerrigan actually work for Disney after the Olympics?

ps: MKJ, did you check out the other items the knees poem guy was selling? You could take out a lot of figure skaters with them babies.

When Kerrigan's husband gave her these as a birthday present, Nancy was not amused . . .

Well, there goes her patented "Not tonight, my knee aches" excuse.

Lairby: yowza! Better than the Sears catalog!

Hey, my very first blog (co-)credit. Thanks, judi! The check's in the mail.

My favorite section is the Galooly Sonata from the Mobile Home Suite

"Girls in America are either raised to be Tonyas or Nancys." judi dear, you didn't kneecap Dave with that oosik, did you?

"Girls in America are either raised to be Tonyas or Nancys. I think any girl can relate to these two women and what they went through."

I wasn't, I can't and I don’t want to. Does this make me un-American?

Bohemian Rap On Knee

Mama, just hurt a girl
Sent in Jeff Stone and his friend
Clubbed her kneecap, down she went
Mama, my career had just begun
But now I've gone and thrown it all away
Nancy oooooo
Didn't mean to make you cry
Just didn't want you back again tomorrow
To carry on, carry on
'Cause only winning matters
.
.
.
I see a little pirouetto of a girl
Triple lutz!
Triple lutz!
Will she do the fourth salchow?
Baton toting meanie!
Very very frightening me!!
Oh, why me?
Jealousy!
Oh, why me?
Jealousy!
Oh, why me?
'Cause Tonya's mean
A redneck ho, oh oh oh

Jeff Stone? His name at the time was Jeff Galooly!! Also, no mention of who they were casting as Nancy Kerrigan. My suggestion is Mr. Ed.

Bumble, I couldn't believe that sentence either!
What?
Every girl can relate to either being a white trash predator with no scruples or a whiny victim???

I don't think so.

I'll pass.

*zips back in*

Bravo, simple mind! Obviously you're not. :) I could hear Freddie Mercury's voice (RIP) *sobs*

Bumble:

Yeah, if that was true (American girls are either Tanya or Nancy), there'd be Barbie Ice-skater dolls; one as Nancy with an ace bandage around her knee, and another holding a rebar (pick-up truck and dream mobile-home sold separately).

Nice work on the rhapsody there, sm.

Woooo Simple Mind Wooooooooo!

*Holds up lighter*

Interesting that the writer should have decided that Nancy Kerrigan was a sweet thing who deserved better. I got the sense that she was actually quite the be-otch. So American girls are apparently raised to be sneaky,selfish and destructive or whiny, helpless and grasping, eh? Doesn't really apply to self (I think) or most of the American women I know.

cheers to simple mind!

another song... (Tonya is addressing her henchmen after the attack)

You should've broke her knee!
You should've broke her knee!
Until you hear bones crunch.
You should ignore her plea
Of 'Boo hoo hoo, why me?'
And not take off for lunch!

I freely say that I'm a touch unruly
I should've known not to trust Gillooly!

I only know if she
Skates on the ice we'll see
You should've broke, broke, broke her knee!

yeah. get me a row of tickets... and for that jerry springer musicale too. plenty o cultcha heah. does it come with an air sickness bag?

That's not culture. This is culture.

El~ Way to tell it like it is. :-)

Lairbo~ Yeah, Barbie generally isn't a very good representation of your average sample of the female population, so they might as well make Tonya and Nancy dolls. Didn't someone once figure out that if we were all proportioned like Barbie we'd be over six feet tall and our boobs would be so heavy we couldn't stand? *ponders* So basically Barbie is a slimmed down version of my Aunt.

Brad~ "Mr. Ed." *snork*

Things will get worse before they get better, if this is any indication.

spinner -

SHOES - THE MUSICAL!!!

Featuring a cast of thousands: your stilettos, your mules, your slingbacks, your pumps, your sandals, and on and on...

Hello
very good blog.
I enjoyed very much!
Greetings from The Netherlands Guusje

Bumble:

I have an aunt like that, too (are we related?), although I always thought she couldn't stand because of the "vapors" or maybe it was the drinking.

Why thank, Sallyacious! And nice tune too, insomniac! There's so much talent on this blog, I just feel honored that I could make my small contribution.

And that's right, i had completely forgotten about the name "Galooly", which now comes back to me like a bad dream. Guess he changed his name, huh? Can't say I blame him. Sounds like something Derek Zoolander would say. Who's going to speak at MY Galooly?

I actually HAD a Nancy Kerrigan Barbie doll when I was nine years old. Right after the olympics. Came with skates and costume. No whiny complaints though.

Say-ya-ya-rah, didn't it come with horse--shoes too?

spinner - someone's going to write a musical about the lavish lifestyle of the wife of a dictator in a Spanish-speaking country? again?

Were Nancy and Tonya under 18 when all that happened? If so, the opera will have to be in a minor key.

I particularly enjoyed the irony of Tanya's musical choice for her long program in the Olymipics - it was "Jurrassic Park" and she spent much of the four minutes pretending to be a velociraptor. Delicious.

Lairbo~ Don't think we're related; the aunt I had in mind is too up tight to drink. She doesn't like me much. Of course, that could be because I accidentally spit potato salad (yuck) in her knitting bag the first time I ever tasted it. I honestly thought it was a trash bag, and I was so eager to get the flavor of mustard and pickles out of my mouth that I didn't look very close. The woman hides all her trashcans. Of course, I don't know for sure that she knows about that. I think my uncle cleaned it up and covered for me. Maybe she still holds a grudge from when I threw rocks in her pool. I was four years old! I liked the splash.

How are they going to fit a trailer on the stage, I wonder?

That's a really great idea, writing operas based on recent scandals. Just imagine operas based on the stories of Mary Kay LeTourneau, or Michael Jackson, or Monica Lewinsky.

The one to wait for, though, will be the John Wayne Bobbitt opera. The tenor part should be very demanding; he'll have to hit some very high notes.

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