« Previous | Main | Next »

September 28, 2005

WHY THIS BLOG LEAVES SQUID RESEARCH TO PROFESSIONALS

Key Quote:

They ground up some squid gonads, believing that the scent would drive male giant squids wild as the creatures migrated through New Zealand waters.

The hope was that a camera would squirt out the pureed genitals and a passing squid, driven into a sexual frenzy, would then mate with the lens -- a project that, some may be relieved to hear, never came to fruition.

Yes, we are aware that this quote contains several excellent names for rock bands.

(Thanks to William Dwayer)

Comments

Feed You can follow this conversation by subscribing to the comment feed for this post.

I like to substitute the word "squid" for the term "retired humor columnist"- then it's REALLY funny!!!

Needs a warning - too close to lunch, Dave.

either Dave

It's at times like these that I remember why I majored in English instead of science.

He must have an enormous schvantshtuker.

"I really think this will work! We will get porn video of a Giant Squid! We'll be famous!"

"Yep."

"You arranged the boat? The crapcam? The rental goat?"

"Uh. Sure."

"All the pureed squid genitals are on ice?"

"Stop worrying and finish your gyro."

"Okay. I'm just so excited! By the way, this sauce is excellent."

"You like the sauce?"

"Kubodera and Mori have carried out a DNA test from the tentacle."

Is the squid suspected of a crime? And are a Japanese comedy duo really qualified for this sort of thing?

Eeew.

If they really want Giant Squid Porn (agnfarb), they need to find someone who so loves animals they're willing to do almost anything. But where to find such a person?

Never underestimate the power of squid hubba hubba.

"Honey, how could you be unfaithful?"

"I'm really sorry. I went into that bar just planning to have a drink, believe me. I wasn't going to try to pick up a woman."

"But you did!"

"I know, and like I said, I'm sorry. I think someone must have squirted pureed genitals nearby."

"Oh. I forgive you."

Here is a picture of why I am moving to Iowa the farthest state from the ocean.

From Russel's Link:

"it seems that co-ordinating eight legs, two feeding tentacles and a huge penis, whilst fending off an irate female, is a bit too much to ask"

"accidentally injected himself with sperm packages"

You said you was aroused, almost lost your mind,
And I got a beak, to protect my behind.
That thing's so long, as long as you, it hurts me, too.

You inject yourself, I heard all men do that.
Afraid of the beak - you must confess.
When things go wrong, go wrong with you, it hurts me, too.

I love another squid and you love me,
At least you did not have your gonads pureed.
That thing's so long, so long is you, it hurts me, too.

Now be glad, you only shot your arm.
'least your giant tool ain't on a sushi bar.
When things go wrong, go wrong with you, it hurts me, too.

Bonin islands. he he ehehe. "Bonin"

"suckered", "sperm", "sex trap", "sexual frenzy", "mate with the lens", "tempting", "impaled", "tried to get itself off", "huge suckers", "sinuous curves"

This article was strangly erotic.

They ground up squid gonads, believing that the scent would drive male giant squids wild

Wouldn't that instead make the squid cautious, as in "Whoa, Nelly, stay back or they'll ground up our gonads."

Either that or getting your genitals pureed is part of the whole Giant Squid sexual experience.

Either way, you'd think they'd learn to take care of their own needs.

It's not like they don't always have a free appendage.

I'd just like to know how many guys crossed their legs when reading "ground up squid gonads".

And this is why researchers never get laid. Because they think pureed gonads is the way to attract a woman.

A quick C'bolesque thought; Imagine if you will, an alien scientist from somewhere deep in outer space. This so-called scientist decides to study the mating habits of these so-called humans, but gosh darnit, these humans only mate in private--away from camera (attention Paris Hilton). So, our alein scientist figures its a great idea to spray pureed human testicles at random passing humans, under the assumption that the aroma of pureed human testiscles will produce an instant orgy.

Now that I've framed this situation differently, it sounds like scientists are really freakin' stoopid, eh?

Couldn't they have sprayed Axe body spray instead? What about Eternity for Men? I think even Old Spice would have gotten better results.

those of us with a basic understanding of Pheromonology really appreciate this article.

thanks dave.

*sniff sniff*

ooooooooooh, is Eleanor near?

I am suddenly, yet strangely, arounsed.

That Lovin' Feelin'

I'll never close my eyes anymore when I kiss your lips.
Cause there's no tenderness like before in your fingertips.
You're trying hard not to show it, (baby).
But baby, baby I saw it...

I've lost that lovin' feeling,
Whoa, that lovin' feeling,
I've lost that lovin' feeling,
Now it's gone...gone...gone...wooooooh.

Now there's funny smell in the air when I reach for you.
And now you're starting to try to puree my genitals too.
It makes me just feel like crying, (baby).
'Cause baby, your kooch ain't worth dying.

I lost that lovin' feeling,
Whoa, that lovin' feeling,
I've lost that lovin' feeling,
Now it's gone...gone...gone...woooooah

Baby, baby, I got to close my knees to you.

Cause you would like to grind my gonads into goo, yeah.

We had a love...a love...a love you don't find everyday.

But I won't...won't...won't...won't let my nuts puree

Baby (baby), baby (baby),
I beg of you please...please,
I need my nads (I need my nads), I need my nads (I need my nads),
So leave 'em intact (So leave 'em intact), Leave 'em intact (just leave 'em intact).

Bring back that lovin' feeling,
Without so much blood congealing
Bring back that lovin' feeling,
Or I'm gone...gone...gone,
because I can't go on,
noooo...

Bring back that lovin' feeling,
Without so much blood congealing
Bring back that lovin' feeling,
Or I'm gone...gone...

A big Bravo shout-out to all posters here!!!!

I was so hysterically laughing at the Key Quote and then at the posts, nothing nearly as funny or clever came to mind...

But all brilliant humorists and blogits need an audience, don't they? I mean, if a joke falls in the forest and there's no one there, is it still funny???? :)

*SNORK* christobol, you've got the chorus running through my brain now. i'll never hear that song the same. or order calamari.

Addicted - to Iowa? for real? Forgive my curiousity, but where? I mean, you don't have to go into street-address detail, but which town?

All right -- now that I've read the blogged article, all the comments and all the blogged articles in the comments, I'm officially creeped out.

*zips in*

Hey, LTP - were you looking for me, darlin'?

*gets shy and zips out*

Heh. Boy oh boy. This reminds me of the time i got my gonads pureed!... Okay, I think I've run this theme to its limit. Maybe even beyond.

Posting this out of respect for AlanBoss:

THE END

Not so fast ...

Sorry, but Iowa, even with Aunt Nancy as an added attraction (as a neighbor ... what did you think I meant?) is NOT farthest from the ocean(s) ...

Nodak, which has a location touted as "The Geographical Center of North America" has that distinction ...

Sorry, not funny, just factual ...

The comments to this entry are closed.

-
 
Terms of Service | Privacy Policy | Copyright | About The Miami Herald | Advertise